Childless By Choice

[BadPinkTink]

Just wondering are there any other childless by choice people out there? Please dont feel you have to share your reasons, cos we all know that in real life we are fed up to the back teeth explaining why we dont have kids.

Im more interested in talking about the pressure we feel from society in general and from our friends and family.

The look of pity when you tell people and they say dont worry your time will come. Ummm no it wont because I dont want to have kids.

The exclusion by friends and peers from conversations or social occasions, cos its a "moms" thing.

The feeling you have somehow shirked your duty to society by not procreating.

That you are somehow wasting your life by not having kids.

That you are selfish for choosing not to have kids

 

[Floridaman999]

Mother's Day seems like an excellent time to have this discussion.

Well played.

 

[Julie's Haircut]

Yep. I knew by the time I was in college that I never wanted to be a father. Yep, I'm selfish and never wanted the cost and responsibility that would be involved.

I acknowledge it's far easier for men than women to remain childless and not be judged for the decision.

 

[L&Lfan]

My boyfriend and I are childless by choice, although physically it’s impossible for us to have kids, our being 2 men. I think my boyfriend would have been a good father observing his interaction with his relatives’ kids. I, however, am honest enough to admit that I am too selfish and impatient to want children in my life as well as the fact that I don’t really like anyone under 25, with the rare exception.

 

[Kitty 34]

Ironically the 1st person to text me this morning was my 2nd daughter-in-law. She and my son decided several years ago not to have children. She has some medical issues tho I have never gotten too involved in asking what. She is very special to me; she calls me her Bonus Mom.

 

[Searc]

Mother's Day seems like an excellent time to have this discussion.

Well played.

Exactly what I was thinking.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Well I have children but my 18 year old daughter has said she doesn’t want to have children since she was 6 years old. A lot of people in the family think she will change her mind eventually but I don’t think she will. I have absolutely no problem only having grand puppies so I am not going to pressure her into something she doesn’t want.

 

[dish rag]

Just wondering are there any other childless by choice people out there? Please dont feel you have to share your reasons, cos we all know that in real life we are fed up to the back teeth explaining why we dont have kids.

Im more interested in talking about the pressure we feel from society in general and from our friends and family.

The look of pity when you tell people and they say dont worry your time will come. Ummm no it wont because I dont want to have kids.

The exclusion by friends and peers from conversations or social occasions, cos its a "moms" thing.

The feeling you have somehow shirked your duty to society by not procreating.

That you are somehow wasting your life by not having kids.

That you are selfish for choosing not to have kids

This is an odd day to start this discussion, one that has taken place several times on the dis, on mother’s day. A special day to honor mothers.

 

[amberpi]

I never wanted kids and had no problem shutting people down with a quick, passing comment of "I'm happiest enjoying my life just as it is." There were few that ever really followed up on that.

I lost some friends (or didn't lose them, but they grew distant) when they became mothers as the ones who were interested solely in the "mom life" didn't have time for DINKs or single people. Which is fine. Now I have stepchildren I could NOT love more. I've learned so much having them in my life and my heart is a bit larger (don't tell anyone, it's usually a cold black pit of fire). I still don't want biological kids (honestly, I'm not getting younger), just no interest.

I have had some comments about "owing it to society." Those are the worst. I think I owe society to be a decent human. I'm pretty sure that's where my obligation ends.

I think today is a good day to discuss this. Lots of childless by choice people (especially women) feel awkward on today. I hope all of you childless folks (for any reason) enjoy the holiday celebrating your own mother. That's what I'll be doing.

@Kitty 34 - what a great story for a start to the day. Lots of step moms are called "Bonus Moms" but it's a perfect term for a MIL too. How awesomely cute!

 

[BadPinkTink]

I have had some comments about "owing it to society." Those are the worst. I think I owe society to be a decent human. I'm pretty sure that's where my obligation ends.

exactly, I just think of all those women of my parents and grandparents generation who could have had amazing lives and careers and could have changed the world but they were just seen as baby makers and that they HAD to have children.

why should I be force to bring a child into the world, just because its the done thing and thats what women do

 

[mombrontrent]

ooof my sides hurt from laughing, are you offended by my life choice, deary me, have I ruffled the feathers of the mommy brigade??

maybe some of us couldnt care less about mothers day and are tired of feeling like society looks down on us because we dare to say we dont want to be part of your club!

I am a mother but I could care less what others choose to do. I don’t care and I’m positive most people don’t care if other people become parents. Seems like it’s just you trying to make this about yourself when reality is most people just don’t care.

 

[MomOfDisneyPrincess]

I am not childless by choice, rather I very purposely became a mother, in that I adopted, so you can't get much more "on purpose" than that.

I think it would be perfectly natural if you tried to make friends with other like minded people, just so you have some people and events to enjoy where you won't feel that pressure. Of course, it's hard to escape family.

If you felt a little ornery, you could prepare a few comebacks when people make those thoughtless remarks like, "It's not my goal in life to clean up puke and poop for the next 20 years" or "I'll stick with the fur babies, they behave better than most children" or "The Game of Life dealt me a two seater convertible and I'm not about to trade that in on a minivan"! And don't hold back bragging a little about how much fun and amazing stuff you get to do because you DON'T have kids, like expensive vacations, weekend getaways, a house that NEVER gets dirty, or whatever fits your situation.

All that being said, I have far greater respect for people who chose to not have children, because that is what they genuinely want out of life, than I do for people who just have kids because "they think they're supposed to" or "they blindly procreate because they have reproductive organs".

 

[tazdev3225]

I have kids but I have several friends that never wanted children and are very happy with their decision. I don't think they owe anyone an explanation. To be honest my best friend would get a baby itch on rare occasions so she would call me up and ask me to bring the kids for a visit. My son (her Godson) was enough to make anyone want to be childless.

 

[L&Lfan]

I didn’t even make the connection between this thread and Mother’s Day. I lost my Mom 8 years ago. Of course, I have precious memories but this is just another day to me now.

 

[kdonnel]

I have some college friends that decided to never have kids, it was the most responsible decision they could have ever made.

To bring unwanted kids into the world just because of societal pressure is insane!

 

[amberpi]

All that being said, I have far greater respect for people who chose to not have children, because that is what they genuinely want out of life, than I do for people who just have kids because "they think they're supposed to" or "they blindly procreate because they have reproductive organs".

Double plus "like" this. I'm sure those are great parents too.

 

[Floridaman999]

/r/childfree is leaking

 

[amberpi]

I am a mother but I could care less what others choose to do. I don’t care and I’m positive most people don’t care if other people become parents. Seems like it’s just you trying to make this about yourself when reality is most people just don’t care.

Actually, if you're childless (and especially married for a while and childless), you can get some pretty harsh questioning if you allow it. I'm just as positive at a large extended family get together today I'll get some comments, and that's ok, most of them just want more little kids around. It could/can get to you if you let it.

 

[ronandannette]

ooof my sides hurt from laughing, are you offended by my life choice, deary me, have I ruffled the feathers of the mommy brigade??

maybe some of us couldnt care less about mothers day and are tired of feeling like society looks down on us because we dare to say we dont want to be part of your club!

What if nobody actually cares about your life choices? Unless you consider having posted this today a "life-choice", the comment you're replying to has nothing to do with whether or not you personally have kids.

 

[Floridaman999]