Ever canceled a trip because kids didn't earn it?

[wilbret]

Our kids are great kids, seriously. They are kind to others, great in school, and generally just great kids. Except... they stink at picking up after themselves, and they really bicker with each other more and more over time. We are constantly having to stay on top of them for leaving things out. Shoes, dishes, cups, toys, trash, whatever. It's amazing. You can't believe how often these kids develop the need to POOP as soon we ask them to do their chores.

We were booking a last minute last weekend before school trip for today thru Tuesday, and asked them to do their chores and help straighten up. Well, one thing led to another,and instead of Disney, we will be organizing the garage and cleaning the house. I'm not going to let them win this dang battle. It's frustrating, because I personally wanted to make this trip. I have traveled this entire month and just wanted time away. Oh well.

Anyone here ever canceled their plans to prove point?

 

[Owlpost23]

No,but good for you for doing so!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

No. Because WE earned it, even if they didn't.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

No. I wouldn’t cut my nose off to spite my face.

I remember Penelope Leach talking about dessert in her classic child rearing book. She said dessert should just be part of dinner and not hinge on behavior if you wanted to avoid food battles. I sort of feel the same way about this situation. If, God forbid, something we’re to happen to one of you next fall, would you regret that you missed this trip based on some minor housekeeping disagreements? Aren’t there bigger fish to fry in this day and age? They sound like great kids!

Now yes, of course, I am also a bugger on housekeeping issues. But I wouldn’t cancel a trip over it, no. Trips are important to families. I would find another way to get them to increase their compliance with house rules, but I wouldn’t create a battle over vacations.

 

[superme80]

I never use a trip as a treat for obedience. I have canceled dinners out or going to the local indoor playground due to behavior. The kids and I had a showdown this week due to their lack of cleaning up and constant complaining. Now spending money might be tied to how much they have earned for cleaning.

 

[mickeyboat]

Well, yes we have cancelled plans for small trips, but not for big ones. We treasure out time together as a family too much to use it as a bargaining chip with our kids. It sounds to me like your kids are just being kids.

 

[NYCgrrl]

Yes.
Should a child 'o mine get to the point where I threaten family activity plans as a consequence for bad behavior, I will follow through even if it inconveniences my wants.
I don't care how much it costs in finances, my wants, etc.
It's better to nip the issue in the bud with some world reality IMO.

 

[Christine]

Well, since the trips are mostly for me, no I wouldn't have cancelled. Now, if you set up the trip as a condition of them behaving a certain way and they didn't, then follow through is important.

 

[heidivander]

It sounds to me like you are being a great parent! Great job following through! Your children will be better for it!

 

[Cindy's Mom]

Was the trip conditional on them doing their chores? If it was then I can maybe see it. If it wasn't (which I'm leaning toward being the answer), all your kids can see if you going back on your word. I'm sure when you were at the end of your rope you said "if you don't do this, then we're not going" . This part of your OP is telling: "It's frustrating, because I personally wanted to make this trip. I have traveled this entire month and just wanted time away. Oh well." I think everyone is on edge. Give em back the trip. Punish them when you get back.

 

[Master Fastpasser]

I guess my parents never ran into that situation with us kids and I do not have kids of my own yet.

Not sure if I could do that knowing how much I looked forward to our yearly trips and was devastated the one year we ended up not going because I was having some health troubles and wouldn't have been able to go on some of the rides.

But hey more power to ya to make them learn the lesson that it is a privilege and not a right and they should not act like they are entitled to it.

 

[Ladyandthepuppies]

I would let my kids know the trip was in jeopardy, and if they didn’t shape up, you bet I would cancel the trip. I did something similar once before (refused to buy DD, age 5, new flip flops before a beach trip because she was acting up) and now my kids are all terrified I’ll carry through on any threat I make. I think you’re being a good parent!!!

 

[nj disney family]

My wife usually tells them we cancelled something we weren't really doing anyway. "Since you guys didn't clean your room I'm canceling Chef Mickey's"

 

[wilbret]

The kids had no idea we were planning a trip until today. Last year, we made a trip at the same time to close out the summer, and it was a great time. We told them today that we wanted to do this type of trip again, but we had to move quickly. Dogs had to be boarded by noon. We asked them to quickly do their chores, which led to a lot of nothing, a lot of bickering, and zero effort. Noon flew by, day wasted. Even if we used DVC points and annual passes, we are still talking hundreds of dollars in gas and food, boarding, etc. Nothing is truly free.

 

[smiths02]

No, we would not cancel a trip because a trip is a once a year kind of deal for us (at most). I can't afford to reward my kids for picking up with a multi-day trip to Disney, so I would never set up a vacation that was contingent on something like that. Also, we have 3 kids, it would be very difficult to decide who cleaned enough and who didn't, which parent was staying behind and which was going.

Have we rewarded good behavior and not given rewards or given punishments for unacceptable behavior? Yes, of course. Has this included denial of a fun activity when expectations were not met? Yes.

 

[DisTXMom]

Their mistakes seem to fall into a “normal kid stuff” category- things most kids do at some time and which bothers us to differing degrees at different times. I agree they need to be disciplined. It’s a matter of whether cancelling the trip is responsive and effective- ie do they tie the two together and know their actions caused the trip to be cancelled. I would not have wanted to give up the trip for my own sake and therefore would have worked to see if we could find another meaningful disciplinary action. Your kids, your rules

 

[Southernmiss]

Nope. Trips and family time are fleeting. By next week, they'll be grown and the house will be quiet and clean all of the time.

I call no fair in springing a trip today and cleaning expectations today on them without warning.

We coached our kids and encouraged. Not bribed and took away.

And they are fine, upstanding young adults.

 

[Nick6300]

Yes.
Should a child 'o mine get to the point where I threaten family activity plans as a consequence for bad behavior, I will follow through even if it inconveniences my wants.
I don't care how much it costs in finances, my wants, etc.
It's better to nip the issue in the bud with some world reality IMO.

Dang, did you really cancel a Dis. trip or hypothetical? No chance to redeem? We're going to be new parents and suddenly these sort of topics are interesting to me. I guess canceling a multi day trip if you live out of state and flying in vs. locals on APs would have a different impact (we'd be the former).

 

[CdnCarrie]

No. But a trip to Disney is a huge deal for us. We need to book our vacation at work months in advance, put down deposits etc.
I would take a phone away or something instead.

I guess if you live close to WDW it's not as big of a deal.

 

[Darcy03231]

No, but we did spend a day in the hotel room at Disney because they couldn't behave. It was amazing how attitudes adjusted for the rest of the trip. All I had to say for that trip and future ones is "do we need to go to the hotel to "rest"?"