Children Moving Out?

I guess that all depends on where you live. Rents in my area are disproportionate to the wages. If you are a young person making $15/hr. how are you suppose to pay rents that are $1,200 - $1,500 a month? They won't even consider you unless you are making 3 times the rent.

I know, I know...get a second job, get roommates, blah blah blah. MY OPINION - A single person making an average wage in an area should be able to afford the average rent in that area.

Those rents are about double what I paid when I graduated university. My rents were always between $600-700 for a one bedroom apartment.
 
Those rents are about double what I paid when I graduated university. My rents were always between $600-700 for a one bedroom apartment.
Welcome to my reality. The $1,200 - $1,500 are for one bedrooms (or studios) and not the "nice" ones either.
 
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Welcome to my reality. The $1,200 - $1,500 are for one bedrooms (or studios) and not the "nice" ones either.
Same here, which is why everyone has roommates, it helps, Dd is trying to find a 2 bedroom under $2000.
When my DS and his friends started looking for housing in the Washington DC - Northern Virginia area this summer, they found that nice 3 bedroom apartments in the heart of the entertainment area/near the metro stop ran $1500 a month each ($1300 in rent, $150 for parking, $50 for utilities EACH, so $4500 total). My son was having a hard time justifying spending that kind of money each month. Luckily, 4 older fraternity brothers of his rented an older house together within 10-15 minute walking distance of the entertainment area/metro stop. They each paid $1000 a month. One of the boys got promoted and had to move to Baltimore, so they invited my DS to take over that kid's room. He jumped at the chance!!! Some areas are incredibly expensive.
 


When my DS and his friends started looking for housing in the Washington DC - Northern Virginia area this summer, they found that nice 3 bedroom apartments in the heart of the entertainment area/near the metro stop ran $1500 a month each ($1300 in rent, $150 for parking, $50 for utilities EACH, so $4500 total).
Holy Heck!

Of course as they discovered location plays a big part in the cost of things.
 
Wow to some of these rents. My DS's decent apartment in nice part of Durham is $1200 for a 2BR so $600 each(utilities not included). His apartment near UNC that he had before was a dumpy roach infested apartment and that was $1000 for a 2BR (but included utilities). DDs are near Scranton PA and the 4 bedroom house is $550 a person (4 people staying) plus about $50 each for gas and electric (just found this out yesterday). I know my niece, in Tampa, is in a 3BR nice gated apartment complex and pays like $700 each for it (so $2100).
 
Your DDs must have a killer house near Scranton. For $2200 a month, they should be living like queens.

My mortgage on a 5 BR, 3600 sq. ft. house wasn't that much, and I only had a 10-year loan. We have a very nice house in a good neighborhood.
 


What you want to find is the area where you can maximize your pay relative to the cost of living. Living near DC doesn’t really accomplish this in a lot of cases.

I live in the “boring” suburbs, but my cost of living is significantly cheaper than living closer to the metro area. But my salary is the same. This gives me more money to save and invest to build wealth.
 
Your DDs must have a killer house near Scranton. For $2200 a month, they should be living like queens.

My mortgage on a 5 BR, 3600 sq. ft. house wasn't that much, and I only had a 10-year loan. We have a very nice house in a good neighborhood.
Nope. It is in Dallas. An old ranch (like built in 60s). One of the roommates dad bought it. I think we're over paying too. I think his daughter is not paying anything so my 2 and the 3rd girls are paying the whole typical rent for a 4 bedroom (it's actually a 3BR and he made the front living room into a bedroom by putting a wall with a door but it has no closet and the 3 bedrooms share one bathroom while his daughter has the master with a newly renovated en suite bathroom). But I'd say the $1650 the 3 girls pay is probably typical for this house. He covers all the utilities except the gas and electric. So it's basically $1800 all in for the 3 girls who are not his daughter. He bought the house for around $200K. Oh, and my 2 girls have had to cut the grass all summer...just them 2 and not the other 2 girls. We took the empty gas can and filled it for them (a big one). I feel like maybe they should have hired someone or come out and took care of it themselves. Or my 2 should NOT have to pay the $45 each for gas and electric bill (July bill was $180). The lease is until Dec and then we may have them move on...def will come May (so they don't have to take care of the yard all next summer....they have had summer classes and jobs and didn't need that work too...the guy even left like 20 bags of mulch and told them to mulch the gardens).
 
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Nope. It is in Dallas. An old ranch (like built in 60s). One of the roommates dad bought it. I think we're over paying too. I think his daughter is not paying anything so my 2 and the 3rd girls are paying the whole typical rent for a 4 bedroom (it's actually a 3BR and he made the front living room into a bedroom by putting a wall with a door but it has no closet and the 3 bedrooms share one bathroom while his daughter has the master with a newly renovated en suite bathroom). But I'd say the $1650 the 3 girls pay is probably typical for this house. He covers all the utilities except the gas and electric. So it's basically $1800 all in for the 3 girls who are not his daughter. He bought the house for around $200K. Oh, and my 2 girls have had to cut the grass all summer...just them 2 and not the other 2 girls. We took the empty gas can and filled it for them (a big one). I feel like maybe they should have hired someone or come out and took care of it themselves. Or my 2 should NOT have to pay the $45 each for gas and electric bill (July bill was $180). The lease is until Dec and then we may have them move on...def will come May (so they don't have to take care of the yard all next summer....they have had summer classes and jobs and didn't need that work too...the guy even left like 20 bags of mulch and told them to mulch the gardens).
That makes far more sense, especially for the Dallas area.

Holy smokes on the physical labor! That should have come off of their rent! Wow, did he get that work for a steal!
 
They are almost 30 years old, for gods sake. They don't need their mother sitting them down and helping them make a plan. They're almost middle-aged and should be able to formulate their own financial plan for moving on into their adult lives.

But they aren't doing that - so their mother has enabled them to this point. What is wrong with suggesting a sit down conversation to lay things out for them in a rational way?

PS - I highly disagree that 26 and 28 is even close to being middle-aged.
 
Nope. It is in Dallas. An old ranch (like built in 60s). One of the roommates dad bought it. I think we're over paying too. I think his daughter is not paying anything so my 2 and the 3rd girls are paying the whole typical rent for a 4 bedroom (it's actually a 3BR and he made the front living room into a bedroom by putting a wall with a door but it has no closet and the 3 bedrooms share one bathroom while his daughter has the master with a newly renovated en suite bathroom). But I'd say the $1650 the 3 girls pay is probably typical for this house. He covers all the utilities except the gas and electric. So it's basically $1800 all in for the 3 girls who are not his daughter. He bought the house for around $200K. Oh, and my 2 girls have had to cut the grass all summer...just them 2 and not the other 2 girls. We took the empty gas can and filled it for them (a big one). I feel like maybe they should have hired someone or come out and took care of it themselves. Or my 2 should NOT have to pay the $45 each for gas and electric bill (July bill was $180). The lease is until Dec and then we may have them move on...def will come May (so they don't have to take care of the yard all next summer....they have had summer classes and jobs and didn't need that work too...the guy even left like 20 bags of mulch and told them to mulch the gardens).
Ouch, that's a bummer of a situation.

Sounds like the crux is someone's parents bought the property. That gives them 'leverage' if you will. Not the type of situation I would want to be in long term. Hopefully they can eventually find a situation that doesn't have someone else calling the shots like that!
 
But they aren't doing that - so their mother has enabled them to this point. What is wrong with suggesting a sit down conversation to lay things out for them in a rational way?

PS - I highly disagree that 26 and 28 is even close to being middle-aged.

They’re not independent. That has nothing to do with age. That’s a mindset.

This is a much bigger problem in Japan, where the kid fails to launch. The Japanese are now worried about how to take care of this population when their parents die. What we’re seeing in the US reminds me of this problem.
 
Ouch, that's a bummer of a situation.

Sounds like the crux is someone's parents bought the property. That gives them 'leverage' if you will. Not the type of situation I would want to be in long term. Hopefully they can eventually find a situation that doesn't have someone else calling the shots like that!
Yeah...just looked on zillow and estimated rent is $1600 for this house. The 3 girls are paying a total of $1800. So his daughter is in it for free and gets the master suite all to herself while the other 3 are crammed in and sharing space. Plus the yard work and cleaning is all my 2 daughters so far. But owner's daughter is just moving in this weekend. I could be paying same amount and my DDs would be living in house with just 1 other girl and have more space, less mess, etc. I was irked going in...kinda knew we were getting hosed. I posted about it in another thread similar to this one (college kids moving out of dorm thread and also the HS 2017 graduates thread). It's our own fault for going ahead knowing full well we were overpaying for a 4 person rental (we're paying as if a 3 person rental).
 
Yeah...just looked on zillow and estimated rent is $1600 for this house. The 3 girls are paying a total of $1800. So his daughter is in it for free and gets the master suite all to herself while the other 3 are crammed in and sharing space. Plus the yard work and cleaning is all my 2 daughters so far. But owner's daughter is just moving in this weekend. I could be paying same amount and my DDs would be living in house with just 1 other girl and have more space, less mess, etc. I was irked going in...kinda knew we were getting hosed. I posted about it in another thread similar to this one (college kids moving out of dorm thread and also the HS 2017 graduates thread). It's our own fault for going ahead knowing full well we were overpaying for a 4 person rental (we're paying as if a 3 person rental).
Well that just sounds all sorts of unfortunate :(

Here's hoping eventually it gets better or a new living situation comes along pixiedust:
 
They’re not independent. That has nothing to do with age. That’s a mindset.
I have to STRONGLY disagree with them not being independent. Other than not being in their own living space they are very independent. They work, they pay their own bills, they pay me rent, they make their own decisions. I literally do nothing for them that any other parent wouldn't do. I am not feeding them, clothing them, paying their bills, making appointments, determining their schedule etc. They are very much independent from me.
 
I have to STRONGLY disagree with them not being independent. Other than not being in their own living space they are very independent. They work, they pay their own bills, they pay me rent, they make their own decisions. I literally do nothing for them that any other parent wouldn't do. I am not feeding them, clothing them, paying their bills, making appointments, determining their schedule etc. They are very much independent from me.

Back when I was growing up, I started to receive criticism for living with my parents at 18 even though I was commuting to university to save money. I left at age 22. Over those 4 years I received a lot of criticism. And I was even turned down for dates for still living with my parents. I wasn’t considered a grownup until I left.

Lots of pressure from society to leave the nest. And I have friends in their 40s that haven’t moved out that can’t get dates because of it even today. Our generation has a serious problem with this behavior.

Your kids are getting off easy.
 
I have to STRONGLY disagree with them not being independent. Other than not being in their own living space they are very independent. They work, they pay their own bills, they pay me rent, they make their own decisions. I literally do nothing for them that any other parent wouldn't do. I am not feeding them, clothing them, paying their bills, making appointments, determining their schedule etc. They are very much independent from me.
Yours won't leave and mine won't come home and I'll tell you why. Right before DS moved out, and we were all living in townhouse together, I was still keeping tabs on him...asking what time he'd be home and texting to see where he was and wanted to know what his plans were. I'd get on him about coming in at 2am all noisy in kitchen and waking us up. I bugged him about cleaning up his room. Basically treated him like he was 15 (when he was going on 21). Little birdies won't fly the nest if that nest is super comfortable and perfect fun living in that nest. My SIL has had similar issues of kids not flying the nest and she actually prefers them all in her nest. Her DS-26 finally moved out a few months back. But is 5 mins from her. Her DD is the one in Tampa and she is hoping she'll come back home after graduation (she's 21). I know of other ladies too that like their adult kids close by, if not under their roof. It's weird to me. I want mine within a decent drive (DDs are not right now at 9 hours away but within a 5 hour drive would be nice) but they don't have to be in my same town or neighbors to me or anything (Everybody Loves Raymond style). SIL's other son (age 24) is living with a gal about 30 mins away from SIL and I think that even bothers her...not close enough. My DS is 25 mins away and I am A-OK with that. We told him he could move back in with us to save money for a year or two, but I really don't want that.
 
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Your kids are getting off easy.
Yours won't leave and mine won't come home and I'll tell you why.

Yep my kids are very lucky to have a mom who loves them and treats them like the adults they are. They are lucky to have a mom who isn't forcing them into situations that may not be best for them by threatening them with an arbitrary date for forced moved out.

Do we get on each others nerves at times - of course. Am I ready for them to move out, so I can have my house and my life to myself - definitely . Do they wish that they could reasonably move out and be on their own - of course they do.
 
It's whatever works for you. It's different for everyone. If my DS-22 moved back in I would helicopter and he knows that so that's why he wants no part in moving back. We'd likely fight like cats and dogs too. Though maybe it wouldn't be like that since he has been out for 2.5 years now. Maybe I'd be less worrying about him when he's out until 2am. We wouldn't charge him rent either...for a year or 2. Then he could save and move out on his own without having to get a roommate (he is in somewhat serious relationship too so likely a house with her will be next step). I don't think he'll come home though. Just wouldn't work for us. But it does work for some, like you and my SIL.
 

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