Family shower issue. What would you do

I've stated before that the shower is a surprise and one the co workers that's hosting it called me for family and names and address so that's what a gave her since i only met these people times that's why I asked about nieces DD which I was told was ok. Not thinking I was causing a major issues when actually I was trying to avoid any issues since hostess first said GGN could come then change the rules she should be the one to tell her now she can't come my niece is not only DD cousin she's also her best friend. They are really close I wish I would have though fast enough to say thanks but we're planning a shower but I thought it was so nice of them to think of DD thanks for the replies

OP, you can still do something that includes the kids in your family. It doesn't have to be a full blown shower, but maybe just a family get together to celebrate.
 
Different opinion here. These work friends are nice enough to be hosting a shower for your DD and are nice enough to include your family as well. You were their contact person. They don't know your family at all. Would it really be a big deal for you to help them out by calling your niece? Does she not have anyone else to watch her? Her father perhaps? I just don't see this as a big deal. It's not like the 18 month old is going to be sad that she wasn't invited. Same with the 3 year old.

I totally agree!
 
I've stated before that the shower is a surprise and one the co workers that's hosting it called me for family and names and address so that's what a gave her since i only met these people times that's why I asked about nieces DD which I was told was ok. Not thinking I was causing a major issues when actually I was trying to avoid any issues since hostess first said GGN could come then change the rules she should be the one to tell her now she can't come my niece is not only DD cousin she's also her best friend. They are really close I wish I would have though fast enough to say thanks but we're planning a shower but I thought it was so nice of them to think of DD thanks for the replies
FWIW, I agree with you. If the hostess decided she doesn't want kids there, she should be the one to tell the invitees that they decided the shower would be adults only. Tell the hostess that you think it would be better for her to contact the invitees personally to assure there's no confusion. Let her know you appreciate what she is doing for your DD & you'll be fine with whatever she decides to do. At that point, I wouldn't involve myself any further in the planning. IMO, you gave her names & addresses. You've satisfied your obligation.
 
I find it fascinating that there are so many interpretations of what showers should be like and we have all answered this question with our own “versions” in mind. To me a bridal or baby shower is 100% a ladies-only afternoon tea party type thing. There can certainly be more than one given by different groups and the world doesn’t come to an end if a family member hosts. It wouldn’t cross my mind to want children there, and a co-worker giving a shower would do it at the office during lunch or something, so the issue of outside guests wouldn’t even come up. The idea of a big friends and family gathering with drinks and dancing would never occur to me as a shower of any kind. Different strokes, and all very interesting. :thumbsup2
 


Even though the party planner original said niece would be invited, you should have confirmed she was *actually* invited before inviting her yourself, OP.

Did the OP invite her???
She had provided the contact info to the planner, and the mother of the toddler called 'whomever' to RSVP. Where it seems that it was not mentioned whether the toddler was invited or not.

.... I gave them names and address for our family .my niece has an 18month old DD I asked if it was OK if she came too . which I was told that would be fine. So last night I get a text from my DDIL .saying that the girl I talked to didnt have my phone # so that's why she texted DDIL anyways it seems now they don't want little kids at the shower. .... now the work friend wants me to call my niece and tell her that her DD is not invited. I don't knows why she didn't say anything about it to my niece when she called to rsvp but now I'm stuck in the middle.

Or did I miss something????

This is just way too awkward and convoluted.
I still say, make sure they have the necessary contact info, as agreed... and back away slowly!!!!
 
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Did the OP invite her???
She had provided the contact info to the planner, and the mother of the toddler called 'whomever' to RSVP. Where it seems that it was not mentioned whether the toddler was invited or not.

She did, when the niece called to let OP know she hadn't received an invitation so she (OP) gave her all the details, including that the niece's child was invited.
 
Even though the party planner original said niece would be invited, you should have confirmed she was *actually* invited before inviting her yourself, OP.

She asked if the child was invited and was told “yes”. Isn’t that confirming whether the child was included?

And the child’s mother also RSVPed (and presumably double checked that both of them would be attending).

Does your DD, the honoree, want children there?

I think it was mentioned that the party is a surprise so I’m assuming they did not ask her.

But I think it’s really more important what the host wants. It may be in her home or another location that is not child-friendly.
 
i missed this was a shower for a second baby. I hate showers anyway and no way would I attend one for a second child. I know everyone has an opinion on this issue and mine is showers for the first and that is it.

For family and friends who have subsequent children I either drop off or send a gift a I do want to celebrate the baby's birth. Basic baby needs should have been kept as much as possible from prior child or it is the responsibility of the parents to afford their new addition IMHO.

We had a baby shower for our second child because my friends offered to host one. Instead of gifts for the baby though we asked for donations of new and gently used baby gear for the local family shelter. Our then 3 1/2 year old was an honorary co-host. The adults hosting had kids who were friends with my son so kids were all over the place during the shower. We ate, chatted and decorated onesies. It was fun and low key.

Even though our second child's baby shower had kids I don't kids should attend every shower.

I've attended adult coed showers at bars and home ones that had drinking games such as who can chug alcohol from a baby bottle fastest. I've also attended a female only lingerie shower. Would any of those showers be suitable for children?
 
I find it rude that one of the organizers said that the grandniece could come and is now uninviting her.

If the OP was asked for addresses, I don't think it was out of line to inquire whether the invitation was for just her neice or her and her daughter. Presumably, she never would have told her neice that she could bring the child if the answer had been no.
 
Question for @Dznypal - are all the young children in question here girls? Would you expect them to be included in the same way if they were boys? Several PP's have mentioned taking their daughters to showers with them but nobody has suggested including little boys.
 
In fall one of the girls my DD works with called to get names and address since they were planning a baby shower for DD. So I gave them names and address for our family .my niece has an 18month old DD I asked if it WS OK if she came too . which I was told that would be fine. So last night I get a text from my DDIL .saying that the girl I talked didnt have my phone # so that's why she texted DDIL anyways it seems now they don't want little kids at the shower. My 10 yr old DGD can come. But now the work friend wants me to call my niece and tell her that her DD is not invited. I don't knows why she didn't say anything about it to my niece when she called to rsvp but now I'm stuck in the middle I'm just wondering if my DD is allowed to bring my DGD . she's only 3. Just wondering what you think or how to handle this awarkward situation . thanks all
The host decides who to invite. If the name of a child or person of any age is not on the front of the envelope, then that child or person of any age is not invited.
Small children do not normally attend shower parties.
 
OP back again the showers I've been to the DD of the adults were invited. The names weren't on the invites it was just a given they were invited and most of the times the DS didn't come but if they did it was no big deal . its funny I was talking to DD tonight and she said her and DGD were going to a surprise birthday party on Sunday so now I know my 3 year old DGD will there ...
 
Thanks for listening and all the different views on showers when I asked for addresses I thought that was the guest list
 
OP back again the showers I've been to the DD of the adults were invited. The names weren't on the invites it was just a given they were invited and most of the times the DS didn't come but if they did it was no big deal . its funny I was talking to DD tonight and she said her and DGD were going to a surprise birthday party on Sunday so now I know my 3 year old DGD will there ...

I think this is another one of those area or circle situations. I've lived in three states & had similar experiences in all of them. From what I've read here, it could be that I have a habit of socializing with people with similar personalities everywhere I live. I don't know anyone who would be offended, if someone brought a child or another adult to a shower that wasn't specified on the invitation. People usually ask, if it's okay. No one I know seems to care, including me. Everyone plans for a few more than what was on the original list, but also knows some people who are invited won't show. Apparently, this wouldn't be okay in some areas, but it's not at all uncommon in the places I've lived.
 
OP back again the showers I've been to the DD of the adults were invited. The names weren't on the invites it was just a given they were invited and most of the times the DS didn't come but if they did it was no big deal . its funny I was talking to DD tonight and she said her and DGD were going to a surprise birthday party on Sunday so now I know my 3 year old DGD will there ...

OP, it is wrong to assume something of someone else because it is been your experience.
Maybe the hostess had every intention of inviting kids, but the guest list got to big to accommodate them.
If you aren't the host, then you are just a guest and should never assume anything until the actual invitation is in your hand.
 
Do kids want to go to showers? I remember the showers that I was expected to appear at as a child. Pure torture and it was totally unfair that my brother got to play at home instead of sit there and watch someone open presents (also, I hated cake as a child so the one thing the other bored girls looked forward too meant I was going to be harassed by people who couldn't believe I don't like cake).
 
I think this is another one of those area or circle situations. I've lived in three states & had similar experiences in all of them. From what I've read here, it could be that I have a habit of socializing with people with similar personalities everywhere I live. I don't know anyone who would be offended, if someone brought a child or another adult to a shower that wasn't specified on the invitation. People usually ask, if it's okay. No one I know seems to care, including me. Everyone plans for a few more than what was on the original list, but also knows some people who are invited won't show. Apparently, this wouldn't be okay in some areas, but it's not at all uncommon in the places I've lived.

This is how it is in my family and friends circle. As long as it’s not a pay per person/plate kind of party no one cares about exact headcount. If an extra person shows up there’s usually a person that hasn’t shown up.

That’s how it’ll be did my son’s graduation party. I invited 125. I expect some of my younger cousins will bring a gf or bf and some people won’t make it. It’ll all even out. I don’t let it bother me.

I’m also expecting to get a text or two asking if someone could bring their cousin or someone who’s in town visiting for another graduation. And instead of leaving them home they’ll ask if they can tag along. No problem for me. We believe in the more the merrier concept. To a certain degree. Lol
 
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