Another relationship question

I can't imagine not being willing to give someone a chance due to their political views. There is so much more to someone than that. It's possible for reasonable people to disagree on issues...to me it's kind of scary when people are willing to summarily dismiss people who believe other than they do. That kind of black and white thinking seems pretty simplistic to me.
 
That is so true, but yet very rare!!!!
Many people live in a very 'I am right' point of view.

I can see how people who are on my 'side' politically might not agree with everything that that might be associated with that side. Or even some of the actual political persuasions.
I can also see how people who are on the other 'side' politically might agree with some of the basic viewpoints, but not everything that is associated with that side.

The thing is, that is very rare.
I think that most human beings have a hard time being objective.
They live in a kind of self-absorbed black and white world where they feel that they are, and must be, right... so others are always wrong.

I think I have a pretty good, well more than average, ability to be objective.
And, I think that other people sometimes just have no understanding of that. It is like it seems foreign to them.

Having said that, I would find that I have many philosophical and moral differences with most people who are at the far end of the political spectrum.
For me, I don't think that there would be ANY way that this would work in a marriage/relationship.

If we are to look at 'sides'.... There is one side that, basically, I feel/know is the right side.
I think it works for us because we grew up together. We didn’t really have political opinions when we started dating, that’s something we’ve both grown into.
 
I can't imagine not being willing to give someone a chance due to their political views. There is so much more to someone than that. It's possible for reasonable people to disagree on issues...to me it's kind of scary when people are willing to summarily dismiss people who believe other than they do. That kind of black and white thinking seems pretty simplistic to me.

It depends, there are some views that would absolutely be deal-breakers for me.

Having said that, It seems that often it is the ones who are always preaching understanding and tolerance who are definitely the most INtolerant.
 


I can't imagine not being willing to give someone a chance due to their political views. There is so much more to someone than that. It's possible for reasonable people to disagree on issues...to me it's kind of scary when people are willing to summarily dismiss people who believe other than they do. That kind of black and white thinking seems pretty simplistic to me.

You have to sort by sonething...religion isn't a big deal for me and it would be for some people. I always thought being with someone with a similar world view would make for a better match long term. For instance in the last 10 days 182 people on bumble liked me...I can't go out with all of them (not that theyd all ask), so you have to use some kind of filter.
 


We started dating when we were teenagers, did not have political interests and were not old enough to vote. Over the past 36 years, we've grown together and grown in the same direction.

My parents are complete opposites politically and have been married 55 years. They watch tv at night in separate rooms and discuss the weather and grandkids.
 
For me too. For me, I see many of the issues as moral/ethical. I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t share my views on the major issues.

Yes, there was one issue and another set of issues that we agree on that I view as ethical/moral issues.
 
We AGREE that the majority of politicians on both sides stink! Lol! We are politically on the same side but my DH is definitely more passionate about it while I sometimes get sick of hearing it; especially when he is having an argument with someone on the tv. That being said I think it would be a strain if we did not feel the same way about a majority of things. As far as religion we have the same faith and that is a big deal to us because it is a large part of our lives. When we first got married though I was Catholic and he was Baptist. We got married in the Catholic Church and he agreed to raise the kids Catholic. Twenty one years later and lots of conversation we now both attend the Baptist Church. I joke around and tell people I am a “Batholic “:D I will say in the beginning there was some contention between us on this issue. I am thankful that we came to a very good agreement about it and a mutual respect for one another’s beliefs.
 
I think it would be incredibly difficult to be with someone with opposite views as me.. probably impossible. I'm passionate about my values. They are part of who I am as a person. I could handle being with someone who is apolitical or just doesn't care quite as much, but passionate for opposing beliefs? Nope.
 
I can't imagine not being willing to give someone a chance due to their political views. There is so much more to someone than that. It's possible for reasonable people to disagree on issues...to me it's kind of scary when people are willing to summarily dismiss people who believe other than they do. That kind of black and white thinking seems pretty simplistic to me.
I agree. My wife is so liberal she thinks Justin Trudeau is conservative lol. :tongue: But the thing is we both understand that our thoughts and views were formed by our experiences growing up and that both are valid and have merit. So we appreciate each other for that. Thing is for us, we are to busy laughing and having fun to let something so silly get in the way.
 
It is so funny, we started our relationship on the same side of the spectrum. And we moved to the other side together.

And I think this brings up a very important point - one's views don't typically stagnate over the course of a lifetime. If I compare myself to 1988 me, my views have moved both left AND right (depending on the topic), and for many different reasons. 1988 me and 2018 me disagree on many things politically. Moral Me and legal Me disagree on many topics as well.

On another point, 54% of women identify with a particular political party while only 41% of men identify with that same party. If everyone insisted on a partner with similar views, there would be a real issue here, mathematically speaking.
 
DH & I grew up in basically the same kind of households, grew up in the Baptist faith, & went to conservative private schools.

We got married youngish (21 & 22), so both our political & religious views have evolved & grown over the years. While we started out probably exactly the same politically & religiously, I have probably grown a little more liberal than he has. However, we both have become less strict & less "black & white - this way's right/this way's wrong" about things.

We both still vote the same way (and, yes, we tell each other for whom we're voting), because there are some issues for which we're voting for or against, regardless of the candidate, if that makes sense, & the issues that are important to us lean us toward one party over the other.

So I honestly don't know if I could have a relationship w/ someone who was completely opposite me politically or not. I'd like to think I could, but I also think there are some moral/ethical issues that go beyond politics but end up being platforms. And I'm not sure I could compromise on those issues.

But, like others have said, I think the key is handling the different issues w/ respect for the other's opinions & feelings & not assuming everything about a person just because he/she is of a certain political persuasion.

And I think limiting yourself & your relationships to only people whose beliefs & politics exactly align w/ yours is doing a disservice to both yourself & the other person.

I know the current climate is to "defriend" anyone who may have voted differently than you, but that just seems so limiting & counterproductive to me. The way we come to any kind of mutual agreement is through respectfully listening to one another & learning about each other's different views. The world was not made to be one-sided, & we become so much more layered & nuanced as people when we take the time to listen to & learn from other views that may be different from ours. And, in relationships, I would think 2 people having different views & beliefs, but being respectful of each other, would only make the relationship more richly layered.

That said, religion for me would be harder. I knew a guy in high school, & he liked to be opinionated & argumentative about everything just for shock value really. He's been married now for over 20 years, & he & his wife have a child. When he & his wife were first married, they were both the same religion & held the same beliefs. Within the last few years, he's changed his core beliefs. As his wife, I would have a hard, hard time w/ something like that. You get married thinking one thing about a person, &, years into the relationship, the person completely changes & starts believing differently than you. That would be hard.
 
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