....

[jt'smom]

Thanks for the comments, but would like to close thread.

 

[TeresaBelle]

It sounds like FIL needs round the clock care. What is MIL's stand on the situation?

 

[easyas123]

As I see it, your BIL has POA and is "in charge" of their affairs? Then he has a moral (legal, I'm not sure???) obligation to father, and his mother to resolve this situation safely. It's not really about the gun, it's about your FIL's inability to distinguish reality from the world his is currently inhabiting.

"my FIL insists that he is getting himself a .44 Magnum since he's legally entitled to do so in his state..."

Your husband should speak with his brother, and their mother, to discuss the next step in your FIL's care. He's obviously scared, and confused. I'm so sorry, Alzheimer's is a horrid disease and what it does to people - sufferers and caretakers, is just heartbreaking. I hope a peaceful situation can be found for him and your family.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

No. Nope. No way.

In fact, you should petition whatever state this is to prevent people with Alzheimer's from getting a firearm. It's crazy that this would be legal.

 

[OhDannyBoy]

Is his illness documented?

I know the Federal 4473 form you fill out to get you background check asks if you have ever been adjudicated as mental defective or been commited to a mental institution.

I don't know if this case would legally disqualify him, but it might.

Either way DO NOT let him get a gun if you can help it!!

 

[jt'smom]

...

 

[mjkacmom]

My dad was legally allowed to drive in the state of N.J. four years ago, but we took his car away. It took a bit to convince my mom, but we told her she’d be responsible if he injured or killed others. He was 75 with moderate Alzheimer’s.

 

[kimblebee]

Deleted at request of OP

 

[Kitty 34]

Just putting this here for later..

I was just coming here to do the "rule".

 

[DisneyOma]

Sadly, it's not a question of setting up the next step in my FIL's care. My inlaws depend entirely on their Social Security and have zero savings and no long term care insurance. But they do own their trailer and the land it's on, and when we all tried to convince my BIL a few years ago to sell the home and set them up in an apartment at least, he would not have the battle with them. They are the textbook example of no planning and no solutions. I feel bad for my BIL, but he insisted on handling everything with no input, and his plan was to assume that one of my inlaws would die, break a hip or injure themselves and they could go in a Medicaid nursing home. At this point, everyone knows my inlaws should not be living on their own and should at a minimum have some sort of in home care, but there is no money at all, and the ideal solution would be to have them move in with a family member. But the only one close is my BIL and his wife has stated in no uncertain terms that is not an option. Which I don't blame her one bit. This situation has been a real eye-opener about what really happens with the super-elderly, that is the term their doctor's use because of their ages, when they have no resources and have something like Alzheimer's. You are so right, it is heartbreaking and difficult to watch. I adore them, especially him because I lost my dad young, and my FIL is like my own dad.

Wouldn't having Alzheimer's make him eligible for a medicaid nursing home?

 

[cabanafrau]

Sadly, it's not a question of setting up the next step in my FIL's care. My inlaws depend entirely on their Social Security and have zero savings and no long term care insurance. But they do own their trailer and the land it's on, and when we all tried to convince my BIL a few years ago to sell the home and set them up in an apartment at least, he would not have the battle with them. They are the textbook example of no planning and no solutions. I feel bad for my BIL, but he insisted on handling everything with no input, and his plan was to assume that one of my inlaws would die, break a hip or injure themselves and they could go in a Medicaid nursing home. At this point, everyone knows my inlaws should not be living on their own and should at a minimum have some sort of in home care, but there is no money at all, and the ideal solution would be to have them move in with a family member. But the only one close is my BIL and his wife has stated in no uncertain terms that is not an option. Which I don't blame her one bit. This situation has been a real eye-opener about what really happens with the super-elderly, that is the term their doctor's use because of their ages, when they have no resources and have something like Alzheimer's. You are so right, it is heartbreaking and difficult to watch. I adore them, especially him because I lost my dad young, and my FIL is like my own dad.

Financial concerns have zero to do with the concern you raise about the intention to purchase a gun. Someone needs to see to it that your FIL is deemed legally incapacitated by a court so that he has no ability to legally purchase any firearms and any that he is known to own can legally be removed from his possession. Just because your BIL buries his head in the sand and you feel safe because you and yours are far enough out of firing range is no reason to allow a dangerous situation to put a lot of people at risk. Your IL's financial situation will be much worse if FIL succeeds in his efforts to procure a weapon and shoots someone.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Financial concerns have zero to do with the concern you raise about the intention to purchase a gun. Someone needs to see to it that your FIL is deemed legally incapacitated by a court so that he has no ability to legally purchase any firearms and any that he is known to own can legally be removed from his possession. Just because your BIL buries his head in the sand and you feel safe because you and yours are far enough out of firing range is no reason to allow a dangerous situation to put a lot of people at risk. Your IL's financial situation will be much worse if FIL succeeds in his efforts to procure a weapon and shoots someone.

This. The court can deny his otherwise lawful purchase of a firearm. Of course, that’s no guarantee the state will follow through and report his status to the BATF (as the state of Virginia failed to do after declaring the eventual VA Tech shooter incompetent). But, it’s a good first step.

As an aside, if you know where he plans to make his purchase, you might want to make the store aware of his status.

 

[NotUrsula]

If FIL a combat-era veteran? If so, a Veteran's Home is probably your best bet for him. IME, men tend to have a bit less resistance to Veteran's homes than they do for other facilities, because it seems so social for them at first. The good news, if he is eligible, is that there is no spend-down requirement for VA nursing home care.

Also, if he is eligible, as his wife, MIL is eligible for VA in-home nursing care benefits as well.

If all else fails and he does manage to get a gun, your BIL should go over and disable it ASAP. Removing the firing pin will work, but that's easily & cheaply fixable if your FIL still has the muscle memory to field-strip it. Filling the entire weapon with quick-set cement would probably work better.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

Just putting this here for later..

Good call.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm not going to get into the moral reasons why everyone should be involved and not blaming the BIL or just shrugging shoulders.

I will say that there a lot of options still available for people on just Medicare and Medicaid. There is at home health care that can include daily aides as well as weekly or bi monthly nurse visits. Ultimately if someone has to go to a Medicaid nursing home, things have changed and it's hardly places where people go to just lay there and die. It takes work and research and care to find the best place in the state for someone but it can be done.

I recently had to put my mother in a nursing home. She has nothing not anything at all besides $87 in her checking account. The nursing home she is in is wonderful and caring and helpful and works to keep her continuum on care steady and works on her overall health. Every single person in that nursing home is up dressed and out of their room participating in activities or sitting in the sun rooms or at least clean dressed and being treated like a valuable person.

People can find great care even with limitations of money and options but it takes work and want and bothering to do something about it instead shrugging and saying "I'm not it.."

P.S.: I hope you got the attention you wanted from the internet today

 

[kiddo76]

You need to get in touch with an elder care advocate asap if you haven't already. The Alzhiemer's Association is a good resource, as is National Council on Aging. They will help point you in the right direction to resources in his area.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Having seen the OP yesterday while I was unable to comment---I will limit myself to agreeing with Tina that it is unconscionable for other family memebers, who happen to live further away, to simply expect one other family member to shoulder the full burden and responsibilty of this.

your husband (and you) KNOW the situation is serious and dangerous to your father in law and his wife and likely other people and you are choosing do do nothing. It's easy, when far away, to put things out of your mind and let others handle the full burden of elder care, but it is not right to do so. Unlike your father in law, you and your DH have your full facualties about you to make good decisions. I hope you start doing so, for everyone's sake.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I was just coming here to do the "rule".

Ah, if only...:

Deleted at request of OP

 

[kimblebee]

Ah, if only...:

We were all being played..I should have kept it.

 

[Hrhpd]

We were all being played..I should have kept it.

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