Another dating discussion

The person who invites the other to a restaurant pays. For me, this was always the man. If I would invite him to a meal at my home, then I would provide that.

If he didn't care enough to invite and pay, that said a lot.

I don't think it's in most women's best interest to make it too easy for a guy to keep things in ************* mode forever...
 
Maybe it's because you are dating virtual strangers that you wouldn't have them to your home after a couple of dates. Certainly after a few dates you know if there is an attraction between you and if you want to take things further.

Yes. I date outside of my social circle, of course, I'm very honest about what crap luck I have with love so maybe that's a poor decision...lol (if you can't laugh at yourself). If things go weird, there's no collateral damage and I had seen that so much when I got divorced I decided it seemed like a good policy. Yes, after a few dates you know, but I don't do hard and fast rules and can be slow to decide such. It would certainly be a different paradigm if I was to date a friend or someone I knew socially previously.
 
Yes. I date outside of my social circle...If things go weird, there's no collateral damage and I had seen that so much when I got divorced I decided it seemed like a good policy.
This is very true. The worst ************* situation I ever had involved a guy I knew from my church, where we were both prominent and active members. It became so unpleasant for two years as a result of this that I finally chose to leave my beloved church of 13 years. Horrible experience.

By contrast, I met my significant other of 5 years online.

When love works out among those who know each other socially or from work, it's great, I'm sure. But when it goes very wrong, it can create constant friction to the point where one person will leave that social circle, job, church, etc. to get away from it. That's why so many workplaces have rules against forming romantic relationships with colleagues.
 


I only really dated two guys. The first one, I knew fairly early on it was going to go no where. We kept going out a couple more times (he was in the Army and far away from home, so I kept seeing him because he seemed lonely). But once I realized there were no sparks, I paid for myself.

Then when DH and I started dating, he paid for everything. We went to the movies for our first date. Our second date I made him a lasagna from scratch. I was pretty smitten and already knew he was it. He would pay for our outings and I would make the occasional meal for us. We've been together since we were 20/17. I'd say it worked for us.
 
When DH and I were dating, I insisted on paying quite a bit. Or we would split it. That's just how I am. And this was 37 years ago. :) DH would've been happy to pay all the time, but he respected this was how I wanted to do it.

DD is dating now and she is the same way. If she and her BF have dinner and a movie, they each pay for one. Her current boyfriend is good about it. Her last boyfriend didn't like it and insisted on paying every time, which made her uncomfortable. He had the idea that it was his job to pay, as a guy, and he liked to brag about how much money he had, even offering DD a large amount of cash one day (when she has her own job; no surprise he is a former BF.) Oh, and DD just added that if she does the driving, which is a bit of a distance, she's fine to let him pay. Or recently they went out to dinner out of state to a place she wanted to go - he drove so she paid. They seem to work it out pretty well in a way that each is comfortable with.

I think these kinds of issues early on set the tone for the relationship.
 
When DH and I were dating, I insisted on paying quite a bit. Or we would split it. That's just how I am. And this was 37 years ago. :) DH would've been happy to pay all the time, but he respected this was how I wanted to do it.

DD is dating now and she is the same way. If she and her BF have dinner and a movie, they each pay for one. Her current boyfriend is good about it. Her last boyfriend didn't like it and insisted on paying every time, which made her uncomfortable. He had the idea that it was his job to pay, as a guy, and he liked to brag about how much money he had, even offering DD a large amount of cash one day (when she has her own job; no surprise he is a former BF.) Oh, and DD just added that if she does the driving, which is a bit of a distance, she's fine to let him pay. Or recently they went out to dinner out of state to a place she wanted to go - he drove so she paid. They seem to work it out pretty well in a way that each is comfortable with.

I think these kinds of issues early on set the tone for the relationship.

I dated a guy for a while, and he offered me money because he "knew how expensive all the clothes, makeup, manicures were." It was incredibly insulting. He was very wealthy (he made his money and was very proud of it) and I think he thought poor pitiful me (which is laughable as I'm sure you can pick up from my posts). A couple of times he told me he'd replace my car if things continued to go well. I drove a BMW (it was only a 3 series). Granted his older son who was like 16-17 had a nicer one, but jesus. Dating can be weird. Or I attract the weirdos, which let's admit is totally possible.
 


I've been married almost 21 years and only dated one person, so take this for what it's worth.

When we started dating, he paid for everything (we weren't old enough to drink, mostly went out to dinner, movies, etc.). After maybe 6 weeks or so, whichever of us had money paid if we went somewhere. Lol. We were both in college full time, living at home, and working full time jobs, so often our "dates" involved buying groceries, fixing dinner at his parents' house and renting movies whenever one was off work and one was working midnight shift. We both worked rotating evening and midnight shifts, and we both had to work a lot of weekends, so on the rare occasion that we were both off on a Saturday, we would drive a couple hours to a city with a lot of malls and things to do. Sometimes I bought things he wanted, or vice versa, and he usually bought dinner but sometimes I did. We never split the bill.
 
I dated a guy for a while, and he offered me money because he "knew how expensive all the clothes, makeup, manicures were." It was incredibly insulting. He was very wealthy (he made his money and was very proud of it) and I think he thought poor pitiful me (which is laughable as I'm sure you can pick up from my posts). A couple of times he told me he'd replace my car if things continued to go well. I drove a BMW (it was only a 3 series). Granted his older son who was like 16-17 had a nicer one, but jesus. Dating can be weird. Or I attract the weirdos, which let's admit is totally possible.
Exactly. (Not the attracting weirdos part. :p ) It was just a really weird thing to do, and presumptuous. She has her own money. That he thought she would want his money was way off. But these are the things you learn about people as you get to know them.
 
I dated a guy for a while, and he offered me money because he "knew how expensive all the clothes, makeup, manicures were." It was incredibly insulting. He was very wealthy (he made his money and was very proud of it) and I think he thought poor pitiful me (which is laughable as I'm sure you can pick up from my posts). A couple of times he told me he'd replace my car if things continued to go well. I drove a BMW (it was only a 3 series). Granted his older son who was like 16-17 had a nicer one, but jesus. Dating can be weird. Or I attract the weirdos, which let's admit is totally possible.

Damn, you almost had yourself a sugar daddy. If I could turn back time. lol
 
I don’t think it’s a good idea to talk about ex’s early on, but later on, it’s probably ok.

I would think going Dutch, at least in the beginning. After you get to know each other better, you can play it by ear, as to who pays
 
If money isnt an issue let him pay, if it is for him, keep arguing you want to pay every other date and let him keep saying no, until you win, (and do it every other date, not a split ) you have to handle the frail male ego every carefully
 
The one who extends the invitation pays.

100% true for me when I was dating. It was never an uncomfortable thing when the check came because of this.

I adhered by the "inviter pays" principle even when it came to trips. When I was dating my husband, I offered to pay for multiple trips because I wanted to go different places and have him accompany me. He only took me up on my offer for one trip, and that was our trip to Disney World. Now, once we got there he wasn't comfortable with the fact that I had paid for everything in advance (room, tickets, flights, rental car), so he ended up paying for all of our meals, which was nice, but unexpected.
 
Back in my dating daze if I wanted to pay for the bill I told the waiter, maitre d', captain off to the side and asked the bill be presented to me; same as business meals. Otherwise I'd do the "Let me pay no let me pay" dance. Don't think I ever split the bill with a date.
 
I'm another one who hsa been married over 20 years---it's been over 25 since I was in a new relationship and I was a college Frehsman then (we both were), so I don't know how well my experience translates to others, but I'll share (thinking about it, from what little I have seen, this also seems to be about the way things are going for my oldest kid, who is 21 and dating someone now---onteresting as I don'T recall ever talking about it with them):

Our first date was hiking. No cost.

I think after that we went somewhere free on campus, again no cost. We probably picked up sodas or whatnot after at fast food in the student center--I don't recall who paid, it might well have been both of us, or whoever had cash on hand, but it wasn't a big deal.
I recall searching the sidewalk for enough coins to pay for a dollar movie once when we were really broke :rotfl:(we weren't short much, found it, saw Ace Ventura---wouldn't trade those days for the world)

We were young and broke and looking to have fun together, not impress one another, so we didn't really do much that carried a cost and never really talked about it per se, but generally we split costs or went back and forth, whoever had cash paid, etc--it was all just kind of very "easy" and fair always about what WE were doing. That was the case pretty much with the people I dated before that too. I don't think I'd enjoy dating somebody where who pays wasn't something that could be easily and comfortably talked about wihtout being a big deal.
 
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When dating, my now husband always paid even if I did the asking out and offered to pay.

He still pays too... But that’s becauss he makes way more money than I do and he just always happens to be at the card reader :)
 
Who pays? If a man insists on paying, how long does that go on? How should it be done, Dis?

FTR, I always offer and have no issue going dutch
. Usually at dinner if it's going to go on to drinks and the guy has already grabbed it, I'll say I've got cocktails; which I think is a nice way to handle it, even if the man then wants to get the drinks. After a few dates I try to turn to an every other time type thing. How should this go? I mean, dating is spendy after all.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to talk about ex’s early on, but later on, it’s probably ok.

I would think going Dutch, at least in the beginning. After you get to know each other better, you can play it by ear, as to who pays

That's why all my dates were Dutch
 

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