Ever canceled a trip because kids didn't earn it?

I'm always on my daughter about picking up after herself so I understand. I would never cancel a trip because honestly I'm the one who wants the trip. She is a good kid too so I've finally made peace that I will just have to keep nagging her and that has helped me deal with the frustration. I've taken her phone and tablet away before but it really didn't make that much of a difference. Mostly I'll just have her stop what she is currently doing and pick up whatever mess she has going on, usually dirty dishes or make-up that was left out around the bathroom. I'm hoping someday it will sink in but until then I'll just keep nagging and texting her lists of things she needs to do. I will say she responds better if I text her a list.
 
My daughter loved trips of all types as a kid. She would have been so excited about it that I would have had zero problem getting her to do her chores asap or any other condition I gave her so I definitely never had to cancel a trip. But had she drug her feet then I would have done the same thing you did because it would appear your kids take those trips for granted. Missing one might help them understand that you mean what you say and also might help them stop taking it for granted since you can, and will, take it away if they don't follow through on their end.
 
I think cancelling the trip is justifiable in THIS specific situation due to several reasons:
i) nothing was booked as it was a last minute trip,
ii) you had told the kids that certain chores need to be completed in order to go on the trip and they did not care,
iii) it seems like this has been an ongoing issues for a long time. I'm sure you have reprimanded them in other ways previously. Sometimes if small punishments doesn't work you have to up the stakes.
iv) you live close by and this would not have been considered a once-in-a-lifetime trip.
If any of these points were different, I would've had a different answer probably. I'm glad that you showed them there are consequences. Doing chores is not a hard task (unless your requests were like cinderella's stepmother lol).
 


I was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer when my kids were 5yo. I spent the better part of a year undergoing surgery, chemo and radiation. I worried a lot about whether I was going to get to see my kids grow up. Some of the people I met on my cancer journey died, leaving their kids behind. I always felt very fortunate to have been given the gift of time with mine that some didn't get. It changed my view of what was really important to me when it came to my kids. I wasn't going to spend it arguing with them or cultivating poor relationships.

We had fun, and some really, really great times, many of which were on vacations. I wasn't missing even a minute of any of them. Of course we disciplined our kids, as well, but we spent a lot of time talking to them about why certain things were important to us in life, and I'm not just talking about vacations. There were reasons why a clean house was important to me, or why we wanted them to do well in school, follow rules, be kind ot others, etc.

My DH happens to have a way of making things kind of fun even when disciplining, too, so it was rare to have to have anything more than a serious sit down to "discuss" things. I would never have allowed either of us to fly off the handle and cancel a vacation, even a local one. As I said, those times were very cherished. And things like that were done to me when I was growing up and it sucked; I can still cry just thinking about some of those moments. Not what I wanted for the family I created.

I mentioned it in my first post, but another thing I think about is what if something happened to someone in the family weeks or months from now? Would missing out on that beautiful time away together be worth some toys or papers not being picked up, or not doing it fast enough? Not in my book. Especially under the circumstances described in the OP after being away for a month, etc. People always say hug your kids when something happens to theirs, but I was given the gift of learning that lesson early when my kids were young by living with the threat of losing my life myself. Life is short and nothing is more precious than time with our loved ones, especially our kids.
 
I think people are missing the parameters of this Disney trip. OP and her family live close enough to go to Disney fairly frequently, so it's not a once-in-a-lifetime, no airfare is involved, etc. She told her kids that they wanted to go but x,y, and z needed to be accomplished by noon or it wasn't going to happen. If my kids weren't interested enough in going to do what needed to be done by then, I'd cancel too. The kids had the ability to make this trip happen, and they didn't do what was needed. I'd have cancelled, too. Maybe now they'll realize that Mom means business when she says something.
 
I think people are missing the parameters of this Disney trip. OP and her family live close enough to go to Disney fairly frequently, so it's not a once-in-a-lifetime, no airfare is involved, etc. She told her kids that they wanted to go but x,y, and z needed to be accomplished by noon or it wasn't going to happen. If my kids weren't interested enough in going to do what needed to be done by then, I'd cancel too. The kids had the ability to make this trip happen, and they didn't do what was needed. I'd have cancelled, too. Maybe now they'll realize that Mom means business when she says something.

Just because people feel differently doesn't mean they are "missing" something.
I don't hold family trips or outings as hostage so my kids will do what I tell them. They have their own things that I can take away for that kind of behavior because IMO that fit's THEIR crime.
 


Last year we had a cruise planned for the beginning of summer break (DCL), and for several weeks right before the last day to cancel, the kids were behaving so badly. One night after they finally went to bed, we talked and agreed there was no way we were getting on a plane with those two, much less staying in the same small stateroom for a week with them. We cancelled the cruise the next morning and rebooked for a different itinerary for just the two of us for our anniversary.

At that time, we already had another DCL cruise booked for the following January, and they were both also going to camp that summer, so that influenced our decision--it was a little less mean. It wasn't like we cancelled a once-in-a-lifetime trip.

It turned out to be a brilliant decision. Not only did they suddenly start taking their behavior seriously (like a previous poster mentioned, they realized we meant business), DH and I had a wonderful trip alone, and we needed it.

I was getting my hair done and telling my stylist about it, and the other lady sitting nearby was horrified!
 
There is nothing "sacred" at our house including vacations...even Disney ones. Although taking away trips would not be my first choice, I would (and have) if I felt the situation warranted it. Based on the OP, his kids couldn't get it together. So they couldn't go on a last-minute trip. It seems like a reasonable expectation and a reasonable consequence.

As a teacher, I constantly see parents overlook their child's behavior as if it's not a big deal. Or they feel the need to bribe them with toys and candy, to get some kind of desired behavior. Then they make excuses for the child or blame problems on someone else. Children need to be held accountable for their actions, even it inconveniences the parent.

I ended one of our Disneyland trips early one year when we had APs. We were there for the week of Thanksgiving. We usually flew to CA, but this particular trip I drove. One of my girls got sick on the first day with 103 fever. I ended up taking her to a walk-in clinic. She was diagnosed with strep, and then I had to go to a pharmacy to pick up the antibiotics. I left my older teen-girls at the hotel with very clear instructions. When I returned, I found they had completely disregarded my instructions. I was quite disappointed with their actions and had very limited options for effective consequences while on vacation. So I canceled all remaining ADRs and went to bed. The next day, we packed up and drove home.

Last year, I had a long weekend planned at WDW for early December. But I got school progress reports reflecting poor grades and missing assignments for 2 of my kiddos. So I canceled my reservations and rebooked for 2 less people. The rest of the family went to WDW without them. And they stayed home with grandma. On this trip, they would have missed 2 days of school. But there was NO way I was taking them out of school for anything.

I will say most typical kid issues...like not doing chores, bickering with siblings, or leaving out toys, wouldn't be enough for me to take away a trip. I put forth a lot of effort and time planning our trips to make them special. So when I have to make changes, it's hard on me as well. But my job as a parent is to train my children to become successful adults. And sometimes unfortunately, that means making sacrifices to teach a tough lesson.
 
I think people are missing the parameters of this Disney trip. OP and her family live close enough to go to Disney fairly frequently, so it's not a once-in-a-lifetime, no airfare is involved, etc. She told her kids that they wanted to go but x,y, and z needed to be accomplished by noon or it wasn't going to happen. If my kids weren't interested enough in going to do what needed to be done by then, I'd cancel too. The kids had the ability to make this trip happen, and they didn't do what was needed. I'd have cancelled, too. Maybe now they'll realize that Mom means business when she says something.

Exactly, replace "trip to Disney" with "go to the movies" and I don't think anyone would think it was a big deal at all
 
Very generous of you. How about we assume none of the participants of this thread, including the OP, me and the laptop dad are abusive and none are neglectfully permissive, OK?

But...but...we are talking about cancelled Disney vacations and broken high-end electronics! I think bringing up "abuse" is SO warranted!
 
There is nothing "sacred" at our house including vacations...even Disney ones. Although taking away trips would not be my first choice, I would (and have) if I felt the situation warranted it. Based on the OP, his kids couldn't get it together. So they couldn't go on a last-minute trip. It seems like a reasonable expectation and a reasonable consequence.

As a teacher, I constantly see parents overlook their child's behavior as if it's not a big deal. Or they feel the need to bribe them with toys and candy, to get some kind of desired behavior. Then they make excuses for the child or blame problems on someone else. Children need to be held accountable for their actions, even it inconveniences the parent.
*snip*
To the bold, this is where I’m stuck with this particular scenario. The OP basically laid out a bribe/reward in exchange for doing something that to my way of thinking should have already been done. If I came home and my kids hadn’t done what they were supposed to do, offering a reward to get it done would not happen. It reinforces the idea that they should get something in exchange for something that’s expected of them. More importantly, it didn’t work. I’m all for follow through and in the OP’s case they had no choice since that was the deal but what now? It kind of leaves the parent backed into a corner IMO.
 
To the bold, this is where I’m stuck with this particular scenario. The OP basically laid out a bribe/reward in exchange for doing something that to my way of thinking should have already been done. If I came home and my kids hadn’t done what they were supposed to do, offering a reward to get it done would not happen. It reinforces the idea that they should get something in exchange for something that’s expected of them. More importantly, it didn’t work. I’m all for follow through and in the OP’s case they had no choice since that was the deal but what now? It kind of leaves the parent backed into a corner IMO.
I agree, I will add the caveat of are we talking normal chores or something above and beyond. I'm not necessarily speaking towards the OP's exact situation. Just talking out loud.

Growing up we were not given rewards for good grades, nor chores. Both were simply expected. There was however times where chores were added that were well above the normal chores and that may have led to a pizza and blockbuster night for example.
 
I agree, I will add the caveat of are we talking normal chores or something above and beyond. I'm not necessarily speaking towards the OP's exact situation. Just talking out loud.

Growing up we were not given rewards for good grades, nor chores. Both were simply expected. There was however times where chores were added that were well above the normal chores and that may have led to a pizza and blockbuster night for example.
Agreed, there’s definitely a difference. I’ll offer up a treat for something extra but in that case they have a choice. Other times I might just explain to them I need their help to get something done. In that case they’re just helping me out and only get thanks in return. Day to day chores though, they just got to do them, end of story.

eta: We had to explain what Blockbuster (and Radio Shack) was to my younger two when we went and saw Captain Marvel. 😂😂😂
 
I was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer when my kids were 5yo. I spent the better part of a year undergoing surgery, chemo and radiation. I worried a lot about whether I was going to get to see my kids grow up. Some of the people I met on my cancer journey died, leaving their kids behind. I always felt very fortunate to have been given the gift of time with mine that some didn't get. It changed my view of what was really important to me when it came to my kids. I wasn't going to spend it arguing with them or cultivating poor relationships.

We had fun, and some really, really great times, many of which were on vacations. I wasn't missing even a minute of any of them. Of course we disciplined our kids, as well, but we spent a lot of time talking to them about why certain things were important to us in life, and I'm not just talking about vacations. There were reasons why a clean house was important to me, or why we wanted them to do well in school, follow rules, be kind ot others, etc.

My DH happens to have a way of making things kind of fun even when disciplining, too, so it was rare to have to have anything more than a serious sit down to "discuss" things. I would never have allowed either of us to fly off the handle and cancel a vacation, even a local one. As I said, those times were very cherished. And things like that were done to me when I was growing up and it sucked; I can still cry just thinking about some of those moments. Not what I wanted for the family I created.

I mentioned it in my first post, but another thing I think about is what if something happened to someone in the family weeks or months from now? Would missing out on that beautiful time away together be worth some toys or papers not being picked up, or not doing it fast enough? Not in my book. Especially under the circumstances described in the OP after being away for a month, etc. People always say hug your kids when something happens to theirs, but I was given the gift of learning that lesson early when my kids were young by living with the threat of losing my life myself. Life is short and nothing is more precious than time with our loved ones, especially our kids.
My dad died rather suddenly of pancreatic cancer 2 years ago. Although I was an adult, it still reminds me of how fleeting life can be. It’s a delicate balance b/c I want DS to grow up & be happy & functional. But, I feel very much like you described. I don’t want to miss even a minute!
 
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I'm always on my daughter about picking up after herself so I understand. I would never cancel a trip because honestly I'm the one who wants the trip. She is a good kid too so I've finally made peace that I will just have to keep nagging her and that has helped me deal with the frustration. I've taken her phone and tablet away before but it really didn't make that much of a difference. Mostly I'll just have her stop what she is currently doing and pick up whatever mess she has going on, usually dirty dishes or make-up that was left out around the bathroom. I'm hoping someday it will sink in but until then I'll just keep nagging and texting her lists of things she needs to do. I will say she responds better if I text her a list.

DS12 has ADHD and doesn't do well with verbal instructions. As much as possible, I either give him a written list to cross off or I have him write down the list I verbally give him. I've found that compliance increases greatly when I do so.

As for canceling outings for bad behavior, I have done so but rarely. For example, a few weeks ago I planned a day trip with my kids and another mom and her son. I drove because I knew how to get to where we're going. After the trip got underway, I became alarmed by DS12's wild, uncontrollable and rude behavior. He has ADHD and Aspergers and it was becoming increasingly apparent that he had not taken his medicine for it despite my repeated reminders that morning. I asked him twice if he had taken it and he claimed he had even though he was acting like he hadn't. The third time I asked, he admitted to having not taken his medicine. Even though it was inconvenient, I took him home, made sure he took it and left him home with his grandmother (She lives with us part-time.)

He needed to understand that taking the medicine was nonnegotiable and that there were consequences for lying and not following directions. I needed to nip this behavior in the bud because I knew from past experience that if I didn't, he would spiral out of control. When I came home, he was calm because his medicine had kicked in and he immediately apologized. Part of the outing was going to a special bookstore so I gave him the book he had wanted to purchase there. Parenting a child like DS12 has proven to be a unique challenge quite unlike parenting my other son who is neurotypical. I'm naturally a laid back person so parenting him the way he needs to be parented is difficult for me. When we are too laid back with him though, he often starts getting out of control and it's difficult to get him to calm down again.

I've never canceled a trip because of behavior, however, I have given consequences for bad behavior during trips.
 
DS12 has ADHD and doesn't do well with verbal instructions. As much as possible, I either give him a written list to cross off or I have him write down the list I verbally give him. I've found that compliance increases greatly when I do so.

As for canceling outings for bad behavior, I have done so but rarely. For example, a few weeks ago I planned a day trip with my kids and another mom and her son. I drove because I knew how to get to where we're going. After the trip got underway, I became alarmed by DS12's wild, uncontrollable and rude behavior. He has ADHD and Aspergers and it was becoming increasingly apparent that he had not taken his medicine for it despite my repeated reminders that morning. I asked him twice if he had taken it and he claimed he had even though he was acting like he hadn't. The third time I asked, he admitted to having not taken his medicine. Even though it was inconvenient, I took him home, made sure he took it and left him home with his grandmother (She lives with us part-time.)

He needed to understand that taking the medicine was nonnegotiable and that there were consequences for lying and not following directions. I needed to nip this behavior in the bud because I knew from past experience that if I didn't, he would spiral out of control. When I came home, he was calm because his medicine had kicked in and he immediately apologized. Part of the outing was going to a special bookstore so I gave him the book he had wanted to purchase there. Parenting a child like DS12 has proven to be a unique challenge quite unlike parenting my other son who is neurotypical. I'm naturally a laid back person so parenting him the way he needs to be parented is difficult for me. When we are too laid back with him though, he often starts getting out of control and it's difficult to get him to calm down again.

I've never canceled a trip because of behavior, however, I have given consequences for bad behavior during trips.
:flower3: It’s got to be the hardest thing in the world to have to “get tough” with a special-needs child when every fibre in you just wants to protect, nurture and encourage. Again, it’s all about knowing your child and stepping up to train him/her into correct behaviour you know is within their abilities to control. You sound like you’re doing an awesome job.
 
Thanks. It is hard. I’m fortunate enough that he’s high functioning. The biggest challenge is figuring out when allowances for his special needs will help or hurt him in the long run. I have his 504 appointment today at a new school and so this is on my mind. He’s insanely intelligent with a genius level IQ but his special needs keep getting the way of him achieving his full intellectual potential.

My second biggest challenge is figuring out how to make sure DS8’s needs are met as well. It’s too easy to not notice when your neurotypical child needs help and support as well.
 

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