Alright guys...

[Dis_Fan]

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They have quite a few drinks and the giraffe falls over, drunk. The man stumbles out to leave and the bartender says, "hey, you can't leave that lyin' around here!"

The man turns back to the bartender and says "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

 

[Feralpeg]

The 3 legged dog walked up to the gunslinger and said, "Are you the man who shot my paw?"

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Earlier this year, a Chinese family moved into my small town. The family had two twins who were both seniors in my class, Ving and Ling. Ving and his sister Ling were quiet to start off with, but eventually I made good friends with Ving. After talking to him for a few weeks he revealed to me that he absolutely abhorred his name, and that he'd do almost anything to figure out how to get it changed. I asked him what he wanted to change it to, and he said

"Lee, like Bruce Lee or something."

I was failing history at the time, and so I thought what the heck, and offered to help him in exchange for him doing my homework. Ling overheard us and chimed in, "If you do that, father will disown you as his child. That name has been in our family line for generations."

Ving never really listened to his sister though, and he still wanted to go through with the plan. The next day after school, I drove him to the town hall. After we arrived, he had gotten the name-change sheet and was scribbling down information on to it when I saw his face change. I could tell he was extremely conflicted with his choice. Tears began to stream down his face. He finally decided that he was gonna have to cancel his request, and Ling looked relieved. The receptionist let us know that there would be a cancelation fee, and handed the fee waiver to her. Suddenly, A short asian man with neon shorts, ray-bans, and an american flag t-shirt bursted into the room. Ving turned in awe and stared at the man, as tears rolled down his cheeks.

"D-D-Dad?"

With a huge smile on his face, the man ran up and embraced his son.

"Don't stop, be Lee, Ving.

Hold on the that fee, Ling"

 

[FlightlessDuck]

 

[SallySkelington]

 

[lovesmurfs]

Why does Ariel the Mermaid wear sea shells?




Because "B" shells are too small, and "D" shells are too large.

 

[lovesmurfs]

 

[SallySkelington]

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she'll Let it go.

 

[Dis_Fan]

A pirate walks into a bar wit a steering wheel on his crotch.

Bartender says "whats the deal with the steering wheel?"

Pirate says "YARRR it's driving me nuts!"

 

[goofyernmost]

 

[lovesmurfs]

In keeping with the theme:

 

[ThurlFan]

Then there was the farmer who won an award because he was out standing in his field...

 

[Domo]

A man walks into a rooftop bar and orders a pint. As he relaxes, he sees a man walk in, order "the usual", drink his drink and jump over the edge of the building!

The pint drinker is in shock, but was more surprised to see the jumper walk right back into the bar unscathed!

"The usual please", he intones, drinks his drink and JUMPS OFF THE ROOF AGAIN!

Surprise, surprise, ten minutes later and he's back again, ordering the usual!

This time, our perplexed friend approaches him and says, "You should be dead! How are you alive?!"

"Well," says the jumper, "I always order a floater coffee. They're magical here. You just float down to the ground!"

"Awesome!" our friend says. "I must try this!"

So he orders a floater coffee, jumps and falls to his death.

Back up on the roof terrace, the bartender turns to the seemingly invulnerable man and says, "You know, Superman? You're a right tool when you want to be..."