Being interrupted

[emer95]

I'm hoping to get some ideas of how to deal with this tactfully. A friend of mine is a big interrupter. She has always been this way, but I feel like it's getting worse. Either that or I'm just losing patience.
We get together for lunch or dinner about twice a month. She has a lot going on in her life, so our conversations are pretty one-sided. I don't mind listening to her or being a sounding board. However, I've had some tough things going on too, but when I start to talk about them, she interrupts me. Sometimes it's to ask questions, assault-rifle style, before I'm even done talking. "Did you do this? You should do that. Why didn't you say this?" Etc.
Or, she'll interrupt me to say that the same thing happened to her, but worse! And then the conversation gets steered, once again, to her.
I'm not good at being direct, and she's extremely sensitive. I don't know how to bring this up. I wish I could say, "Just let me finish," but I know it will hurt her feelings. I've tried to just continue talking, but it doesn't deter her and we end up talking over each other at the same time. It must seem comical to people around us.
It has gotten to the point where I dread getting together, and I've been finding excuses. She told me that she feels like I never call her or try to make plans, which is true.
Any advice?

 

[Mizzoufan]

I wouldn't say anything. This seems like small battle that would be not worth fighting to me. If you are going to say something I'd send an email to her and explain how you feel. So that way you can get it all out.

 

[low-key]

Quote the great Poet Bob Dylan to her

Bob Dylan
"Positively 4th Street"

You got a lotta nerve
To say you are my friend
When I was down you just stood there grinning
You got a lotta nerve
To say you gotta helping hand to lend
You just want to be on the side that's winning

You say I let you down
You know it's not like that
If you're so hurt why then don't you show it
You say you've lost your faith
But that's not where it's at
You have no faith to lose and you know it

I know the reason
That you talk behind my back
I used to be among the crowd you're in with
Do you take me for such a fool
To think I'd make contact
With the one who tries to hide what it don't know to begin with

You see me on the street
You always act surprised
You say, "How are you? Good luck."
But you don't mean it
When you know as well as me
You'd rather see me paralyzed
Why don't you just come out once and scream it

No, I do not feel that good
When I see the heartbreaks you embrace
If I was a master thief perhaps I'd rob them
And though I know you're dissatisfied
With your position and your place
Don't you understand it's not my problem

I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
And for just that one moment I could be you
Yes I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is to see you

 

[Skippy918]

I think you can mention it, because chances are if she's interrupting you, she could be doing it to others. She may not realize she's interrupting because her brain could be working so fast thinking about the next thing to say and she's not actively listening to you.

 

[DisneylandDarling]

I had a friend like that... key word there is had! Obviously, there was more than just interrupting but it seems to go hand-in-hand with other annoyances that make a friendship crumble.

She would always say "that's okay because...." Example: My cousin just had a baby girl last week! Her name is Kas..... Then she would interrupt to say, "That's okay because my cousin had twins a month ago". Why??? Always one-upping, always interrupting.

 

[smokeyblue]

I have two coworkers that do this and it's really annoying. It creates a lot of animosity among everyone because one of the is a one-upper/brown-noser and the other one knows everything. I've tried talking to the one-upper about his behavior and he told me "everyone hates the best". So, yeah I don't have any good advice!

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I'm hoping to get some ideas of how to deal with this tactfully. A friend of mine is a big

Hey have you seen game of thrones?

 

[sasywtch]

I hate to admit this but I am an interrupter. I also may bring it around to me (not sure) but I'm not a one upper. I don't realize I'm doing it, I think I'm keeping the conversation going. Bad social skills. I did have one friend tell me, I was ticked at the time but after awhile I appreciated what she told me. I would explain how you feel, after all as a friend you should be able to. If she gets angry, it's on her.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I have a friend who also does that. She doesn't bring the conversation around to herself, she just kind of slips in her own agenda until I'm totally off my original subject. For example I'll say something like, "I was at my parents' house last night and" she'll cut in, "Did your dad end up seeing the doctor about his toe?" I'll say, "Yeah he did, but anyway, I was talking to my mom and she told me" and she'll say, "What did the doctor say?" And I'll say, "Oh it's not infected and should heal by itself. So anyway my mom saw this article about" and she'll say, "Are your parents still trying to sell their truck?" I'll say, "No they sold it. So the article was about dizzy spells and I thought of your mom. Is she still having dizzy spells?" She'll say, "No not anymore. Who did they find to buy the truck?" And it will just go on from there. It's like I'll say something that triggers her to think of something related. Instead of holding her topics until I'm done, she'll just start blurting out her questions while I'm talking. My DH sometimes does the same thing. It can be exhausting to get through a conversation with these people because you're constantly stopping, attending to their agenda, and trying to get back on track! I've pointed it out to DH before, and he says he'll forget what he wants to say if he doesn't say it right away. I haven't pointed it out to my friend. I just deal with it.

 

[mummabear]

I hate to admit this but I am an interrupter. I also may bring it around to me (not sure) but I'm not a one upper.

I am mummabear and I am an interrupter.

I too don't realise I am doing it, I work really hard on not doing it.

OP you may enjoy DDs favourite joke
Knock Knock
Whose there
Interrupting cow
Interrupt....
MOO

 

[scrhsa]

I'm an interrupter. I didn't realize I was until a friend pointed it out. I wasn't until I married my husband. He's a talker. I guess I had formed the habit because if I didn't interrupt with my husband I'd never get to say anything. I try to catch myself when I do interrupt and I always make sure I apologize when I do and try to steer the conversation back to the original topic. I always seem to have friends/family that always dominates the conversation. But that could be because of my my personality. I really don't like attention on myself so I guess they pick up on that and run with it . It does get frustrating but I just roll with it.

 

[emer95]

Hey have you seen game of thrones?

No, why?

 

[emer95]

I have a friend who also does that. She doesn't bring the conversation around to herself, she just kind of slips in her own agenda until I'm totally off my original subject. For example I'll say something like, "I was at my parents' house last night and" she'll cut in, "Did your dad end up seeing the doctor about his toe?" I'll say, "Yeah he did, but anyway, I was talking to my mom and she told me" and she'll say, "What did the doctor say?" And I'll say, "Oh it's not infected and should heal by itself. So anyway my mom saw this article about" and she'll say, "Are your parents still trying to sell their truck?" I'll say, "No they sold it. So the article was about dizzy spells and I thought of your mom. Is she still having dizzy spells?" She'll say, "No not anymore. Who did they find to buy the truck?" And it will just go on from there. It's like I'll say something that triggers her to think of something related. Instead of holding her topics until I'm done, she'll just start blurting out her questions while I'm talking. My DH sometimes does the same thing. It can be exhausting to get through a conversation with these people because you're constantly stopping, attending to their agenda, and trying to get back on track! I've pointed it out to DH before, and he says he'll forget what he wants to say if he doesn't say it right away. I haven't pointed it out to my friend. I just deal with it.

Luv Bunnies, I swear we have the same friend! The scenario you wrote out is exactly what happens if I try to say anything! I almost always give up and just let her lead the conversation. You're right, it is exhausting. It's really bothering me lately, probably because I'm going through some hard things and I feel like I can't even begin to confide in her.

 

[emer95]

I had a friend like that... key word there is had! Obviously, there was more than just interrupting but it seems to go hand-in-hand with other annoyances that make a friendship crumble.

She would always say "that's okay because...." Example: My cousin just had a baby girl last week! Her name is Kas..... Then she would interrupt to say, "That's okay because my cousin had twins a month ago". Why??? Always one-upping, always interrupting.

Yes! It's not just the interrupting, but the one-upping. Not even about good things, but almost like her life is so much worse than anyone else's. Kind of bizarre.

 

[emer95]

This is why I love message boards. Y'all are such great listeners!

 

[Happyinwonerland]

When you're having conversations, do you pause and let others contribute? Maybe your friend isn't so much interrupting to draw attention to herself, but just trying to get a word in somehow. I have a few people in my life that just talk and talk and talk and I admit to interrupting because otherwise I would have to sit there silently for an endless amount of time. So, while your friend may have some things to work on, you might look at yourself as well and try to pace your conversations, leaving plenty of openings for them to contribute.

 

[anniemae]

Interrupter here too! LOL!! Lots of us it seems. I try hard not to interrupt, but sometimes I feel like I will forget, or that I will never get a word in if I don't just cut in. I try not to do it and work hard sometimes to just sit and listen or wait for a break in the conversation. I am defiantly not a one-upper though.

 

[goofy4tink]

My dh is an interrupter...big time. And yes, he gets to speak a lot. Me? Not so much. I'll be saying something and in he goes....I just sit there. Later he'll ask if I was in a bad mood. Ah, no. You just had to get your 47 cents worth in when I was speaking. He once accused me of sitting there, like a bump on a log, never saying anything. Oh, I'm sorry dear....I couldn't get a word in edgewise! He likes to be the center of attention....there is never any 'quiet' when he's around. He hasn't met a silence he doesn't/can't fill!!!
And I've mentioned it to him, many times. He apologizes and says he'll try to do better. But, it never lasts. Now? When he interrupts me, I just say 'excuse me?'.

 

[Owlpost23]

I have a great Pinterest pin.It says "Oh,I'm sorry!Did the middle of my sentence get in the way of the beginning of yours?".

 

[emer95]

When you're having conversations, do you pause and let others contribute? Maybe your friend isn't so much interrupting to draw attention to herself, but just trying to get a word in somehow. I have a few people in my life that just talk and talk and talk and I admit to interrupting because otherwise I would have to sit there silently for an endless amount of time. So, while your friend may have some things to work on, you might look at yourself as well and try to pace your conversations, leaving plenty of openings for them to contribute.

I understand your point, but I'm actually a very quiet person. The majority of the time I'm silent, just listening and occasionally offering support. I wait for her to finish talking before introducing a new topic or asking for support myself.