I am in a bummer of a way. Kinda blue. Here's why...
First, my mom. She is 71 and lives alone in a house she's been in for 26 years. It is high maintenance and she cannot keep up. She has been having a multitude of health issues for the past few years. And she can no longer take care of her home and property. My DH and I moved away 2.5 years ago (well, DH took job in another state over 5 years ago and he commuted for 3 years while the kids and I stayed put so they could finish HS). I have had to go stay for weeks at a time to help her with things. Stayed a month when she had knee replacement 18 months ago. I take her to DR visits, do yard work, laundry and dishes, lug things she needs moved, clean things, run to dump, take her on errands...etc. When we moved we bought a townhome where the HOA maintains all outside stuff so as we didn't have to do that crap anymore and here I am driving 5.5 hours to do my mom's. She also expects me to come in for holiday meals where I shop and cook and clean up (and rake leaves and lug her Xmas decor out for her....).
I just did Thanksgiving and was sad that this was the 3rd year our DS could not be with us as he moved where we did and got a job in a hotel (as well as was going to college). I informed her that I would be cooking at MY home next year...and I'd be glad to fly her down. She replied that my brother would not be able to come (he owns a small business) and she needed to also be with her son. To which I said...yep, I ALSO need to be with MY son. She said 'Oh'. She later said she didn't want to be at my house because it's too tiny. I told her she needed to be more flexible to which she replied that no, she did NOT have to be as she put in her 71 years. She also mentions that we are the ones who moved away so we should be the ones to come to her (we also lived out of state from 1998-2007 and had to always pack up the kids and go stay for holidays then too. We lived back in town from 2007-2017). My brother, who lives about 30 mins from her, does none of the stuff to help that I do. He visited her for 30 mins about a week after she had her knee replacement. While I was wiping her butt and bathing and feeding and clothing and medicating and icing and making her do PT exercises...etc. All while doing laundry and getting groceries and cooking and cleaning and taking out trash and going to pharmacy and....
We are going to Disney for Xmas with friends. My in laws, who live near my mom, agreed to do the family Xmas on the weekend after Xmas so we can be there. My mom refuses. Says that is NOT Xmas. And my brother cannot be there as his store is open that weekend (but he closes for Xmas so that's when they will do it). I, out of frustration, snipped 'well maybe brother can cook and host for you...ha ha...good luck with that' (as we have NEVER been invited to his place for anything, ever...my mom once was for Thanksgiving when we decided to go to in laws one year...ONE time. But I never have been invited). She replied she didn't want to go to his house and she would just spend Xmas alone as she is used to being all alone like on Mother's Day and her birthday every year. Um, her 70th Bday (which is also around Mother's day) I took her and my DDs to HHI for a ladies trip....and her 69th us girls also went to Disney for her birthday and for my DDs' HS graduation trip. What the heck ...forgetful much?!?!? This past year I was not with her...this one time (I won't be next year either as I booked HHI for MY family for MY Mother's Day).
As far as all this going here and there...driving up 5.5 hours to where our family is and driving to HHI or Disney. I am tired of that too. We just drove up for Thanksgiving. Have to drive up again in less than 2 weeks to pick up my DDs from college (they go 4 hours north of our family...9 hours north of us). Will meet up at my mom's...uggg, so I will also be doing work too. I may just let them drive all the way down here. Though they have to bring old crappy car because it's due for annual state inspection this month (actually was due in Nov). I worry about them breaking down. Then we drive to Disney on the 18th and back home on the 26th where I will do a dinner with DS (who can't come to Disney...and I didn't want to go but DH pushed). Then drive up to family for in law's Xmas on the 28th. Not super stoked for this Disney trip, cannot lie. Then, DDs booked a trip with friends to run in the Disney marathon in Jan. They fly from where all our family is so... do I stay at my mom's from the 27th through Jan 11th? Or drive home and back. This also bugs me because my DH pushed my girls to go to this school instead of one in the state we now live. Because they were recruited to play ball there. They didn't REALLY want to though. I knew that. They played just freshman year and then quit.
This brings me to DH. He is, I don't know what it is but it's exhausting. We are empty nest. And he can't just chill at home. He goes to happy hour almost every week with the work guys (sometimes twice a week). On the weekend we have friends we go out with about once or twice a month. Sometimes I am busy or tired (with all the trips to family) and I don't want to go but he pushes and insists. And if we have nothing going he tries to add stuff. He bought tickets to football game and flew his parents down to go, claiming his dad really would love it. It was freezing cold that night and his dad requested we leave right after halftime and he seemed miserable. He did a hockey game with his parents and sister (I was up at my mom's for that one). We did a baseball game with his other sister and parents again, in the 100 degree sun of the day (outfield seats). He also looks to do games out of town...sometimes pretty far away. Like Tampa or Edmonton (hockey), we did Tampa in May for play-offs and NONE of his teams made it so we went for nothing. Now he is pushing Buckeyes championship game. He was also looking at a trip to NYC (in cold weather, ick). We just got in from Thanksgiving and last night he was asking about this weekend. He mentioned a work friend wanting us to watch Buckeyes play against the friend's team. I was like 'nah'. Then this morning he mentioned same work friend asked us to go to local college basketball game which in NOT any team or sport I thought DH liked. I was like 'nah'. I just want to rest and recover before heading back to deal with my mom and DDs. He also has me booking cruises, we have 3 booked. And pushes last minute trips to HHI. I just don't know what his deal is...seems ADHD or compulsive or mid-life crisis or what? But it's relentless. Admittedly, I am a homebody and would be all too happy to never go anywhere. But there has to be a happy medium and we are NOT living it.
Also, while we were up at my mom's we had to rush out of my mom's to get to his sister's to see them on Thanksgiving. We usually have ours at 4-5pm due to my brother having his shop (it's a store with a bar). And SIL always had 2pm. So my family could go there while I was cooking for our 4-5pm dinner. This year SIL changed hers to 5pm due to her son's GF working. So we moved ours to 3pm and planned to head over at 8pm (arriving at 8:30). Well, DH started to bug me before 7pm. I had to clean up, get out our dessert and clean that up. I was tired but he pushed us to go (arriving at 7;30). And good thing as most everyone left about 15 minutes after we arrived. But then, the next day, my mom went to work (yep, she retired and got little side job that she has no trouble managing ). My DDs went to visit HS friends for lunch. I raked leaves and did laundry. DH wanted us to go visit his parents. I told him to go alone so I could do what I had to do...at slow pace. Then, the last night there, my DDs left to head back to college. I had made late lunch and cleaned up. We watched some lighted boat parade from my mom's deck. I asked DH to go to bar up the street for a quick nightcap (like 6pm). He tells me 'oh yeah, I forgot to mention...my old childhood buddies and I are meeting up at such and such bar tonight'. So he left and came in at 12:30am. Keeping me on edge, not sleeping, waiting to let him in so he didn't wake my mom. Then, the next morning I had to pack up, clean the room and bathroom we used and put away sleeper sofas and throw the sheets and towels in the washer. While he slept in. Then we didn't get on road until like 10:30am. Any other time he wants on the road at 6am. Ha, not this time. Then we were tired and driving in post Thanksgiving traffic AND rain.
Long winded, I know. I'm just letting it flow out. I am so down about it all. And our dog too...he is 13+. He has been having health problems for about 2 years now. He is very high maintenance. We walk him and he is slow slow slow, smelling every blade of grass to find just the right spot. Even in the cold. He is stubborn and will only go where he wants and sometimes he'll plant himself and not go at all. He has arthritis and can't get up on bed or sofa but wants up. But he isn't allowed to jump off because he keeps hurting a disc in his back and his back leg. Then he has to go on meds...cost money and then a pain to give him on regular basis. He can't take rimidyl (makes him barf like crazy). He is on daily eye drops for dry eye. He isn't supposed to do stairs (my mom's house is ALL stairs so we have to carry him and he runs from us when we try to pick him up and he nips). He wakes through the night and scratches on the side of our bed. I get up every day around 3-5am when he scratches and bring him to living room where I lay on sofa and go back to sleep. Then DH gets up around 6am and comes out to use keurig and wakes me (open floor plan isn't always great). I also get texts from certain folks between 10pm and 12am. Why? I keep phone on and next to me because of having 2 DDs in college and our 2 mom's with many health issues. I have been setting certain folks to mute on my phone. But DDs will text for minor things...at like 11:30. I basically get 4 hours of solid sleep and that's it. And the drive to family, we take him sometimes and can't stop for a decent meal since he's in the car (and gets all anxious when we leave). So stupid fast food it is. Blech!
That's my rant. I feel better. I just dread the next 6 weeks. I wanna run away! Bah humbug!!
First, my mom. She is 71 and lives alone in a house she's been in for 26 years. It is high maintenance and she cannot keep up. She has been having a multitude of health issues for the past few years. And she can no longer take care of her home and property. My DH and I moved away 2.5 years ago (well, DH took job in another state over 5 years ago and he commuted for 3 years while the kids and I stayed put so they could finish HS). I have had to go stay for weeks at a time to help her with things. Stayed a month when she had knee replacement 18 months ago. I take her to DR visits, do yard work, laundry and dishes, lug things she needs moved, clean things, run to dump, take her on errands...etc. When we moved we bought a townhome where the HOA maintains all outside stuff so as we didn't have to do that crap anymore and here I am driving 5.5 hours to do my mom's. She also expects me to come in for holiday meals where I shop and cook and clean up (and rake leaves and lug her Xmas decor out for her....).
I just did Thanksgiving and was sad that this was the 3rd year our DS could not be with us as he moved where we did and got a job in a hotel (as well as was going to college). I informed her that I would be cooking at MY home next year...and I'd be glad to fly her down. She replied that my brother would not be able to come (he owns a small business) and she needed to also be with her son. To which I said...yep, I ALSO need to be with MY son. She said 'Oh'. She later said she didn't want to be at my house because it's too tiny. I told her she needed to be more flexible to which she replied that no, she did NOT have to be as she put in her 71 years. She also mentions that we are the ones who moved away so we should be the ones to come to her (we also lived out of state from 1998-2007 and had to always pack up the kids and go stay for holidays then too. We lived back in town from 2007-2017). My brother, who lives about 30 mins from her, does none of the stuff to help that I do. He visited her for 30 mins about a week after she had her knee replacement. While I was wiping her butt and bathing and feeding and clothing and medicating and icing and making her do PT exercises...etc. All while doing laundry and getting groceries and cooking and cleaning and taking out trash and going to pharmacy and....
We are going to Disney for Xmas with friends. My in laws, who live near my mom, agreed to do the family Xmas on the weekend after Xmas so we can be there. My mom refuses. Says that is NOT Xmas. And my brother cannot be there as his store is open that weekend (but he closes for Xmas so that's when they will do it). I, out of frustration, snipped 'well maybe brother can cook and host for you...ha ha...good luck with that' (as we have NEVER been invited to his place for anything, ever...my mom once was for Thanksgiving when we decided to go to in laws one year...ONE time. But I never have been invited). She replied she didn't want to go to his house and she would just spend Xmas alone as she is used to being all alone like on Mother's Day and her birthday every year. Um, her 70th Bday (which is also around Mother's day) I took her and my DDs to HHI for a ladies trip....and her 69th us girls also went to Disney for her birthday and for my DDs' HS graduation trip. What the heck ...forgetful much?!?!? This past year I was not with her...this one time (I won't be next year either as I booked HHI for MY family for MY Mother's Day).
As far as all this going here and there...driving up 5.5 hours to where our family is and driving to HHI or Disney. I am tired of that too. We just drove up for Thanksgiving. Have to drive up again in less than 2 weeks to pick up my DDs from college (they go 4 hours north of our family...9 hours north of us). Will meet up at my mom's...uggg, so I will also be doing work too. I may just let them drive all the way down here. Though they have to bring old crappy car because it's due for annual state inspection this month (actually was due in Nov). I worry about them breaking down. Then we drive to Disney on the 18th and back home on the 26th where I will do a dinner with DS (who can't come to Disney...and I didn't want to go but DH pushed). Then drive up to family for in law's Xmas on the 28th. Not super stoked for this Disney trip, cannot lie. Then, DDs booked a trip with friends to run in the Disney marathon in Jan. They fly from where all our family is so... do I stay at my mom's from the 27th through Jan 11th? Or drive home and back. This also bugs me because my DH pushed my girls to go to this school instead of one in the state we now live. Because they were recruited to play ball there. They didn't REALLY want to though. I knew that. They played just freshman year and then quit.
This brings me to DH. He is, I don't know what it is but it's exhausting. We are empty nest. And he can't just chill at home. He goes to happy hour almost every week with the work guys (sometimes twice a week). On the weekend we have friends we go out with about once or twice a month. Sometimes I am busy or tired (with all the trips to family) and I don't want to go but he pushes and insists. And if we have nothing going he tries to add stuff. He bought tickets to football game and flew his parents down to go, claiming his dad really would love it. It was freezing cold that night and his dad requested we leave right after halftime and he seemed miserable. He did a hockey game with his parents and sister (I was up at my mom's for that one). We did a baseball game with his other sister and parents again, in the 100 degree sun of the day (outfield seats). He also looks to do games out of town...sometimes pretty far away. Like Tampa or Edmonton (hockey), we did Tampa in May for play-offs and NONE of his teams made it so we went for nothing. Now he is pushing Buckeyes championship game. He was also looking at a trip to NYC (in cold weather, ick). We just got in from Thanksgiving and last night he was asking about this weekend. He mentioned a work friend wanting us to watch Buckeyes play against the friend's team. I was like 'nah'. Then this morning he mentioned same work friend asked us to go to local college basketball game which in NOT any team or sport I thought DH liked. I was like 'nah'. I just want to rest and recover before heading back to deal with my mom and DDs. He also has me booking cruises, we have 3 booked. And pushes last minute trips to HHI. I just don't know what his deal is...seems ADHD or compulsive or mid-life crisis or what? But it's relentless. Admittedly, I am a homebody and would be all too happy to never go anywhere. But there has to be a happy medium and we are NOT living it.
Also, while we were up at my mom's we had to rush out of my mom's to get to his sister's to see them on Thanksgiving. We usually have ours at 4-5pm due to my brother having his shop (it's a store with a bar). And SIL always had 2pm. So my family could go there while I was cooking for our 4-5pm dinner. This year SIL changed hers to 5pm due to her son's GF working. So we moved ours to 3pm and planned to head over at 8pm (arriving at 8:30). Well, DH started to bug me before 7pm. I had to clean up, get out our dessert and clean that up. I was tired but he pushed us to go (arriving at 7;30). And good thing as most everyone left about 15 minutes after we arrived. But then, the next day, my mom went to work (yep, she retired and got little side job that she has no trouble managing ). My DDs went to visit HS friends for lunch. I raked leaves and did laundry. DH wanted us to go visit his parents. I told him to go alone so I could do what I had to do...at slow pace. Then, the last night there, my DDs left to head back to college. I had made late lunch and cleaned up. We watched some lighted boat parade from my mom's deck. I asked DH to go to bar up the street for a quick nightcap (like 6pm). He tells me 'oh yeah, I forgot to mention...my old childhood buddies and I are meeting up at such and such bar tonight'. So he left and came in at 12:30am. Keeping me on edge, not sleeping, waiting to let him in so he didn't wake my mom. Then, the next morning I had to pack up, clean the room and bathroom we used and put away sleeper sofas and throw the sheets and towels in the washer. While he slept in. Then we didn't get on road until like 10:30am. Any other time he wants on the road at 6am. Ha, not this time. Then we were tired and driving in post Thanksgiving traffic AND rain.
Long winded, I know. I'm just letting it flow out. I am so down about it all. And our dog too...he is 13+. He has been having health problems for about 2 years now. He is very high maintenance. We walk him and he is slow slow slow, smelling every blade of grass to find just the right spot. Even in the cold. He is stubborn and will only go where he wants and sometimes he'll plant himself and not go at all. He has arthritis and can't get up on bed or sofa but wants up. But he isn't allowed to jump off because he keeps hurting a disc in his back and his back leg. Then he has to go on meds...cost money and then a pain to give him on regular basis. He can't take rimidyl (makes him barf like crazy). He is on daily eye drops for dry eye. He isn't supposed to do stairs (my mom's house is ALL stairs so we have to carry him and he runs from us when we try to pick him up and he nips). He wakes through the night and scratches on the side of our bed. I get up every day around 3-5am when he scratches and bring him to living room where I lay on sofa and go back to sleep. Then DH gets up around 6am and comes out to use keurig and wakes me (open floor plan isn't always great). I also get texts from certain folks between 10pm and 12am. Why? I keep phone on and next to me because of having 2 DDs in college and our 2 mom's with many health issues. I have been setting certain folks to mute on my phone. But DDs will text for minor things...at like 11:30. I basically get 4 hours of solid sleep and that's it. And the drive to family, we take him sometimes and can't stop for a decent meal since he's in the car (and gets all anxious when we leave). So stupid fast food it is. Blech!
That's my rant. I feel better. I just dread the next 6 weeks. I wanna run away! Bah humbug!!
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