Really don't like the holidays

[Tink888]

So opt out. Politely tell your family that you will no longer be buying gifts for everyone and you do not expect gifts from everyone and be done with it.

 

[mikron]

Feel your pain. We stoped giving outside our own kids years ago as we all agreed. My wife and I share cards as we can buy what ever we want and have all we really need. We have a dinner and time together and that means a lot to us. I have friends that spend thousands at Christmas and pay the rest of the new year to pay back. Most gifts are not needed and are just something to buy just to give something.

 

[worm761]

Not scroogey at all! But if you don't like it, change it...

This! If you don't like it then stop doing it. No one can make you spend your money. Just announce that this is the last year you are doing gifts for extended family and leave it at that. If they choose to continue getting your family gifts then accept them and say thank you.

We don't do gifts for adults. And there are too many kids on my side to even think of doing it for the kids. There are 15 grandkids ranging in age from 4 to 23. And I don't see them very often.

DH likes to get stuff for his nieces and nephews which really means that I get to come up with something. Since no one will give me ideas I have gone to giving "family" gifts. This year it was pizza and a movie. Next year will be something else but still along the same lines. Maybe a family night of board games and ice cream. Who knows. But since I didn't like having to pull teeth to find out what to get, I did what I wanted. Hopefully they like it.

 

[DisneyJules]

You buy for ALL of those kids?? That's crazy! Growing up the only gift I received from my aunts or uncles was from my Godmother, as was tradition. I felt the same way this year about the commercialism, just sort of tired of it. I have a lot of siblings and I think it's time we start pulling names instead.

 

[Shanna-like-Banana]

When I was growin up we did a round-robin, $10 limit

Each child purchase a $10 gift for the person they pulled out of the hat, and each child got a $10 gift.

I tried to start a similar deal with my brothers and their kids. Both of my brother are divorced now, so now we do nothing.

We host family christmas at our house, it's the same 10 people every year, nothing changes. It a $10 gift still, works great.

 

[sonofanarchy]

So opt out. Politely tell your family that you will no longer be buying gifts for everyone and you do not expect gifts from everyone and be done with it.

Tried doing that last night, and got guilt trips from my siblings about how they buy gifts for my kids (which I tell them not to, and they just buy cheap little books). But if I don't spend at least $10 on each one of their kids, I get the guilt trip.

My family sucks.

 

[eliza61]

My Secret Santa gift to my uncle is a Visa gift card with a note that it is for his vasectomy copay.

Seriously. Stop procreating!

Now that made my day!! Man I want the courage to say that to some of my relatives.

 

[cjbcam]

I get this I would love to just stop giving gifts to anyone other than my kids. My DH family spends 100 at least on each person we just can't afford to spend that on 20 people. It ridiculous.

 

[Angelhalo]

I don't mind giving gifts to everyone in my extended family but, I make it easy on myself. I create a gift basket per family. The basket is filled with homemade goodies (breads, candies, snacks), local goodies from our state, etc. I have fun putting them together and they all seem to enjoy them. Honestly, if they expressed that they weren't good enough, I just wouldn't give them anything the next year and that's that. *wipes hands*

This kind of gift giving makes it easier for me to spend the amount that I want to spend on my immediate family without all my money going elsewhere, but, everyone else still gets something from the heart. It has made life so much easier.

 

[Disneylover99]

I don't mind giving gifts to everyone in my extended family but, I make it easy on myself. I create a gift basket per family. The basket is filled with homemade goodies (breads, candies, snacks), local goodies from our state, etc. I have fun putting them together and they all seem to enjoy them. Honestly, if they expressed that they weren't good enough, I just wouldn't give them anything the next year and that's that. *wipes hands*

This kind of gift giving makes it easier for me to spend the amount that I want to spend on my immediate family without all my money going elsewhere, but, everyone else still gets something from the heart. It has made life so much easier.

What a lovely idea.....

I get an email of all the different gift cards my nieces and nephews want, then I end up at Wal Mart buying various gift cards for everyone. I just spent about $500 in gift cards.....It does make it easy for me to shop, but other then that what's the point?

 

[scrapquitler]

Just a gripefest.

I'm just sick of the ridiculous commercialism of the whole thing. I've got 10 nephews and nieces. I have 3 kids of my own. I want to buy my kids presents for Christmas. I think it's ridiculous that we should have to buy for all the other kids, especially when my family judges everything by how much money you spend. Do a grab or something. And why should we be buying for 16 and 17 year olds? By that age, I had a job and was buying my own things.

Yes, I'm just a Scrooge.

If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. I dont' see an issue with just saying "I can't afford it, so I'm not going to do it".

If you don't want to totally stop, there are alternatives.
-Buy one gift for each sibling group (a game? a snack basket with a DVD?). You can take care of each 'group' for $20 instead of buying an expensive gift for each child.
-Set a monthly date and do something with each of those nieces/nephews. In January you might take Joey to the movies. In February maybe you take Susie ice skating. In March take Billy to the zoo for the afternoon. Then you are giving time and an experience and you are minimizing the cost and spreading it out. You can give them a gift certificate for a 'date'
-Just give each a SMALL gift (books are great!)

In my family we decided years ago to stop buying all the gifts...it was just ridiculous. We do a grab bag for EVERYONE and then we buy ONE gift for each child who is still of school age (our family is small so there are only 4 of them - if your family is bigger like yours, maybe you should draw names and have each child buy for ONE cousin...so if you have 2 kids you'd need two gifts, set a $$ limit, like $20).

You have to just decide what you are going to do, then follow through with it and if other's don't like it TOUGH LUCK TO THEM....they can spend what they want, but you have your budget. YOu have to have a certain amount of 'I don't care what you think' attitude to pull it off.

 

[Angelhalo]

What a lovely idea.....

I get an email of all the different gift cards my nieces and nephews want, then I end up at Wal Mart buying various gift cards for everyone. I just spent about $500 in gift cards.....It does make it easy for me to shop, but other then that what's the point?

Thanks! Everyone seems to like them and look forward to them. I hear you on the gift cards. They are no fun and feel like a drudgery.

 

[sonofanarchy]

If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. I dont' see an issue with just saying "I can't afford it, so I'm not going to do it".

If you don't want to totally stop, there are alternatives.
-Buy one gift for each sibling group (a game? a snack basket with a DVD?). You can take care of each 'group' for $20 instead of buying an expensive gift for each child.
-Set a monthly date and do something with each of those nieces/nephews. In January you might take Joey to the movies. In February maybe you take Susie ice skating. In March take Billy to the zoo for the afternoon. Then you are giving time and an experience and you are minimizing the cost and spreading it out. You can give them a gift certificate for a 'date'
-Just give each a SMALL gift (books are great!)

In my family we decided years ago to stop buying all the gifts...it was just ridiculous. We do a grab bag for EVERYONE and then we buy ONE gift for each child who is still of school age (our family is small so there are only 4 of them - if your family is bigger like yours, maybe you should draw names and have each child buy for ONE cousin...so if you have 2 kids you'd need two gifts, set a $$ limit, like $20).

You have to just decide what you are going to do, then follow through with it and if other's don't like it TOUGH LUCK TO THEM....they can spend what they want, but you have your budget. YOu have to have a certain amount of 'I don't care what you think' attitude to pull it off.

Honestly, it's not the money. I just find the whole thing so arbitrary. As someone else said, it's just aunts and uncles exchanging presents to the kids. Just buy your own kids presents. Instead, each kid tears through one present after another, not even looking at what it is, just anxious to get to the next one.

 

[packofjedis]

My DH and his brother just realized that they each got the kids (my 2 teens and DH's nephews who are both in their 20s) Amex gift cards. So basically they swapped money, but added in to it the cost of activating the card and shipping. They were both dumbfounded. Should have just ponied up the money themselves.

I agree with all the gift buying. My husband & I when we were first married had to buy for 2 aunts and 2 uncles on his dad's side and their 4 teenage kids. Plus his parents, his brother & his wife and sister and their children, etc etc. I was the one who finally put a stop to all that nonsense. But I'm still stuck buying for the nephews - for eternity, I assume.

We did cut the nephews off for birthdays when they turned 18. Thank goodness.

Relatives are calling me to ask what to buy my kids. I keep telling them that they want nothing, need nothing, and they should donate to a charity. They tell me they can't do that

 

[Disneylover99]

I love my family dearly. Everyone gets along great and there is zero strife. I wouldn't want to be "that sister" who puts her foot down and says no more gifts for the adult nieces and nephews. So I just suck it up and purchase the gift cards. It does get expensive and annoying but it's not really out of our budget.

Sure everyone has a choice, but sometimes opting out is just not a good idea.

 

[FireDancer]

Have you brought up the idea of an exchange or cutting gifts off at a certain age for the nieces and nephews? Years ago my brothers and I decided we would stop exchanging gifts and just get stuff for the kids in the immediate family. It just took someone bringing it up and a quick 5 minute conversation.

 

[bethy]

I like buying for a few nieces and nephews who are *children*. My personal gripe is buying for now full grown adult nieces and nephews as if they were still children. They are in their mid twenties but are still treated by the extended family as children - in more ways than one!

Yes, for their parents they will always be kids. But for the rest of us it's irritating. My kids are much younger and I know that if I put my foot down and stopped by buying for the 24 year old (who *never* reciprocates or sends a card or barely says thank you or anything) then her parents will stop buying gifts for my two year old. Plus they'd be insulted and it would create a rift. After I've bought 3 nice gifts per year plus various graduation gifts for *twenty four years" for their child. Not to mention the decades I've bought gifts for their other 3 kiddos.

I know that sounds ridiculous and petty and I don't even care about the actual gifts. I am perfectly capable of providing toys to my own children. But I can't help my irritation. Grrrrrr.

 

[bethy]

I love my family dearly. Everyone gets along great and there is zero strife. I wouldn't want to be "that sister" who puts her foot down and says no more gifts for the adult nieces and nephews. So I just suck it up and purchase the gift cards. It does get expensive and annoying but it's not really out of our budget.

Sure everyone has a choice, but sometimes opting out is just not a good idea.

This is my situation as well. I do it because it's worth keeping the peace overall. It's cheap insurance. I just get to gripe about it on here. I tentatively brought up an age cut off once and hit a stone wall. It sounds manipulative coming from me who has the younger children because they wouldn't be affected . . .

 

[eliza61]

Have you brought up the idea of an exchange or cutting gifts off at a certain age for the nieces and nephews? Years ago my brothers and I decided we would stop exchanging gifts and just get stuff for the kids in the immediate family. It just took someone bringing it up and a quick 5 minute conversation.

I love my family dearly. Everyone gets along great and there is zero strife. I wouldn't want to be "that sister" who puts her foot down and says no more gifts for the adult nieces and nephews. So I just suck it up and purchase the gift cards. It does get expensive and annoying but it's not really out of our budget.

Sure everyone has a choice, but sometimes opting out is just not a good idea.

LOL. why not. Like FD said, you'd probably be surprised at how many others were thinking the same thing.

Our epiphany came a few years ago. I was driving over to see my dad and he asked me to stop and pick up a gift for my cousin Sean.

SEAN!! Are you kidding dad, Sean is 30 some thing years old and just finished his residency at New York Presbyterian hospital. He should be buying you a gift. LOL. when I saw him over the holidays, he was practically begging folks to opt out.

I think as we get older we sort of fall into this "myth" of the holidays. All I can say is for my family, it is definitely so much more "stress less". No stress over forgetting some one, no more arguments over "gift" inequality, nothing and since we don't give gifts, it really seems like we do concentrate more on "doing" stuff together.
much nicer all around.

 

[FayeW]

We used to do that too, and it got expensive shipping gifts for 5 kids in 3 different families. The last few years, as the children grew and had different interests, all we did was exchange gift cards. It was ridiculous. It was my husband's nieces and nephews and I asked him to speak to his siblings and agree to put a stop to it. Of course, he couldn't be bothered... why should he when he was never the one to do the shopping, wrapping, packaging, or shipping (and he certainly never opened his wallet to pay for any of it, either!)

I was angry and bitter about the money and effort I had to put out for so many years when he couldn't make a simple phone call, so right after the holidays a few years ago I contact my SILs and said "can we agree to be done with us" and frankly, I think we were all relieved.