Divorced parents-how do you handle the holidays?

[smilie]

Just wondering how your schedules look for the holidays? I always have a hard time with it.

 

[jdb in AZ]

Just wondering how your schedules look for the holidays? I always have a hard time with it.

It's called juggle, and be flexible. It's even more "fun" when your kids marry and have in-laws who are divorced, but both expect to spend part of Christmas with their grand kids. One of my friends hosts Thanksgiving the weekend before the holiday so that all her kids can celebrate with her.

When we go out of town to visit grand kids, the local kid thinks we're playing favorites.

Reminds me of the song, "you can't please everyone, so you gotta please yourself."

 

[kimblebee]

When it was an issue, we’d split time as much as we could. He’d usually have my daughter Christmas Eve day, and I’d pick her up around 10 pm. My family always does our Christmas on Christmas morning, so I’d have her for that time and take her back to her dads Christmas Day night after our dinner. Then, she’s come home some time on Boxong Day.

The year he turned into a deadbeat I stopped caring what his plans were. He got to see her when he did and it wasn’t very often.

Now that she’s an adult, she can choose on her own if she sees him.

 

[luvsJack]

When my sons were young, the agreement was one of us would have them the week before Christmas until 6 pm on Christmas Eve and then they would stay with the other parent until NYE. That’s what the papers stated. But school break didn’t always work out that neatly so we usually improvised it. But usually one would have them Christmas Eve and the other Christmas Day. When I had them Christmas Eve, Santa came to our house on the 23rd and his house the 24th.

Ds and his ex live close to each other so one has them Christmas Eve until bedtime. The other has Christmas morning. Depending on when her family has their gathering and what our plans are, they switch them back during the day. Like Christmas at my house is that afternoon. She will leave either her mom’s or dad’s and bring them to my house and ds will meet her here. He will open gifts with them either Christmas Eve or Christmas night or even the morning of the 26th. They decided a long time ago that Santa comes to whoever’s house they are at Christmas morning. They even decide together what they will get them.

 

[Darcy03231]

Our agreement was one year I would have 12/24 at noon until 12/25 at noon and he would have 12/25 at noon to 12/26 at noon. The following year we would swap. It ended up that his family started doing a big thing on Christmas Eve every year so we agreed that he would have Christmas Eve and bring them to me after his family's festivities (usually around 10-11 pm). I then had them for Christmas every day.

Now that they're all adults, I host Christmas day and whoever can make it does. My mom does a big thing the Saturday after Christmas and everyone attends that, so if I don't see them on Christmas, I see them there. The only exception is DD #1 who lives a distance away and works retail. We never see her during the holidays.

 

[tvguy]

All I can say it good luck. My in-laws divorced when DW was 9. Dad was initially awarded custody, which was tough for him to pull off as he was in the Air Force and serving in Vietnam. Mom moved halfway across the country, and ended up with custody. DW did not spend a single holiday with her dad from age 9 to age 31! The physical distance between the parents really strained her relationship with her dad. It was briefly an issue in the relationship between DW and I when we first started dating because MY dad died when I was 9, and I just couldn't understand why if her dad was still alive, she didn't make an effort to have a better relationship with him. With a few months of prodding, at the age of 23 she decided to go spend a week with her dad, and they both discovered what cool people they were. And good Lord, they have identical personalities despite being apart for 14 years.

 

[Turn the Page]

SD8 lives with us full time and visits her biological mom every third weekend or so. BM lives approximately 3 hours away which makes things a little bit harder. Generally speaking, they split the school vacation period in half. This year BM gets the first half of Christmas break, so both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and DH gets the second half, generally the exchange happens on the 26th. Next year they will switch. Whoever does not have the first half of Christmas break that year is supposed to get SD for Thanksgiving break but BM never takes that even if it is technically her turn so SD stays home every year for Thanksgiving.

Having everything spelled out in the court order is supposed to make it so there is no argument but there is a debate every year for holidays and summer vacation. We do Christmas at our house whenever everybody can be there. Sometimes that is on Christmas morning, some times Santa comes after SD gets home. It just depends.

 

[camreesmom]

With XH, we were lucky that we lived only 10-15 minutes away from each other so it made it really easy to share. His family has always done Christmas Eve and my family Christmas Day. My DH's family also celebrated Christmas Eve so the boys would start with us at his grandmother's house on Christmas Eve and after they had opened gifts there, I would take them to XH's mom's house so they could have Christmas Eve there. When they finished up (usually around 10-11pm), XH would bring them home and they would be home for Christmas Day. XH works shift work so we would just play the rest of the holiday by ear. The boys (twins) are now almost 30 so they drive themselves from Christmas to Christmas. The only difference now is that they're also trying to spend time with their GFs families.

 

[amberpi]

I'm just the step mom and this is my first xmas with the kids, so take this with a pillar of salt. Due to the way the custody worked out we will see very little of them this holiday season, just 26 hours over 7 days in Christmas Eve (next year it'll be the other way, this year was particularly funky with how the custody lined up). OTOH, we happened to get both kids on their birthday so that’s awesome. We deal by crying, spoiling the kids, crying, and wine. Did I mention spoiling the kids? When we get the kids back, Santa will have come to our house too!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Growing up my family had alternate holidays.

One year Christmas Eve with mom then Christmas morning we'd go to my dad's. Next year it was the opposite.

Honestly I think it's worse as an adult. We're (meaning my husband and I) pulled in so many different directions to see our families and no custody agreement to fall back on lol.

 

[nene0182]

Ours is pretty easy. Thanksgiving is a bigger deal in his family than in mine. So he gets every Thanksgiving and I get every Christmas. We keep our normal every other weekend and my son just celebrates with his dad on the weekend closest to Christmas. I think our custody order actually states every other year and to switch off holidays but we’ve never followed it and our son is almost 16 (we divorced when he was 1)

 

[mrodgers]

I get along with the ex better than I ever did when we were married. Just spent last weekend all of us together for my youngest's birthday.

She has family, I do not. I just have a birth mother. I let her have the girls for Thanksgiving and Christmas day since someone in her family will have a big to-do. Christmas eve I'll run out to the house and we will all hang out together. I suggested that rather than her inviting me to see the girls in the morning trying to drive 45 minutes out Christmas morning, wait around for them to wake up which probably wouldn't be until noon, drive 45 minutes back home then 45 minutes further to pick up my brother and 45 minutes back to go to my mother's house. Easier to just go out there Christmas Eve.

This is all based on neither of us have a different significant other at the moment. It could change in the future.

We still get together a lot and do things as a family. This summer, we went halves and rented a boat out on Lake Erie for the day. When she took the girls to Ocean City, she invited me along (I didn't go.) Any time the girls and I plan something, I invite mom and she comes often.

Our girls are older now. Once just turned 18. The other just turned 15.

 

[monarchsfan16]

Growing up, we'd go to our dad's house late afternoon on Christmas Eve, and stay over. We'd then go to my mom's late morning Christmas day, after breakfast and gifts with my dad. It got more complex when mom remarried, because the custody agreement for my stepsister involved constant switching back and forth. So the years that she was with my stepdad for Christmas Eve, we had to be back to mom's by about 10 am, so the great switch could happen around noon for her.

Now that we're adults, my sister lives several hours away (and can't drive home until Christmas day), and I'm married, Christmas is the most dreaded holiday of the year. We do Christmas day breakfast at my in-laws', go to my mom's midday in time for my sister to get there, and then we go to dad's that evening, or first thing the next morning, depending on when my sister gets into town. We do a dinner at dad's that involves EVERYONE (mom and stepdad included), but the gift exchange is typically just him and us.

 

[JustCallMeMommy]

We go by the schedule, but we have both asked each other for alterations (and we have both agreed to them) in the past. This year, I have DD from the last day of school until 3:00 Christmas day. Then exH has her until the 30th. Then she is back with me until school starts. This schedule alternates every other year. Before the Santa thing was out of the bag, she had to wait for the other one of us to get there before getting her presents.

I also know (and have agreement) that I will be taking most of "his" Spring Break this year, so if she wants to spend more time there after the new year, I will encourage it.

 

[disneychrista]

My daughters spent Christmas Eve with their dad, as that was when his mom did gifts.

They spent Christmas Day with me.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

Our current arrangement is that I parent our kids 365 days per year and he fully embraces his mid-life crisis by pretending that he is a 20-something again with no responsibilities.

So now that I've gotten the bitterness out...I have a few friends who have worked out wonderful, mutually-beneficial custody arrangements. They will tell you it takes a willingness to drive your kids around a lot (and a willingness to be civil with your ex and ex-in-laws), but there's no reason why everyone can't have a turn with the kids on special days.

 

[neverlandsky]

Growing up holidays were set in stone. My Mom always got Mother’s Day, 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, New Year’s Day, & Valentines. My Dad always got Easter, Memorial Day, Father’s Day, Labor Day, Veterans Day, Christmas Day, & New Year’s Eve.

 

[jdb in AZ]

"Cousin Joe"walked out on his wife and kids ages 9 and 11 a few months before his grandma took the extended family on a DCL Christmas cruise. The ex-wife was no longer part of our family, but grandma wanted Joe's kids (her great-grand kids) on the cruise, so grandma paid for the former in-law to cruise along with the kids, leaving their dad behind. Everyone in the extended family was in favor, except "Cousin Joe" but he had his mistress to console him. Formal custody hadn't been finalized and Joe tried to arrange for custody every Christmas after that (until the kids turned 18.) Of course the judge didn't agree with that.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I am a step-parent and they seem to have some kind of rotating shift for holidays. I am not sure what this year's schedule is like for Christmas.
Everybody lives close so travel is not an issue.

Fathers Day and Mothers Day are a given, then other holidays such as July 4, Labor Day etc... alternate year to year. Thanksgiving is 1/2 day each, Christmas Eve/Morning then Christmas Day/Night seem to alternate.

I find it best not to ask too many questions.

 

[princesspaige]

We have 7 holidays that we rotate (had to be an odd number so the we don't have the same ones each year). To get to 7 we use Christmas Eve and Christmas day as holidays. So one year, my "Christmas" will be on Christmas Eve and the next year it will be Christmas day. If I have Christmas Eve, I get DD from 7pm on the 23rd to 7pm on the 24th. Christmas Day is 7pm on the 24th to 7pm on the 25th. Now if the 23rd is my normal day of the week, I still get her that day and if the 25th falls on my normal day of the week, I keep her until she goes to her dad's.

We split custody 50/50 where I have her every Monday and Tuesday night, he has every Wednesday and Thursday night, then we rotate weekends. It works out for us and, more importantly, DD is happy with the arrangement. Granted she's had 8 years of living this way and doesn't really remember what it was like before her dad and I got divorced.