Dating someone you aren't physically attracted to

[runwad]

Laughter is the key to a long marriage. Pick the guy who makes you laugh.

This is me and my DH! We were friends that turned to love and then I was attracted to him. At first no, honestly he was kinda funny looking, but he was so funny always kept me laughing! I always had so much fun hanging out with him that I found myself wanting to be with him.

After 27 years I still have a hard time staying mad at him because he always makes me laugh. And he has aged really well and has gotten more handsome the older he has gotten. So you never know you might get a diamond in the rough..

 

[EpiStitch]

I dated one of my exes for almost 5 years despite not being physically attracted to him. I'm pretty average looking myself so I felt like I needed to settle. It ended up ending badly and I was single for years before meeting my current BF by complete accident and he's AMAZING! You never know what will happen

 

[disneychrista]

I think there is a benefit in being friends with someone with no expectations of a relationship emerging. Sometimes attraction can grow over time- developing with the affection.
My advice based on personal experience is don't force It.

I agree. I really enjoying hanging out with him. He has been a good friend the past few months. My life has pretty much sucked and he has been there and been my shoulder, my ear and just a good friend. And honestly right now I need a friend, someone to hang out with and have fun more than I need a romantic relationship.

 

[low-key]

I dont know, how ugly are they

 

[Skellingtonj]

Could I? Yes. And I married him lol. His personality won me over. My witty comebacks and amazing dance moves won him over lol.

Really though, yes I think there has to be some kind. of attraction. It’s what draws you in in the first place. You’ll never see someone and say “wow I bet he has a great sense of humor”. But you will say “wow he has nice eyes, etc”

 

[dotfurio]

There have been guys that I've been attracted to based much more on personality than looks. A good personality can make a guy attractive - I have to click with them.

 

[low-key]

When you think about it this is really a gender based question, women often look past the looks, at the person, men are stuck on looks. But before you get on your high horse women, if the question was could you date a person who has no job, many more men would say yes then women

 

[Colleen27]

I don't think there has to be an immediate attraction and it doesn't have to be an OMG, romance-novel-worthy spark, but I wouldn't date a guy that I couldn't see myself being physical with either. My husband is pretty far from what was my type when I was younger and dating, but I still found him attractive.

 

[ols386]

I dunno. When I was in college, there was a guy who was clearly interested in me. The feeling was NOT mutual. He was nice enough, okay looking, but he looked like someone my mother would want me to go out with. But, it was the end of senior year, and you know how there are all those events surrounding graduation--those events were a nice place to have a plus-one, and besides, his parents were throwing him this awesome graduation party. So I figured, even though I wasn't the slightest bit attracted to him, he was pleasant and kind, and he and I could casually date until after graduation.

A few weeks after our first date, I woke up, and literally, it hit me like a thunderbolt--I was an idiot. He was a wonderful guy. We celebrate our 31st anniversary this month.

Aww, I just love this. What a sweet story.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

There needs to be chemistry. But there also needs be confidence to go along with it. I hate whiny little men.

 

[amberpi]

Seems like chemistry and attraction isn't something that can be negotiated...but I love these stories of people who found attraction after knowing someone for a while; so what do I know?

 

[wenrob]

I think sometimes in situations like this where there are feelings from the other side we feel almost obligated to “try.” You are not obligated to try especially if you’re not feeling it. You say you’re not ready for another relationship and you don’t feel “it” with this guy so IMO there really isn’t anything worth exploring. I have to be drawn to a person. Sometimes (or was almost 30 years ago) physically, sometimes personality. But there’s got to be *something* there. By your responses it doesn’t sound like that’s happening here.

And I’ll say this: Any guy you’ve put in the “friend zone” that admits to having feelings for you but claimes he’s okay with just being friends is most likely lying. He’s always going to be hoping that status will change. He’s going to end up hurt either way even if it’s by his own violation. The kind thing to do IMO is to slowly extract yourself and find someone else’s shoulder to cry on.

 

[Toolulu22]

I have been hanging out with a guy for the past couple months, not really dating per se, just as friends. He is nice guy, he makes me laugh and we have fun when we are together. He has been honest that he would like more but knows that I am not ready to date since my last relationship only ended a few months. The problem is that I am not physically attracted to him, "it" just isn't there.

Have you dated someone you are not physically attracted to. Did that ever change? Would you date someone who you are not attracted to?

Are you giving him a fair chance since you say you like him, but you are not quite ready since your last relationship recently ended? Is he totally unappealing or are you just afraid to open up to the possibility of a great guy that isn't the ideal of what you think you want in a guy? It's hard to say, but if he likes you and you don't want more you need to be honest with the guy.

 

[lisaviolet]

For me, it's about how I feel with the person. My own personality.

I have had a few times where the person is great on paper yet I feel off myself, sometimes boring around them. Where I go WT H is going on? OMG, I'm boring myself with this interaction.

That is the part that doesn't work for me. D.O.N.E done.

And when it's the opposite, where I feel on/alive/alluring in their presence, that is the magic for me.

 

[disneychrista]

Are you giving him a fair chance since you say you like him, but you are not quite ready since your last relationship recently ended? Is he totally unappealing or are you just afraid to open up to the possibility of a great guy that isn't the ideal of what you think you want in a guy? It's hard to say, but if he likes you and you don't want more you need to be honest with the guy.

Last night we sent the entire night on texting. It was so nice, it is so easy with him. This was the first time he ever broached the subject of dating. We played a little game of truth. Taking turns asking each other questions that we would be totally honest about. He asked if I had ever thought about dating him and I told him the truth that yes I had thought about it. Honestly I feel like I am coming across like looks are all that matter. It is actually the least important thing to me.

 

[lisaviolet]

Honestly I feel like I am coming across like looks are all that matter. It is actually the least important thing to me.

You're not disneychrista.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I was married to one, and it only went downhill from there. There was only a little attraction when we first started dating.

If attraction isn’t there in the beginning I believe it will never develop. So the short answer is no, I wouldn’t date somebody I am not attracted to.

 

[ScottOKW2K]

Interesting. The title of the thread is non gender specific. Yet a significant majority of the replies of those that have judged by looks (physically attracted) are from one gender.

 

[wenrob]

Interesting. The title of the thread is non gender specific. Yet a significant majority of the replies of those that have judged by looks (physically attracted) are from one gender.

Having a preference or type is not judging looks. Physical attraction is a chemical response.

 

[leebee]

I have felt "it" for 2 guys in the past. Both were married, and I backed off quickly because I knew there could be trouble- the attraction was that strong (and the attraction was clearly mutual, both times). I didn't feel "it" for my husband, and I'm not sure he felt "it" for me, either, but somehow it grew as we both came to realize that he is the guy I want walking through my front door every night, sitting on the couch with me, holding my hand as we fall asleep. I think attraction can be immediate, but I also think attraction can grow. I know it did here... together for 33 years, married for 25 (in June).

Disneychrista, I don't think you are ready for another relationship yet. Take what you have with this guy and be friends. IF anything is going to happen, it will, but not until you are truly ready, healed from your last relationship and ready to look forward again. I had a 5 year relationship that fell apart; the plan had been to pick out wedding invitations when I came home from school at T-giving, and instead he broke up with me. It was a solid 18 months before I was over him. I remember the moment when, crying at night at the beach once again, when I suddenly thought, "I am tired of being sad over this guy." If you aren't to that point with your old relationship, I wouldn't be worried about being interested in and dating your friend. Once you are truly over the old relationship, who knows how this guy will look to you!