Divorce ? keeping the house

[mickeysgal]

I will not let him bully me and scare me anymore HE was the one who walked out NOT me NOT my kids why should we suffer while he gains!!!!!

NO DEAL HOWIE!!!!

It sounds like you're getting tough. When you get tired of being stepped on, you get mad. When you get mad you get tough which allows you to stay strong. This will be an emotional rollercoaster, so be prepared.

I have no legal advice, but make sure you ask around for a lawyer thats not only good - no, great - but specializes in the military.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

I'm sorry this has happened to your family. I was happy to read your 'no deal' post. Having your spouse suddenly become your adversary in a battle for your future is terribly hard. You've gotten great advice from other posters so I won't repeat any of it. I'll just say from experience - look out for your rights, take care of yourself and begin the process of moving on.

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

I hope your kids are dealing with this ok. I feel so bad for all of you, what a shock and a big change of life. I hope your DH is doing ok too. Continued prayers.

 

[bubbleprincessmom]

As for the kids it has been a rough two years, thats how long his divorce talk has been going on, You see what he has been doing is alot of "if you do this I may stay married to you, if you do that I can see a possible solution to our problems" so like a fool I was jumping through all his hoops, all the while he has been overseas having online conversations with tons of different women (he sees NOTHING wrong with that) When he came home on leave after not seeing the kids for almost a full year he couldn't even spend the 14 days with them nope had to go to vegas for 5 days for a "funeral" only problem is while watching the news one night while he was at the "services" my son says hey mom isn't that the guy that dad was going to his funeral....sure enough the kid was from outside of Bakersfield!!!! When he called a couple of days later i asked him how the service was and he said oh I couldn't find the church to which I responded yeah esp since you were in the wrong STATE to begin with than he got all nasty and said it was his leave and he could do with it what he wanted etc etc I knew than that it wasn't about me or anything I could ever do to fix the marriage. He seems to think if I "spin" this whole divorce thing the right way and if I show no emotions in front of the kids
(DS 16 and DD 11) that they will be fine. He refuses to talk about it with them when they try ...he is so cut off from reality its not even funny. This will be his THIRD tour of duty in support of operation iraqi freedom and while this time he will be stateside living in florida at fort mcgill he will still be going back and forth between the states and afganistan and iraq doing whatever it is he does. I have HUGE issues with an army that would allow him to do this to himself and his family but that is water under the bridge now he has made his bed. No matter what the outcome of the divorce settlement I WIN I have these two great kids that I love more than anything and I have all these years of memories and hugs and kisses that he will NEVER get back!!
sorry to ramble but it does feel good to get this out.

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

Ramble all you want, we will listen.

Your son and daughter are about the same ages as my DS and DD and our DH's left for Iraq about the same time. Mine came home almost a year ago though.

I hate to say it, but I really questioned what he was telling you about "having" to stay that long. The have strict rules for reservist and Nat. Guards, but they "can" volunteer to stay and it is never forced past certain points. The Officer who took DH's place was just flown back "commercially" the day before the 1 yr mark was hit as they had to do this. It really sounds like your DH had issues before he even arrived in Iraq.

I am so sorry for you and your kids. You really are the winner in this though and WILL come out stronger. You should be getting WAY more money and I can't believe he is doing that to his children. Good luck to all of you.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Is Oregon a join property or equitable property state? The best deal I have ever seen is in a equitable property state and the wife got 66% of the home. She eventually had to sell, since she could not buy out his 34%. Her ex made a little more than you soon-to-be-ex. She has two kids and gets $1000/kid and $1000 in spousal support per month ($3000 total). The child support is tax free money to you and the spousal support is taxable money to you.

IMHO you will need to sell the house. Is you family in the area? Could you consider a post divorce move to a cheaper place to live?

 

[CapeCodTenor]

I have nothing to add, except that I'll keep you in my prayers.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I was awarded my house. My ex sign a Quit-Claim Deed and I sold it and received all of the proceeds. He received the "toys" in exchange.

Divorce is never easy. I wish you the best of luck during this trying time.

 

[Benedict_Pro]

And we also broke up in the 10th year. Quietly, peacefully. No scandals. I left everything to my wife, I earn well, I can’t imagine working again, now it’s new life. Both of them. And again we are happy. At first it was terribly scary to change something. One life, author. Bringing it to the altar of anything — children, parents, world peace — is stupid. Live now. Tomorrow will be old age and death. Thank you very much for the convenient service -
My nerves and finances were preserved, and I was able to save money, I bought for children the first necessary

 

[mousefan73]

Without going into detail I am sadly in the middle of a divorce. My husband of 19 years has decieded that he loves the army and the disicipline and honor (whatever) and that he has been unhappy for several years. I held out hope until the he filed papers a couple of months ago as he is still in Iraq and I thought surely that was the problem ...combat stress. You can't unring a bell however and he has said and done things over the past couple of years while deployed that have cut me to the core. Therefore the divorce proceeds. I am so afraid of losing my home. I still have two children living here and it is the only home they have ever known we have been here 15 years. I have pretty much been a stay at home mom working once in a whileover the years usually long enough to pay for my disney fixes. I can't find a job right now to save my life and the stress has made me physically ill, I've lost almost 20 pounds in no thanks to this divorce diet. For those of you have gone through this process did you have to sell your homes and split the proceeds? Were you awarded the house? We have no debt except the house and he does have retirement from both the army and his civilian job. He is making close to 9 grand a month and only wants to send me 2000. I can't make a sound decision right now. How does this whole "court of equity work, my lawyer is like well we can go to court and see what the judge says but can't make me any assurances. So I come here, what has been the experience of my dear fellow DIS'ers? I could use all the help I can get. thanks
monica

Well I can tell you about my parents divorce as my mom was in a similar situation. My parents divorced after a 20 plus year marriage. I am an only child and was in college when this all went down.
My mom was also SAHM and started working part-time for a few years before the divorce.. We are talking maybe less than 1000 a month if even.

my dad has a good job with company pension and now gets SS. ( noted this as your case is different with army pension)

So in the divorce my mom got the house and gave up alimony, and pension. SS she is able to claim on my dad's benefits as she was married more than 10 years to him and did not remarry. At that time there still was a mortage, but VERY small. we are talking mortage and property taxes about 700 a month. So she was able to pay that and in the end we sold the house and reinvested in other property for her and I.

in the long run my mom actually got bad end financially.. had my dad paid alimony, and she gotten part of his pension, in the long-run she would probably would have had more.

Anything can go.. just think long-term. Military pensions can be really good.

 

[Brett Wyman]

Whoa 2006. OPs kids probably have their own kids buy now.

 

[mousefan73]

Nothing to do with the military, (which may differ), but here's the way I kept my house (Also, this was a few years ago, so things may have changed).

I was a SAHM, with 2 kids. We had been married for less than 10 yrs, (8), but my attorney told me (and my ex's told him) that I was still entitled to 1/2 of everything he had paid into his pension, as well 1/2 of as his employers contribution because his pension was considered a marital asset. I could demand that money to be paid the day our divorce was final.

I told him I would forfeit the right to the pension money in exchange for a quit-claim deed on the house (hey-his girlfriend had a house; he would have a place to live--I wouldn't).

He couldn't sign that deed fast enough--it wasn't money coming out of his pocket, the way the pension settlement would have been.

Because I was a SAHM, I got maintenance, also.

I am so sorry you are going through this and good luck!

that is excately what my dad did.. he panicked over the pension and quick deeded... my mom was probably stupid as she should have gotten spousal support... but declined that..

 

[starry_solo]

Whoa 2006. OPs kids probably have their own kids buy now.

LOL,

 

[mom2rtk]

If the OP is still fighting with her husband over this, at least the lawyers got rich.

 

[mousefan73]

damm it . How did I fall for this vampire thread... maybe the OP answers and we get an update lol

 

[ronandannette]

Whoa 2006. OPs kids probably have their own kids buy now.

We had a thread about “Updates” not long ago. I’d like to know how this particular story ended. The OP hasn’t posted since 2008 though so it’s doubtful we ever will.

 

[CdnCarrie]

In our province the house would be marital asset and split 50-50.

gah. Zombies.

 

[RamblingMad]

Even if you get the house, you still need to be able to afford it. The reality is that you’re most likely going to have to downgrade to a smaller home.

Also, you want to figure out how you’re going to support yourself. I’m surprised that you’re a stay at home mom. I thought those went away in the 70s. My significant other has always worked and has a university degree.

Finally, I’m pretty sure the military has rules around paying debt or risk being discharged. I’d explore these options with your attorney.

 

[mom2rtk]

I’m surprised that you’re a stay at home mom. I thought those went away in the 70s. My significant other has always worked and has a university degree.

They didn’t. And I doubt the OP finds that part of your comment helpful.

 

[mikehn]

From what I've read so far, the OP is a stay at home mom and doesnt have the financial resources for a good attorney and long drawn out divorce battle. Right now you are very emotional and dont let your emotions drive your decisions. Get some good legal advice and try your best to settle out of court. Because you might not like what the judge hands down. The only winners in a divorce are the attorneys.