Adoption transparency measure passes hurdle in NYS Senate

[aprilgail]

But what if your daughter wanted to terminate the pregnancy, or wanted to give it up for adoption?

I am fine with terminating - of course it is her final decision if she wanted to give it away but I would hope she would see how it effects the person given away and choose not to. At the very least I would push for an open adoption and no secrets.

 

[EMom]

I am fine with terminating - of course it is her final decision if she wanted to give it away but I would hope she would see how it effects the person given away and choose not to. At the very least I would push for an open adoption and no secrets.

So abortion is preferable to adoption? I’m so thankful DD’s birth mother didn’t think that way. You fail to realize that many, many adoptees are FINE, and not traumatized. They just aren’t the ones making noise,

 

[DopeyDame]

I'm sure lots of people here will ignore this or think it's more "PC gone awry"
but, for those who might be open to hearing it, I'd encourage you all to try to use Positive Adoption Language. Here's some suggestions: https://www.adopthelp.com/why-positive-adoption-language-matters/
Specifically, it would be better to use something like "make an adoption plan" or "placed for adoption" or something like that rather than "give away" or "give it up".

 

[LSUmiss]

I'm sure lots of people here will ignore this or think it's more "PC gone awry"
but, for those who might be open to hearing it, I'd encourage you all to try to use Positive Adoption Language. Here's some suggestions: https://www.adopthelp.com/why-positive-adoption-language-matters/
Specifically, it would be better to use something like "make an adoption plan" or "placed for adoption" or something like that rather than "give away" or "give it up".

I’m all for that, but an adoptee also has the right to view it how she/he sees it. So, if she/feels “given away” then no amount of sugar-coating language is going to fix that.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I am fine with terminating - of course it is her final decision if she wanted to give it away but I would hope she would see how it effects the person given away and choose not to. At the very least I would push for an open adoption and no secrets.

Push? I would hope you have enough consideration, compassion, and understanding to not try and sway, guilt, or influence in a strong way if that were to ever happen.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I’m all for that, but an adoptee also has the right to view it how she/he sees it. So, if she/feels “given away” then no amount of sugar-coating language is going to fix that.

I agree with the PP and with you. I do think to describe one's own feelings as given away would be different than discussing it with your daughter and using given away as a descriptor there.

I don't think most would pick that apart but if one has really strong feelings about it I can see how saying "I would hope you wouldn't give your child away" can sound way different than using the type of wording the PP made reference to.

 

[DopeyDame]

I’m all for that, but an adoptee also has the right to view it how she/he sees it. So, if she/feels “given away” then no amount of sugar-coating language is going to fix that.

Oh for sure! And I definitely take your point about not dismissing adoptee's perspectives. But "given away" sounds really dismissive of the birth parents' thought that (often, not always) goes into the process. And that phrase most typically comes from people not in any way related to the adoption triad.

 

[aprilgail]

In ten minutes NY adoptees will have the right to their original birth certificates ! https://www.health.ny.gov/vital_rec...9VAy2vTVOV7_ZzZurlH6HmiUckXhzU8hlwNz45kZIbQxI

 

[Wishing on a star]

A very bad day for so many.
A real blow to rights to privacy.

 

[Kennywood]

This is a huge mistake and here's why.

You're pregnant, alone, and realize you're unable to properly rear the child to whom you're about to give birth. You also want your privacy. What do you do? If you go to the hospital, they'll at least record your name as the child's mother. To avoid that, what are the options?

You might try to find a clinic that won't ask too many questions. Or you can give birth elsewhere and leave the baby somewhere (hopefully at a fire house or police station). The thing is, the inability to protect one's privacy could cause expectant mothers to not seek adequate medical attention when the time comes. How is this good for anyone?

 

[aprilgail]

This is a huge mistake and here's why.

You're pregnant, alone, and realize you're unable to properly rear the child to whom you're about to give birth. You also want your privacy. What do you do? If you go to the hospital, they'll at least record your name as the child's mother. To avoid that, what are the options?

You might try to find a clinic that won't ask too many questions. Or you can give birth elsewhere and leave the baby somewhere (hopefully at a fire house or police station). The thing is, the inability to protect one's privacy could cause expectant mothers to not seek adequate medical attention when the time comes. How is this good for anyone?

It is good for all the children whose identies were stolen from them when they were born- the rights to privacy and the rights to secrecy are two different things.

 

[kiddo76]

This is a huge mistake and here's why.

You're pregnant, alone, and realize you're unable to properly rear the child to whom you're about to give birth. You also want your privacy. What do you do? If you go to the hospital, they'll at least record your name as the child's mother. To avoid that, what are the options?

You might try to find a clinic that won't ask too many questions. Or you can give birth elsewhere and leave the baby somewhere (hopefully at a fire house or police station). The thing is, the inability to protect one's privacy could cause expectant mothers to not seek adequate medical attention when the time comes. How is this good for anyone?

Or tip the scales closer to them choosing to abort.

 

[EMom]

Or tip the scales closer to them choosing to abort.

To those on this thread who said they would prefer their child to abort rather than let the baby be adopted, an increased risk of abortion is no biggie. I am glad my family was never concerned/obsessed about genetics. We just love our children, no matter if they are biologically related to us or not. I know I am grateful my child's birth mother didn't abort her. My daughter is too.

I am against this law, I could support a central registry, which would allow an exchange of information if BOTH parties were interested. But to destroy a birth parent's privacy is unconscionable.

 

[QueenIsabella]

To those on this thread who said they would prefer their child to abort rather than let the baby be adopted, an increased risk of abortion is no biggie. I am glad my family was never concerned/obsessed about genetics. We just love our children, no matter if they are biologically related to us or not. I know I am grateful my child's birth mother didn't abort her. My daughter is too.

I am against this law, I could support a central registry, which would allow an exchange of information if BOTH parties were interested. But to destroy a birth parent's privacy is unconscionable.

Agreed. I know some people would think a registry wouldn't go far enough for the adopted child, but some people have very good reasons to keep their identity a secret. Giving up a baby is a very difficult, personal decision.

 

[Scoobie]

This is an interesting thread, I just found it. Can't there be a way to provide information for the adopted child without giving up the identity of the birth parent? Medical records, at least. Ethnicity would be nice. I'm all for anonymity for the birth parents, but speaking as an adopted almost 50 year old I have had serious challenges not only for me, but for my children as well. Medical records should be mandatory, dangit!

 

[superme80]

This is an interesting thread, I just found it. Can't there be a way to provide information for the adopted child without giving up the identity of the birth parent? Medical records, at least. Ethnicity would be nice. I'm all for anonymity for the birth parents, but speaking as an adopted almost 50 year old I have had serious challenges not only for me, but for my children as well. Medical records should be mandatory, dangit!

This is an interesting thread, I just found it. Can't there be a way to provide information for the adopted child without giving up the identity of the birth parent? Medical records, at least. Ethnicity would be nice. I'm all for anonymity for the birth parents, but speaking as an adopted almost 50 year old I have had serious challenges not only for me, but for my children as well. Medical records should be mandatory, dangit!

I am all for a registration with medical information. The giving up of the biological mother and/or father is a huge privacy violation.

 

[disneymom3]

It is good for all the children whose identies were stolen from them when they were born- the rights to privacy and the rights to secrecy are two different things.

So I have a question for you. If your birth mother had not had the option of privacy, and therefore, chose an abortion instead, that’s better for you?
Pretty sure most who place their infants for adoption, don’t intend to steal that child’s identity. They are trying to give them a life.

 

[aprilgail]

If your birth mother had not had the option of privacy, and therefore, chose an abortion instead, that’s better for you?
Pretty sure most who place their infants for adoption, don’t intend to steal that child’s identit

I wouldn't know then would I? If people need to give away their children then just make it an open adoption, have open contact. Don't make it seem like the child did anything wrong-it is not their fault and they deserve answers. I know people who are absolutely crushed due to issues over them being given away- seeing a grown man crying hysterically telling his story and how it effected every relationship in his life and him not being allowed to have any answers/closure is horrible. The mothers have had 18+ years to come to terms with what they did, now it is time for the children to have some answers. Now with DNA there is no hiding either way which is why all these states are suddenly allowing adoptees to have what was theirs to begin with.

 

[LSUmiss]

I wouldn't know then would I? If people need to give away their children then just make it an open adoption, have open contact. Don't make it seem like the child did anything wrong-it is not their fault and they deserve answers. I know people who are absolutely crushed due to issues over them being given away- seeing a grown man crying hysterically telling his story and how it effected every relationship in his life and him not being allowed to have any answers/closure is horrible. The mothers have had 18+ years to come to terms with what they did, now it is time for the children to have some answers. Now with DNA there is no hiding either way which is why all these states are suddenly allowing adoptees to have what was theirs to begin with.

So it sounds like you have a very negative opinion of adoption of actually think it would be preferable to terminate a pregnancy rather than have children be “given away” & feel unwanted. Unfortunately, I doubt that person you mentioned was crying hysterically b/c he didn’t have the demographic info of his mother but more he felt unwanted/abandoned or something like that. Having his mother’s info would not mean that he would ever have a relationship with her & that may be even more crushing to be rejected twice (if that’s how you view it). I admit I have viewed adoption similarly as far as the life long negative effects it can have on a child despite hearing so many ppl claim that it’s not the case. I know that’s not everyone & I’m sure it’s complicated. You keep using phrases like there is “no hiding” so if some bio mothers still want privacy b/c they feel there is some reason they need to “hide”, then I am sure there will be an increase in abandoned babies & terminations.

 

[superme80]

I wouldn't know then would I? If people need to give away their children then just make it an open adoption, have open contact. Don't make it seem like the child did anything wrong-it is not their fault and they deserve answers. I know people who are absolutely crushed due to issues over them being given away- seeing a grown man crying hysterically telling his story and how it effected every relationship in his life and him not being allowed to have any answers/closure is horrible. The mothers have had 18+ years to come to terms with what they did, now it is time for the children to have some answers. Now with DNA there is no hiding either way which is why all these states are suddenly allowing adoptees to have what was theirs to begin with.

And that is where therapy comes in. I have never in my almost 40 years EVER felt like I was "given away". My parents were very honest from the beginning about my adoption. My bio mom was an 18 year old who was completely unfit to care for a child. There is NO shame in that. Due to circumstances, my parents tried to adopt my half sister, but were unable to. I know I have another half sister out there. It too my bio mom some years to get her act together. Should she have had contact with me during those formative years? Yeah NO! It sounds like you know people who's adoptions were handled poorly. That is where therapy and possible medication comes in. There is NO shame in needing any of that. Taking away the needed and WANTED anonymity is a HUGE mistake. I personally have no need to be found. So should my info be out there for my sisters to find me? No it shouldn't. I would be so angry if anyone from my bio family just showed up and tried to contact me without my permission. I have had friends who have found their bio family no problem, others have encountered problems. I have a family. I have in laws. I do not need to find anyone else. So their "Desire" to find more family trumps my desire to remain anonymous?