Babysitting... Price increase/schedule conversation has not come up... should I just wait and see?

[cluvsdisney]

Even though this has all be an informal arrangement until now, it's ok to say this doesn't work for you any longer. Since you haven't said no, they just keep asking more of you. But if you don't want to pick up the third day, you have to tell them. It's not unreasonable to ask for a set schedule and a certain pay rate. Don't worry about what happens with the other babysitter or what they do while paying you to watch their kid/s - that's their business. Good luck!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I agree, the other child care arrangements, and whether they might need/want child care on days that one or both of them might be off is not really of your concern.

Having said that... If you are indicating that there will be two young infants/children under 24 months of age, and they are juggling them around between two different, possibly part-time, situations, at their personal convenience. That does tell me a lot about this couple, and what they are hoping/expecting of you. And, yes, that is a factor here.

 

[mjkacmom]

OP, even for unlicensed home care, you are currently underpaid for those hours. You should be getting at least $5 an hour, $40 for 8 hour days, $80 with the baby included. If you don’t have a regular weekly schedule, it should be higher (dd16 gets around $12 an hour, but will take even $8 an hour if it’s a regular gig she can count on, she watches kids at their homes).

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

OP, You need to be very, VERY, upfront here.
Yes, it sounds like this couple are depending on your kindness.
HOWEVER.
Not just one, but TWO, infant toddlers, more than once or twice a week is, very simply, not a 'kindness'.
That is a real job, a real responsibility, with real job expectations, and work, involved.

I would let them know that you want to clarify things on this child care.
And, to be honest... I am not getting the vibe from you that you really and truly want, or are 'up for' this job.
If that is the case, be objective and honest with yourself, as well as them.

I am thinking about the idea of 'let's do this a few times on a trial basis'.
These are young children, and I am assuming that the parents have jobs with some real work requirements.
I would want to be respectful of their needs to have more available and committed child-care set up for their young children.
I would not assume that it would be easy, or even possible, for them to find adequate child care for an infant and a young toddler right away.
They need to know NOW.

In fact, if they heard you say that 'Maybe, if we give it a few days and it works out...' the reason you have not heard back from them is because they are actively looking to set up other arrangements.

As a parent, I can tell you that when it would come to my young infant child/children, 'maybe' would not be good enough.

I do love working with newborns/toddlers and I have in the past in a daycare setting so its not that.
There are just underlying things that make it harder such as the constant schedule changes and they often say one time and then don't come on time and don't notify me that they will be late to drop off or pick up.
Not knowing the hours until the evening before also makes it hard for me.
I like a schedule because that's just how my brain operates. They are more go with the flow.
I can see its not a great fit but at the same time I know and they know I provide the care that they want and well at this point I love the first child as though she were my own niece so its become more than a "job".
The thing is they are not actively looking for someone else. They have as much as said that they wish I were the more permanent sitter but they need my flexibility which the other person can't provide.
This is why I'm in a pickle because I feel like I cannot become as rigid as the other person or they are going to find themselves needing someone and not having someone.
Just yesterday she gave me dates for December. I could do them all.
Then a little while ago she texted me and asked if I could switch one of those days already. Luckily I could but what if I couldn't? I'd feel bad. Should I? No but I would.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

There is another complexity to this which is that they have 2 sitters.
The one that was supposed to be the more permanent one often wants to switch up the schedule which switches up my schedule of watching her and with work and babies I think the mom has a hard time keeping all the switches straight.
I think that makes me feel bad and agree to more because the other sitter seems to take them for a ride.

I do love working with newborns/toddlers and I have in the past in a daycare setting so its not that.
There are just underlying things that make it harder such as the constant schedule changes and they often say one time and then don't come on time and don't notify me that they will be late to drop off or pick up.
Not knowing the hours until the evening before also makes it hard for me.
I like a schedule because that's just how my brain operates. They are more go with the flow.
I can see its not a great fit but at the same time I know and they know I provide the care that they want and well at this point I love the first child as though she were my own niece so its become more than a "job".
The thing is they are not actively looking for someone else. They have as much as said that they wish I were the more permanent sitter but they need my flexibility which the other person can't provide.
This is why I'm in a pickle because I feel like I cannot become as rigid as the other person or they are going to find themselves needing someone and not having someone.
Just yesterday she gave me dates for December. I could do them all.
Then a little while ago she texted me and asked if I could switch one of those days already. Luckily I could but what if I couldn't? I'd feel bad. Should I? No but I would.

Are you sure the other sitter is "rigid" and "taking them for a ride," or are the parents just inconsiderate and the other sitter refuses to be a pushover?

 

[cluvsdisney]

How about looking at it like this?

They don't feel bad about leaving you hanging or changing their schedule without telling you. They tie up your personal time because they don't have the courtesy of keeping you informed of what's going on and what their childcare needs are for their own child. I can be like you in that I would feel bad but then I get to the point where it's frustrating to me and decide it's ok for them to be frustrated too. After all, they are the one with the problem and you are trying to help.

 

[Wishing on a star]

They have as much as said that they wish I were the more permanent sitter but they need my flexibility which the other person can't provide.
This is why I'm in a pickle because I feel like I cannot become as rigid as the other person or they are going to find themselves needing someone and not having someone.
Just yesterday she gave me dates for December. I could do them all.
Then a little while ago she texted me and asked if I could switch one of those days already. Luckily I could but what if I couldn't? I'd feel bad. Should I? No but I would.

OP, IMHO, none of what you just described is okay. Not okay.
Like I said, looking at these parents and how they view their infant's child-care is a very important factor.
You are not 'in a pickle'... THEY are the parents... THEY are the ones in a pickle.

The two posts above are right.

You are trying to be too nice.
You seem to be a 'pleaser'.
But, the writing is on the wall.
Being a family friend does not mean that you have to subject yourself to be their on-call help. for their sole convenience. They should never, ever, even ask. (does not seem that you ever offered or indicated that you would like to be available for more days/hours)

They are looking at you as a huge, huge, pushover so that they can avoid the expense and requirements and imitations of more reliable organized full-time child care options.
They are being unreasonable, pressuring you to give up your personal time, full time, to meet THEIR needs.

PS: Not being on-call is not 'being rigid'.

I would try to schedule a good in-person conversation with these parents.
I put the word 'try' in bold, because it seems that try is the operative word here.

 

[scrapquitler]

I watch a now 17 month old girl usually 2 times per week and sometimes 3 times per week.

Since they found out they were having a second child they wanted me to watch both of them.
At the time I said I'd have to watch them both a couple times before I could commit.

Since then no conversation has been had about what a pay increase would look like.

Also I've watched the first child 3 days per week on a number of occasions even though the first time I did it I expressed it was more of a "if you absolutely need me" offer and so I would like to reestablish the no more than 2 days per week if I'll be watching both because I have found that at times 3 days per week with just one can become overwhelming when I have her for 9-10hrs each day.

They are the type that kinda keeps everything a "surprise" so I do think that they realize I will want a pay increase.

Should I just wait and see what happens with that part of it?

Also at what point should I express that I only want to watch them 2 days per week?
Next week when I have the first child 3 days?
More like when she is discussing dates that would include the second child?

BTW the second child is 2 weeks old and mom is headed back to work this week but will be taking the second child with her. I believe I am expected to start watching the second child the first week of the new year.

The reason I find it hard to bring up these conversations is because we are also family friends so I don't want things to feel awkward.

I think you need to have a conversation with them BEFORE you start watching the second child and decide what the schedule and pay will be. It will be a lot more awkward later if you are assuming there will be extra pay and they are assuming there will not, so lay it out ahead of time.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

OP, IMHO, none of what you just described is okay. Not okay.
Like I said, looking at these parents and how they view their infant's child-care is a very important factor.
You are not 'in a pickle'... THEY are the parents... THEY are the ones in a pickle.

The two posts above are right.

You are trying to be too nice.
You seem to be a 'pleaser'.
But, the writing is on the wall.
Being a family friend does not mean that you have to subject yourself to be their on-call help. for their sole convenience. They should never, ever, even ask. (does not seem that you ever offered or indicated that you would like to be available for more days/hours)

They are looking at you as a huge, huge, pushover so that they can avoid the expense and requirements and imitations of more reliable organized full-time child care options.
They are being unreasonable, pressuring you to give up your personal time, full time, to meet THEIR needs.

PS: Not being on-call is not 'being rigid'.

I would try to schedule a good in-person conversation with these parents.
I put the word 'try' in bold, because it seems that try is the operative word here.

Agreed!

I paid $25 a day for my two school-aged kids to be picked up from school by the sitter at 3pm (she was already picking up her own son, so it wasn't an extra trip), take them home to her house and have them do their homework, DS (7-8 years old for those two years) would play with her son because they were BFF"s in school, and DD, who was 8-10 years old, would help Ms. S with the two babies she cared for until I came at 5pm. And THAT was a bargain! After school care everywhere else here is $7-10 an HOUR.

I only babysat for family or close friends in my home, and my niece would try to take advantage of me with her 2 year old son - changing the schedule, not communicating when she needed me, not paying, showing up at my door at all hours with him for me to watch so she could go party with her friends, asking me for rides then not being awake when I got there in the morning, etc. I put my foot down, laid the ground rules, and held her to them. She couldn't hold up her end of the deal, so she started having someone else watch her son. Fine with me!

Funny thing is....Fwd 9 years and now DH and I have guardianship of him. And she has not changed one bit. She is supposed to pick him up every weekend, and we never know what's going on until the now-11 year old mentions that his mom is on her way.

My point is.....you have to stand up for yourself because it sounds like the parents won't!

 

[mousehockey37]

I do love working with newborns/toddlers and I have in the past in a daycare setting so its not that.
There are just underlying things that make it harder such as the constant schedule changes and they often say one time and then don't come on time and don't notify me that they will be late to drop off or pick up.
Not knowing the hours until the evening before also makes it hard for me.
I like a schedule because that's just how my brain operates. They are more go with the flow.
I can see its not a great fit but at the same time I know and they know I provide the care that they want and well at this point I love the first child as though she were my own niece so its become more than a "job".
The thing is they are not actively looking for someone else. They have as much as said that they wish I were the more permanent sitter but they need my flexibility which the other person can't provide.
This is why I'm in a pickle because I feel like I cannot become as rigid as the other person or they are going to find themselves needing someone and not having someone.
Just yesterday she gave me dates for December. I could do them all.
Then a little while ago she texted me and asked if I could switch one of those days already. Luckily I could but what if I couldn't? I'd feel bad. Should I? No but I would.

You need to toughen up or stop altogether based on this post.

As more has come out, you've got yourself set up for failure. You don't have contracts. You don't have a plan. You're letting THEM set your schedule. As I and others have pointed out, this isn't just a random "hey, can you watch the kids for an hour or two". This has turned into a job. A job that you should probably be collecting and reporting taxes and such on, but that's something for another time. If you're unlicensed, you may want to look at getting licensed. If something happens with the family friend and they're not "friends" anymore, you could be staring down the barrel of quite a lawsuit. Just sayin.

Again, I'll emphasize that the more you have "feelings" for this line of work, the more clouded your judgement will be. You said there's another sitter. Well, they've apparently set their terms and this is why the friends are coming to you. They know they've "got" you as far as timing and pay. Part of your contract needs to read that no changes to hours can be made after X:00pm the day/night before and that if they do it anyway, even if you CAN'T do it, you still get paid. Ya know, kinda like a cancellation policy at a doctor's office.

OP, you gotta stand up for yourself. Again, you've gone from "helping" and making a few bucks, to basically having a business (which should start being legally reported and taxed) and if you aren't thorough with what you're doing, you're gonna get burned. Ask other sitters what their contracts and rules look like. Get an idea of what the pay in your area should be. Get your stuff together because without any legal documents or backbone (not trying to be mean here), these family friends are gonna use you for all they can and then some.

 

[wgeo]

This situation seems like it could south very fast.

I would strongly recommend getting something in writing - even if you didn't call it a "contract" But you need to protect yourself and stand up for yourself more. From what we've been told here, these people are using you and abusing your good will. They are keeping you on retainer to use whenever they feel like it and they are underpaying you. I would never agree to watch the second child (which is oodles more work to have 2 than 1) without first carefully discussing the pay. Also - are they trying to do this under the table? Will there be taxes paid on this? That really needs to be clarified, because if you are not declaring it as income, but they are declaring it as child care credit expenses on their taxes things could get sticky if you were audited. I know that they are friends, I have watched my friends babies in the past, but you need to sit down and have an honest business conversation and then you need to put in writing what was decided.

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

So what are your thoughts on "pregnancy brain"?

I asked what time for tomorrow and she said 9-5:30, Leaving at 5 but if there's traffic I'll text you right away.

I thought about it and started to recall 9 months ago and earlier that that would be the type of response I'd get and then I remembered that back then she generally kept in better communication with me especially about timing. She'd come on time and if she was running late she'd tell me.

It was difficult to remember that through my frustration until I got that kind of response from her today.


Now I'm wondering if it was more due to the pregnancy than a lack of treating me well.

I think I'll find out in the coming weeks.

Also notice how that time frame is much more reasonable?

I think a conversation about pay and hours may be much less awkward if I feel like she's treating me more like I should be treated.

 

[mom2rtk]

So what are your thoughts on "pregnancy brain"?

I asked what time for tomorrow and she said 9-5:30, Leaving at 5 but if there's traffic I'll text you right away.

I thought about it and started to recall 9 months ago and earlier that that would be the type of response I'd get and then I remembered that back then she generally kept in better communication with me especially about timing. She'd come on time and if she was running late she'd tell me.

It was difficult to remember that through my frustration until I got that kind of response from her today.


Now I'm wondering if it was more due to the pregnancy than a lack of treating me well.

I think I'll find out in the coming weeks.

Also notice how that time frame is much more reasonable?

I think a conversation about pay and hours may be much less awkward if I feel like she's treating me more like I should be treated.

If you think pregnancy brain is bad, wait until you get sleep deprived mother of 2 small children brain.

You need to be sharing your concerns with her instead of telling us here.

 

[EveDallas]

Babysitting out of your home usually comes with a rate of $5 an hour here, compared to $12+ an hour if the sitter comes to your home. People use in home daycare vs. licensed centers or nannies to save money, it’s much cheaper (I’m assuming the OP isn’t licensed). If I was caring for someone’s child while they worked, and she was expecting another child, I’d assume she’d need care for that child, as well. Therefore, if I didn’t want to watch the second child, I’d let the parents know so they had time to find another sitter for the two kids.

$5 an hour?? That's not even minimum wage. Teenagers slinging fries make more than that.

 

[wgeo]

So what are your thoughts on "pregnancy brain"?

I asked what time for tomorrow and she said 9-5:30, Leaving at 5 but if there's traffic I'll text you right away.

I thought about it and started to recall 9 months ago and earlier that that would be the type of response I'd get and then I remembered that back then she generally kept in better communication with me especially about timing. She'd come on time and if she was running late she'd tell me.

It was difficult to remember that through my frustration until I got that kind of response from her today.


Now I'm wondering if it was more due to the pregnancy than a lack of treating me well.

I think I'll find out in the coming weeks.

Also notice how that time frame is much more reasonable?

I think a conversation about pay and hours may be much less awkward if I feel like she's treating me more like I should be treated.

My thoughts are you are trying to be too nice and make excuses for her, when your primary responsibility should be to yourself, not to be subject to her beck and call. This is a JOB - you are not just being nice and helping someone out, this is a JOB and it should be treated respectfully as such.

 

[luvsJack]

One of the reasons I never did in home child care are the very issues you are having. It's too easy for parents to think "well she is home anyway, won't matter so much if I am late or don't give exact times".

You say she already gave you the dates for December. Is it 2 days a week or 3?

Since you have already agreed through December, I would just tell them that we need to have a conversation before going into the new year. Make it as soon as possible in case they do need to make other arrangements.

Ask them what are the intentions with the new baby.

Let them know that while you enjoy keeping their child and that you love her, you can't continue for the amount they are paying. And have amounts to give them that you are willing to keep just the one child for and how much for two.

If you are comfortable with them giving you the days for a month a couple of weeks in advance, continue doing it that way. But if you need something more set, like Tuesday and Thursday of each week, tell them that. There is nothing wrong with doing it the way it's being done as long as you are comfortable with that arrangement.

I don't think they are trying to take advantage of you, they are just following what you have agreed to. Obviously the agreement needs to change.

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

Beyond next week the rest of the weeks are 2 times per week.
Next week I was only supposed to do 1 day but turned into 3 once she got the go ahead to go back to work.
I don't plan to agree to suddenly watching 3 days per week either.

 

[EveDallas]

OP, I get what you're saying about loving the child. I have a little boy that I watch on a fairly regular basis. He was in my daycare room as an infant so I've known him since he was six weeks old. He's 15 months now, and I ADORE him. For the past several weeks, I've been watching him 8-9 hours every Saturday while his mom works. I get paid $100 per day for this. Normally, I charge $15 an hour to sit but am giving her a discount since she provides food for my lunch. I would be very sad if his mom suddenly decided not to use me anymore, but I believe strongly in getting paid what I'm worth for my time and his mom agrees. I really think these people are playing on how much they know you love the child and are taking advantage of you.

 

[anniemae]

I think you need to sit down and really work things out. If it is not going to work with you, they need to start interviewing people who can work with them. It sounds like they need someone more flexible, or they need to really tighten up their schedule with you and have set hours. If the two vs. three days is deal breaker for you, then they will have to find someone else. I'm with you OP, I would need a more rigid set schedule, but some people are fine with the loosey goosey approach.

 

[Pooh2]

If you are watching a child regularly in your home and you don't have a written contract with the parents that's not a good thing. You need to get a contract written up and have them sign it.

Completely agree with the above statement.
I did home daycare for about 5 years when my kids were little.
It started with a neighbor asking me to watch her little one. Nothing was put in writing.
The mom was difficult and inconsiderate of my time and family.
The second family that I took care of, a written list of expectations was agreed upon.