Would you be mad? Cancelling via text message... Vacation plans

[LovesTimone]

So we have been planning with our friends coming for vacation... Memorial day weekend She is the one who suggested the get together, and called me on the phone to asked if they could come for Memorial Day weekend... Since then She and I have been planning and talking on the phone about this trip for over 6 months. DH took off work from work on the Friday before so he could be off and we all could spend time together... I have been planning out meals, and such... This is not the first time that they have done this, once was for a medical reasons... her adult daughter who lives with them has special needs, and was having some medical issue...and it's perfectly understandable, and she did pick up the phone and call me to tell me and apologizes... which the apology wasn't necessary as I completely understand. Then we were suppose to met then in NYC, and they cancelled for another reason, something to do with his adult daughter who is a doctor, he was mad and pouting about something that she said or did and wasn't in the mood to go anywhere... and again she called to cancel and apologize for cancelling... We went anyway, and she was kinda mad that we went anyway, and said something like " I can't believe that you went with out us" I was like we already had plane tickets, hotel and show tickets bought... why would we not go...this was several years ago...

So I get a text, that says... and I quote "I am afraid we have to cancel our trip and this is the reason why... and its a picture of a dog" ???? I guess they got a new dog...

So I responded - Okay

She responds back - WOW I thought you would be in tears...

I haven't responded back... nor will I... we are done...

This is think is just rude, and inconsiderate at least... and not even hey I'm sorry... and she hasn't picked up the phone, I thought that she would have picked up the phone after work or something... call me.... and we really don't text each other we are more calling and talking on the phone kinda friends... and I am really mad that we declined some other friends on a beach trip for memorial day. Which I called her to make sure that they were coming for sure, I did not tell her that we had another offer... before we declined the other offer...and she was like" Yes we are coming... I can't wait... and on and on...and all I got was that lame text"...this is not how you treat someone who you have been friends with 18 years...

Would you be mad? Would you handle it any different?

 

[mjkacmom]

I wouldn’t end a long friendship over this, I’d just never make vacation plans with them. Everyone has flaws, you know they’re not reliable with making long term plans, and if she tried again, I’d just say no, not going to happen.

 

[neverlandsky]

Plenty of notice so I wouldn’t be mad. You’re response is fine. I would turn it around and plan a fun staycation weekend with DH. I wouldn’t plan any vacations with them anymore unless you’re in their town and you’re wanting to stop by to see them.

 

[cabanafrau]

What good could possibly come from any response you could come up with? This person isn't going to change based on anything you could say. I guess you could express your frustrations, but I think the drama will be exactly the meal that your friend is hoping you'll cater for her. In her mind that's all it will take to qualify you as the bad friend, the villain of the situation.

It's not that you don't have every right to be frustrated and angry. I simply wouldn't offer it up on a plate for your friend. Presenting her a calm face with everything seemingly rolling off your back is your best option. That doesn't mean you should sign up for any repeats in the future. When she presents plans in the future simply refuse to engage.

 

[Klayfish]

Never travel with friends or family.

Never have important conversations via text (I hate texting, only do it minimally with my family).

Live happy.

 

[Kae]

Would I be mad yup at her and myself. They did this twice so, I wouldn't be shocked. Can you go and have fun without them?

Kae

 

[tcufrog]

I finally had to drop a friend because she was unreliable. She doesn't know that I dropped her but I don't really invite her to anything anymore. My DH is still friends with her husband though. Her husband is a patent lawyer so my DH uses him for any IP or patent work he has. She was my best friend at one time but I got frustrated with how unreliable she was. I got tired of disappointing my kids (our kids were good friends) when she would either arrive late or cancel at the last minute. The straw that broke the camel's back was when she canceled having the kids come over to trick or treat at her house with her family. We had not assumed we would be invited because they were really busy until she called and invited us over for it. Our neighborhood has lousy trick or treating. My younger son was so upset. He had trick or treated every year since he had been born with her family. I had offered to bring dinner for everyone since I knew she was busy and she knew we didn't expect her to tidy up before we arrived. I was understanding when she said she was overloaded at work and wasn't up to it until I found out that she had another kid over for trick or treating.

 

[quandrea]

Never travel with friends or family.

Never have important conversations via text (I hate texting, only do it minimally with my family).

Live happy.

@Klayfish , I think we’d like each other in real life. Almost every post you write, could have been written by me.

 

[Searc]

What good could possibly come from any response you could come up with? This person isn't going to change based on anything you could say. I guess you could express your frustrations, but I think the drama will be exactly the meal that your friend is hoping you'll cater for her. In her mind that's all it will take to qualify you as the bad friend, the villain of the situation.

It's not that you don't have every right to be frustrated and angry. I simply wouldn't offer it up on a plate for your friend. Presenting her a calm face with everything seemingly rolling off your back is your best option. That doesn't mean you should sign up for any repeats in the future. When she presents plans in the future simply refuse to engage.

I 100% agree with this.

 

[Meriweather]

I would be mad, but won't say that......just plan a fun time for yourself and DH and enjoy.
Don't make plans with them anymore. They seem to be good at finding reasons to cancel.

 

[brockash]

I wouldn’t end a long friendship over this, I’d just never make vacation plans with them. Everyone has flaws, you know they’re not reliable with making long term plans, and if she tried again, I’d just say no, not going to happen.

This. I would just not plan on anything with them anymore. I also don't understand why them getting a dog would cancel their plans and even more so why you would be in tears over it? So odd.

 

[cabanafrau]

Plenty of notice so I wouldn’t be mad. You’re response is fine. I would turn it around and plan a fun staycation weekend with DH. I wouldn’t plan any vacations with them anymore unless you’re in their town and you’re wanting to stop by to see them.

I might agree with the plenty of notice idea if this hadn't been a repeated pattern. The real clue is in the subsequent text essentially demanding OP to be emotionally distraught over the situation. Really, you're canceling plans with good friends (yet again) because you've gotten a dog, something your family is presumably happy about, yet OP should be in tears of disappointment? That's some deep, caring friendship right there.

 

[Micca]

I wouldn't be mad but there'd be no more elaborate plans with that couple. They're

 

[Sandeep1]

My 2 cents:

I wouldn't care at all that the cancellation came via text message. That part of it is fine with me. I'd be furious at the constant cancellations. The dog excuse is B.S. If they wanted a dog, they should have waited until after the trip. If they couldn't wait, then they find a dog sitter or a friend or a doggy daycare that will watch it over that trip. Absolute B.S. excuse to cancel a trip and certainly one that I wouldn't accept.

So, OP you have every right to be upset about this.

 

[hereyago]

Yea with friends like that I wouldn't be planning any more plans.

Being the witch that I am if someone couldn't be a big girl and call instead of text, let alone think I would be in tears, I would just write back I'd have other people go with us.

 

[Floridaman999]

I'd just decide to never make travel related plans with them in the future and see where it goes from there. Don't spend a lot of time trying to figure it out or resolve it because that's just gonna make you even more upset because I doubt it will matter in the long run.

 

[amberpi]

Was she thinking you'd be in tears from how adorable their new addition was or because she thought you'd respond emotionally? Both are weird, but seeming to want you to be in tears is simply...crappy. The text thing is silly in my mind though. Texting is a perfectly normal and fine means of communication.

If it was always medical stuff, I think you have to be understanding of that. My health can be variable (but on the uptick again, thanks for real diagnosis, finally!) but everyone is understanding when I just physically can't do something. But getting a new pet shortly before a planned trip seems like your friends were already out on the vacation. You don't get a dog on a whim, even if one comes to your house, you decide to keep it, or take it to the shelter. There are also always boarding facilities.

Sorry this happened to you!

 

[izzy]

Never travel with friends or family.

Never have important conversations via text (I hate texting, only do it minimally with my family).

Live happy.

I’m not being snarky here, but if you don’t travel with friends or family, who do you travel with? I have done solo vacations, but it’s always more fun when I have someone with me.

I totally agree with you about not texting important conversations.

 

[mjkacmom]

I kind of understand the dog thing, but I do take pet ownership seriously. When we decided to get a dog, I said we’d get the perfect dog that came to us. A rescue was the only option, and a friend who fostered puppies alerted me when she had the perfect dog for our family. When she was up for adoption, we got her, and there would be no way I’d board her, since most of her life was in a cage in a shelter.

 

[Hikergirl]

I guess I'm the odd one out- I wouldn't be mad, just a little annoyed that she didn't call since that is the normal form of communication. It seems like she just wanted to show you a pic of the dog.
If I just got a dog I wouldn't be quick to board it (but I don't board mine unless it's a last resort).
How long have you been friends with these people? I can't imagine having a friendship with a couple that spans decades and not having some things cancelled through the years.
At this point I'd do one of three things- invite them to bring the dog with them, invite another group of friends or scrap the weekend at home plans and go away with dh.