At what age is it no longer appropriate for kids to be pantless when company is over?

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Sorry if it came across that I felt all little girls should wear shorts with nightgowns or even shorts with skirts and dresses. That's not my opinion at all. We have DD do it because, up until recently, she would play without the understanding of her underwear showing. This allows her to still play as she wants while still being modest and not flashing her underwear around. I by no means feel all girls should have to do so. When she sleeps, she's allowed to sleep however she wants and she sometimes will sleep without shorts if it's hot. In her room, she can be however she chooses and she has full privacy to do so. She also understands that she likes to do cartwheels and play on the swing and trampoline and stuff where dresses will fly up and now wants to wear something underneath.

Not all parents are the same and that's okay.
The context helps a lot. Before the way I was reading it sounded like a general comment towards nightgowns and wearing shorts underneath. However with your added information sounds like the shorts under a nightgown was done for a specific reason due to activities your daughter would do. Thanks for clearing that up as that makes more sense to me now :)
 
Sorry if it came across that I felt all little girls should wear shorts with nightgowns or even shorts with skirts and dresses. That's not my opinion at all. We have DD do it because, up until recently, she would play without the understanding of her underwear showing. This allows her to still play as she wants while still being modest and not flashing her underwear around. I by no means feel all girls should have to do so. When she sleeps, she's allowed to sleep however she wants and she sometimes will sleep without shorts if it's hot. In her room, she can be however she chooses and she has full privacy to do so. She also understands that she likes to do cartwheels and play on the swing and trampoline and stuff where dresses will fly up and now wants to wear something underneath.

Not all parents are the same and that's okay.
My DD is the same way. I buy her white bike shorts to wear under her dresses, so she can run and play free without fear of her underwear showing.
 
You allow your 12 year old daughter to be in a shirt an undies when you have guests? I can't even imagine a 12 year old that would be comfortable begin only in undies with mom and dad let alone uncles, cousins, etc.

Different families are comfortable with different levels of nudity.

Many do not consider close family members to fall under the category of "guests". I would think most people have different rules for household members, close family, and guests. If my teenagers are comfortable being pants-less in our home with immediate family, it doesn't bother me. Everyone is fully clothed if we have guests in our home "We are having company; make sure you put some pants on before you come downstairs" is a normal phrase in my house.

Personally, I think it's odd that you can't possibly imagine a tween/teen may be comfortable being without pants in their own home with their parents. To me, that seems perfectly normal.


Jeez I need to get my life sorted out. I hate clothes & rarely am I ever in pants, especially at home. No joke, I have this condition where I take all my uncomfortable clothes off as soon as I get home. Perks of no visible neighbors. ;)
Also, how do you sleep in clothes? Like seriously what am I gonna do when I have kids? They're probably never gonna wear clothes either.

We all sleep naked. Our kids have turned out fine. :upsidedow
 


I have two daughters aged 16 and 11. They wear bikinis and small clothing (especially the older one). However there is still no way either one of them would want to walk around the house in just their underwear with their older brother and father around let alone other relatives or guests.

Just curious, why? Mine feel much more "exposed" in a bikini than in an oversized t-shirt with underwear (essentially a baggy but short dress).
 
I’ve got a quick question for those who think 5 year old boys should wear pants all the time. Out of curiosity, should girls wear pants/shorts under dresses?

Is this a double standard? Is the pant less boy okay if his shirt is hanging down to his knees cause it’s two sizes too big?

Is the 12 year old girl okay if her T-shirt hangs down to her knees?

I have a 12 year old girl (13 next month) and she still wears shorts under all her dresses/skirts. Always has from the time she was born (although I guess the “shorts” were just called diaper covers in the beginning).
So, no. In MY opinion, it’s my ya double standard-both genders should have on shorts/pants.
 
I read through this entire thread Saturday afternoon, and I’ve slept since then and have a terrible memory, so someone please correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this the gist of it?

Dressy family dinner at technically grandma’s house (even if it’s across the yard/3 foot fence) in plain view of multiple neighbors houses.

Everyone else in nice “church” clothes.

Great-Aunt from out of town visiting.

5 year old boy who was told on a previous day to 1) put on pants and 2) not pee in the flowerpot is again not wearing pants.

Aunt who is close and comfortable with the boy tells him to put on pants after he ignored his uncle. Then dad tells him the same thing.

I really don’t see the issue with anything the OP said/did, and when I brought this up with my sisters last night, they didn’t either. Obviously, all families have different dynamics, but we all agreed that the biggest issues were the boy not respecting his uncle/aunt and doing what he was told and then mom not keeping to what they had told him to do (not just the uncle/aunt/dad on this day, but also dad/mom on a precious day).

As far as the original question-what age should they not be pant less in front of company? My PERSONAL opinion is never. I have more modesty than normal probably, but I can’t imagine ever having allowed my child to run around without a shirt or without bottoms. As a point of reference, look up come child pornography laws. When we went to get the 12 month photos (granted, it WAS ~12 years ago), we wanted the baby sitting in a bucket without a shirt picture and were told we would have to schedule it before the 1 year birthday because to do so afterward would be breaking the law. Now obviously pictures are different than real life, but I still think it’s a valid point. Kids should be fully dressed in public not just because it’s the respectful and socially acceptable thing to do, but because of some sickos out in the world, and an open backyard is out in public.
 


Just curious, why? Mine feel much more "exposed" in a bikini than in an oversized t-shirt with underwear (essentially a baggy but short dress).
I don’t know why, I just know that I don’t see them wandering around the house in a bikini or underwear. They have no problem wearing a bikini at the pool or beach. My sixteen year old daughter sometimes likes to wear questionable clothing (meaning too little of it) and I’m guessing the baggy t shirt covers a heck of a lot more then some things she wears however she always has some kind of bottoms on over her underwear when she’s wandering around the house.
 
I read through this entire thread Saturday afternoon, and I’ve slept since then and have a terrible memory, so someone please correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this the gist of it?

Dressy family dinner at technically grandma’s house (even if it’s across the yard/3 foot fence) in plain view of multiple neighbors houses.

Everyone else in nice “church” clothes.

Great-Aunt from out of town visiting.

5 year old boy who was told on a previous day to 1) put on pants and 2) not pee in the flowerpot is again not wearing pants.

Aunt who is close and comfortable with the boy tells him to put on pants after he ignored his uncle. Then dad tells him the same thing.

I really don’t see the issue with anything the OP said/did, and when I brought this up with my sisters last night, they didn’t either. Obviously, all families have different dynamics, but we all agreed that the biggest issues were the boy not respecting his uncle/aunt and doing what he was told and then mom not keeping to what they had told him to do (not just the uncle/aunt/dad on this day, but also dad/mom on a precious day).

As far as the original question-what age should they not be pant less in front of company? My PERSONAL opinion is never. I have more modesty than normal probably, but I can’t imagine ever having allowed my child to run around without a shirt or without bottoms. As a point of reference, look up come child pornography laws. When we went to get the 12 month photos (granted, it WAS ~12 years ago), we wanted the baby sitting in a bucket without a shirt picture and were told we would have to schedule it before the 1 year birthday because to do so afterward would be breaking the law. Now obviously pictures are different than real life, but I still think it’s a valid point. Kids should be fully dressed in public not just because it’s the respectful and socially acceptable thing to do, but because of some sickos out in the world, and an open backyard is out in public.
Yes you got the scenario right.
 
Seriously? So, OP is not in charge of the child but deserves the blame for the child's behavior?

Not the kids behaviour, but yes people do have an effect on how people treat them.

Just as you say no one is getting hurt by a kid wearing just underwear, no one is getting hurt by telling the kid to put on pants.

Well debatable, no one is being physically hurt.
But a I would think the sister was pretty upset with her sister trying to undermine her and cause a fight between her and her husband, the husband was probably pretty pissed off and the kid was likely pretty confused.
All avoided if the OP had minded her own business.

Everyone seems to be ignoring that the father wanted the little boy to wear pants and told his son to as well...
Only after he was backed into a corner by his sister in law, the dad had not told the kid at any point prior that evening, and I think if he really cared he would have dealt with it before other people felt the need to do so.

Kids like to play one parent off the other
Seemingly so does the OP
 
When we went to get the 12 month photos (granted, it WAS ~12 years ago), we wanted the baby sitting in a bucket without a shirt picture and were told we would have to schedule it before the 1 year birthday because to do so afterward would be breaking the law.

I'm thinking they sold you a load of BS with this. I had that same photo taken of DS 22 at almost 2 years old and no one batted an eye.
 
I'm thinking they sold you a load of BS with this. I had that same photo taken of DS 22 at almost 2 years old and no one batted an eye.

Perhaps, but my sister wanted the same picture at a different photographer, different state a few years later and was told the same thing. In any case, the companies were probably practicing what most people do nowadays and being overly cautious, which isn’t always a bad thing....
 
I don't care whether it was appropriate of the OP to address the child about putting on pants, or not. I'll answer the question that was asked - certainly when there is company of any kind at the house. If you want to let your child be pantless or run naked through the house when you are alone - that's your business, but be respectful of your guests.
 
I have thought about this and tried to come up with some agreement or sympathy or understanding for the way the OP handled this.
Looked for any justifications. (as some others have tried)
And, I still just can not...

I do not find that, repeating, exactly, verbatim, what the mother says/has said is, in any way, 'back-talk'.

I also do not find a weekend outdoor, backyard, meal to be any kind of occasion, even if it did happen to be on a Sunday, and many were wearing church attire. To that kid, that was probably just another weekend in their own yard.

The OP's description of both of the above details seems very one-sided, and tells me a lot.

The OP continues to try to justify, judge, and vilify, and interfere in this other family. To try to make request and discipline a child, while BOTH parents are present. And then, even continue to disagree with the parent(s).
Over an issue that, I myself, would find almost inconsequential.
And, I can not see any valid reason or justification.

I am also now noticing, again, that it wasn't the OP addressing her sisters young child, but it started with her husband, an in-law, addressing his wife's sister's child. I don't mean to open up another can of worms... but, I think that might matter as well. I know that some sisters are very very close... But, I am trying to picture one of my sisters husbands giving my child orders, while I and my husband are right there. And, I certainly can't even begin to imagine my husband doing such a thing.
 
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I'm thinking things changed in 21 years since your child was a baby.

Much more stringent child protection practices are in place, especially after 2002.

There’s absolutely nothing in law about taking a picture of male children without a shirt. Swim team pictures are a great example. Maybe individual studios don’t want to take certain pictures but a topless boy is never considered pornography (and again you can run down any street in America for a jog without a shirt as a male)
 
Well debatable, no one is being physically hurt.
But a I would think the sister was pretty upset with her sister trying to undermine her and cause a fight between her and her husband, the husband was probably pretty pissed off and the kid was likely pretty confused.
All avoided if the OP had minded her own business.

According to the OP, her sister was a little bit miffed when it happened, but seemed to be over it by the next day... So it doesn't sound like she was all that upset about it, or for very long. Frankly, it seems people on this thread seem far more upset than the OP's sister.

Second, no body here knows exactly why she was upset. For all we know, she may have just been having a rough day. She may have been em arrassed that her son wasn't listening and rather than admitting that, tried to excuse his behavior so everyone wouldn't think it was the kid just not listening. It seems possible that she may have wanted to try to cover for the kid considering it appears he is having issues at daycare, etc and not too many family members are willing to babysit him. Maybe she was upset about the OP saying something, but the point is, we don't know exactly what she was thinking.

To assert that the OP was intentionally trying to undermine her and cause a fight between her and her husband sounds rather far fetched. OP has indicated that the father had previously (as in, at other dinners), told the boy to put on pants. By OP asking the boy to at this dinner, it would seem she could have been following his lead from previous dinners and trying to help out. I really don't think OP was trying to be malicious in asking a 5 yr old to put on pants before an outside dinner.

Nothing has been said to indicate that the father of the boy was in any way pissed off by the OP telling his son to put on pants.

Only after he was backed into a corner by his sister in law, the dad had not told the kid at any point prior that evening, and I think if he really cared he would have dealt with it before other people felt the need to do so.

IP has said that the dad has, at prior dinners, told the kid to wear pants. I don't see how he was in any way backed into a corner. It sounds like he overheard his kid telling OP no and came over to back her up because he felt his kid should be wearing pants as well. Maybe he had already told the kid to put on pants that day, maybe he just got home and hadn't noticed, maybe he was distracted prior- who knows. It seems like he was definitely on board with his kid wearing pants though.

Seemingly so does the OP

Again, that seems rather accusatory. Telling her sister that her (sister's) husband asked the boy to put on pants is helpful so that she knows the kid was already told to do it by his other parent. Making a parent aware of these things helps to prevent parents from getting played off one another. You seem to think OP was standing there giggling with glee that her sister and BIL disagreed about something.

But, I am trying to picture one of my sisters husbands giving my child orders, while I and my husband are right there. And, I certainly can't even begin to imagine my husband doing such a thing.

That's really something that just depends on the situation. First, it sounds like when OP's DH told the kid to put on pants that neither of the parents were right there. She said they were taking food out for dinner so I'm guessing people were kind of in and out. It sounds like the dad overheard OP telling the kid that his uncle told him to put on pants and stepped in to back her up.

Also, my DH has told my nephews to do things plenty of times, sometimes when their father was there. Likewise, my nephews' mom and her boyfriend (whom I've only met a handful of times) have both told my kids to do things when I've been right there. Sometimes parents just don't happen to notice what's going on and at least in my family, some requests are simple enough that there's no need to have the parent be the middleman when asking a kid to do something. Putting on clothes is one of those things that we wouldn't pull the parent aside out of hearing of the kid to ask them to tell their kid to do. We'd just directly ask the kid to do it, same as asking them to help out with something or take off muddy shoes before going in the house (even if it wasn't our house), or to wash their hands before dinner. All of those are innocent enough requests and shouldn't need to go through a parent. OP (and her DH) weren't asking the kid to get in a car with a stranger or do something harmful. They asked the kid to put on pants.
 
I was assuming that this kid was simply stating the thing as he understood it... That he did not think that, according to his parents (mom in specific, and maybe dad too) that he had to wear additional clothing.

Oh he knew pants were required while eating at DMums table as it has been stated that DMum (his grandmother) send him home to put pants on if he shows up without pants/shorts or PJ bottoms on in the morning. DSis just assumed his was getting dressed, not that he had been sent to do it by DMum.
 
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