Ever canceled a trip because kids didn't earn it?

[Mainsail Minnie]

Our kids are great kids, seriously. They are kind to others, great in school, and generally just great kids. Except... they stink at picking up after themselves, and they really bicker with each other more and more over time. We are constantly having to stay on top of them for leaving things out. Shoes, dishes, cups, toys, trash, whatever. It's amazing. You can't believe how often these kids develop the need to POOP as soon we ask them to do their chores.

We were booking a last minute last weekend before school trip for today thru Tuesday, and asked them to do their chores and help straighten up. Well, one thing led to another,and instead of Disney, we will be organizing the garage and cleaning the house. I'm not going to let them win this dang battle. It's frustrating, because I personally wanted to make this trip. I have traveled this entire month and just wanted time away. Oh well.

Anyone here ever canceled their plans to prove point?

Your choice is valid. Good for you for sticking to your guns.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I am so sorry this happened to you.

Thank you, I truly appreciate your kind words I'm sorry it happened to me as well and it's something that has unfortunately stuck with me over the years.

 

[Searc]

Obedience such as not trespassing?
You seem to be lecturing others and patting yourself on the back yet have often stated examples of lax parenting from your social circles.

Isn’t breaking a computer shooting yourself in the foot?
How do the kids do their homework now?
How about donating the computer rather than destroying it.?
What a dumb parenting move showing kids it’s okay to destroy property.
I don’t see any lesson being learnt..

Yeah, wrong poster.

 

[DisLiss]

Nope. Never. Disney will always be an actual vacation for us, based on how far we are from any of the parks. With that in mind, I'm never cancelling a vacation because my kids didn't do chores. That's not what our vacations are about or are based on. And even a 4 day trip wouldn't be something I would cancel for that reason.

We like consequences to fit the "crime", so unless we had specifically said that the trip would be payment/reward for doing X,Y,Z and they refused to do X,Y,Z then we'd find some other consequence for the chores not getting done. (Based only on the OP I didn't know if this was the situation or not. Later on it seemed as though that was the case, so it makes more sense to me. )

 

[DisLiss]

And this is what is called a logical consequence. It works better with younger kids I think though. Sometimes older kids need a BIG punishment to make an impact.

My older kid just needs me to take back the cell phone.

 

[LSUmiss]

Oh so agree.

One time my dad's punishment for not calling to inquire on my cat's health (we had had the cat for 7 or 8 months but she developed fatal kidney disease) in the 4 days since I had seen her was to put her to sleep before I could say goodbye--followed by "well it's your fault you never called to ask how she was". There was a long period after that where I never stepped out of line--lesson learned I guess.

That’s heartbreaking. I’m so sorry!

 

[a1tinkfans]

Our kids are great kids, seriously. They are kind to others, great in school, and generally just great kids. Except... they stink at picking up after themselves, and they really bicker with each other more and more over time. We are constantly having to stay on top of them for leaving things out. Shoes, dishes, cups, toys, trash, whatever. It's amazing. You can't believe how often these kids develop the need to POOP as soon we ask them to do their chores.

We were booking a last minute last weekend before school trip for today thru Tuesday, and asked them to do their chores and help straighten up. Well, one thing led to another,and instead of Disney, we will be organizing the garage and cleaning the house. I'm not going to let them win this dang battle. It's frustrating, because I personally wanted to make this trip. I have traveled this entire month and just wanted time away. Oh well.

Anyone here ever canceled their plans to prove point?

No.. why punish yourself with no trip?
It won’t change their habits.. it clearly had no effect when.. I’m pretty sure they knew u were not happy and the trip was on the line. ?? Or
If they didn’t know about the trip ahead.. it also had no impact.
So, no I’ve not denied myself a well deserved break to “punish” kiddos bad ( but changeable) habits.
Sorry You’re missing out and ..punishing yourself.

 

[LSUmiss]

Oh so agree.

One time my dad's punishment for not calling to inquire on my cat's health (we had had the cat for 7 or 8 months but she developed fatal kidney disease) in the 4 days since I had seen her was to put her to sleep before I could say goodbye--followed by "well it's your fault you never called to ask how she was". There was a long period after that where I never stepped out of line--lesson learned I guess.

That’s heartbreaking. I’m so sorry!

I think you are mistaken in this view. They don’t accept the one size fits all expert view because they know their children and what may be effective in the specific situation they are faced with.

Let’s leave my generation out of it and accept that my parents generation had generally more authoritarian parents. Let’s contrast my parents generation with the Millenials whose parents had the benefit of oodles of experts and their research. In my opinion my parents generation had more effective adults then the current Millenial adults. I believe the reliance on experts in parenting has worsened the outcome of children becoming adults.

Actually, I think stereotypically the parenting of the millennials you’re speaking of (the everybody gets a trophy group) is more the permissive parenting style. That’s not authoritative. I’m not saying I think that’s an accurate stereotype of that group but more using your example. Just because more ppl have access to the experts doesn’t mean they effectively utilize the info. And, I would argue that I am happier & more mentally healthy b/c I was raised by a authoritative type parent as opposed to my parent who was raised by more authoritarian type parents of the generation you’re talking about.

 

[ronandannette]

Obedience such as not trespassing?
You seem to be lecturing others and patting yourself on the back yet have often stated examples of lax parenting from your social circles.

Isn’t breaking a computer shooting yourself in the foot?
How do the kids do their homework now?
How about donating the computer rather than destroying it.?
What a dumb parenting move showing kids it’s okay to destroy property.
I don’t see any lesson being learnt..

Seriously, Carrie?

I'm not patting myself on the back for anything. I'm a parent who like the OP, occasionally let things slide until I didn't. Attitude adjustments were made as needed. I'm supportive of the OP of this thread and his/her methods. I'm also supportive of the parent in the laptop example - they're not the same person. And if other methods work for you, or anybody else - huzzah! But be open minded enough to consider that not all kids are the same and their own parents know them best.

 

[LSUmiss]

Seriously, Carrie?

I'm not patting myself on the back for anything. I'm a parent who like the OP, occasionally let things slide until I didn't. Attitude adjustments were made as needed. I'm supportive of the OP of this thread and his/her methods. I'm also supportive of the parent in the laptop example - they're not the same person. And if other methods work for you, or anybody else - huzzah! But be open minded enough to consider that not all kids are the same and their own parents know them best.

Nope some things are abusive and/or harmful. Not saying anyone on this thread is. Just saying most of the times I had to report ppl to child protection they weren’t trying to abuse their children but thought they knew best & that they’re methods were justified.

 

[ronandannette]

Nope some things are abusive and/or harmful. Not saying anyone on this thread is. Just saying most of the times I had to report ppl to child protection they weren’t trying to abuse their children but thought they knew best & that they’re methods were justified.

Very generous of you. How about we assume none of the participants of this thread, including the OP, me and the laptop dad are abusive and none are neglectfully permissive, OK?

 

[mummabear]

@wilbret I really respect you following through, and sacrificing your own needs. I bet it was a hard decision to make.
We always follow through on our threats but are also very careful for what we threaten as well

 

[robinb]

Thank you. And for the most part, that is not effective. If the punishments are harsh enough, you may get compliance, but at what cost?

I think that some people don’t care about the real cost. They have obedient, polite children who are much easier to parent and that’s all that matters.

I was reminded of this thread while reading FB tonight. Someone on a group for a popular weight loss recipe web site posted about how she handles her ‘picky eater’ and many others chimed in with their methods to make their picky eaters eat what is being served (serving it to them twice, making them go to bed hungry, making them sit at the table until eaten). I found it ironic that many of the people who are in the group have issues with food and have eating disorders. But, that’s how they were raised and now that’s what they are teaching their children about food.

I think that many parents just do what their parents did with only short term goals in mind. An authoritarian parent gets results, but at what cost to their kids? A parent who makes dinner time a battle also gets results, but what does the ‘clean plate club’ really teach a child?

 

[amberpi]

Nope some things are abusive and/or harmful. Not saying anyone on this thread is. Just saying most of the times I had to report ppl to child protection they weren’t trying to abuse their children but thought they knew best & that they’re methods were justified.

How often do you witness something that needs to be reported to child protection? I’ve seen a couple of things (at Disney actually) that I found questionable, but I didn’t see a beating more screaming and belittling. Are you in a profession which would expose you to that maybe?

 

[pahoben]

Our kids are great kids, seriously. They are kind to others, great in school, and generally just great kids. Except... they stink at picking up after themselves, and they really bicker with each other more and more over time. We are constantly having to stay on top of them for leaving things out. Shoes, dishes, cups, toys, trash, whatever. It's amazing. You can't believe how often these kids develop the need to POOP as soon we ask them to do their chores.

We were booking a last minute last weekend before school trip for today thru Tuesday, and asked them to do their chores and help straighten up. Well, one thing led to another,and instead of Disney, we will be organizing the garage and cleaning the house. I'm not going to let them win this dang battle. It's frustrating, because I personally wanted to make this trip. I have traveled this entire month and just wanted time away. Oh well.

Anyone here ever canceled their plans to prove point?

Maybe they are getting too much fiber in their diet.

 

[LSUmiss]

How often do you witness something that needs to be reported to child protection? I’ve seen a couple of things (at Disney actually) that I found questionable, but I didn’t see a beating more screaming and belittling. Are you in a profession which would expose you to that maybe?

Yes I used to work in child mental health. My only point was that most parents did not set out to abuse their children. It was their version of “discipline” that got out of control. And, that doesn’t even include emotional abuse b/c that’s not reportable.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

When things like toys and clothes get left out after a warning in our house, they get "put away" at the top of my closet until the owner has earned them back by being responsible and obeying the rules.

 

[amberpi]

Yes I used to work in child mental health. My only point was that most parents did not set out to abuse their children. It was their version of “discipline” that got out of control. And, that doesn’t even include emotional abuse b/c that’s not reportable.

Ok, that’s makes a lot more sense and kinda what I remembered you had said but the past. For a hot second I was imagining some vigilante sjw trying to find the bad guys in the Walmart parking lot or something.

 

[Hikergirl]

The thing I've found interesting about this thread is that people have focused in on tidying up v.s. a weekend trip to Disney. I guess that's because of the title, but really the issue here is disciplining for disobedience. It really doesn't matter if it's doing chores or following house rules or behaving in a certain way. I guess "obedience" is an antiquated concept but that's what's at the root of it. Simple instructions, clearly stated and well within their capabilities, yet the OP's kids chose to behave differently. Call me a grumpy old bat (or an authoritative parent - those words are synonyms in my dictionary) but I believe kids, especially young ones, should comply with their parent's requests.

I haven't seen anywhere on this thread where parents said they would let the behavior go undisciplined.

 

[mco65]

I have never done that.. but then again, all of our WDW trips have been planned well in advance (minus 1).. We certainly wouldn't cancel a trip we scheduled 6 months ago because the kids would not clean up their rooms but if its last minute trip, who knows.. but i doubt it. I get the frustration though.. as my wife would say 'pick your battles.'