Did you ( will you) tell your family that you’re retiring?

[ronandannette]

None of my family has saved anything for retirement, so they will need to work until they are unable to work due to age or illness. We have saved aggressively and I should be able to retire at 55/DH at 59 if our savings continue to accrue at their current rate. If we tell them in advance, we will be labeled as a) "uppity" (which is the term they use for anything good that ever happens in our lives), or b) bragging, because even if we just let them know so they aren't blindsided by it, it'll be seen as throwing it in their faces.

So we will not tell them, just like we don't tell them anything else that happens in our lives.

Well, at least your post provides a possible scenario for the way the OP worded the question, which many of us were confused about.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

None of my family has saved anything for retirement, so they will need to work until they are unable to work due to age or illness. We have saved aggressively and I should be able to retire at 55/DH at 59 if our savings continue to accrue at their current rate. If we tell them in advance, we will be labeled as a) "uppity" (which is the term they use for anything good that ever happens in our lives), or b) bragging, because even if we just let them know so they aren't blindsided by it, it'll be seen as throwing it in their faces.

So we will not tell them, just like we don't tell them anything else that happens in our lives.

Yes, THIS!

I recently read a thread on reddit where a man was going to retire early. ( FIRE= financially independent retire early) he said he was going to have to lie about it because he felt it would cause hard feelings with family. Also, specific family members would likely ask for money or loans that would never be repaid. He had siblings who, in his opinion, had been irresponsible with money their whole lives. He had saved and invested well ( VERY well apparently as he was in his late 30’s) and said he couldn’t tell his siblings without it causing lots of hard feelings. Several others commented they had to cover up their retirements also.

That led to a discussion in our house which led me to asking all of you.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

I was just SO surprised at how many people said they have had to, or plan to, cover up their retirement with parents and siblings. That siblings would be resentful. That the family dynamic would change and not for the better.

I always thought it would be something positive. Yet many people said they never felt like they could bring it up ( either in advance or after the fact with siblings). People were recommending they say “ oh I consult now” or “ I’m self employed now” to avoid revealing they were retired.

 

[wenrob]

I was just SO surprised at how many people said they have had to, or plan to, cover up their retirement with parents and siblings. That siblings would be resentful. That the family dynamic would change and not for the better.

I always thought it would be something positive. Yet many people said they never felt like they could bring it up ( either in advance or after the fact with siblings). People were recommending they say “ oh I consult now” or “ I’m self employed now” to avoid revealing they were retired.

Oh yeah, there’s going to be some downright resentment there right on the heels of asking for a “loan.”

 

[Hikergirl]

We openly discuss our retirement plans with family now so when the time when to retire of course we will tell them.
Even if he had some dysfunctional family where there would be resentment I would still tell them because I wouldn't care if they had a problem with it. If it changed the family dynamic then I guess we'd be better off without people like that in our lives. I plan on enjoying retirement and the years I have left.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Yes, THIS!

I recently read a thread on reddit where a man was going to retire early. ( FIRE= financially independent retire early) he said he was going to have to lie about it because he felt it would cause hard feelings with family. Also, specific family members would likely ask for money or loans that would never be repaid. He had siblings who, in his opinion, had been irresponsible with money their whole lives. He had saved and invested well ( VERY well apparently as he was in his late 30’s) and said he couldn’t tell his siblings without it causing lots of hard feelings. Several others commented they had to cover up their retirements also.

That led to a discussion in our house which led me to asking all of you.

Yeah, I’ll likely be the last one retired, so I don’t have to worry about any of that LOL

 

[ronandannette]

We openly discuss our retirement plans with family now so when the time when to retire of course we will tell them.
Even if he had some dysfunctional family where there would be resentment I would still tell them because I wouldn't care if they had a problem with it. If it changed the family dynamic then I guess we'd be better off without people like that in our lives. I plan on enjoying retirement and the years I have left.

Agree, and no way am I skulking around trying to hide what I'm really doing. I think there's a difference between not making a big deal of something and actively trying to pretend something different is going on (I'm thinking here of the post upthread that mentioned it).

 

[aprilchem]

I think I get where the OP might be coming from. I have family/friends who have nothing set up for retirement and are pretty much working paycheck to paycheck. They will never retire voluntarily because they really can’t. These same people have made “sly” petty remarks (“must be nice,” “gee, I wish *I* could do that”) about our home, vacations etc. as if their problem is not that they failed to plan but that we’re just “lucky.”

Absolutely this for me. We are "lucky" and our hard work, extra years of schooling (that we paid for ourselves) and years of frugality don't matter.

 

[wenrob]

Agree, and no way am I skulking around trying to hide what I'm really doing. I think there's a difference between not making a big deal of something and actively trying to pretend something different is going on (I'm thinking here of the post upthread that mentioned it).

I don’t plan on hiding it, I just don’t plan on discussing it. Much like I wouldn’t discuss any other financial decision with them.

 

[gotomu212]

Yes, THIS!

I recently read a thread on reddit where a man was going to retire early. ( FIRE= financially independent retire early) he said he was going to have to lie about it because he felt it would cause hard feelings with family. Also, specific family members would likely ask for money or loans that would never be repaid. He had siblings who, in his opinion, had been irresponsible with money their whole lives. He had saved and invested well ( VERY well apparently as he was in his late 30’s) and said he couldn’t tell his siblings without it causing lots of hard feelings. Several others commented they had to cover up their retirements also.

That led to a discussion in our house which led me to asking all of you.

I feel like it’s a little different if you’re in your 30s/early 40s like this example. This isn’t so much retiring to me as much as being financial secure enough to not work. I know it’s a weird line but we have an acquaintance that says “I’ve been retired since I was 27”...I don’t really think 5 years in the workforce qualifies as retiring.

 

[Kellykins1218]

Seriously? Why would it be a secret?

 

[mrodgers]

Everyone would know from digging the 6 foot hole. I'm pretty sure I will be dying at work. I hope the event comes when I'm rounding a corner on a fork truck so the truck runs into some racking and knocks 25,000 pounds of material on the floor. I only have a select few people that I'm hoping is standing near said racking.

 

[Allison]

So we will not tell them, just like we don't tell them anything else that happens in our lives.

Which kind of makes the specific discussion about retirement a moot point if you don't tell them anything.

 

[goofyernmost]

Heck ya! I shouted it from the rooftops. I didn't say much other then I was thinking about it until I made the actual decision and submitted my retirement letter making it official. It didn't come as a surprise to anyone except my girl friend at the time. It wasn't the retirement that caused that problem, it was the fact that I had coupled my decision with the fact that I was going to relocate from Vermont to North Carolina to be around the rest of my family. (children and grandkids and also to get the hell out of winter). She didn't want to move (I honestly hadn't asked her because it was really bigger then our relationship to me.) She suggested that we break it off and then got mad because I agreed that it was probably the right thing to do. Other then that I only had a sister and a nephew that still live in Vermont, so it was a no brainer for me, but, I never intended my decision to hurt others. It just was somewhat unavoidable. My parents had long passed by the time that happened so that was never a factor.

 

[Colleen27]

I dunno. I could see us not telling certain family members who have a tendency to think our free time is meant for helping them.

I doubt my mother will be around when I retire, and she's really the only close family I have left other than DH & the kids. She's already in her early 70s and I've got 20+ years to go even if I retire early. And I'm not sure I can imagine DH retiring for real - leaving his full time/long commute job, yes, but probably to pursue a hobby-business rather than retiring fully - which really doesn't seem worth a big announcement.

 

[QueenIsabella]

For people who are young or have problematic relatives, I would go the circumspect route--"I'm in between jobs", "I'm freelancing", "I'm on sabbatical"--whatever fits your situation best. Even "I've been downsized" would work. Note that none of these statements imply that you have tons of money--important for those with potentially mooching relatives.

It wasn't an issue at all with us, when my DBIL retired last year--he's had health problems for decades, I don't blame him for getting out while he still has some good years left. Their net worth isn't even discussed publicly, due to a few mooching relatives in our own family tree. In that particular case, though, I don't think anyone thinks he retired to live the high life--more like, he needed to preserve the health he has now, versus making it worse with more manual labor.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I feel like it’s a little different if you’re in your 30s/early 40s like this example. This isn’t so much retiring to me as much as being financial secure enough to not work. I know it’s a weird line but we have an acquaintance that says “I’ve been retired since I was 27”...I don’t really think 5 years in the workforce qualifies as retiring.

Exactly! If you quit to be a SAHM/W you didn’t retire.
Also if you change careers in middle age that’s not retiring.

 

[disneychrista]

My dad announced that he was retiring several months before he did. He worked for the school district, so he retired at the end of the school year.

I just got a job that has a small pension/retirement so the idea of being able to retire is more of a reality then it was before. I am still about 25 years away from retirement. I won't be keeping it a secret.

 

[powellrj]

Dh didn’t tell anyone because he was retiring from one job to start another. He didn’t want his job to know what his plans were so they couldn’t do anything to ruin his new job. Yes they are awful people that can’t be trusted.

I retired because of my health and to care for my parents. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t actually realize I was retiring when I did.

My parents weren’t aware and DHs parents were dead. The only close family we have are our kids and my brother and they all knew we were considering retirement, they just didn’t know when.

 

[disykat]

I feel like it’s a little different if you’re in your 30s/early 40s like this example. This isn’t so much retiring to me as much as being financial secure enough to not work. I know it’s a weird line but we have an acquaintance that says “I’ve been retired since I was 27”...I don’t really think 5 years in the workforce qualifies as retiring.

I agree with you. When I quit my job, my workplace was the one who labeled me "retired" and gave me a clock. A bit of a shock to me. At 56, I don't really consider myself retired, but call myself that on occasion because I'm sort of amused by it. I'm just not working (except occasionally on call) right now. We can afford it and have other priorities right now. I'll consider us really retired when DH retires and we are living off of "retirement" funds. We don't plan on accessing any of MY retirement funds until that happens.