Another relationship question

[Grmnshplvr]

I guess you can only say that if you are on one side of the fence. If you are on the other that is grounds for all kinds of name calling lol. Diversity is either good or it's not. Fascinating.

Diversity is great and we have plenty of it in my family, diversity helps us learn and grow. I just seem to have a better time with the ones that have similar beliefs to mine. I'm not even sure its because of their political beliefs, they just are more fun and happier to be around.

and I think you can tell by the responses here, MOST people do want to be around others with similar views..and, no name calling.

 

[Dancind]

Married 30 years, and have always voted opposite of each other. Morally and philosophically we have middle ground, just registered to two different parties. We agreed to disagree, always have gone to the polls together, and just didn't talk about politics.

Until, you know, the past year or so. I'm happy to say my husband agrees with me about the current administration. If he were adamantly opposite, we would have a huge problem. At this point, I think he might even switch parties. Shh, don't tell him I said that.

The best part is, he has stopped declaring that the two parties "are exactly the same". That really stuck in my craw.

I will say that as a smart, independent woman, you will have a hard time eventually if your man doesn't agree on the most basic level about women's rights.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I guess you can only say that if you are on one side of the fence. If you are on the other that is grounds for all kinds of name calling lol. Diversity is either good or it's not. Fascinating.

hmm, I have a pretty diverse set of friends---and yet we do all have similar ethical (which also leads to politcal) views. like minded people doesn't mean same ethnicity or income bracket or age or gender or religtion or or or and we can even have a fair amount of diversity of opnions in many regards.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I will say that as a smart, independent woman, you will have a hard time eventually if your man doesn't agree on the most basic level about women's rights.

If you're speaking about the OP I would agree knowing bits and pieces of her life.

But as a general comment it depends on what that woman's viewpoint is to begin with. Not all women agree uniformly on women's rights truthfully.

 

[amberpi]

I will say that as a smart, independent woman, you will have a hard time eventually if your man doesn't agree on the most basic level about women's rights.

This was my deal breaker issue. Also, he has a biracial child and was married to someone of a different race, so no casual racism, or other "isms."

 

[amberpi]

If you're speaking about the OP I would agree knowing bits and pieces of her life.

But as a general comment it depends on what that woman's viewpoint is to begin with. Not all women agree uniformly on women's rights truthfully.

This is very insightful. Women's rights isn't really something you can easily agree to disagree on in an intimate relationship.

 

[Dancind]

If you're speaking about the OP I would agree knowing bits and pieces of her life.

But as a general comment it depends on what that woman's viewpoint is to begin with. Not all women agree uniformly on women's rights truthfully.

Didn't say she was pro or anti, don't personally know her. I have seen posts and perceive her as a bright, independent woman. I specifically said it's important that a couple agree, wherever they may fall on the spectrum. I married a man that is just fine with a strong woman, and has never tried to assign me to any roles. Despite his political party.

 

[amberpi]

Didn't say she was pro or anti, don't personally know her. I have seen posts and perceive her as a bright, independent woman. I specifically said it's important that a couple agree, wherever they may fall on the spectrum. I married a man that is just fine with a strong woman, and has never tried to assign me to any roles. Despite his political party.

Well, that just made my day. Thank you.

I think you are dead right, and I think @Mackenzie Click-Mickelson was saying the thing. There are some issues that you kinda need to be on the same page about, regardless of political affiliations. There are, for instance, plenty of Dems who don't support abortion and Reps who are fine with it; or the death penalty, etc. But some of those as a couple you need to have an understanding of.

 

[GreatLakes]

I couldn't tell you a single person my wife voted for in any election though I do knows he always votes. Politics isn't something we really discuss much at all and neither of us are super passionate about politics. If I really think about it I don't care what politics a significant other has but I wouldn't stay too long with someone who gets overly involved in it. I have no desire to spend much time or effort on the subject.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Didn't say she was pro or anti, don't personally know her. I have seen posts and perceive her as a bright, independent woman. I specifically said it's important that a couple agree, wherever they may fall on the spectrum. I married a man that is just fine with a strong woman, and has never tried to assign me to any roles. Despite his political party.

Right but what I was saying is that some women do believe they have specific roles in life for example or they do believe in differing women's rights--we're all different people too even though we are women. Most would still consider themselves intelligent and independent (whether we perceive them to be or not). All the point is is that you agree on that or that you can respect the differing views.

For instance:
If the person you are romantically involved with views a women's role is ___ and you agree with that because you feel that way too then that's fine.

If the person you are romantically involved with views a women's role is ___ and you don't agree with them you may find yourself in a difficult position where it may not work out.

I've got a friend who I have known for years who truly believes her lot in life is to be behind her husband and religion has a lot to do with and how she was raised--she is not equal to her husband, she is behind him and her kids are behind her. She's strong, she's intelligent and very driven in life. But she's been married to a man for over 10 years at this point who she has 5 kids with and they both see eye to eye on that subject. Do I agree with her? Not at all. I want to be my husband's equal and stand next to him but not behind him. But they agree and so it works for them.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

DH and I share many of the same political views, but not all. As long as we can have a respectful conversation about it, it's fine. I can respect peoples' views that differ from mine, as long as they can reciprocate; if they can't, I just don't go there. But that wouldn't include my husband.

Like other people here have mentioned, my political views, and to a degree, my husband's, have evolved over time. I share views from both parties about various things, but starting out, when I was younger, I was more one sided. As I matured, my perspective broadened. DH is more one sided. We both hate the political climate we have now.

As for religion, we're pretty much on the same page. We also have the same work ethic, share similar goals in life, both love our home, our families and animals, etc., all things important to both of us. We always laugh that the two biggest things we argue about are driving (his!) and food (he's passionate about his food, gets cranky when anyone messes with his, lol) - both relatively minor issues in our lives.

I think we recognized when we met that our backgrounds are pretty similar, and we liked that about eachother. Our personalities are different, though (another running joke - I enjoy meeting people and my family will often find me deep in conversation with someone I just met; DH, on the other hand, used to have a bumper sticker that said, "Do I look like a freakin people person?" ). We each have our own hobbies and interests, and get to spend time doing those as well as things we both enjoy together. We are both close with our kids.

 

[Colleen27]

I guess you can only say that if you are on one side of the fence. If you are on the other that is grounds for all kinds of name calling lol. Diversity is either good or it's not. Fascinating.

That's a leap. Diversity is great... in a neighborhood, in a community, in a school, in a social group, in a workplace, in reading habits and television viewing, in life in general. I love diversity. But when it comes to someone I am going to spend every day of my life with, live with, and raise children with, a certain level of commonality in matters of basic worldview is important.

 

[smiths02]

I am an independent, so I can pretty much see the point and consider the merits of most people's political views, sans extreme left or right. My biggest "political talk" pet peeve are people who are so far to the left or right that they can't see the faults in their party or candidate (and every candidate has faults). That being said, I generally don't care to spend time in the presence of people who are that stubborn and obtuse- it almost always carries over to other parts of those kind of people's lives and views, so I guess a romantic relationship wouldn't work out anyway.

My biggest pet peeve is the ones who find faults that don't exist, not based in reality. I try to stay neutral on FB, etc., so it irks me when I see something that is obviously false or really irrelevant (how fat someone is or how attractive a candidate is). My mom and DH's family are on totally opposite ends so I have seen the most outrageous stories about all candidates.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

My biggest pet peeve is the ones who find faults that don't exist, not based in reality. I try to stay neutral on FB, etc., so it irks me when I see something that is obviously false or really irrelevant (how fat someone is or how attractive a candidate is). My mom and DH's family are on totally opposite ends so I have seen the most outrageous stories about all candidates.

Oh, I know! I feel like that every time I watch the political news networks! Fox and MSNBC are the worst, IMO, for "finding" issues that are not issues. It's so outrageous sometimes.

 

[georgina]

I have very strong political views, so no, I would not want a long term relationship with someone who feels differently. One of my siblings and my DD are married to people who belong to opposite parties, but they are fairly moderate and we simply don't discuss politics. I wouldn't be speaking to either if they had voted a certain way in the last presidential election though! Hoping that is non-political enough to keep me out of dis trouble!

I do have many friends who have opinions different from me, and we avoid political discussions also.

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

I just stumbled upon this thread... haven't read every post, but did read all of yours, @amberpi.

I used to have the same thought as you started with: no way I'd want to be involved with someone I disagreed with politically! Then I met my husband in my late 20's.

What I found mattered was that we agreed on KEY ISSUES that were most important to us. There were places where I aligned with my party on an issue that was really important to me, and it happened to be one where he broke with his party. And vice versa. And for quite a few years now, I've considered myself an independent. I just can't get with either party extreme these days -- I agree with both on different issues.

I'd say we're each moderately into politics. We debate occasionally, but still align on the most important issues. We keep those debates on FACTS... not easy to come to given the state of media these days, but we work at it if we're going to bother to debate it.

I see way too often how many people write people off because they don't agree politically -- whether over friendship, relationships, colleagues, etc. Such a waste, IMO. Sounds to me like you're on the right track!