Ever canceled a trip because kids didn't earn it?

No, we don’t bargain behavior with extrinsic things for the most part. This seems like typical kid stuff and it isn’t worth it to us to miss out on family fun and memories just because of some slacking on chores.
 
I would have cancelled the trip too. I grew up in the era of spankings. Momma told us once and the belt told us twice. Momma didn't like repeating herself. LOL!! So she would have taking us on vacation after a good spanking. Plus my mom was a lil' OCD and we kept that house SPOTLESS!!!! We knew better. Now talking back that's another story. I always had to have the last word since I was a toddler until one day when I was 16. Momma laid in good on me. She hasn't had a problem since with me talking back. LOL!!
 
My dad died rather suddenly of pancreatic cancer 2 years ago. Although I was an adult, it still reminds me of how fleeting life can be. It’s a delicate balance b/c I want DS to grow up & be happy & functional. But, I feel very much like you described. I don’t want to miss even a minute!

It is definitely a balancing act - wanting to make decisions that support precious memories in the face of an uncertain future, but also ones that support a positive outcome for a future that does go as planned.

My second biggest challenge is figuring out how to make sure DS8’s needs are met as well. It’s too easy to not notice when your neurotypical child needs help and support as well.

That's a great point! I see it too often in siblings of kids with health problems or other special needs. Kudos to you for staying on top of it!
 
I just cancelled a trip to DL because of my girls attitudes. They have been acting very entitled lately and I was honestly sick of it. My son is living in Northern CA and we are going out to visit him. I figured since we were flying all that way anyways that we would do 5 days in DL first before heading up to him. In response to their behavior I cancelled the DL trip. We are still going to visit their brother, but right now they don't "deserve" the trip to DL. We have taken other family vacations this year, maybe if we hadn't done anything else then I wouldn't have canceled because I do believe families need time to recharge and our vacations bring us closer together.

That being said.... I did end up booking a short WDW vacation for myself for my birthday. Solo. They will be staying home. I will tell them after they return from the cruise they are taking with their father next week!
 


BRAVO OP!

I'll start with saying that I have not cancelled a trip because of two of my children. However, YES, I have cancelled trips because of my other two. My two that I have cancelled trips were (are) extremely difficult children. One time, the oldest child started ditching class. (She was warned repeatedly what could happen if she didn't start showing up to class.) The principle told us either she would have to take summer school or take the same ditched class during the next school year. He said the choice was ours to make. We made her take summer school (and she had to pay all the fees associated with it as well!) - actually we told her that she ultimately was the one that made the decision by the behavior she chose. She ended up missing out on a trip to Germany with her cousins and a trip to Disneyland with her siblings and parents as well. I have never regretted my decision. In fact, about a year ago, at age 34, she told me that making her take summer school and missing out on those trips was the best thing we could have done.

Often when we had either outings or trips planned and one or the other of my difficult children were acting up, that child stayed home with one parent while the other parent went with the other children. (That is why we always purchased trip insurance.) Yes, it did punish DH and myself but it didn't ruin the outing or trip for the other children - and yes, that one child would have RUINED it for all the others.

The three children that are now adults have said they appreciated it when things got cancelled because of behavior. My two children who were easier to raise said they made sure to shape up when they were told to because they knew their parents meant business and would follow through with any threat that came down the pike!

The OP's children were told to clean up after themselves and no bickering with each other. They chose not to follow what they were told and they knew what the outcome would be so they chose to not go to DW. It was the children's choices!

Children need to learn that if they don't follow the rules, consequences will happen. Everything in life is consequences and rewards. Just imagine if at your job you decide you aren't going to do something your boss repeatedly asked you to do. Would you have a job anymore? - CONSEQUENCES! Are you happy to have a roof over your head and food on the table? Thank your paycheck - REWARD for doing the job! Want to enjoy a drink at dinner? - REWARD. Getting raging drunk and getting behind the wheel and then getting arrested for drunk driving - CONSEQUENCE! That is life! I would much rather my children learn consequences when the choices they make won't impact the rest of their lives even if those consequences are (in some people's eyes) harsh.
 
Way to go wilbret! Our actions always have consequences. This is a valuable lesson for your children and one they must learn and understand.

Yes, this decision affects you too, but disciplining our children always will. At this stage of the trip planning it is easier to apply the brakes without financial consequences so I applaud you.
 
Way to go wilbret! Our actions always have consequences. This is a valuable lesson for your children and one they must learn and understand.

Yes, this decision affects you too, but disciplining our children always will. At this stage of the trip planning it is easier to apply the brakes without financial consequences so I applaud you.
It sounds like the lesson they learned is that Dad will eventually give in. :p
 


BRAVO OP!

I'll start with saying that I have not cancelled a trip because of two of my children. However, YES, I have cancelled trips because of my other two. My two that I have cancelled trips were (are) extremely difficult children. One time, the oldest child started ditching class. (She was warned repeatedly what could happen if she didn't start showing up to class.) The principle told us either she would have to take summer school or take the same ditched class during the next school year. He said the choice was ours to make. We made her take summer school (and she had to pay all the fees associated with it as well!) - actually we told her that she ultimately was the one that made the decision by the behavior she chose. She ended up missing out on a trip to Germany with her cousins and a trip to Disneyland with her siblings and parents as well. I have never regretted my decision. In fact, about a year ago, at age 34, she told me that making her take summer school and missing out on those trips was the best thing we could have done.

Often when we had either outings or trips planned and one or the other of my difficult children were acting up, that child stayed home with one parent while the other parent went with the other children. (That is why we always purchased trip insurance.) Yes, it did punish DH and myself but it didn't ruin the outing or trip for the other children - and yes, that one child would have RUINED it for all the others.

The three children that are now adults have said they appreciated it when things got cancelled because of behavior. My two children who were easier to raise said they made sure to shape up when they were told to because they knew their parents meant business and would follow through with any threat that came down the pike!

The OP's children were told to clean up after themselves and no bickering with each other. They chose not to follow what they were told and they knew what the outcome would be so they chose to not go to DW. It was the children's choices!

Children need to learn that if they don't follow the rules, consequences will happen. Everything in life is consequences and rewards. Just imagine if at your job you decide you aren't going to do something your boss repeatedly asked you to do. Would you have a job anymore? - CONSEQUENCES! Are you happy to have a roof over your head and food on the table? Thank your paycheck - REWARD for doing the job! Want to enjoy a drink at dinner? - REWARD. Getting raging drunk and getting behind the wheel and then getting arrested for drunk driving - CONSEQUENCE! That is life! I would much rather my children learn consequences when the choices they make won't impact the rest of their lives even if those consequences are (in some people's eyes) harsh.

Did you not see they went on the trip?
 
Took nieces and nephews to Disney once. One was failing school. He was capable just lazy. In the middle of semester I told if he passed He will go. He didn't so he stayed behind--- summer school. He begged. I told him what the deal was.
 
Did you not see they went on the trip?
You’ve got it in for me, I’ve never had a nemesis before. Interesting... :-)

Yes, we went. Instead of leaving Friday morning, we left at 4pm on Saturday. We aren’t irrational. They did their part, and went above and beyond. They lost a day at the pool and an entire day of something else. The point was still made... I’ll let you know how it goes the next time.
 
Leave them with a relative
Some people don't have that option. When we wanted to leave DS will relatives, we had to drive 12 hours. DH & I did that, when DS didn't want to go on an anniversary cruise with us. He preferred to spend time with his cousins & we wouldn't allow him to fly alone. Some people are very particular about who they leave their kids with. We were those parents.
 
Some people don't have that option. When we wanted to leave DS will relatives, we had to drive 12 hours. DH & I did that, when DS didn't want to go on an anniversary cruise with us. He preferred to spend time with his cousins & we wouldn't allow him to fly alone. Some people are very particular about who they leave their kids with. We were those parents.
Our parents live 3 hours out of the way... and are in their 70s. We have 3 kids, that’s a big ask, so we do it sparingly. Plus, going to their houses is a party for the kids.

We are often jealous of friends that have parents in town. We have never had that luxury. In the 11 years since having kids, we had just 2 weekends without kids prior to this year. We took a week vacation this year and had my mom and an uncle split time keeping the kids... it was nice!
 

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