Ever been uncomfortable with dining server?

DisFanGuy

Earning My Ears
Joined
May 19, 2014
Just got off a 7 day West Caribbean cruise on the Fantasy. Overall the trip was fantastic. However by the end of the trip, going to dinner in the main dining rooms had become very uncomfortable. Our group was adults only and with each passing night, our server Henry from Honduras kept telling us more and more about his personal life, mostly his financial problems. Our group really felt like he was trying to guilt trip us to increase his tip and make us feel bad about being able to vacation. This is our vacation; I came here to get away from problems not have someone else burden me with theirs. Has anyone else ever had an experience like this? And if so please share.
 
Just got off a 7 day West Caribbean cruise on the Fantasy. Overall the trip was fantastic. However by the end of the trip, going to dinner in the main dining rooms had become very uncomfortable. Our group was adults only and with each passing night, our server Henry from Honduras kept telling us more and more about his personal life, mostly his financial problems. Our group really felt like he was trying to guilt trip us to increase his tip and make us feel bad about being able to vacation. This is our vacation; I came here to get away from problems not have someone else burden me with theirs. Has anyone else ever had an experience like this? And if so please share.
Never had anything like this happen.

Personally, if it did, as soon as I saw what road the server was headed down, I'd be speaking to the head server about it. It's his job to curtail such activity.
 
Never had anything like this happen.

Personally, if it did, as soon as I saw what road the server was headed down, I'd be speaking to the head server about it. It's his job to curtail such activity.

Good advice I'll keep it mind for our next trip. Thanks
 
Never had anything like this happen.

Personally, if it did, as soon as I saw what road the server was headed down, I'd be speaking to the head server about it. It's his job to curtail such activity.
I agree. This shouldn't have been talked about. The head server would have dealt with this.
 


On two cruises we have requested of the head server a change in our serving team...the first time it took us 3 days into a 14 day cruise...the last time this past summer, after the first night of a 7 night. It was not the same issue, but issues/personality/comfort situations definitely can happen and we are not shy if we think either of the 2 servers would not be a good fit for our family for whatever the reason. You paid a lot of money for the vacation and should enjoy every aspect possible. If you let your head server know, they can either suggest trying to solve the issue that is your concern with the servers you have or you can request a table change. I know they will do the best to accommodate you. It is not a "go to" solution, but if there is a legitimate concern, I would definitely take it up with the head server....
 
I've never had a server blatantly overshare personal matters or passive-aggressively angle for a big tip. However, on our first cruise (Dream), our youngest was only 2.5 years old, and the assistant server was really in our son's face trying to entertain him. Like, uncomfortably so. Now, I do not expect a complete stranger to "read" our child as well as my wife and I can, but I think it was obvious to any third party that our son was not enjoying the interaction.

I think the guy was just trying too hard. Maybe he was new. Maybe he found our son a tough nut to crack and was just determined to get a smile out of him. But as someone employed to interact with children of all ages on a daily basis, he needed to be able to pick up on cues (verbal or otherwise) and take a step back if the child appears uncomfortable or ill at ease with the attempted exchange.

Again, I think the guy had benign intentions, so I did not say anything to our head server. I just firmly but gently steered him away from our son when he (the assistant server) came 'round the table, and directed him to our other kids, who did enjoy the server's attempts to entertain. I did, however, make note of this on my comment card and encouraged DCL to remind their staff to ease off when the kid isn't digging it.
 


Another Henry, one of our favorite servers is Henry Castro on the Wonder - FANTASTIC ! We met him on his first contract coming from the WDW and although he was trying very hard, he wasn't sure he was going to make it. He really hustles and made serve pretty quickly. He does not talk a lot about his personal life, will answer a few questions, but we have so much to talk about having watched him grow into his role and laugh about some of the early mishaps.

I agree with everyone else, the Head Server needed to be made aware of what was going on. Even if you are uncomfortable saying something, you can do it near the end of the cruise so it gets corrected before the next guests board. I know I am not like everyone but I would probably have told him that the conversation was making me pretty uncomfortable.
 
We had an assistant server that kept making DH very uncomfortable on our first cruise. On the last night I had prepared little gift bags w/ the tip envelopes and some little gifts and I gave them to the server and assistant server. The assistant server hugged DH (full frontal hug) and told him how grateful he was. ***It was rather awkward.
 
What was he doing before the full frontal hug that made your husband uncomfortable?
 
I would have complained to the head server and asked for a different serving team. On our last Disney cruise, our serving team was adequate but nothing special, but they didn't make me feel uncomfortable.
 
I have found the servers ways professional and you build a rapport with them, if you ask about home they are often passionate to tell you about it. Now there is a fine line between " being honest" and guilt trip. Maybe it was an accident but maybe something that shouldn't have occurred.
 
I think that we may sometimes inadvertently open the door for information we're not comfortable with. Questions about family, how they manage being away from home, when did they last get to see their kids, ect. may lead to TMI. There are a lot of different cultures represented and the interpretation of those personal questions may be different depending on where you're from. We've never had an issue with a our serving team but if I did, I would first address it with the server directly. If that didn't resolve the issue then I would talk to the head server.
 
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I think that we may sometimes inadvertently open the door for information we're not comfortable with. Questions about family, how they manage being away from home, when did they last get to see their kids, ect. may lead to TMI. There are a lot of different cultures represented and the interpretation of those personal questions may be different depending on where you're from. We've never had an issue with a our serving team but if I did, I would first address it with the server directly. If that didn't resolve the issue then the would talk to the head server.

Agree, need to be balanced, we often ask them questions about their background and they respond in an honest way, maybe it just went over the line, someone didn't judge it correctly.
 
New one on me.

Frankly I would have politely told the head waiter, that while we are sorry the server is having money problems, it not something he should be talking about.

AKK
 
Have never had this happen. But that's what the head servers and dining room manager are for. No one should ever feel uncomfortable, but you need to speak up when that's the case.
 
Agree, need to be balanced, we often ask them questions about their background and they respond in an honest way, maybe it just went over the line, someone didn't judge it correctly.

Right. Let's face it - that is a crap job. Long hours, low pay, living in a shoebox for months at a time away from family. I still would not put up with that passive-aggressive sob-story stuff, but I do try to be sensitive to the situation.
 
Right. Let's face it - that is a crap job. Long hours, low pay, living in a shoebox for months at a time away from family. I still would not put up with that passive-aggressive sob-story stuff, but I do try to be sensitive to the situation.

Yes, we all have a line...but ask ourselves did we ask too much, often we ask where your from? Home town family, then by that it all rushes back if you had a call or internet message overnight your family is in trouble and then 'you have said it'. Only the OP knows how it was, there is a line up to it you accept it and over it you do not.
 
We did on one cruise... Our server was from the same Indonesian island as my husband's father. I think that that connection made him cross that boundary between guest and "friend". Lots of sad stories about his family at home that he never sees, etc., even talking about how poorly some people tip him when he works so hard. We definitely felt he was trying to guilt into a larger tip. We felt very uncomfortable.
 
It wasn't the server, but the head server.... Made me extremely uncomfortable on my 21st birthday cruise. I never said anything to DCL, because exactly who was I supposed to go to if it was the head server? (Stupid question I know, I could have gone to guest services at the very least.)

But point being, ALWAYS go and say something if they are making you feel uncomfortable. My experience is different, but always say something nonetheless.
 

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