Children Moving Out?

It sounds like this thread has helped the OP to understand she is making the choice that works for them right now. If this is what works for them, so be it.
 
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It sounds like this thread has helped the OP to understand she is making the choice them there. If this is what works for them, so be it.
What this thread did was make me realize how unhappy some parents must be to insist that their kids move out as soon as they are no longer legal obligated to have them at home.

Since I was never looking for "help" with my living arrangement it didn't HELP me with anything there.
 
What this thread did was make me realize how unhappy some parents must be to insist that their kids move out as soon as they are no longer legal obligated to have them at home.

Since I was never looking for "help" with my living arrangement it didn't HELP me with anything there.

In all honesty though, those threads were few and far between. Maybe I missed them, but not many people said they kicked there kids out without any support at the age of 18. Instead, I read stories of parents financially supporting the kids either through paying for schooling, letting them live at home, paying for a vehicle or a combination of all of the above until they were ready to move out on there own. Many people posted that their kids were as ready, if not more ready, to move out than they were ready to have them move out.

I know you did not ask for advice on getting them to move out, but I think people giving advice on how to get kids that are 26 and 28 out on their own is VERY different than kicking someone out at 18.

In all honestly, if they pay you rent but they pay their own bills and keep their own hours, it already sounds like they have more of a roommate situation going on with you, even though you are their mom.

If it works, then all is fine.
 
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In all honesty though, those threads were few and far between.

In all honestly, if they pay you rent but they pay their own bills and keep their own hours, it already sounds like they have more of a roommate situation going on with you, even though you are their mom.

If it works, then all is fine.

Yes it was only a few who said that and it still makes me sad that a parent would do that to their own child.

This is pretty much correct. In all honesty it really isn't all that different than if they were renting a room in a house from a stranger, except a whole lot safer. I imagine there are some children "out on their own" who need more parenting than my children do.

It works because it has to. It is not ideal. But we do not live in an ideal world.
 


Yeah...just looked on zillow and estimated rent is $1600 for this house. The 3 girls are paying a total of $1800. So his daughter is in it for free and gets the master suite all to herself while the other 3 are crammed in and sharing space. Plus the yard work and cleaning is all my 2 daughters so far. But owner's daughter is just moving in this weekend. I could be paying same amount and my DDs would be living in house with just 1 other girl and have more space, less mess, etc. I was irked going in...kinda knew we were getting hosed. I posted about it in another thread similar to this one (college kids moving out of dorm thread and also the HS 2017 graduates thread). It's our own fault for going ahead knowing full well we were overpaying for a 4 person rental (we're paying as if a 3 person rental).
The daughter is essentially the home owner, and can charge whatever she wants to rent rooms out. If I wanted to rent rooms out in my house, I’d want to make a profit. If the rent was too high, they would remain empty. I think you are looking at the situation the wrong way. If you feel like the rent is too high, move. If there is no agreement about yard work, the girls should say no.
 
The daughter is essentially the home owner, and can charge whatever she wants to rent rooms out. If I wanted to rent rooms out in my house, I’d want to make a profit. If the rent was too high, they would remain empty. I think you are looking at the situation the wrong way. If you feel like the rent is too high, move. If there is no agreement about yard work, the girls should say no.
Yep, the lease is until December so I will push for them to move elsewhere. Then good luck to them filling the 2 rooms for that price. Renting 1 room in a small old 4 bedroom house, including all utilities (so all in), should be @$450-500 in that town not $600. I was looking at homes there and we could buy a small 2-3 bedroom house/townhouse ourselves for @$1000-1200/month. And we'd own it in the end.
 
Yes it was only a few who said that and it still makes me sad that a parent would do that to their own child.
When my DS's BFF graduated from HS, his parents wouldn't give him any information for FAFSA and told him that he'd have to get a job at the local candy factory for $12.50 an hour. This kid graduated toward the top of his class. With that $12.50 per hour, he'd have to start paying them rent within 2 weeks of graduation, or his father was going to call the police on him to let them know that he was trespassing. Yes, truly, father of the year.

I had him move in with us. He needed time to save for a car (so he could actually get to class or work) and for school.

I went to the recruiter's office with him when he joined the AF. That didn't last because of a pre-existing condition that they found before boot camp ended, sadly. He moved back into my house for a few months. He got a job and could pay his own rent and move out on his own. That's what he did.

I couldn't imagine doing that to my kids.

Though, when he was in HS, his father told him that he'd shoot him if he joined the Marine Corps instead of the Navy, like he wanted him to do. He wasn't going to let someone in the Middle East shoot him. That's the first time that he moved in with me. He lived with us through part of his Jr. year and for the summer up to his Sr. year.

He always says that my DH and I are more like parents to him than his own parents. :(
 


When my DS's BFF graduated from HS, his parents wouldn't give him any information for FAFSA and told him that he'd have to get a job at the local candy factory for $12.50 an hour. This kid graduated toward the top of his class. With that $12.50 per hour, he'd have to start paying them rent within 2 weeks of graduation, or his father was going to call the police on him to let them know that he was trespassing. Yes, truly, father of the year.

I had him move in with us. He needed time to save for a car (so he could actually get to class or work) and for school.

I went to the recruiter's office with him when he joined the AF. That didn't last because of a pre-existing condition that they found before boot camp ended, sadly. He moved back into my house for a few months. He got a job and could pay his own rent and move out on his own. That's what he did.

I couldn't imagine doing that to my kids.

Though, when he was in HS, his father told him that he'd shoot him if he joined the Marine Corps instead of the Navy, like he wanted him to do. He wasn't going to let someone in the Middle East shoot him. That's the first time that he moved in with me. He lived with us through part of his Jr. year and for the summer up to his Sr. year.

He always says that my DH and I are more like parents to him than his own parents. :(
My mom was 2nd oldest of 6 kids and her parents were like that. She moved in with her grandma at 18 and worked and saved and took CC classes while caring for a sickly grandma without any help/support from her parents. Bought her own car and paid her own way. She ended up marrying at 20 to have a home and family. Her parents didn't even attend her wedding. Nice. Truly animal kingdom style...when they're done rearing, they're DONE.
 
What this thread did was make me realize how unhappy some parents must be to insist that their kids move out as soon as they are no longer legal obligated to have them at home.

Since I was never looking for "help" with my living arrangement it didn't HELP me with anything there.


I guess I'm just confused then. You didn't want advice. You don't feel like this thread solidified your stance and confirmed that you're happy with your own plan. (I thought that would be a good thing so I'm surprised by your response.) Maybe you just wanted to hear from others so you could rag on them and their choices if they differ from yours?

I haven't seen a single post here that said parents were unhappy and insisting their kids move out immediately because of that so I'm not really sure who you're talking about. I've seen a lot of people simply answering your question and posting what worked for themselves and their families. It seems kind of unfair for you to turn around and judge them (those who you think were insisting their kids move out) for their choices because they differed from yours. Weren't you asking to hear about what others have experienced?
 
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I think @disneychrista was referring to the people who commented that they were kicked out or that others were sent packing with no support when they turned 18. That is sad that any parent would eject a child with little plan or any assistance based on an arbitrary age.
 
I guess I'm just confused then. You didn't want advice. You don't feel like this thread solidified your stance and confirmed that you're happy with your own plan. (I thought that would be a good thing so I'm surprised by your response.) Maybe you just wanted to hear from others so you could rag on them and their choices if they differ from yours?

I haven't seen a single post here that said parents were unhappy and insisting their kids move out immediately because of that so I'm not really sure who you're talking about. I've seen a lot of people simply answering your question and posting what worked for themselves and their families. It seems kind of unfair for you to turn around and judge them (those who you think were insisting their kids move out) for their choices because they differed from yours. Weren't you asking to hear about what others have experienced?

Maybe we are reading different threads then. I have seen several posts (a few on this page) where parents have in effect said your 18 get out.

I ask for experiences on when children moved out and if they had help or were self-sufficient. Never once asked for help or advice but as threads do it evolved.

And to be perfectly clear is has never been a stance or a plan that my adult children live with me. It is however what it is.
 
Yep, the lease is until December so I will push for them to move elsewhere. Then good luck to them filling the 2 rooms for that price. Renting 1 room in a small old 4 bedroom house, including all utilities (so all in), should be @$450-500 in that town not $600. I was looking at homes there and we could buy a small 2-3 bedroom house/townhouse ourselves for @$1000-1200/month. And we'd own it in the end.
Well, he’s responsible for maintenance, taxes, depreciation, so I’m guessing he’s renting for a profit, I know I would. If he can’t get anyone to pay $600, he will have to lower the rent.
 
What this thread did was make me realize how unhappy some parents must be to insist that their kids move out as soon as they are no longer legal obligated to have them at home.

Since I was never looking for "help" with my living arrangement it didn't HELP me with anything there.

The whole thing is, that of course there are some number of people who were expected to be on their own at an early age.
That is the way it mostly always used to be.
And, not all of our parents (mine included) really were able to offer any real financial help.
There have been many many many people over the past countless generations who have been born into way worse situations.

The thing here is, your children are way way well past any 'legal' obligation.
So, that renders your comments about others basically without a lot of meaning. No real bearing on your situation.
IMHO, not only are your comments simply untrue, but they still continue show a very questionable attitude.
Just my two cents worth.

And, If after all of this, how many pages now, you have not found any help with anything... well...
 
Her DS-26 finally moved out a few months back. But is 5 mins from her. Her DD is the one in Tampa and she is hoping she'll come back home after graduation (she's 21). I know of other ladies too that like their adult kids close by, if not under their roof. It's weird to me. I want mine within a decent drive (DDs are not right now at 9 hours away but within a 5 hour drive would be nice) but they don't have to be in my same town or neighbors to me or anything (Everybody Loves Raymond style). SIL's other son (age 24) is living with a gal about 30 mins away from SIL and I think that even bothers her...not close enough. My DS is 25 mins away and I am A-OK with that. We told him he could move back in with us to save money for a year or two, but I really don't want that.

As weird as you find folks that enjoy having their kids around, I find it weird that you want yours to be a "decent drive away"!

I can't say that I have ever given it much thought as to what is the "perfect distance" that my children should live from me! I wouldn't care if they lived 5-minutes from me or 2-hours from me! Wherever their job, spouse, interests and happiness brings them is all I care about. If that means that they live 5-minutes from me in the same town/city, I would have absolutely no problem with that!
 
Why should every thread have a problem to be solved?

I get ops delimma. It's expensive for her kids to move out. She understands that.

Sometimes you just want your own space without having others around. I like it when I find myself with a day of no one home.

When the kids all move out here, I'll hope dh has places to go sometimes, too.
 
And, If after all of this, how many pages now, you have not found any help with anything... well...

What a strange thing to say!! Perhaps you should go back and read the OP's post. She didn't ask for "help"!!!

We all know how threads on the Dis work and if folks want to offer help/advice that is all fine and good, but it seems strange to me that you would be criticizing the OP for having not "found any help with anything".
 
As weird as you find folks that enjoy having their kids around, I find it weird that you want yours to be a "decent drive away"!

I can't say that I have ever given it much thought as to what is the "perfect distance" that my children should live from me! I wouldn't care if they lived 5-minutes from me or 2-hours from me! Wherever their job, spouse, interests and happiness brings them is all I care about. If that means that they live 5-minutes from me in the same town/city, I would have absolutely no problem with that!
No...I meant not that long of a drive. My girls are 9 now and I don't like it. Would prefer 5 hours OR LESS. DS is 25 mins away and I like that. We take him to dinner once a week. It's nice.

Weird is a lady I met who lives on a lot of acres and built other homes to keep her adult children 'on compound'. And she says she'd be extremely distraught if any of them moved away. SIl is similar in that she severely upsized her home once all her kids were college aged and she would love them all under roof too...or in same town. I don't need that like she seems to need that. I can manage if my kids choose to live in another state. But would prefer it not to be too far...like within 5 hours...really prefer within 45 mins. Ultimately not my decision as you said they will go where jobs and spouses are. DS will likely go to west coast area with his GF. But hopefully come back east coast when he has kids so that I can be in their life a lot.
 
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No...I meant not that long of a drive. My girls are 9 now and I don't like it. Would prefer 5 hours OR LESS. DS is 25 mins away and I like that. We take him to dinner once a week. It's nice.

I moved 2 thousand miles away. The drive is a little bit over 24 hours.

Now, that my parents are in their 70s and need assistance, I'm moving closer. However, it felt great being far away.
 
At what age did you children move out on their own? Did they move into shared housing or in their own apartment.? Did you help with any expenses or where they self sufficient?

For anyone that has forgotten, OP, didn't ask for help and advice!

I hear you there. DD’s 28 & 26 are both still home. I am so ready for them to move out.

She gave more info here and shared her feelings, but didn't ask for "help"!

I was just curious what others have experienced. I don't have many IRL friends to talk to about things, so I turn to stranger on the internet. And please note - I DIDN'T ask for advice on how to get them to move.

Way back on August 8th, a full week ago, the OP again said that she wasnt asking for advice. She was just curious when other peoples kids moved out.

I think it is wonderful that people wanted to give advice and help, but find it silly to criticize the OP for not taking the advice that she clearly wasn't asking for!

On a different note, I have enjoyed following this thread and seeing all of the different ways that work for different people!
 

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