Ex beat us to WDW.... now what?

[MrsDuck]

Those kids will be thrilled to get to go again this year.

Without sounding hurtful, she's just as entitled to take them on their first trip as your hubby. She hasn't "stolen" anything. Don't let the resentment eat you up because the only who will be impacted by it will be you.

Sending you hugs. Your kids will have an amazing trip - both times - and at the end of the day that's what matters.

 

[mjkacmom]

The kids get to go on two WDW trips this year rather than one. Lucky them!

 

[Mika02]

As someone who is separated and soon to be divorced. My ex and I have gotten high praise for our co-parenting partnership. That said the feeling will never go away of wanting to experience things with your kids 1st or as soon as it's possible. But it's just not possible every time. We try but it's still is what it is someone is going to do it 1st and it just may not be you.

My kids and I experienced Disney last year for the 1st time without my ex. It was still a great experience and after being to Disney a few times before we were able to experience a lot of 1st since I had a lot of time to plan and coordinate. You will be able to too. Rides they didn't get to do this week, restaurants and experiences they didnt get to. It will be like the 1st time trust me.

You can't try to beat the ex to the punch for the rest of their lives because trust me it will be a losing battle and an unenjoyable one. Enjoy your experience your time with them especially as you all get to see your daughter experience her 1st time it's all that matters.

 

[DISNEYSQUIRRELS]

And perhaps this is why you shouldn't ask these opinion based questions on here. No one ever gets the full picture when they don't know the person posting. Vent to your friends and family and move on. You knew that you were marrying someone that came with an ex wife and kids.

Agreed, that post was quite mean spirited & very unrealistic of today's blended family dynamics. The OP should not be shamed for coming here for advice or venting here about her situation. The end.

 

[Allison]

still can’t get over the feeling that she stole something from us.

But, it is okay for the first trip to be stolen from her?

Somebody gets to be the first one to do things with kids in a divorce situation. That is just the way it goes. It isn't a competition to be won or lost. You need to let this go and have a fun trip with your family an d focus on what is important. It isn't who got there first.

 

[CeruleanMoon]

I'm sorry OP that it feels like the ex went and "stole your thunder." The timing does seem suspicious, and I would think that a polite person would let you take the trip you had already planned and gotten approval for without trying to suddenly turn around the do the same thing before you. There's no reason why her trip couldn't have been planned after yours. By squeezing it in before yours, after you had JUST told her about your trip, and knowing full well that your DH was looking forward to this special occasion, then yes, I do call that poor form.

However, you are now stuck with the reality of the situation and you need to make the best of it. The good news is that Disney is a HUGE place, with tons to do, and depending on your travel styles, each of your trips could turn very different from one another. Where are they staying? What parks are they going to? Are they doing any special events/tours/parties? Are they visiting the water parks?

You could stay at a differently themed resort, or onsite vs. their offsite (or vice versa), hit a water park if they are skipping it, spend more than one day at whatever their favorite park is, etc. Good luck to you and I hope your trip turns out just as fun and memorable as you and your DH had hoped!

 

[Nancyg56]

Oh boy, I was nto going to chime in becuase I was not in this situation, however I know people who either are now, or who have been. It was never pretty when parents began to compete, or who felt that their "first" trumped the other parents.

I am in no way suggesting that is the case her, however since it may be, let me put this in perspetive. One parent is going to miss the "first" special anything unless they manage to be together for that occasion.Personally, I would engage the kids in a way that makes them understand that Dad was thrilled for their opportunity, and then I would ask that while they were there, to please remember their favorite activities, their favorite attractions, whatever, so that they can use their new knowledge and experience to help you all plan the trip you all will be going on. Rather than let anyone worry about hurt feelings, I would want them to become even more excited and invested in that first trip. You see, if they sense that you all are feeling badly it will impact their fun, but if they know they are now being entrusted with a little mission that in no way takes away from the trip with Mom, they leave happy and unemcimbered.

Your trip will be very special as well. I beleive this entire experience may set the tome of any additional special trips or situations, so it really shoudl be handled well.

 

[Meglen]

This can make your trip even better! Do things they didn't get to go on there new fav ride! Eat at places they loved. They will have more imput and tons of story's listen to them and take note and give them a great trip!. No child is sad to go.to.disney 2 times in a year.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Oh boy, I was nto going to chime in becuase I was not in this situation, however I know people who either are now, or who have been. It was never pretty when parents began to compete, or who felt that their "first" trumped the other parents.

I am in no way suggesting that is the case her, however since it may be, let me put this in perspetive. One parent is going to miss the "first" special anything unless they manage to be together for that occasion.Personally, I would engage the kids in a way that makes them understand that Dad was thrilled for their opportunity, and then I would ask that while they were there, to please remember their favorite activities, their favorite attractions, whatever, so that they can use their new knowledge and experience to help you all plan the trip you all will be going on. Rather than let anyone worry about hurt feelings, I would want them to become even more excited and invested in that first trip. You see, if they sense that you all are feeling badly it will impact their fun, but if they know they are now being entrusted with a little mission that in no way takes away from the trip with Mom, they leave happy and unemcimbered.

Your trip will be very special as well. I beleive this entire experience may set the tome of any additional special trips or situations, so it really shoudl be handled well.

This is good advice! Use their first trip to your advantage in planning the second trip! Don't let on how disappointed you two are--smile, through gritted teeth if necessary. You get to re-do the funner parts of the first trip, and fill in what they wish they had done--that's a nice place to be. Make lemonade from your lemons!

 

[Carlymouse]

Maybe you can play off how much fun they had . . . we know you had so much fun, and we want to have that fun with you, too- really soon! There is SO much to do as well, you could revisit what they loved, but also figure out which character meals or shows they might enjoy that they didn't do- maybe a water park or park they didn't hit? Toy Story Land will be all yours, too!

 

[Random Ninja]

If it's a matter of your DH wanting that "first time" experience, why not switch up and go to Disneyland instead? It is the original Disney park and there's a lot there that WDW doesn't have. He could see his kids first time seeing the Matterhorn and Carsland.

 

[North of Mouse]

No matter how you look at it or feel, these are 'not' your children, and you have zero say in their upbringing - except provisional when they are with you and their dad! Harsh? Yes, but true!
If you make a big deal, likely things will get harder! Let it go - you're 'not' helping your husband!!

To be honest, I don't get the big deal on the 'first' WDW trip with children. Ours went various times when they were children, and 'each' time was a very big deal! Actually, not a lot of differences between trips as far as anticipation and excitement. They forget so much (I did too).
Take them, as planned, and let go of the petty feelings, and enjoy things through the children's eyes. You can bet it's not going to be a big deal with them - 1st or 2nd!!

You don't need to focus on one upmanships!! Your future as a family doesn't bode well is you do!

 

[KenHutch]

Look at the bright side they get 2 trips and when they get back they can help you plan by talking about what they liked. And it could be worse you could be in my boat. When I take my daughter I am also taking her mother and stepfather and usually a great aunt or two. Is it expensive? Oh yeah do I get irritated even bigger year but she gets the memories. Listen closely to the kids about what the liked or disliked and rearrange your plans accordingly.

 

[tinkerbelletreasure]

I have lot if experience in this area. I’m twice divorced. My daughter has gone to Disney multiple times with me and her dad. This summer my boys will experience their first trips alone with mom and dad. My ex worked for the Disney store for 3 years so we got free tickets and went every year for a while. With at least a half dozen Disney trips under my belt in the last decade, I can honestly say, every trip is a different experience. This is the first year I am doing MNSSHP though we’ve been during this time period before. We are trying a few new meals that we haven’t in the past because if dad’s preferences. The kids are going to see what it’s like for mom to be relaxed at Disney and not wanting to strangle dad for changing plans at the last minute or making sweeping arbitrary plans for us all as we go. We had one trip where the kids thought we were going to Six Flags and didn’t know we were going to Disney until we were on the road. I’ve akso had trips where my daughter and step daughter hit a tremendous amount of input into our plans. I promise there will be things they wanted to see or do that mom didn’t have time for. It’s hard for seasoned guests to get it all in, almost impossible fir newbies.
You’ve started in the right place. I have gotten invaluable advice, tips, and tricks off these Dis boards. Find out how moms trip went and then plan a different experience. Plus the kids will be excited to share everything they did with you, without feeling guilty for enjoying time with mom.

 

[crazylady]

I'd look at converting the boys tickets to annual passes and call it savings. I'm sure both trips will be fun. You could always switch to Universal if you wanted yo do something different.

 

[NinaBella]

I agree you can use it to your advantage in getting the boys involving helping you plan. Tell them you want to go as well, ask them what they liked and didn’t like. Let them feel like they are involved in the planning. It sounds like a great family dinner conversation to let them decide if they want to do a ride again or try something new. Kids like to feel like they can be helpful and this is a great opportunity to have them tell you their opinion and ride reviews.

I also agree you could change your trip to a cruise since your little one is still to small to also fully enjoy WDW. September right? That’s a good month to cruise but it is still hurricane season in Florida.

 

[PlutoTheDog89]

So here's a fun idea:

When the kids come back, let them do the planning. Pick their brain about the fun places to go and where to eat. Act as if you're the novice and you're letting them plan the vacation—because it sounded so fun the way they described it.

When they talk about it, say "oh man that sounds like so much fun.. I wish I could go!" And eventually follow it up with "say, I wanna go, but I need help planning it!"

That allows you to champion their mom for bringing them and turning them into experts (a little reverse psychology) and allows them to feel empowered and be excited to plan a trip.

Just realized @NinaBella said the same thing. Great minds!

 

[danikoski]

My husband and I have been trying to take the kids to Disney for the past two years. They have never been to WDW before and have been wanting to go for years, what kid doesn’t? My husband and I were planning a vacation to WDW last year and discussed it with his ex, they have two sons, and she stated she was going to try to take the kids last year as well. Shortly before booking our trip we found out we were pregnant with our daughter and our trip would fall when I was approximately 38 weeks pregnant and decided to postpone it a year. We informed his ex and she said they decided against going as well.

Fast forward to January of this year, we decided to plan our vacation for this fall. We cleared the dates and plans with my husband’s ex wife, you know the right thing to do, and told her we were keeping it a secret to surprise the boys. So we booked our trip. We were so excited! Taking the kids to Disney for the first time, they’d be ecstatic!

February she calls and says she has to discuss something with him, she’s planning a Disney trip for spring break, 6 months before our trip! I have never been more angry in my life! They’re currently in WDW now and I still can’t get over the feeling that she stole something from us. She knew we had plans and a trip booked that was supposed to be a surprise and swoops in and takes them before us! While I always knew she was spiteful towards my ex I never imagined she’d stoop this low. I’m so angry and while we discussed cancelling our trip or saving it for another year, we decided to still go. Anyone else experience this or have any tips on how to cope?

Oh, I know this feeling. I'm the step mom and the stories I have. It sucks sometimes to be in that blended family. So take some deep breaths and realize human beings can be jerks, but you get to determine how long to ride their rollercoaster of jerkdom. Personally, I vent, I commiserate with my husband, we may have drink if it was a major jerkdom moment, then we move on and figure out how to make the best of the situation.
For instance, the ex didn't tell my DH that his youngest daughter won a really prestigious scholarship. He found out through his niece, whose friends with his daughter on Facebook. There's a dinner with the scholarship, so his ex will need someone to watch their son, who is 13. It's the son's birthday that day. Instead of waiting for his ex to ask, we told her we'd take him, and we are going to Great Wolf Lodge that weekend. It'll take my DHs mind off the slight from his daughter and ex, and we get to go make memories with his son and our new son, who'll be seven months old then.
So, I'd recommend, as others have said, planning something special. Especially if it's something the boys can do with their dad that's just for them. It's all about the memories. Some things I'd recommend is maybe one of the "backstage" tours (the Marceline to the MK tour I hear is very good), a fishing excursion, Jedi training, character photos with characters dad and the boys like, Pirates cruise, special Character meal, etc. Maybe an in room celebration, or MNSSHP (although pricey). There's also a headless horseman event over at Fort Wilderness that might be fun. As others have said, even though it isn't their first trip to WDW, you can show them new and exciting things because WDW is so dang big. And guaranteed they didn't see it all over spring break. Oh, and there is Toy Story Land that will be newly opened when you are there. So you will get to be the first to experience that with them.
So, although how things panned out for spring break kind of sucks, your trip with your boys is what you make it. Have fun!

 

[Hikergirl]

My husband and I have been trying to take the kids to Disney for the past two years. They have never been to WDW before and have been wanting to go for years, what kid doesn’t? My husband and I were planning a vacation to WDW last year and discussed it with his ex, they have two sons, and she stated she was going to try to take the kids last year as well. Shortly before booking our trip we found out we were pregnant with our daughter and our trip would fall when I was approximately 38 weeks pregnant and decided to postpone it a year. We informed his ex and she said they decided against going as well.

Fast forward to January of this year, we decided to plan our vacation for this fall. We cleared the dates and plans with my husband’s ex wife, you know the right thing to do, and told her we were keeping it a secret to surprise the boys. So we booked our trip. We were so excited! Taking the kids to Disney for the first time, they’d be ecstatic!

February she calls and says she has to discuss something with him, she’s planning a Disney trip for spring break, 6 months before our trip! I have never been more angry in my life! They’re currently in WDW now and I still can’t get over the feeling that she stole something from us. She knew we had plans and a trip booked that was supposed to be a surprise and swoops in and takes them before us! While I always knew she was spiteful towards my ex I never imagined she’d stoop this low. I’m so angry and while we discussed cancelling our trip or saving it for another year, we decided to still go. Anyone else experience this or have any tips on how to cope?

So you and your dh were planning a trip last year and so was the boy's mom? You got pregnant and decided to postpone, so at that point if the mom didn't change her mind she still would have taken them then while you guys put it off for a year. I'm not seeing how she stole anything from you, try to look at it a different way- this is YOUR family's first trip together.

 

[momto3pirates]

Go to Disneyland. Then you get the first trip experience.