A short story. Enjoy.
---------------Alternate Sponsors for Epcot Attractions----------------
Disneys vice president in charge of Epcot park operations was mad.
"Harold, get in here!"
"Coca-Cola just dropped their sponsorship of the United States Pavilion! That's the sixth sponsor we've lost this year! What are you doing to line up new funding?"
"Well, sir, after we rejected Titleist as the sponsor for Spaceship Earth, we didn't get too much other interest...."
"But you found someone, right? A company willing to pay ten million dollars per year to put their name on a small sign tucked in an obscure corner of some mammoth pavilion?"
"Yes, sir. We have one offer...Miss Cleo's Psychic Network. She had a couple of stipulations that are giving us some trouble, though. Imagineering says they'll need three months to install credit card readers on the ride vehicles."
"Credit card readers?"
"Yes, sir. The ride is going to be $1.95 per minute, with the first three minutes free."
"IS SHE OUT OF HER...what percentage of that do we get?"
"It's a fifty-fifty split, sir. Finance has already given it the green light. The only sticking point is Jeremy Irons. He refuses to re-record the ride dialog using a Jamaican patois."
"Irons, huh? Isn't he under contract to us for one more film?"
"I believe so, sir."
"Tell him we're doing the sequel to 'Snow Dogs' and we've got Mariah Carey already cast. Twenty bucks says he's channeling Bob Marley by lunchtime."
"Very good, sir. We've also got a couple of problems with the new sponsor of the Wonders of Life pavilion."
"The Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America, right?"
"Yes, sir. They've requested a few minor changes to the Cranium Command attraction. Seems the mood swings of the adolescent boy lead character were too much for them. They want to put the child on Ritalin. And Bobcat Goldthwait's screaming has to go. They've suggested Kevin Costner."
"Bull Durham? Fantastic!"
"They prefer the Waterworld Kevin Costner, sir. Much less exciting."
"Offer the Tin Cup version. Settle on Dances with Wolves. What else?"
"Well, sir, they want to do some 'product placement' in the Making of Me film."
"Such as?"
"Not much. A couple of candles, a nice Chardonnay, and some Viagra. All very tasteful, of course."
"If they throw in enough ulcer medication for the board of directors, theyve got themselves a deal."
"Wonderful, sir. We've also received two unsolicited bids for the Test Track pavilion. Honda is offering eight million dollars per year, and their engineers guarantee 99.99% uptime of the ride system...."
"Sold! Tell General Motors were invoking the escape clause in our contract "
"...But all the ride vehicles will be replaced with electric hybrids and a top speed of 35 miles an hour."
"Thirty-five? The guests drive faster than that IN THE PARKING LOT! Who's the other deal from?"
"Toyota, sir. They're offering twenty million per year."
"Walts whiskers! Why would Toyota put up twenty million dollars to stick their name on a ride that breaks down every two hours? Aren't they concerned about their image?"
"They don't want to put their name on the ride, sir. They want to leave G.M.'s on."
And so it goes
---------------Alternate Sponsors for Epcot Attractions----------------
Disneys vice president in charge of Epcot park operations was mad.
"Harold, get in here!"
"Coca-Cola just dropped their sponsorship of the United States Pavilion! That's the sixth sponsor we've lost this year! What are you doing to line up new funding?"
"Well, sir, after we rejected Titleist as the sponsor for Spaceship Earth, we didn't get too much other interest...."
"But you found someone, right? A company willing to pay ten million dollars per year to put their name on a small sign tucked in an obscure corner of some mammoth pavilion?"
"Yes, sir. We have one offer...Miss Cleo's Psychic Network. She had a couple of stipulations that are giving us some trouble, though. Imagineering says they'll need three months to install credit card readers on the ride vehicles."
"Credit card readers?"
"Yes, sir. The ride is going to be $1.95 per minute, with the first three minutes free."
"IS SHE OUT OF HER...what percentage of that do we get?"
"It's a fifty-fifty split, sir. Finance has already given it the green light. The only sticking point is Jeremy Irons. He refuses to re-record the ride dialog using a Jamaican patois."
"Irons, huh? Isn't he under contract to us for one more film?"
"I believe so, sir."
"Tell him we're doing the sequel to 'Snow Dogs' and we've got Mariah Carey already cast. Twenty bucks says he's channeling Bob Marley by lunchtime."
"Very good, sir. We've also got a couple of problems with the new sponsor of the Wonders of Life pavilion."
"The Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America, right?"
"Yes, sir. They've requested a few minor changes to the Cranium Command attraction. Seems the mood swings of the adolescent boy lead character were too much for them. They want to put the child on Ritalin. And Bobcat Goldthwait's screaming has to go. They've suggested Kevin Costner."
"Bull Durham? Fantastic!"
"They prefer the Waterworld Kevin Costner, sir. Much less exciting."
"Offer the Tin Cup version. Settle on Dances with Wolves. What else?"
"Well, sir, they want to do some 'product placement' in the Making of Me film."
"Such as?"
"Not much. A couple of candles, a nice Chardonnay, and some Viagra. All very tasteful, of course."
"If they throw in enough ulcer medication for the board of directors, theyve got themselves a deal."
"Wonderful, sir. We've also received two unsolicited bids for the Test Track pavilion. Honda is offering eight million dollars per year, and their engineers guarantee 99.99% uptime of the ride system...."
"Sold! Tell General Motors were invoking the escape clause in our contract "
"...But all the ride vehicles will be replaced with electric hybrids and a top speed of 35 miles an hour."
"Thirty-five? The guests drive faster than that IN THE PARKING LOT! Who's the other deal from?"
"Toyota, sir. They're offering twenty million per year."
"Walts whiskers! Why would Toyota put up twenty million dollars to stick their name on a ride that breaks down every two hours? Aren't they concerned about their image?"
"They don't want to put their name on the ride, sir. They want to leave G.M.'s on."
And so it goes
