DD's MIL just invited herself, the drama begins....

[Poprivet]

DW and I have been to WDW twice with DD and DGD ( now 6 ) fantastic time had by all.
DD now has a fall trip planned with herself, Husband, DS ( now 3 ) and DD.
This is their 1st trip together to WDW.
We are getting connected rooms at Pop. DW and I have been to Disney many times and would serve as an occasional babysitter, these are our first Grandkids and we sit for them often and mesh well as a group.

DD's MIL just called her to say she wants to join us and bring another 5 yr old grand daughter, MIL feels bad because this little girl doesn't get to go... While I feel for anyone who can't go to Disney, adding this little girl to the mix is a real game changer... MIL has no idea whats involved in a Disney vacation, she's about 70 so I think the reality is the little girl would end up tagging along with my grandkids all the time... This little girl (5) adores my DGD (6) but is mean to my DGS ( 3 ) ( according to my DD anyway ).

If DD wanted to invite this kid, that would be one thing.
Or if the Childs parents wanted to bring her, I'm sure we would have some fun times together.
( parent live in MIL basement due to poor life choices. no way they can afford to go )
this arrangement is going to be tough as my DD will have to supervise this kid most of the time.

Are we wrong for anticipating problems with this arrangement?

DD says she won't go under these arrangements. ( there also the "usual" DD vs MIL issues )
pop

 

[bdcp]

DW and I have been to WDW twice with DD and DGD ( now 6 ) fantastic time had by all.
DD now has a fall trip planned with herself, Husband, DS ( now 3 ) and DD.
This is their 1st trip together to WDW.
We are getting connected rooms at Pop. DW and I have been to Disney many times and would serve as an occasional babysitter, these are our first Grandkids and we sit for them often and mesh well as a group.

DD's MIL just called her to say she wants to join us and bring another 5 yr old grand daughter, MIL feels bad because this little girl doesn't get to go... While I feel for anyone who can't go to Disney, adding this little girl to the mix is a real game changer... MIL has no idea whats involved in a Disney vacation, she's about 70 so I think the reality is the little girl would end up tagging along with my grandkids all the time... This little girl (5) adores my DGD (6) but is mean to my DGS ( 3 ) ( according to my DD anyway ).

If DD wanted to invite this kid, that would be one thing.
Or if the Childs parents wanted to bring her, I'm sure we would have some fun times together.
( parent live in MIL basement due to poor life choices. no way they can afford to go )
this arrangement is going to be tough as my DD will have to supervise this kid most of the time.

Are we wrong for anticipating problems with this arrangement?

DD says she won't go under these arrangements. ( there also the "usual" DD vs MIL issues )
pop

First, you need to stay out of it. This is for your DD and her husband to handle. But, I do have to say, DMIL may feel left out and just wants to spend time with her grandkids. Anyway, the main point is, your DD is an adult and you can anticipate all the problems you want, but let them handle it.

 

[jacknsally19]

Travelling with others is hard - no doubt about it. We have traveled to WDW with both sets of grandparents (on different trips). Its worked well for us but that doesn't mean it would work well for others. I also have very different expectations when travelling with grandparents vs. just our family.

My advice would be for your son-in-law to speak with his mom. Perhaps, he could suggest a separate WDW trip for his side of the family. He could/should suggest that maybe waiting until the little girl is a bit older (?) and will not need as much supervision.

If son-in-law wants to include mom and the little girl, I think your daughter needs to figure out what she needs to make the vacation work for her. Perhaps, you could clearly designate a day or two with just her family. Or perhaps they could come for a small portion of the trip versus the entire trip. She can also tell the other little girl - if you do this to the son, we are going to need to separate. Communicating expectations up front can help make a vacation successful.

 

[Tigerlulu]

The only way out of this politely IMO is to not have any grandparents on either side go.

Unless the trip with you is your trip that you are planning and footing the bill for most of, then I don’t think they can say no to them coming and their feelings not be hurt. Traveling with anyone is hard, and yes MIL totally overstepped but the out is by saying the trip is just for our little family vacay this time around.

And I agree you should let them handle it. Don’t help make the strained dynamic between you daughter and her MIL worse. That’s such a hard relationship to make work.

 

[100AcreWood]

Ditto to the above. I’ll just add that in laws are difficult and your son in law needs to be the one to lay down the ground rules if he agrees his mom and niece should go. I hope it works out!

 

[Poprivet]

First, you need to stay out of it. This is for your DD and her husband to handle. But, I do have to say, DMIL may feel left out and just wants to spend time with her grandkids. Anyway, the main point is, your DD is an adult and you can anticipate all the problems you want, but let them handle it.

Ohh, I'm staying out of it... lol. ( my DD just vents to me ) MIL has 7 - 8 grandkids and takes them all camping in the summer, this is more about taking her other DGD on this trip with us....
Look, anyone is entitled to go anywhere they want. But they are not entitled to impose themselves on others... DD has no doubt, she would be taking care of this child all week....
Personally it won't have to much impact on DW & me... as long as I get some time with My DGkids...

 

[sponica]

If she's paying for herself and the other grand daughter (whom I assume would be the cousin of your grandchildren), I don't think there's anything anyone can do or say.


If SIL can draw boundaries and say "hey we're doing these things by ourselves, meeting up with my inlaws these times, and we can do something with you and monster niece at such and such a time," that might be a place to start. But he's gotta fight that battle and make it clear they are not responsible for monster niece.

 

[Poprivet]

The only way out of this politely IMO is to not have any grandparents on either side go.

Unless the trip with you is your trip that you are planning and footing the bill for most of, then I don’t think they can say no to them coming and their feelings not be hurt. Traveling with anyone is hard, and yes MIL totally overstepped but the out is by saying the trip is just for our little family vacay this time around.

And I agree you should let them handle it. Don’t help make the strained dynamic between you daughter and her MIL worse. That’s such a hard relationship to make work.

Last two trips I foot the bill, this one my DD is paying her families way. I'm not he one saying no, but I know how my DD feels about it.... and its not the MIL thats the issue, DD does not want to deal with a third child... Its her DS 1st trip and this other little girl will be between DGS and DGD.. she wants her DD and DS to be together on this trip.

I agree with my DD on this one but its her battle.....

 

[Poprivet]

If she's paying for herself and the other grand daughter (whom I assume would be the cousin of your grandchildren), I don't think there's anything anyone can do or say.


If SIL can draw boundaries and say "hey we're doing these things by ourselves, meeting up with my inlaws these times, and we can do something with you and monster niece at such and such a time," that might be a place to start. But he's gotta fight that battle and make it clear they are not responsible for monster niece.

Its not inlaws going, only MIL and little girl. It would be better if both inlaws were going. they could handle little girl. as planned, DD is right thinking she will end up with little girl. there is some history here...

 

[Happyinwonerland]

I would probably try to make the trip work with everyone. I know it isn't what you originally planned, but I'm a "more the merrier" type of person.

 

[jo-jo]

Last two trips I foot the bill, this one my DD is paying her families way. I'm not he one saying no, but I know how my DD feels about it.... and its not the MIL thats the issue, DD does not want to deal with a third child... Its her DS 1st trip and this other little girl will be between DGS and DGD.. she wants her DD and DS to be together on this trip.

I agree with my DD on this one but its her battle.....

I can easily see issues of "let little lambchop stand next to her favorite cousin" for that picture of Mickey. Isn't that cute, lambchop wants to be in the same teacup with the cousins. I'll sit here and wait.

I can see if MIL wanted to go to see the 6 and 3 year old at disney, but bringing the other little girl throws the whole mix out.

If she is paying her own way, why not just go on her own trip. Bring one of the other (camping) grandkids along. Or pay for another adult (one of Lambchop's parents)?

Just throw in another thought. what about stroller issues? You know I didn't think Lampchop would get so tired, do you mind pushing her in DS's stroller for a bit?

 

[disneydreamer1980]

I have a niece and nephew that I always somehow end up taking care of (even when their parents are around) so I understand what your DD is feeling. She’ll have enough to deal with taking care of a toddler and small child of her own, she shouldn’t be forced into taking care of an additional child. This will take time and attention away from her own kids, and she’s spent a lot of money to take this trip, and if it won’t be magical for her with this other kid going, then that’s not fair. Your SIL needs to tell his mom that she’s welcome to come, but if she wants to bring the kid she’ll have to stay elsewhere, and do their own thing, and maybe meet up for meals or something. Also, I’m sure your DD is looking forward to cute pics of her kids at Disney, and having this extra kid in all the pics wouldn’t be ok.

 

[ENJDisneyFan]

I can certainly see why your daughter is upset about this situation. I would be too, for many of the reasons mentioned by others. How does you son in law feel about this situation? Since it's HIS mother I would probably have him talk to her about some boundaries and expectations, rather than your DD having to be stuck in the middle.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

They could always tell MIL that they decided not to go and then sneak off! LOL

 

[mi*vida*loca]

If I were your DD I would be upset too. I actually changed dates because family was going around the same time and they started talking about me planning this and that for all of us. Then all I could envision was me doing the old "hurry up and wait" all vacation. NO thanks! Your Son in law should step in and tell his mother something.

 

[Pooh2]

Telling them about the trip was the first mistake!
We did this once and learned for future trips not to mention our vacation plans until AFTER the vacation.

Might be hard to undo things for your current trip without causing trouble between your SIL and his family.
If SIL gently sets some ground rules and expectations (gramma needs to take care of the child completely or postpone the trip until her parents can take her), the young cousins may actually make some great memories together.

Good luck! Hope your trip is wonderful!

 

[CouponGirl]

I hope your SIL is on the same page as your daughter. If so, hopefully he can let her know that this trip the only kids they want there are their own since it's their son's first trip and they will be doing the schedule around his needs (naps, etc). Hopefully that will work so she knows if she wants to go solo she can join, but other gd will need to stay home. It can be so tough to navigate family situations without hurting feels. Hope it all works out long before the trip takes place.

 

[sponica]

Its not inlaws going, only MIL and little girl. It would be better if both inlaws were going. they could handle little girl. as planned, DD is right thinking she will end up with little girl. there is some history here...

My brain hadn't fully loaded when I typed. Your son in law needs to tell his Mom that she's responsible for monster niece. That he's going to be doing stuff with his wife and kids, then probably meeting up with you as well (I imagine you won't be attached at the hip the WHOLE time...unless you are), and they're willing to do stuff with mom and monster niece at these times. At no time will they be responsible for monster niece.

(side note would your daugher's mother in law be traveling by herself with a 3 year old? I'm thinking there are parts of this plan she hasn't thought out....and maybe it's all a nice thought in her head that actually won't materialize)

 

[kreckl]

Sounds like a nightmare, and would definitely change everyone’s vacation, which doesn’t seem fair. I hope they take care of it!

And your thread title made me lol!

 

[Hikergirl]

My brain hadn't fully loaded when I typed. Your son in law needs to tell his Mom that she's responsible for monster niece. That he's going to be doing stuff with his wife and kids, then probably meeting up with you as well (I imagine you won't be attached at the hip the WHOLE time...unless you are), and they're willing to do stuff with mom and monster niece at these times. At no time will they be responsible for monster niece.

(side note would your daugher's mother in law be traveling by herself with a 3 year old? I'm thinking there are parts of this plan she hasn't thought out....and maybe it's all a nice thought in her head that actually won't materialize)

Monster? Did I miss something somewhere in the thread that made it seem like this little girl was some sort of terror?

OP, your dd needs to speak up either to her dh or her MIL and tell them that there are no invitations extended to others for this trip.