so your feelings on a teen's baby shower?

[Granny square]

http://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/adolescent-health-topics/reproductive-health/teen-pregnancy/trends.html Teen Pregnancies The national teen pregnancy rate has declined almost continuously over the last two decades. The teen pregnancy rate includes pregnancies that end in a live birth, as well as those that end in abortion or miscarriage (fetal loss).* Between 1990 and 2008 (the most recent year for which data are available), the teen pregnancy rate declined by 42 percent—from 116.9 to 67.8 pregnancies per 1,000 teen girls.[5] According to recent national data, this decline is due to the combination of an increased percentage of adolescents who are waiting to have sexual intercourse and the increased use of contraceptives by teens.[5],[6]

So apparently teen girls are smart enough to know that a few presents aren't worth the cost. Imagine that?

 

[ReneeA]

My mom was one of those 15 year old expectant moms when she was pregnant with me (1973). My parents got married before I was born...mom was 16 & my dad 18 when they were married, I was born a few months later. They had 3 children in 3 years, so my mom had 3 kids before she turned 20. They were married for 23 years before divorcing.

I was welcomed into the world. My mom was given a baby shower, attended by lots of family and friends, and my grandparents were absolutely fantastic with us. Both of my parents are eldest children, so my grandparents all had a houseful of their own kids at the time. We were loved and well cared for.

My mom graduated 3rd in her high school class, pregnant with her 2nd, me in the audience. She went back to college when I was in middle school. My dad got a good job last 18, and he's retired at 59 this year. They both have done well for themselves. All of their kids went to school & have good jobs. It's because of all the love & support they got as children having children. It's a tough road to travel, I'm sure...and wouldn't choose it for myself or my kids. If it happens though, and the choice to keep the baby was made...I'd throw every once of love and help their way. Denying it does not help anyone in that situation.

 

[mom2rtk]

You don't have to send adorable little baubles.

We got an invitation to a shower for my 18 y/o son's friend and his girlfriend last spring. I sent diapers and a blanket. Now less than a year later they are expecting their second. I will pass on sending anything this time.

 

[Colleen27]

Every baby is worth celebrating, in my opinion.

Besides, I think the "glamorizing pregnancy" argument is seriously overplayed. First because most teen pregnancies are unintentional, not the result of a conscious decision to want/have a child. And second because there is nothing "glamorous" in teen girls' eyes to the weight gain and physical demands of pregnancy. Most of my teen's female friends (15-17) say that when they have kids they want to adopt because they don't want to get fat and have stretch marks and saggy ****s that keep them out of bikinis for the rest of their lives. I'm sure that for most that perspective will change with maturity, but seeing one of their friends waddling around 8 mo pregnant certainly isn't cute or glamorous in their eyes. Not even for the ones who don't see college or career as a reason to wait.

 

[sk!mom]

I don't like it - I think it makes pregnancy look like a whole lot of fun to these other girls - do you agree?

Kind of like providing sex ed and birth control encourages teen sex?

I disagree with both of those premises.

The purpose of a shower is to help a new parent get ready for the baby. A 15 year old parent needs more help than most so I see no problem with a shower.

 

[EMode]

I would send diapers and formula or other needed items but I would not attend a shower for a 15 year old. Even though showers are to provide needed items to an expectant mother they are also a party to celebrate an upcoming birth. IMO there is nothing to celebrate about a 15 year old having a baby.

 

[luvsJack]

IME, teens seem a whole lot smarter and a whole lot more focused than in my day. They know what they want after high school and they know that having babies will not allow those things to happen.

I used to think that showers would glamorize it too and then I had a teen girl. When asked she says "why would it, those gifts aren't for me!" and "all those diapers just remind you of what you will be doing day in and day out".

Babies of teen girls need just as many diapers and blankets and clothes and bottles and . . . as any other baby. I think a shower can be a show of support not glamorization.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I agree with the others who say a baby is worth celebrating. I don't see why just because your a teen mom you have to skip some traditions.

 

[Disneyhabs]

My mom was married at 18 and I was born when she was 19 why was that acceptable then but it is not ok now? I do not understand the negativity. Would I be happy my 17yo DD was pregnant and having a baby probably not the best idea would I make a thing of it hell no. I would be one hell of a happy grandpa though and do everything I could to make sure she had the help and support she needed.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

I was just looking @ pics one of my dd's friends put on FB of a pregnant 15yo's baby shower. I think it was put on by her friends. Just the teen girls were there (like 10 of them) & the girl's mom.

I don't like it - I think it makes pregnancy look like a whole lot of fun to these other girls - do you agree?

A baby shower is intended to celebrate the impending birth of a baby and to shower the mother with gifts that she will need to take care of the baby. I don't give two hoots how old the mother is and if she is married or not. Every baby deserves to be celebrated.

 

[ronandannette]

http://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/adolescent-health-topics/reproductive-health/teen-pregnancy/trends.html

Teen Pregnancies

The national teen pregnancy rate has declined almost continuously over the last two decades. The teen pregnancy rate includes pregnancies that end in a live birth, as well as those that end in abortion or miscarriage (fetal loss).* Between 1990 and 2008 (the most recent year for which data are available), the teen pregnancy rate declined by 42 percent—from 116.9 to 67.8 pregnancies per 1,000 teen girls.[5] According to recent national data, this decline is due to the combination of an increased percentage of adolescents who are waiting to have sexual intercourse and the increased use of contraceptives by teens.[5],[6]

I tend to think this is accurate; it's been years since I've been aware of a teen pregnancy in our immediate sphere (family, church, friends) nor do I know of one in student body over the 4 years DH has gone to his small, private high school. It was a MUCH more common occurrence when I was a teen. Of course it depends on your perspective; several people I know volunteer at the local crisis-pregnancy centre (as I did 20 years ago) and apparently "business" is still booming.

As for the baby shower, I agree that caring for the Mom and ultimately the innocent, vulnerable baby is not a "reward" and does not compromise one's convictions regarding pre-marital sex or out-of-wedlock parenthood. If I had some connection to the girl and/or boy and was invited I would attend or at least send a gift.

 

[EMode]

As for the baby shower, I agree that caring for the Mom and ultimately the innocent, vulnerable baby is not a "reward" and does not compromise one's convictions regarding pre-marital sex or out-of-wedlock parenthood. If I had some connection to the girl and/or boy and was invited I would attend or at least send a gift.

Just to be clear for me not attending a 15 year old's baby shower has nothing to do with the fact that they had pre-marital sex and aren't married. Its about seeing nothing positive about a 15 year old becoming a mother, and I just couldn't sit there with a smile on my face oohing and aaahing at the cute little onsies while eating cake and playing games. YMMV.
I don't feel that showers should not be thrown for these girls, if their family or host is okay with it then they should do whatever they want. I just wouldn't attend it.

 

[powellrj]

A baby shower is intended to celebrate the impending birth of a baby and to shower the mother with gifts that she will need to take care of the baby. I don't give two hoots how old the mother is and if she is married or not. Every baby deserves to be celebrated.

Exactly, I think people that think having a baby shower makes teen pregnancy glamours are selling our teens short. My DD is 17 and the last thing she wants is a baby right now. She would go and support her friend, but there is no way it would make her want to have a baby.

 

[Shmily1]

My DD was a teen mom. Was it what she had planned for her life? No. Was it what I wanted for her? No, but when she told me, I told her she could still have a good life and we would do all we could for her baby. DH asked why I wasn't mad and upset. I told him because if she ever needed me to have her back and show her support, it was then and I would not let her down.

We had a great baby shower for the baby. It was for the baby, but she was the one that got to open the gifts. It was all stuff she needed for the baby. In no was was it for her and she knew that.

Did her friends think her pregnancy was "glamourized", or the baby shower? No. They saw the morning and evening sickness. They saw the pain she was in trying to finish up high school carrying 20 extra lbs. They saw her with her big belly and her graduation gown on. They also saw the scar. The one from one hip to the other for her emergency C section that she got at 18 years old. Yeah, the whole thing was "glamorous" alright.

Would we change any of it? Absolutely not! That little precious gift is now almost 5 years old. We celebrate him every day. He never has to doubt that he is loved by all of us. His mom gives him more love than most children ever get. He knows that if he needs anything he can turn to her or to any of us. She is an awesome mom and I am so proud of her for all she has accomplished. I can't imagine life without him.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Depending on the circumstances, I might decide to send a gift but not attend the shower.

Same here.

I know how badly I wanted a baby as a teen. I just wanted to be a mommy...I babysat all the time & thought I could do it.

I wouldn't be for it. I don't think you should add to the glamour of a poor decision. It isn't a joyous event.

If she is keeping it, another thing I disagree with. Then I might send something useful for the child like diapers.

a 15yr old is not equipped mentally, financially, educationally or emotionally to raise a child and I won't be endorsing something I feel strongly against.

I totally agree with the above. Its not a joyous event. Would I sent a gift? Yes. The baby and the mother can use all the help they can get. However, I would not attend the shower, nor would I throw one, or post pics of the event on facebook/instagram.

 

[Granny square]

My DD was a teen mom. Was it what she had planned for her life? No. Was it what I wanted for her? No, but when she told me, I told her she could still have a good life and we would do all we could for her baby. DH asked why I wasn't mad and upset. I told him because if she ever needed me to have her back and show her support, it was then and I would not let her down. We had a great baby shower for the baby. It was for the baby, but she was the one that got to open the gifts. It was all stuff she needed for the baby. In no was was it for her and she knew that. Did her friends think her pregnancy was "glamourized", or the baby shower? No. They saw the morning and evening sickness. They saw the pain she was in trying to finish up high school carrying 20 extra lbs. They saw her with her big belly and her graduation gown on. They also saw the scar. The one from one hip to the other for her emergency C section that she got at 18 years old. Yeah, the whole thing was "glamorous" alright. Would we change any of it? Absolutely not! That little precious gift is now almost 5 years old. We celebrate him every day. He never has to doubt that he is loved by all of us. His mom gives him more love than most children ever get. He knows that if he needs anything he can turn to her or to any of us. She is an awesome mom and I am so proud of her for all she has accomplished. I can't imagine life without him.

You mean none of her friends said "I want a party too, 8 think I'll get pregnant!!!"

People should be able to count on support for. The people in their lives when they are in a mess. Isn't that what it is about? It is easy to support the perfect outcome. It is when life gets messy that your character shines through. Are you there for the tough stuff or not.

 

[Hannathy]

If so many people weren't giving showers and telling her it will be fine then maybe a lot more of these children that get pregnant would do the best thing for themselves and the baby and realize they are ill equipped to raise a child at 15 and put the child up for adoption.

 

[3Gsandme]

Teen pregnancy rates are actually down. There were several news stories about it over the past few months.

That baby cannot help the circumstances of its birth. It still deserves love and gladness. I have no problem with showers for teen moms.

 

[tzolkin]

I had my oldest child when I was in high school. I did have a shower that many of my classmates attended, but I can assure you there was no glamorizing of anything. They came and brought practical gifts because they were trying to be supportive, not because they thought it was "fun" and it certainly didn't inspire anyone else to jump on the bandwagon.

Perhaps it was just my group of peers (all AP/honors/top of our class/Ivy-League-bound), but if anything it made them think seriously about how difficult it was and the challenges I faced. Most cried when they found out.

This same thread has come up multiple times and there are always the ideas that these girls need to be shamed and their children should never be celebrated. It seems as though many think teens having babies today receive nothing but warm and positive responses, but I am certain that is not true. My experience included being threatened, physically shunned, ostracized, insulted, attempts to expel me from school for being an "embarrassment", and my family was verbally attacked by "friends" and neighbors on a regular basis. I think two hours at a party receiving hugs and a few essentials for my baby was not unreasonable.

 

[drinkme]

My DD was a teen mom. Was it what she had planned for her life? No. Was it what I wanted for her? No, but when she told me, I told her she could still have a good life and we would do all we could for her baby. DH asked why I wasn't mad and upset. I told him because if she ever needed me to have her back and show her support, it was then and I would not let her down. We had a great baby shower for the baby. It was for the baby, but she was the one that got to open the gifts. It was all stuff she needed for the baby. In no was was it for her and she knew that. Did her friends think her pregnancy was "glamourized", or the baby shower? No. They saw the morning and evening sickness. They saw the pain she was in trying to finish up high school carrying 20 extra lbs. They saw her with her big belly and her graduation gown on. They also saw the scar. The one from one hip to the other for her emergency C section that she got at 18 years old. Yeah, the whole thing was "glamorous" alright. Would we change any of it? Absolutely not! That little precious gift is now almost 5 years old. We celebrate him every day. He never has to doubt that he is loved by all of us. His mom gives him more love than most children ever get. He knows that if he needs anything he can turn to her or to any of us. She is an awesome mom and I am so proud of her for all she has accomplished. I can't imagine life without him.

That's wonderful! My dd was a teen mom too. She had 2 baby showers. If anyone didn't want to come to the shower that was fine by us. However everyone showed up and supported dd.

My dgd8 is the best thing that has happened to dd. We can't imagine life without her.