ANGELINA JOLIE, BILLY BOB THORNTON UNLIKELY TO FIND EQUALLY ICKY NEW MATES
Splitsville-bound Duo May Be Worlds Ickiest, Expert Believes
When Hollywood couple Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton decided to call it quits, showbiz observers widely predicted that the two film stars would have no trouble finding equally icky new mates.
Not so, says Dr. David Burnham, who studies the mating habits of extremely icky people at the University of Minnesota.
Once youve been married to someone as icky as Angelina Jolie or Billy Bob Thornton, finding a new mate who is on par, ickyness-wise, is a tall order indeed, Dr. Burnham says.
Dr. Burnham cites as an example Lisa Marie Presley, who divorced Michael Wacko Jacko Jackson several years ago and has yet to find an equally icky new significant other.
Shes been romantically linked to Nicholas Cage, who is pretty icky, but nowhere near as icky as Michael Jackson, Dr. Burnham says.
But another expert, Dr. Wallace Crichton of San Diego State University, says that actress Pamela Anderson is an example of an icky Hollywood person who has had no trouble finding one icky mate after another in a relatively seamless fashion.
Pam Anderson went from Tommy Lee to Kid Rock, Dr. Crichton said. Its hard to characterize that as a step down, ickyness-wise.
Dr. Burnham agrees up to a point, saying that Pam Anderson requires further study.
Just when we think we understand the mating behavior of icky people, someone like Pam Anderson comes along who calls everything we think we know into question, says Dr. Burnham, who first came to prominence for his groundbreaking dissertation on Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra.
***Borowitz Reports******
Splitsville-bound Duo May Be Worlds Ickiest, Expert Believes
When Hollywood couple Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton decided to call it quits, showbiz observers widely predicted that the two film stars would have no trouble finding equally icky new mates.
Not so, says Dr. David Burnham, who studies the mating habits of extremely icky people at the University of Minnesota.
Once youve been married to someone as icky as Angelina Jolie or Billy Bob Thornton, finding a new mate who is on par, ickyness-wise, is a tall order indeed, Dr. Burnham says.
Dr. Burnham cites as an example Lisa Marie Presley, who divorced Michael Wacko Jacko Jackson several years ago and has yet to find an equally icky new significant other.
Shes been romantically linked to Nicholas Cage, who is pretty icky, but nowhere near as icky as Michael Jackson, Dr. Burnham says.
But another expert, Dr. Wallace Crichton of San Diego State University, says that actress Pamela Anderson is an example of an icky Hollywood person who has had no trouble finding one icky mate after another in a relatively seamless fashion.
Pam Anderson went from Tommy Lee to Kid Rock, Dr. Crichton said. Its hard to characterize that as a step down, ickyness-wise.
Dr. Burnham agrees up to a point, saying that Pam Anderson requires further study.
Just when we think we understand the mating behavior of icky people, someone like Pam Anderson comes along who calls everything we think we know into question, says Dr. Burnham, who first came to prominence for his groundbreaking dissertation on Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra.
***Borowitz Reports******
I think she's awesome! I wish I could kick some serious butt like she does. And yes, I realize it's a movie. 
