Another Family Issues Thread: Not Saying Thank You for a Gift

[Lori74]

Yes it was. He said he was done playing games. She doesn't get subtle hints. And he was done.

Years of not thanking for shower gifts, birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, never reciprocating in the gift giving, etc. have finally built up. We were one of that last people that still gave her children gifts. She didn't even put two and two together that her rudeness may have caused this.

Now it has been spelled out for her.

sadly enough, even spelled out, some people will never get it. I've been dealing with it for years, but now I'm distancing myself from them. good for you and your husband!

 

[Lori74]

And you keep on enabling this person????

I'm not helping for the sake of her, I'm helping for the sake of my other sil that is putting on a shower, she has cancer and very limited funds. By no means am I doing anything more for this person.

 

[mrsstats]

My dog sitter is better than my niece at saying thank you. I sent her son a gift and I received a text message thanking me. That's all I ask. I know you received the gift, that's all.

 

[Pugsly]

Tell them that you donated to The Human Fund in their names. Problem solved. Your SIL is a user.

I can’t remember my nephews ever thanking me for gifts. One year, I made a charitable donation in my sister and BIL’s name and listed this in a card. When all the gifts had been opened, I asked if they had gotten their card and whether it was opened. She looked me in the eye, said “yes” and nothing else. That was the last year I gave any of them gifts. I was done. One of the nephews got married last year and just bought a house. We gave them a sizable gift card to Home Depot and are still awaiting a thank you of any kind.

 

[gopack]

I love the email your husband sent to his sister. Good for him and good for you!

 

[wgeo]

I had a friend go through chemo and used cold caps, which required a "team of 6 people or so" to help with each treatment. She was still trying to work and take care of her kids during her treatment and yet took the time to send each person that helped a personalized thank you each time they helped. People at church started a food/restaurant gift card plan for her - and again every single person got a personalized thank you within days. Her thank you's were so nice and so thoughtful that I wanted to send her a thank you back!

I like to be thanked for gifts that I give, anything that is remotely personal is fine by me. A text, phone call, letter, email. Someone stopped me in church and mentioned the wedding gift I had given them and how they were using it and how much they liked it. That was great. I don't think the generic stand up in front of a crowd and saying "thanks for coming" is sufficient.

As for the OP - family drama isn't worth it. Obviously this is about more than just missing thank yous - I think the decision to pull back in dealings with that family sounds like a good plan.

 

[Alicefan]

I have taught my kids to say thank you, regardless of whether or not they like the gift. "Aunt So-So took time and thought of you and got you something because she loves you. Even if you don't like it, you say thank you because you should appreciate she loves you enough to think of you and want to give you something." I thought this was what most people did.

Until I witnessed my MIL opening gifts. "That wasn't what I wanted." "Well, I guess this is the year everyone is getting coffee and I don't like these big mugs." "OMG, these are horrible. Why would you buy me these ugly old lady clothes?"

I felt my jaw drop. I couldn't imagine responding like that (FYI, I got the coffee and mugs because they love coffee and at that time DH and I were just dating). Thankfully, DH responds like his dad, simple but quiet and sincere "Thank you." And for the record, I love my MIL and we get along fabulously, but we only get her gift cards any more because there is always SOMETHING wrong with any gift and I'm not wasting my time picking out what I think is a great gift only to have it unappreciated. So, OP, I understand why you felt the need to stop. I probably would have tried to talk to your nephews about being appreciative but your SIL probably wouldn't have been a fan of you "interfering" either.

oooh sister, that would've been the LAST gift she ever got out of me! She doesn't deserve any gift card IMO I would have been furious!

 

[Alicefan]

Girl, I am right there with you. No more gifts from Aunty. If they are 12 they are fully aware of how to say thank you without having to be told. The only thing I think you did wrong was not telling your sister in law exactly how you told us. I would straight up say, "Ya know, I just got tired of spending my hard earned money and feeling like it wasn't the least bit appreciated." And YES I give gifts FULLY expecting a thank you. It's common courtesy and if you don't have that then you don't deserve the courtesy of me caring enough to send a gift. I'm sorry but I'm a believer that people reep what they sow and in this case you are teaching them how to treat you, and you just demanded a little respect. Nothing wrong with that. The consequence of not thanking me time after time is that you no longer are given the opportunity. I feel like I need to find a microphone to throw on the ground. lol Yep, I'm mean like that.

 

[Alicefan]

She emailed looking for gifts? Dang!!

Right??? That one floored me! Quite typical of people like that actually.

 

[Alicefan]

ALSO (yeah my blood is boiling on this one) She couldn't pick up the phone to say thank you but she could sure pick it up to say, "where are our gifts?" WOW!

 

[Alicefan]

This all reminds me of my cousin who's daughter in law keeps having children. She had her second and as usual I got an invite in the mail to the shower. Well I don't live near them but I did paint a painting for the baby's room. I only received a verbal thank you from my cousin (who is the grandma) when I sent a text to make sure she got the painting. What I got was this, "Yes she liked it, and I'll bet Boo (older granddaughter) would like an original painting from Cousin Dana too!" Um, the mother of this baby didn't have the decency to say "thank you...kiss my butt" or anything and you're going to ask me to just whip up another painting for your other grandkid so I can not be thanked for that gift too? Not on your life. Surprisingly...I didn't get a shower invite to the 3rd baby's shower which happened all of say 6 months or so after the second baby. I should have sent a pack of birth control! lol

 

[Pooh2]

Surprisingly...I didn't get a shower invite to the 3rd baby's shower which happened all of say 6 months or so after the second baby. I should have sent a pack of birth control! lol

What the heck do you need 3 baby showers for???!! Especially 6 months after the last baby?

 

[Alicefan]

What the heck do you need 3 baby showers for???!! Especially 6 months after the last baby?

Oh you know...low class mentality. "But this one's a boy and I don't have any boy stuff!" Needless to say, this is the embarrassing side of the family. lol

 

[Cinderfella92]

Hello there all! Long time follower, first time poster.

I am sorry this has happened to so many of you. I didn't realize so many other people were in the same boat as myself when it came to ingratitude from relatives and friends. I've not received 'thanks yous' for weddings, showers (I'm a guy, and in some cases not even invited), communions, graduation and just because gifts. It's run the gambit and many in my case are 'repeat offenders' of this faux pas.

I myself write hand written thank you notes for anything I receive; anything to not cave into 21st century 'roboticism' I call it (drones to technology), plus saying thank you is just polite and the correct way to appreciate any gift.

I personally think weddings deserve hand written thank yous because it's a more formal affair, where most people give very generously. Otherwise I'm pretty much okay with any type of thank you via text, phone call, email, note, in person etc. In today's society there is no reason to not say thank you since everybody is glued to their cell phones and/or laptops.

It's funny because the same people who don't send thank you notes because of whatever reason they give, keep MAILING invitations to events. Anyone else ever notice that? Lol. Not sending thank yous is a cop-out and a quick way to let people know how little they mean to you and/or how money hungry one is.

I have literally had people read messages I sent them through messenger letting them know I mailed something, and never respond to me. I know they got it because I do signature required when I send a gift. I have also had people complain about why I didn't send them a just because gift (forward, ballsy move), complain about a gift given right in front of me, or 2, 3 baby showers for same family, and sprinkles? etc., so I feel for you.

Good for you guys ending that gravy train! It seems more and more people are becoming selfish, ungrateful, narcissistic, and entitled. Sad way the world is going.

I agree children shouldn't be punished, but treating the people close to you like a walking atm without the thanks somehow has become fashionable? No, just no.

Sorry for the long rant, it's a hot topic with me.

-Another person tired of being used and never appreciated.

 

[Dancind]

Interesting that Thank You notes are no longer sent for wedding gifts, and I don't feel so bad now. Would have thought that would be the last to go!

My nephew lives out of state, but DH and I did go to his wedding which was here. He and his bride had registered on Amazon, and I splurged and got them a "designer" color Kitchenaid mixer. I was worried about it being shipped to them when they weren't home, but figured I would hear something eventually. Never a peep, and we are Facebook friends. I later found out they had told his Dad (my brother) that they really liked it. Well, at least it got there.

 

[sk!mom]

I personally think weddings deserve hand written thank yous because it's a more formal affair, where most people give very generously. Otherwise I'm pretty much okay with any type of thank you via text, phone call, email, note, in person etc. In today's society there is no reason to not say thank you since everybody is glued to their cell phones and/or laptops.

Completely agree. I still wonder if the large cash gift, in a card, dropped in the card box at a wedding made it to the couple. I never heard a word of thanks. Normally, I write a check only so that I'll at least see it clear and know that they got it. At the wedding where I took cash, it was because the couple was leaving the next morning for Disney and I knew that they were a little worried about the amount of cash they had to take.