Do you think "I'm going on a diet next week" is a valid excuse?

[glasslipper]

A little family drama here, so some outside perspective would be appreciated. I invited my sister-in-laws to a bday celebration for my Mom who is going to be 70 this year, She recently suffered a heart attack this past June and we are lucky she is still with us. My Mom lives alone and doesn't have a lot of friends or family other than myself, Dh and our ds and dd. I mentioned having her celebration at a favorite tearoom, with a fairly varied menu which includes salad and soup. My one sister in law answers me by e-mail saying her and her husband are starting a diet after next week and she can't make it.

That was it. No other explanation. So I answered," if you don't want to come all you had to say is you don't want to come." To which she denied and said she just wants to lose weight.

My response was that I didn't know anyone who refused to come to an event because of a diet and that was a random excuse boy, did the crap hit the fan.


She then said her and her husband are spending a lot of money to go on this diet and that I have an attitude .

Some more back story: Sister-in-law has tried every fad diet there is and is always on some kind of diet and blows a ton of money and is never successful. 2 years ago we were suppose to start a diet together, well I did and I did an entire lifestyle change with my eating habits and I started to walk at least 3-4 miles every day. I lost 75lbs and have kept it off. Sister in law is jealous and has been aloof with me for quite sometime now.


Back to the correspondence, I replied by saying she should have explained herself and by just saying she is going on a diet, it came across as dismissive and rude and that honestly, she is always on a diet. I explained about it being her 70th bday and her recent health issues(which she already knew) and that I just wanted them to come because it was important to me.


well, apparently, in her opinion, I am acting like a victim and am a mean spiteful person because I wasn't supporting her in her weight loss, because everyone can't lose weight as easily as I did. Wow. I actually have struggled with my weight my entire life. As a teenager I dealt with an eating disorder and have always kind of yo yoed throughout my adult life.



She has totally twisted this whole thing around and accused me of "stealing her joy"( She is also a born again christian).

Anyway, sorry this is so long, but wow, I am just at a loss. help!?

 

[mombrontrent]

Do nothing, it's clear she has no interest in going and at this point do you really want her there anyways? She is cleary jelous you lost weight and she is still "dieting". A diet is no reason not to attend a luncheon. Like you said she could have soup, salad or simply a drink. Just because you are invited out somewhere doesn't mean you have to eat a boatload of junk and break your diet. It was just an excuse like you already knew it was.

 

[Debbie7452]

I think maybe you should have accepted her "excuse" gracefully whether it is true or not. It did not have to turn into this drama about the diet. Sorry you feel put out and I hope you have a nice party.

 

[LuLuO]

A little family drama here, so some outside perspective would be appreciated. I invited my sister-in-laws to a bday celebration for my Mom who is going to be 70 this year, She recently suffered a heart attack this past June and we are lucky she is still with us. My Mom lives alone and doesn't have a lot of friends or family other than myself, Dh and our ds and dd. I mentioned having her celebration at a favorite tearoom, with a fairly varied menu which includes salad and soup. My one sister in law answers me by e-mail saying her and her husband are starting a diet after next week and she can't make it.

That was it. No other explanation. So I answered," if you don't want to come all you had to say is you don't want to come." To which she denied and said she just wants to lose weight.

My response was that I didn't know anyone who refused to come to an event because of a diet and that was a random excuse boy, did the crap hit the fan.


She then said her and her husband are spending a lot of money to go on this diet and that I have an attitude .

Some more back story: Sister-in-law has tried every fad diet there is and is always on some kind of diet and blows a ton of money and is never successful. 2 years ago we were suppose to start a diet together, well I did and I did an entire lifestyle change with my eating habits and I started to walk at least 3-4 miles every day. I lost 75lbs and have kept it off. Sister in law is jealous and has been aloof with me for quite sometime now.


Back to the correspondence, I replied by saying she should have explained herself and by just saying she is going on a diet, it came across as dismissive and rude and that honestly, she is always on a diet. I explained about it being her 70th bday and her recent health issues(which she already knew) and that I just wanted them to come because it was important to me.


well, apparently, in her opinion, I am acting like a victim and am a mean spiteful person because I wasn't supporting her in her weight loss, because everyone can't lose weight as easily as I did. Wow. I actually have struggled with my weight my entire life. As a teenager I dealt with an eating disorder and have always kind of yo yoed throughout my adult life.



She has totally twisted this whole thing around and accused me of "stealing her joy"( She is also a born again christian).

Anyway, sorry this is so long, but wow, I am just at a loss. help!?

It doesn't sound like she is someone you would want at the party anyway. Be glad she isn't coming.

 

[S. C.]

A little family drama here, so some outside perspective would be appreciated. I invited my sister-in-laws to a bday celebration for my Mom who is going to be 70 this year, She recently suffered a heart attack this past June and we are lucky she is still with us. My Mom lives alone and doesn't have a lot of friends or family other than myself, Dh and our ds and dd. I mentioned having her celebration at a favorite tearoom, with a fairly varied menu which includes salad and soup. My one sister in law answers me by e-mail saying her and her husband are starting a diet after next week and she can't make it.

That was it. No other explanation. So I answered," if you don't want to come all you had to say is you don't want to come." To which she denied and said she just wants to lose weight.

My response was that I didn't know anyone who refused to come to an event because of a diet and that was a random excuse boy, did the crap hit the fan.


She then said her and her husband are spending a lot of money to go on this diet and that I have an attitude .

Some more back story: Sister-in-law has tried every fad diet there is and is always on some kind of diet and blows a ton of money and is never successful. 2 years ago we were suppose to start a diet together, well I did and I did an entire lifestyle change with my eating habits and I started to walk at least 3-4 miles every day. I lost 75lbs and have kept it off. Sister in law is jealous and has been aloof with me for quite sometime now.


Back to the correspondence, I replied by saying she should have explained herself and by just saying she is going on a diet, it came across as dismissive and rude and that honestly, she is always on a diet. I explained about it being her 70th bday and her recent health issues(which she already knew) and that I just wanted them to come because it was important to me.


well, apparently, in her opinion, I am acting like a victim and am a mean spiteful person because I wasn't supporting her in her weight loss, because everyone can't lose weight as easily as I did. Wow. I actually have struggled with my weight my entire life. As a teenager I dealt with an eating disorder and have always kind of yo yoed throughout my adult life.



She has totally twisted this whole thing around and accused me of "stealing her joy"( She is also a born again christian).

Anyway, sorry this is so long, but wow, I am just at a loss. help!?

Have no idea why you added (She is also a born again christian)!

Have you talked to her husband? I'm wondering if he knows about the celebration?
If they don't want to be there than there is nothing you can do.
Have fun at your mom's birthday gathering.

 

[Janepod]

Who knows? She could be doing one of the detoxes and usually you work with a nutritionist who plans it out, has you do certain things certain days, etc., and eating at a restaurant just gets to be a headache. And to be honest, you don't sound like you're supporting her.

But she does sound like a delight to be around ... be happy she's not coming.

 

[Scurvy]

It isn't a valid excuse because it isn't an excuse. She declined the invitation. Should she have offered the reason she was declining? Apparently not in this case, but often people complain when someone declines without giving a reason. She gave her reason. It is true? No clue. It might be, it might not. It doesn't sound like you doubt that she will be dieting. Maybe she is just not yet at the point where she can be around people who are eating without being tempted to cheat on her diet. Was it a good enough reason for declining? Of course. It was an invitation, not a summons, and she is entitled to decline for any reason at all. You should have taken it at face value and not turned it into such drama.

It sounds like you really don't like her and will enjoy yourself more without her there, so be glad that she declined and enjoy your get together. They can do something with your mom some other time without you if they want to.

 

[Coconut36]

I think I would just be glad someone like that is not attending. Frankly I would think she could attend and not eat if the diet was so incredibly important. Being there and celebrating your Mom's birthday could have occurred and they could have sipped some water.

 

[Hrhpd]

A little family drama here, so some outside perspective would be appreciated. I invited my sister-in-laws to a bday celebration for my Mom who is going to be 70 this year, She recently suffered a heart attack this past June and we are lucky she is still with us. My Mom lives alone and doesn't have a lot of friends or family other than myself, Dh and our ds and dd. I mentioned having her celebration at a favorite tearoom, with a fairly varied menu which includes salad and soup. My one sister in law answers me by e-mail saying her and her husband are starting a diet after next week and she can't make it.

That was it. No other explanation. So I answered," if you don't want to come all you had to say is you don't want to come." To which she denied and said she just wants to lose weight.

My response was that I didn't know anyone who refused to come to an event because of a diet and that was a random excuse boy, did the crap hit the fan.


She then said her and her husband are spending a lot of money to go on this diet and that I have an attitude .

Some more back story: Sister-in-law has tried every fad diet there is and is always on some kind of diet and blows a ton of money and is never successful. 2 years ago we were suppose to start a diet together, well I did and I did an entire lifestyle change with my eating habits and I started to walk at least 3-4 miles every day. I lost 75lbs and have kept it off. Sister in law is jealous and has been aloof with me for quite sometime now.


Back to the correspondence, I replied by saying she should have explained herself and by just saying she is going on a diet, it came across as dismissive and rude and that honestly, she is always on a diet. I explained about it being her 70th bday and her recent health issues(which she already knew) and that I just wanted them to come because it was important to me.


well, apparently, in her opinion, I am acting like a victim and am a mean spiteful person because I wasn't supporting her in her weight loss, because everyone can't lose weight as easily as I did. Wow. I actually have struggled with my weight my entire life. As a teenager I dealt with an eating disorder and have always kind of yo yoed throughout my adult life.



She has totally twisted this whole thing around and accused me of "stealing her joy"( She is also a born again christian).

Anyway, sorry this is so long, but wow, I am just at a loss. help!?

You refer to her as your SIL. Is her husband your brother, so the DIL of your mother?

Or is this a SIL through your husband's side?

 

[si-am]

I think maybe you should have accepted her "excuse" gracefully whether it is true or not. It did not have to turn into this drama about the diet. Sorry you feel put out and I hope you have a nice party.

Agree with this. It's a lame excuse, but calling her out on it was guaranteed to start drama.

 

[lizabu]

She doesn't want to go. I would have just dropped it and never emailed her back.

 

[lovemygoofy]

First so I'm not so confused. Is this SIL actually related to your mother?
You mentioned the only family your Mom had was you and your immediate family.
So is the SIL related through your husband?

I would say that you both are in the wrong. She gave a reason whether it was a valid excuse in your eyes doesn't matter. She said she could not attend and you didn't just accept the reason.

She may be jealous of you and your weightloss but you don't sound very nice about her either. If she or her husband could not contain themselves at this party, I understand why they would decline the invitation. Sounds like you both need some time apart.

 

[momof1princess]

obviously, OP, your SIL doesn't want to attend, and, IMHO, you and your mom are better off without her attending.

 

[sissy_ib]

Cant she go and not get anything?
I think you are right, she just doesn't want to go. The issue is you are hurt by that.
You can try again to tell her how you feel and see what happens.

 

[FayeW]

I declined a lunch invitation this week because I am on a diet. I am on a 30 day program that I paid a pile of money for and I need to give it my best effort. I could have made healthy choices but I didn't want to put temptation in my path.

 

[usnuzuloose]

I try to lose the weight, and sometimes people invite us out to eat and then I feel like I have to eat. So lately I just decline the invitation as nice as I can, if they ask for a reason , I just explain I have been eating out to much and wish to not do so. I would have just accepted her no, and left it at that.

 

[happygirl]

Maybe there to much temptation eating out for them. I don't see why cause the drama with her? I would let it go and enjoy your mom party.

 

[Allison]

I think your response to her was out of line when you questioned her reason for declining. Yes, it is a valid excuse and it sounds like she was right when she said you had an attitude.

 

[eliza61]

"When people show you who they are, believe them"~ Dr. Maya Angelou

SIL has told you what is important to her at this time, her diet. Believe her, let it go

 

[LilyWDW]

She doesn't want to go. That is her loss.

And congrats on YOUR weight loss! As you learned, diets do not work! It is a lifestyle change! That is why you can easily see still going to a luncheon because you learned early on that you can't stop living life just to lose weight. I don't want to live a life where I can't go out to eat with my friends and family just because of the food offered... and I have not and have lost 32 lbs so far.