Another dating discussion

amberpi

DIS Veteran
Joined
Jul 13, 2012
Who pays? If a man insists on paying, how long does that go on? How should it be done, Dis?

FTR, I always offer and have no issue going dutch. Usually at dinner if it's going to go on to drinks and the guy has already grabbed it, I'll say I've got cocktails; which I think is a nice way to handle it, even if the man then wants to get the drinks. After a few dates I try to turn to an every other time type thing. How should this go? I mean, dating is spendy after all.
 
When I was dating my husband he always paid that was typical back in then. If I wanted to pay I make sure to mention to the waiter out of hear shot of my date to let me have the check.
 


I remember dating a woman who always wanted to meet somewhere for dinner knowing full well I would pay. This went on for....well....too long. When I stopped accepting these pseudo invites (which I felt was just to squeeze me for a freebie), then interestingly she became less interested if I just offered for her to come to my home.

Back to the question, the PP's statement about reciprocating a home cooked meal shows me more of a genuine interest.
 
Who pays? If a man insists on paying, how long does that go on? How should it be done, Dis?

FTR, I always offer and have no issue going dutch. Usually at dinner if it's going to go on to drinks and the guy has already grabbed it, I'll say I've got cocktails; which I think is a nice way to handle it, even if the man then wants to get the drinks. After a few dates I try to turn to an every other time type thing. How should this go? I mean, dating is spendy after all.

After one or two dates, why not just invite each other over to your homes for dinner? I guess young people like going out to clubs for drinks but I never did, even in my twenties. I was much happier with a home cooked meal and a bottle of wine. A movie or live show once in a while. Then again I only dated guys I really liked, never dated a stranger, so my dating history and experience is limited.
 


Based on all of your questions about dating, one would assume you've never dated before.

Let him pay if he insists.


I’m starting to get the feeling those who answer are being treated like a social experiment. Lots have threads have comments like ‘you are so fascinating’ ‘I’m learning so much’.

And she has mentioned more than a few times that she has been married before, so, assumptions can be made that she’s dated before.

Just my .02
 
I remember dating a woman who always wanted to meet somewhere for dinner knowing full well I would pay. This went on for....well....too long. When I stopped accepting these pseudo invites (which I felt was just to squeeze me for a freebie), then interestingly she became less interested if I just offered for her to come to my home.

Back to the question, the PP's statement about reciprocating a home cooked meal shows me more of a genuine interest.

Lol, I hear my guy friend's complain about this all the time. I make sure not to be that woman. This is actually one area of dating I have down.
 
Lol, I hear my guy friend's complain about this all the time. I make sure not to be that woman. This is actually one area of dating I have down.

No doubt that other women I have dated since have been subjected to more scrutiny. :duck:
 
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I’m starting to get the feeling those who answer are being treated like a social experiment. Lots have threads have comments like ‘you are so fascinating’ ‘I’m learning so much’.

And she has mentioned more than a few times that she has been married before, so, assumptions can be made that she’s dated before.

Just my .02

Sometimes I want actual advice/opinions (like if people have been able to have a relationship and different politics). A lot times I'm just simply curious as to how others handle it (as is the case here). I'm not a parent, but I think hearing about the different ways people do that is super interesting too.
 
When we first started dating, he payed pretty much every time we went out. Even before we were 'dating' and were just friends. I would always offer but he would always insist on paying. Most of that time too though he had a full time job and I was at college so to be fair he could also afford it a lot more than I could haha. After a while, we just starting switching off who would pay which is how we handle it now (currently engaged with still separate bank accounts if that matters in this situation).
 
I agree that the one who suggests the date should cover.

I am a bit old fashioned, maybe, that I feel the guy should maybe start out paying, or offering/expecting to pay.

But, after a while, unless one is independently wealthy, dates might have to become less 'spendy' affairs.
And, maybe the one who makes the suggestion should expect to cover.

I think, in a good relationship, while doing things and sharing things together is important, just being able to spend time together should be the bigger priority.
 
See, these are the kinds of things I want to hear, is that common? How did you react (stop asking her out), that kinda thing.

I can't say it's commonplace, but from my perspective it certainly has me proceed with EXTREME trepidation. A woman might get 1 (one) dinner paid for by myself, but if there is interest, I now fully expect that the next invite should come from her (whether it be a home-cooked meal (high priority) or she pays for a restaurant).
 
But, after a while, unless one is independently wealthy, dates might have to become less 'spendy' affairs.
And, maybe the one who makes the suggestion should expect to cover.

I think, in a good relationship, while doing things and sharing things together is important, just being able to spend time together should be the bigger priority.

I agree, it's getting to the point you'd feel comfortable in someone's home, etc. that I'm thinking of. I would not go or offer to have a new person in my home after just a couple of dates, but that's just *me.* And not all dates are spendy, but even the "cheap" dates would start to add up. I try to be mindful of that, for sure.
 
If you are out on a date and want to pay you can always pretend to go to the rest room but instead find your waiter and pay before the check makes it to the table. This is what my husband and I do when we want to treat friends we are having dinner with but know there will be a fight for the check. Also, the home cooked dinner is a nice way to reciprocate for dinners out.
 
If you are out on a date and want to pay you can always pretend to go to the rest room but instead find your waiter and pay before the check makes it to the table. This is what my husband and I do when we want to treat friends we are having dinner with but know there will be a fight for the check. Also, the home cooked dinner is a nice way to reciprocate for dinners out.

Oh, I've got this on lockdown, I was just curious what other people's SOP was. I've done exactly this though! I've also gotten to a bar early, already ordered his drink and started a tab. I have also played the "I have tickets to x" card.
 
I agree, it's getting to the point you'd feel comfortable in someone's home, etc. that I'm thinking of. I would not go or offer to have a new person in my home after just a couple of dates, but that's just *me.* And not all dates are spendy, but even the "cheap" dates would start to add up. I try to be mindful of that, for sure.

Maybe it's because you are dating virtual strangers that you wouldn't have them to your home after a couple of dates. Certainly after a few dates you know if there is an attraction between you and if you want to take things further.
 

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