Bringing grandparent along

[msmdb]

We are going on our first cruise this fall. We have 3 young children under 5 and decided to ask my mother to come along to help with the kids. We payed for her. My father is not the kid loving type. I mean he loves our kids, but doesn't care to spend days at a time with them. We didn't ask him to go for this reason and the cost, of course. He has made a few comments about us not asking him to go, but we knew he wouldn't enjoy chasing after kids. Has anyone asked just one grandparent to tag along? Should we have invited him too?

 

[sponica]

I don't know if I'd feel comfortable asking just one to tag along as babysitter, unless I had that convo from the beginning (but these are just my own family dynamics).
I guess I can see it from his side, your family is going on their first cruise with their grandmother while he's stuck at home....so there's this whole special vacation experience from which he's been excluded.

 

[msmdb]

Thanks for the input. I also forgot to add, I have a younger brother under 18. If we invited and paid for both of my parents, we would have to do the same for my brother. At that point, the cost would be insane. Before we booked the cruise, we spoke to my mother about coming along to help with the kids, so everything was clear from the beginning.

 

[KeepCalmAndCarryOn]

Would your father and brother be able to pay for themselves to be able to go? I can imagine how expensive it would be to bring three additional people on a family vacation, but can definitely imagine down the road being seriously bummed if my husband was brought on a vacation and I was at home. (And let's be real, he's definitely the fun one, soooo... that may be the case!) Everyone's situation is different, but I would consider if your father (between your father and mother) could cover the cost of your father and brother opening the invite.

Good luck!

 

[jacknsally19]

We have paid for both my mom and MiL on separate Disney vacations to come with us.... excluding my dad & step FIL in respective cases. In both cases, neither complained or expressed interest in coming along. I am not sure that helps you.... but you certainly aren’t unique in taking that approach.

 

[kreckl]

Loaded question. Personally I wouldn’t exclude him, but I also don’t think I would have the expectation that grandma would only be going to help with the kids. Won’t she have some time alone, to do as she pleases? To rest by the pool or whatever? Surely you don’t need three adults at all times with three kids?
So yes, grandpa is missing out. On time with his family, his wife and grandchildren especially , and I would have at least discussed it with them both before you decided to make reservations.

 

[unrequited23]

It's a moot point now.

But you probably should have let him decide if he wanted to come vs making the decision for him. It could have been phrased as we'd love for you both, or just one of you to come along with us on the cruise, we have $XX to put toward your part of the cruise. Is it possible for your younger brother to stay with friends or family this fall, since it probably wouldn't be a good idea to miss school. (I'm assuming he's a junior or senior in HS, by the use of the phrase under 18.)

 

[Betty Rohrer]

Thanks for the input. I also forgot to add, I have a younger brother under 18. If we invited and paid for both of my parents, we would have to do the same for my brother. At that point, the cost would be insane. Before we booked the cruise, we spoke to my mother about coming along to help with the kids, so everything was clear from the beginning.

i assume you are getting a separate room for mom. that way dad and brother could tag along but I would talk with them about what they will be paying for. I would have done this at beginning of planning stage

 

[sponica]

I'm curious as to whether you talked to your dad about the decision before making the decision (I know you talked to your mom, but did you say "hey dad we're doing x and paying x so mom can help with the kids")

Again everyone's family dynamics are different, so while I understand only bringing one grandparent, if the other is grumbling that person probably feels left out.

It's probably a moot point now unless dad can pay to add himself to your mom's stateroom (assuming she has her own)

 

[iivye]

If you mother is in a cabin by herself you are already paying what it would cost for 2 adults. Bringing your father should not raise the price that much. I don't think you should have to pay for your younger brother. I would invite your father and then if your parents want to add your brother and pay for him that would be on them.

 

[MrsDuck]

I would've invited your dad and your brother but I wouldn't have paid for either.

 

[DISNEYWITHCHILDREN]

Well every family is different. I'm a single mom and travel with my daughter whose now 10 and parents a lot. I find what is great each grandparent has different things. My daughters schedule during the school year is intense. On cruises she wants to lay around in the morning and order room service. So does my mom. They are happy as clams just lounging together. My dad likes doing things and he also likes taking her to do things so he does the more active stuff. Like in Grand Cayman I had already been to the turtle farm 3 times. My dad had never been. My mom and I went to a resort for a day place and they went to the turtle farm. They snorkeled, held turtles had lunch, great time. My mom would hate that. And it's not my favorite. So then when we got back my parents wanted to walk around port. Great-I went back with my daughter.
If your mom has her own cabin you could call and see if they still have space for 2 more adults. Then give your dad the option, let him know costs. There might be things he does want to do with them-like maybe the detective game or name that tune.

 

[mjkacmom]

Since the majority of cabins max out at 4, I’m assuming a child will be sleeping with grandma? My sister brought my mom on a WDW trip without my dad to help with her 3 kids, because she was very helpful, while my dad is not. However, we took a WDW with both my mom and dad, because we wanted to vacation with them, not for help.

 

[omniscientmommy]

We are going on our first cruise this fall. We have 3 young children under 5 and decided to ask my mother to come along to help with the kids. We payed for her. My father is not the kid loving type. I mean he loves our kids, but doesn't care to spend days at a time with them. We didn't ask him to go for this reason and the cost, of course. He has made a few comments about us not asking him to go, but we knew he wouldn't enjoy chasing after kids. Has anyone asked just one grandparent to tag along? Should we have invited him too?

We went with the in laws last year and found it to be more of a hassle because they didn't want to 'do kid stuff'. We thought they might have watched the kids one night so we could go out but that wasn't on the agenda. Not sure how it is with a cruise. I guess I would say make it crystal clear to both that you are only asking her because you want her to watch the kids while you do other stuff rather then leave them with a babysitter or nursery center on the ship.

 

[NMAmy]

I guess I would say make it crystal clear to both that you are only asking her because you want her to watch the kids while you do other stuff rather then leave them with a babysitter or nursery center on the ship.

Wow, who could turn down an offer like that? I just did this as a grandmother last year. DD, her husband, and my grandson were coming on a transatlantic trip and asked me to come along for help. I paid my own way and used vacation time to come along--it was a long trip so DH was unable to get away, as well. I adore my grandson but I am not just there to babysit. We divvy things up--sometimes they went and did something, sometimes I went with my dd or with my son-in-law, and others we all went as a group. I would have turned down the trip if I had just been expected to babysit 24/7.

DH and I vacation several times a year with my daughter and her family but we get separate rooms and we spend time alone and together. Sometimes we stay in with the little guy, sometimes they do and other times, we are one big group. It works well for us. My daughter and son-in-law enjoy it, as well. In fact, when DH and I went to WDW without them for an unexpected trip last year, my son-in-law was the one who was a little disappointed. We like each other's company and now I have to let them know that I'm grateful they don't only invite me along to be a full-time babysitter.

 

[Nancyg56]

I am a Nana and while I have traveled with my daughter, son inlaw and granddaughter, my husband was never left out. He was always invited, and made his own decision from there. I also was never included in order to provide any kind of childcare, however both DH and I loved taking our DGD for a few periods of time by ourselves.

I think that it is probably too late to undo any damage that may have been caused by intentionally leaving your Dad out, it may be he;pful if you discussed the reasons now, and let him come to his own decision.

 

[Nancyg56]

I guess I would say make it crystal clear to both that you are only asking her because you want her to watch the kids while you do other stuff rather then leave them with a babysitter or nursery center on the ship.

Wow, under these circumstances I would opt to stay home.