College financial aid/divorced family/adoption?

[leebee]

I am asking for a friend, who has asked for my help in figuring out what to do for her DD (who will be a college freshman in the fall of 2015) because I used to work in a college financial aid office (MANY moons ago) and my DD is in college. I know a couple of you work in college financial aid and am hoping you can steer us in a good direction, or help clarify this situation.

My friend and her husband are in the middle of divorcing. Her DH is not the father of either of her children (she has a son starting high school), but her DD was adopted by the soon-to-be ex right after they were married. SO… mom is divorcing the man who is the daughter's adoptive father. What kind of a legal relationship will the DD and ex have? How should mom file financial aid? (Daughter's bio father is totally out of the picture- has been since day 1, isn't a US citizen and doesn't live on this continent.) What will be reported on the FAFSA for the first year… and will it change for subsequent years? The adoption clouds things for me, although it's also my understanding that the daughter is legally changing her name back to what it was before the STB ex adopted her. HELP, advice, direction please??

 

[Happy Snowman]

If the ex legally adopted the DD, he is legally her dad, end of story. If the adoption was not legally done (courts, etc.), then his income doesn't matter and none of the following applies. What gets complicated is if the school looks at non-custodial parent income or not. If she is going to a FAFSA only school, it's "easy", just the parent she lives with the majority of the time-so Mom I'm guessing. If she is going to a school that requires the CSS, then it depends if the school requires non-custodial parent income info or not. Doesn't matter if he provides support or not, unless the school happens to allow a waiver for that. Then there is the appeal process after that....

 

[mom2rtk]

Why would an adoptive parent be handled differently? Isn't he the girls father in the eyes of the law? Regardless of what she does with her name?

 

[Luvchefmic]

Why would an adoptive parent be handled differently? Isn't he the girls father in the eyes of the law? Regardless of what she does with her name?

Of course the soon to be ex is the girls father. OP tell your friend 2 things talk to a lawyer and the college financial aid office.


I can see why you were asked, but you said you had the job many moons ago. Why you would even want to give more in-depth advice in this family matter I have no idea. Then if you're wrong it falls on you.

If I were the friend I would much rather you told me I am not up-to-date on these matters rather than I got advice on a Dis board. Makes no sense to me.

 

[EMom]

If he legally adopted the child, he is the father, PERIOD. If parents get divorced, it does not change the legality of the parent/child relationship any more than it would if the daughter was his bio child. That's what adoption means.

 

[leebee]

Why would an adoptive parent be handled differently? Isn't he the girls father in the eyes of the law? Regardless of what she does with her name?

I guess this is part of my question. He adopted her when he and mom got married. Now he and mom are divorcing. Daughter is 18 and is changing her name back to what it was before mom and he were married. It just seems awkward that a child can be adopted by a non-related adult because of the bio-parent marrying said adult, but when the marriage ends the adoption still stands, even though the adoptive parent is gone, gone, gone. He adopted her because he married her mother, not because he was looking to become a father, and now the marriage is over- therefore it seems weird that the adoption stands even though the marriage no longer exists… so I was wondering how college financial aid would view the situation.

 

[DopeyDame]

I am beyond horrified that this is even a question.
Once the adoption was finalized he became her father. Forever and ever. Period. The end.

 

[mom2rtk]

I guess this is part of my question. He adopted her when he and mom got married. Now he and mom are divorcing. Daughter is 18 and is changing her name back to what it was before mom and he were married. It just seems awkward that a child can be adopted by a non-related adult because of the bio-parent marrying said adult, but when the marriage ends the adoption still stands, even though the adoptive parent is gone, gone, gone. He adopted her because he married her mother, not because he was looking to become a father, and now the marriage is over- therefore it seems weird that the adoption stands even though the marriage no longer exists… so I was wondering how college financial aid would view the situation.

He is her father. Period. It might have happened at the same time the mom married him, but it doesn't end just because the marriage does.

Her questions might be complicated because of the divorce. But he's her father, so it's not complicated because of the adoption.

If they wanted a relationship where things ended when the marriage ended, mom should have settled for him being a step-parent.

 

[leebee]

Of course the soon to be ex is the girls father. OP tell your friend 2 things talk to a lawyer and the college financial aid office.


I can see why you were asked, but you said you had the job many moons ago. Why you would even want to give more in-depth advice in this family matter I have no idea. Then if you're wrong it falls on you.

She talked to her lawyer; he is the one who said he doesn't know how college financial aid would view this. She called the fin aid office at the state university but they have no time (at this time of year) to discuss things with non-students. I am not looking to give advice; my friend asked me if I knew anything, I told her no, but as it's an ongoing conversation I decided to ask where I knew there're people who would have some idea of which way to turn. NOTHING falls back on me- we are friends, we talk. Good lord, what kind of friends do you have- and what kind of friend are you? I can't imagine saying to a friend, "Hey, sorry you are confused, your life is falling apart, and you need support and help, but I don't want to talk about it in case you decide to blame it all on me… nice talking to you!"

And please give us a little more credit than thinking that we'd consider the words posted on the DISboards as the end-all, be-all information regarding law and financial aid. I was looking for information, not being told what to do and how to do it. Sheesh.

 

[Luvchefmic]

She talked to her lawyer; he is the one who said he doesn't know how college financial aid would view this. She called the fin aid office at the state university but they have no time (at this time of year) to discuss things with non-students. I am not looking to give advice; my friend asked me if I knew anything, I told her no, but as it's an ongoing conversation I decided to ask where I knew there're people who would have some idea of which way to turn. NOTHING falls back on me- we are friends, we talk. Good lord, what kind of friends do you have- and what kind of friend are you? I can't imagine saying to a friend, "Hey, sorry you are confused, your life is falling apart, and you need support and help, but I don't want to talk about it in case you decide to blame it all on me… nice talking to you!"

WHOA pissy much ???? Don't put words in my mouth...honestly you get that hot headed because I dared question you. Have a nice life, I think you got this emotional because it's not a " friend" problem it is actually you.

Don't even bother to respond, I won't be looking back over my shoulder.

 

[leebee]

WHOA pissy much ???? Don't put words in my mouth...honestly you get that hot headed because I dared question you. Have a nice life, I think you got this emotional because it's not a " friend" problem it is actually you.

Don't even bother to respond, I won't be looking back over my shoulder.

You are reading between the lines. I put no words in your mouth; I was saying what I could not imagine saying to my friend, based on the words in your previous post. And, it really is a question from a friend. If you use the search function or look at my ticker, you'll see that my daughter is NOT the daughter being discussed here.

 

[Chernabog#1fan]

I guess this is part of my question. He adopted her when he and mom got married. Now he and mom are divorcing. Daughter is 18 and is changing her name back to what it was before mom and he were married. It just seems awkward that a child can be adopted by a non-related adult because of the bio-parent marrying said adult, but when the marriage ends the adoption still stands, even though the adoptive parent is gone, gone, gone. He adopted her because he married her mother, not because he was looking to become a father, and now the marriage is over- therefore it seems weird that the adoption stands even though the marriage no longer exists… so I was wondering how college financial aid would view the situation.

It does not matter the reason why the adoption happened, he is her father. If he was her biological dad, the divorce would not cause the father to stop being a father. A father via adoption is no different from a father via biology.

 

[Miskey]

I am beyond horrified that this is even a question.
Once the adoption was finalized he became her father. Forever and ever. Period. The end.

 

[mom2rtk]

I am beyond horrified that this is even a question.
Once the adoption was finalized he became her father. Forever and ever. Period. The end.

I agree. And I can't believe they didn't make this abundantly clear to all parties during the adoption process....... even when there's financial aid money at stake.

 

[EMom]

It does not matter the reason why the adoption happened, he is her father. If he was her biological dad, the divorce would not cause the father to stop being a father. A father via adoption is no different from a father via biology.

Geez, Louise, why is that so hard to grasp for some people?!?!?! He's her FATHER. End of story. It does not matter one bit WHY he chose to adopt her. He adopted her. He is her father. Forever. Do people just not comprehend what adoption is and what it does? I pray such people never adopt a child. He is her REAL father and her LEGAL father.

The divorce means NOTHING. You divorce SPOUSES. You do not divorce your CHILDREN. It truly is just that simple.

 

[EMom]

I guess this is part of my question. He adopted her when he and mom got married. Now he and mom are divorcing. Daughter is 18 and is changing her name back to what it was before mom and he were married. It just seems awkward that a child can be adopted by a non-related adult because of the bio-parent marrying said adult, but when the marriage ends the adoption still stands, even though the adoptive parent is gone, gone, gone. He adopted her because he married her mother, not because he was looking to become a father, and now the marriage is over- therefore it seems weird that the adoption stands even though the marriage no longer exists… so I was wondering how college financial aid would view the situation.

Awkward? WEIRD? Do you have no understanding of adoption at all? I cannot believe what I am reading. Do you honestly have divorce and adoption confused? Parenthood mixed up with being a spouse? Do you lack understanding of the difference between a stepfather and an adoptive father? I realize some people have precious little respect for adoption, but I would like to think most people at least comprehend the legality and finality of adoption.

Apparently not.

 

[Happy Snowman]

I guess this is part of my question. He adopted her when he and mom got married. Now he and mom are divorcing. Daughter is 18 and is changing her name back to what it was before mom and he were married. It just seems awkward that a child can be adopted by a non-related adult because of the bio-parent marrying said adult, but when the marriage ends the adoption still stands, even though the adoptive parent is gone, gone, gone. He adopted her because he married her mother, not because he was looking to become a father, and now the marriage is over- therefore it seems weird that the adoption stands even though the marriage no longer exists… so I was wondering how college financial aid would view the situation.

I think the name change and the age she was at adoption are throwing you off....think of it this way...married couple adopts an infant--they are her parents, when this child is say 15, the parents divorce, her mom is still her mom, her dad is still her dad, none of that changes. It's the same situation here, just that this girl was older when the process happened. The name change is irrelevant to the legality of the relationship. The adoption has NOTHING to do with the marriage (legally), the adoption is between the child and the parent. The only thing that would change this is if they did not go through with a legal adoption and she just changed her name to his last name, but in the eyes of the law, and financial aid, he is her father.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am asking for a friend, who has asked for my help in figuring out what to do for her DD (who will be a college freshman in the fall of 2015) because I used to work in a college financial aid office (MANY moons ago) and my DD is in college. I know a couple of you work in college financial aid and am hoping you can steer us in a good direction, or help clarify this situation.

My friend and her husband are in the middle of divorcing. Her DH is not the father of either of her children (she has a son starting high school), but her DD was adopted by the soon-to-be ex right after they were married. SO… mom is divorcing the man who is the daughter's adoptive father. What kind of a legal relationship will the DD and ex have? How should mom file financial aid? (Daughter's bio father is totally out of the picture- has been since day 1, isn't a US citizen and doesn't live on this continent.) What will be reported on the FAFSA for the first year… and will it change for subsequent years? The adoption clouds things for me, although it's also my understanding that the daughter is legally changing her name back to what it was before the STB ex adopted her. HELP, advice, direction please??

Yes, the adoption stands as the legal father of the child.

My nephew was adopted by my brother and he has to abide by the laws in place. (They are divorced.)

The adoption should not "cloud" things for you. There is no angle you can go with here.

That being said, since they are not divorced yet, that makes it more tricky when applying.

Tell the mother that they are going to have work closely with the financial aid of the school to figure how to apply.

 

[Allison]

I guess this is part of my question. He adopted her when he and mom got married. Now he and mom are divorcing. Daughter is 18 and is changing her name back to what it was before mom and he were married. It just seems awkward that a child can be adopted by a non-related adult because of the bio-parent marrying said adult, but when the marriage ends the adoption still stands, even though the adoptive parent is gone, gone, gone. He adopted her because he married her mother, not because he was looking to become a father, and now the marriage is over- therefore it seems weird that the adoption stands even though the marriage no longer exists… so I was wondering how college financial aid would view the situation.

Really? It seems weird to you that being a parent doesn't end when a marriage does?

 

[Aliceacc]

I guess this is part of my question. He adopted her when he and mom got married. Now he and mom are divorcing. Daughter is 18 and is changing her name back to what it was before mom and he were married. It just seems awkward that a child can be adopted by a non-related adult because of the bio-parent marrying said adult, but when the marriage ends the adoption still stands, even though the adoptive parent is gone, gone, gone. He adopted her because he married her mother, not because he was looking to become a father, and now the marriage is over- therefore it seems weird that the adoption stands even though the marriage no longer exists… so I was wondering how college financial aid would view the situation.

If he adopted soley because he was marrying the child's mother, then he was absolutely confused. And wrong. And her mom was absolutely wrong to let it happen.

Adoption is about becoming a parent, not a spouse. And it's forever. No matter what happens to your marriage, you don't end the parenthood.

That's why adoption creates "forever families."

It doesn't matter what the child changes her name to; her dad is her dad. Why on earth would the breakup of her parent's marriage mean she also loses a parent??

They stopped being "non-related" when he adopted her. From that point until death, they ARE related; he's her father.

My (adopted) son is my son is my son. And always will be. It's the exact same as with my biological daughters.