Anyone feel like they're not "keeping up with the Jonses"?

[Captainkidd76]

Had a weird feeling this weekend. My wife and I have been pretty fortunate with our careers. Certainly not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but we're able to live decent lives, go on a couple of vacations per year. That's always been me. Vacation with my wife and kids has always come first. I mean, we pay our bills and have little to no debt in terms of credit card bills, but neither of us has what we should in our 401k and our savings is really just enough for a rainy day or if we were to need some income for a few months. My attitude has always been "Enjoy life while you can. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed." But as I'm starting to get older, I'm getting the itch to have more money in the bank. The thing is, I don't know if I even know why. Just because other people do? I guess it's possible my priorities are changing and I'm having a tough time trying to satisfy those needs with the needs to travel and do all sorts of fun stuff with my kids.

I don't know. Maybe just a rant. Maybe mid-life crisis.

 

[soccerdad72]

I try not to pay any attention to the Jones' overall

 

[5kidsmommy]

My husband goes through this same thing. I swear it's partially midlife crisis. Now that most of our kids are out of the house he's looking to the future. We've also lost a few friends over the past few years since we are now into our later 40's. So he is looking towards the future and stressing about it. I just think it's a natural part of getting older.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, maybe it’s time to set up a meeting with an upfront fee financial advisor? We are in our early 50’s and have a 401k, IRA’s and I honestly don‘t know what else because DH is a FA, but last I saw we have at least a high 6 figure nest. We are very middle class, no credit card debt, but don’t vacation every year or have nice things.

 

[Christine]

Had a weird feeling this weekend. My wife and I have been pretty fortunate with our careers. Certainly not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but we're able to live decent lives, go on a couple of vacations per year. That's always been me. Vacation with my wife and kids has always come first. I mean, we pay our bills and have little to no debt in terms of credit card bills, but neither of us has what we should in our 401k and our savings is really just enough for a rainy day or if we were to need some income for a few months. My attitude has always been "Enjoy life while you can. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed." But as I'm starting to get older, I'm getting the itch to have more money in the bank. The thing is, I don't know if I even know why. Just because other people do? I guess it's possible my priorities are changing and I'm having a tough time trying to satisfy those needs with the needs to travel and do all sorts of fun stuff with my kids.

I don't know. Maybe just a rant. Maybe mid-life crisis.

Well, I'm not so sure your post is about "keeping up with the Joneses." Saving for retirement is not about that at all, unless of course, the Joneses are your friends and they have "oversaved."

Just based upon my own experiences, most people around me have not saved nearly enough to retire. I participate in another site's retirement forum to get some ideas (I'm in my 50s) and it's quite appalling the amount of people who get two years, say, from retirement, and they have saved very little and now they are scared.

Probably most of us have that moment where the kids get older and you get older and you start thinking about how you will likely afford 30 years of living. Once my youngest graduated from college in 2018 and moved and I realized that retirement is within 10 years for me, I kind of got scared.

There is a problem with NOT living at all and oversaving. Then there is the problem of sacrificing your retirement for the wants of today. I have been a "max" saver for retirement since about my early 40s. Before that, I did what I could. Some years, no, we didn't go on a Disney-level vacation because I would not be able to save enough to do so.

I can't really answer your question as to if you are really in any trouble with your level of savings and to do more would seem like competing with others. But I don't look at "saving" as "keeping up with the Joneses." I think NOT saving is doing just that.

 

[RangerPooh]

DH also goes through this from time to time. We try to maintain a balance between trips and money for the future.

I also try to not focus too much on the Joneses otherwise I get discouraged and frustrated.

 

[Captainkidd76]

Well, maybe it’s time to set up a meeting with an upfront fee financial advisor? We are in our early 50’s and have a 401k, IRA’s and I honestly don‘t know what else because DH is a FA, but last I saw we have at least a high 6 figure nest. We are very middle class, no credit card debt, but don’t vacation every year or have nice things.

Good idea. I think if we really start buckling down, we could get our nest up higher. I guess it's all about finding a happy medium between being responsible and having fun.

 

[SaintsManiac]

Funny to see this thread today. My daughter had a couple of friends over Saturday for the first time. Our house is MUCH smaller than these kids' homes. We don't have a pool. We don't live in a fancy subdivision. I admit I was feeling weird at first, but as I thought about it more I realize I don't care anymore.

Keeping up with the Joneses means something different to me. I think everyone around our area is trying too hard, overpaying for huge houses they don't need, driving fancy cars on these terrible roads. Same people who can't seem to get over how many times we go to Disney.

Everyone has different priorities. We have savings. We have 401k savings. We are now down to one income, so we decided not to trade in our car, not to renew our Disney APs, etc.

Sometimes I panic about "retirement" and the "future," but I could get hit by a bus when I leave my house in a little while, so there's that. I still save what I can. Shop deals when I can. Maximize CC rewards, etc. Saving money is NEVER a bad thing.

 

[Hikergirl]

Had a weird feeling this weekend. My wife and I have been pretty fortunate with our careers. Certainly not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but we're able to live decent lives, go on a couple of vacations per year. That's always been me. Vacation with my wife and kids has always come first. I mean, we pay our bills and have little to no debt in terms of credit card bills, but neither of us has what we should in our 401k and our savings is really just enough for a rainy day or if we were to need some income for a few months. My attitude has always been "Enjoy life while you can. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed." But as I'm starting to get older, I'm getting the itch to have more money in the bank. The thing is, I don't know if I even know why. Just because other people do? I guess it's possible my priorities are changing and I'm having a tough time trying to satisfy those needs with the needs to travel and do all sorts of fun stuff with my kids.

I don't know. Maybe just a rant. Maybe mid-life crisis.

I don't consider doing the responsible thing by saving money as keeping up with the Joneses.
I consider the opposite- spending what you make, or more than you have in order to own or do things that you think everyone else is.
I would chalk it up with getting older and having a more mature attitude about "tomorrow". It isn't guaranteed, but you still need to prepare for the odds of you being here for many many more.

 

[LSUmiss]

Had a weird feeling this weekend. My wife and I have been pretty fortunate with our careers. Certainly not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but we're able to live decent lives, go on a couple of vacations per year. That's always been me. Vacation with my wife and kids has always come first. I mean, we pay our bills and have little to no debt in terms of credit card bills, but neither of us has what we should in our 401k and our savings is really just enough for a rainy day or if we were to need some income for a few months. My attitude has always been "Enjoy life while you can. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed." But as I'm starting to get older, I'm getting the itch to have more money in the bank. The thing is, I don't know if I even know why. Just because other people do? I guess it's possible my priorities are changing and I'm having a tough time trying to satisfy those needs with the needs to travel and do all sorts of fun stuff with my kids.

I don't know. Maybe just a rant. Maybe mid-life crisis.

Don’t know your age, but my dad was like that & then suddenly got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at age 62 & died w/in 3 weeks of the diagnosis. So, I’m still very much of the mindset of tomorrow is not guaranteed. The money in the bank didn’t do him any good. My sister & I got the $, but we would much rather have had our dad.

 

[tzolkin]

I think your post is about exactly the opposite of "keeping up with the Joneses". To me, that means spending all your money to keep up appearances (house, cars, lifestyle, vacations, etc); looking like you're doing well financially but not having any extra saved.

In my experience most people are doing what you're doing and NOT saving enough for retirement.

But as I'm starting to get older, I'm getting the itch to have more money in the bank. The thing is, I don't know if I even know why. Just because other people do? I guess it's possible my priorities are changing and I'm having a tough time trying to satisfy those needs with the needs to travel and do all sorts of fun stuff with my kids.

I think you're fooling yourself or in denial if this is what you really think. I can't imagine that you possibly believe that the only reason to have some emergency money and savings for retirement is "just because other people do"/keeping up with the Joneses. If you really don't know why, here are just a few reasons: so you don't have to take out credit card debt if a large purchase or medical emergency comes up, so you're not in financial ruin if one (or both) of you lose your jobs for an extended period of time, so you can actually retire when you would like to, so you don't have to rely on your kids to take care of you when you're older, general peace of mind/stability.

 

[mjkacmom]

Don’t know your age, but my dad was like that & then suddenly got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at age 62 & died w/in 3 weeks of the diagnosis. So, I’m still very much of the mindset of tomorrow is not guaranteed. The money in the bank didn’t do him any good. My sister & I got the $, but we would much rather have had our dad.

My dad got to stay in his home after my mom died instead of going into a nursing home due to his savings. My grandmother lived until 91 and for more than the last 10 years of her life, was able to hire a caretaker. I’d rather live somewhat modestly and not worry about affording things like healthcare when I’m older, or have to depend on my kids. I’m not eating the cat food.

 

[China Expat]

It's all about balance. I am sixty and have enough cash to go three years without work, plus a decent 401 K. We have spent the last 27 years showing our son the world instead of buying stuff; these experiences cannot be traded for anything. I was diagnosed with early stage cancer in August and have no income this year; thank goodness I saved for that rainy day. I plan to ramp up our travel even more once my treatment is over. We are all one step away from a scary medical diagnosis, accident, job loss, etc.

 

[Disney Ron]

I hate the Joneses.

 

[RamblingMad]

I hate the Joneses.

Yeah. I just watched again the movie the Joneses. Love it.

Ideally, by middle age, your investment income should throw off enough cash to cover any vacation you want. If not, go camping. I’m spending less than $100 for my camping trips this year.

 

[ashley0139]

I don't think you understand what "keeping up with the Joneses" means.

 

[Captainkidd76]

Yeah, I worded it incorrectly. I really never think about what other people have in terms of luxuries, and certainly don't go out of my way to show off. Not that I could.

 

[RamblingMad]

I don't think you understand what "keeping up with the Joneses" means.

It comes off the tongue better than conspicuous consumption.

 

[Captainkidd76]

I don't think you understand what "keeping up with the Joneses" means.

I do, but didn't word it correctly at all. Definitely not concerned with the Jonses. More like comparing myself to others in terms of savings and retirement and if I'm not doing enough. Don't care at all about appearances.

 

[brockash]

Had a weird feeling this weekend. My wife and I have been pretty fortunate with our careers. Certainly not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but we're able to live decent lives, go on a couple of vacations per year. That's always been me. Vacation with my wife and kids has always come first. I mean, we pay our bills and have little to no debt in terms of credit card bills, but neither of us has what we should in our 401k and our savings is really just enough for a rainy day or if we were to need some income for a few months. My attitude has always been "Enjoy life while you can. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed." But as I'm starting to get older, I'm getting the itch to have more money in the bank. The thing is, I don't know if I even know why. Just because other people do? I guess it's possible my priorities are changing and I'm having a tough time trying to satisfy those needs with the needs to travel and do all sorts of fun stuff with my kids.

I don't know. Maybe just a rant. Maybe mid-life crisis.

The reason why would be so you can live more comfortably...especially as you get older, have more medical issues/bills and possible retirement. Do you want to ever retire? Would you physically and mentally be able to do your job your whole life? Do you plan on paying for things like college, weddings etc. for you kids? Do you have plans or are you prepared in terms of if something were to happen and you needed to take a long period of time off work?

Everyone has different answers and priorities in terms of their finances. You just need to be realistic and honest with yourself about where you're at, what the potential future could hold and how you plan to spend the rest of your life.