Am I justified in being creeped out, or overreacting?

It totally depends on how well you get along! If it was an amicable divorce, and you're co-parenting successfully, I'd assume helping out your mom like that is actually quite mature. But if there was any fear of him involved in your divorce, I would be unsettled by it.
You don't have to be afraid of somebody to prefer not seeing them. But the more I think about this, with the additional information the OP has given, ExH did nothing wrong. You can't ask somebody to do you a favor and then berate them for how (or when) they do it. The mom caused her daughter's problem.
 
I would be creeped out as well - I would have a sit down with both him and your mom and lay down som3 rules - that if your mom insists on him doing the yard work that it can’t be before or after certain times, and he needs to let you know when he arrives and leaves, just like a regular handyman or yard worker.

Whether or not “ he’s seen it before “ he’s not seeing it now so they both need to respect that
Exactly.
 
I don’t know your ex but if he isn’t a generally creepy or violent person, then perhaps he was being considerate in not wanting to wake you.

If mom is going to continue to ask him to do work around the house, perhaps you should consider moving?

I can tell you one thing, ex husband or not I’d have not sheer curtains on a slider that was in my bedroom. As well as a good sturdy lock or piece of wood or metal to stick into the door track.
 
I would be creeped out as well - I would have a sit down with both him and your mom and lay down som3 rules - that if your mom insists on him doing the yard work that it can’t be before or after certain times, and he needs to let you know when he arrives and leaves, just like a regular handyman or yard worker.

Whether or not “ he’s seen it before “ he’s not seeing it now so they both need to respect that

If she’s living in her moms house I don’t know how much latitude she has in telling her mom who can and can’t do chores and when they can or can’t do them. Her mom doesn’t think it’s a big deal so moving out would be in the daughters best interest now.
 


For those wanting to know why I don’t do the work myself... I am disabled. I no longer have the strength to cut up tree branches. She does not live with me (and is also disabled).

He knew the can was full because last weekend is when she asked him to do the work.

They are both very manipulative people and he can be violent if he is off his meds or drinking. That being said, I think he was just trying to be helpful. I’m ok with that, under the circumstances, I just want to know when he will be there so I can be prepared.

The divorce was amicable in that he didn’t hire a lawyer and I went out of my way to make it favorable for him. I just wanted him to go. I could have made it ugly, but my daughter is much more important to me than “revenge”.

I am moving across country at the end of next month. Starting over. Taking my life back.

I’m not being argumentative, just trying to answer the questions.

I can see how I have overreacted. I have not said anything to him about it. Letting him know I am upset with something he has done always cost me more in the end, so I just don’t go there.

Thank you for clarifying for me. I appreciate it.
 
I would be creeped out as well - I would have a sit down with both him and your mom and lay down som3 rules - that if your mom insists on him doing the yard work that it can’t be before or after certain times, and he needs to let you know when he arrives and leaves, just like a regular handyman or yard worker.

Whether or not “ he’s seen it before “ he’s not seeing it now so they both need to respect that


He was doing the OP and her mother a favor. He was polite enough to not wake the OP early, and do the chores quietly so that he didn't wake the OP.

If you want to dictate how and when work is done you either have to do it yourself or hire someone to do it.
 


I would be creeped out as well - I would have a sit down with both him and your mom and lay down som3 rules - that if your mom insists on him doing the yard work that it can’t be before or after certain times, and he needs to let you know when he arrives and leaves, just like a regular handyman or yard worker.

Whether or not “ he’s seen it before “ he’s not seeing it now so they both need to respect that

What???? It is the MOTHERS house- I don't think she has the right at all to "lay down rules" over what the mother can and can not do in HER OWN HOME.
 
I have accepted that my concerns were an overreaction, but I am not a selfish idiot trying to dictate my mother’s choices. I couldn’t begin to do that if I even wanted to, which I don’t.

I just thought there should be some boundaries, such as contacting me prior to showing up at my house. I NEVER just show up at another person’s home.

Anyway, I have since found out the reasons this all happened the way it did. He was supposed to spend today with our daughter, but wanted to be with his girlfriend instead. So, he was trying to look like the good guy to my mom (they play this manipulation game with each other... he wants dinners and money, she wants him to do stuff for her and get info out of him. Instead of acting like adults and making an arrangement, they play this game and I end up caught in the middle).
 
She may own the home, but she does not live in it. She is the landlord. There are certain expectations of privacy.

Not that this matters much, but... do you have a lease? Is any of this a violation of it? Is there language as to "if work needs done to a part of the home, 24 hours notice will be given" or anything like that?
 
Not that this matters much, but... do you have a lease? Is any of this a violation of it? Is there language as to "if work needs done to a part of the home, 24 hours notice will be given" or anything like that?
No. Initially, it was supposed to be my house (technically would become my daughter’s). After my dad died, and her friend tried to have her kick us out (while is body was still on the floor in the other room) of the house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage (long story), she decided we were just renters and it was her house. So no lease was ever signed. No agreements at all in writing. Big mistake.

It really doesn’t even matter anymore as I am moving.
 
My divorce was final in December. Last year, when I changed the locks he got pissed off that he couldn’t get into the house. I told him he needed to call before coming to the house. This hasn’t been a problem (that I know if) since that conversation.

This morning, the doorbell rings as I’m getting out of bed. Guess who it is. He dropped off something our daughter made and then proceeded to tell me that he had been in the back yard moving the shed and cleaning up beaches, filling the green waste can. Now, this is the same green waste can he said was full last weekend (when my mom asked him to clean up branches my neighbor had thrown over the fence). This week was recycle pick up, so green waste did not get emptied.

There is a slider in my bedroom that opens to the back yard and is covered with a sheer curtain. I’m not sure if I am more disturbed that I didn’t hear him in the yard doing whatever he was doing, or by the fact he was back there, without calling first, while I was sleeping. Now I am jumping out of my skin at every noise from the back yard.

Would this bother you, or am I overreacting?
You need to establish boundaries. You're divorced, so it's over. He shouldn't be doing chores at your house. Put a lock on the gate. If his disturbances continue, you might need to have your attorney do a cease and desist.

Bottom line is that your private property is your private property, and he has to respect that. I share custody, and we typically do drop-off/pick-up at a neutral location, not either of our houses. That really helps keep the boundaries in place. Dropping in just doesn't happen.

EDIT: I just read other parts of the thread & saw this is your mother's house. OP, that's the issue. Get your own place or rent from someone who won't invite your ex over.
 
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I am sure it was disconcerting to know he was in the backyard while you were sleeping. Your mother was out of line. You should absolutely have notice if anyone is going to be working in the yard. They both suck

Good for you to be moving. That will fix this issue. Good luck on your move!
 
The best way to keep someone else from doing the yard work is to get off your butt and do it yourself. When you live in someone else's house and don't do the work yourself it isn't your business really who they have do it.

When I rented a house the landlord never cleared yard work with me. They contracted it and when they showed up they showed up.
 

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