First Christmas after losing parent. Was it weird?

[Minnesota!]

It was.horrible. It was 1999 and I still choke up thinking of it.

 

[Skippy918]

FIL passed away a week before Christmas 3 years ago. We had always had Christmas Eve at our house and Christmas Day dinner at the in laws. Yes, it was weird and awkward and my youngest was 4 at the time and kept asking where grandpa was. It’s less awkward now that some time has passed.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I haven't read the whole thread yet, but yes, it was definitely weird for me - the first three years especially. After that, I had DS, so my role in Christmas was kind of renewed, if that makes sense.

 

[Forum Jumper]

It was.horrible. It was 1999 and I still choke up thinking of it.

This.

My Dad passed away after a surgical procedure and they put him on life support until we could all get there to say good bye. I am the oldest child and there were arrangements that needed to be made. I wasn't emotionally prepared for any of the process. A few months later, Christmas arrived and I couldn't stop crying through the Holiday. It even took a couple of years before I could talk about him without crying. I should have gotten counseling.

 

[powellrj]

My mom died almost 3years ago. It was hardest working with helping my dad understand. He still is lost without my mom, and being with him on the holidays is so hard because he misses her so much and he has dementia and doesn’t understand.

 

[Minnesota!]

This.

My Dad passed away after a surgical procedure and they put him on life support until we could all get there to say good bye. I am the oldest child and there were arrangements that needed to be made. I wasn't emotionally prepared for any of the process. A few months later, Christmas arrived and I couldn't stop crying through the Holiday. It even took a couple of years before I could talk about him without crying. I should have gotten counseling.

My dad passed in early November. So, there was no "healing" before holidays. It was just an endless stream of reminders that he wasn't here. Thanksgiving was BRUTAL. I spent it in my kitchen, with my mom, getting drunk. I had an entire bottle of Couvassier that night.

Christmas, I just spent in my dad's chair, crying. I was 21, newly engaged, gaining weight because of poor eating and drinking choices, the absence was SO profound. It still is, but that first one was just heartbreaking. I definitely should have got counseling, too. It definitely changed me into a very bitter person for a very long time..

 

[belle032]

My dad passed in April. I'm not dreading Christmas exactly, but I'm not looking forward to it either. Considering December 28 is my parent's anniversary and Jan. 2 is my Dad's birthday, it will be a hard holiday season. I live about 14 hours away from my mom and brothers, which makes it tough. This year DH & I are traveling to California to spend Christmas with my extended family, and I definitely believe future Christmases will be spent traveling (Disney, cruising, renting a house somewhere, etc) in one way or another.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

My dad passed away in 1992 at the age of 67. We knew Christmas 1991 was his last. My mom still did Christmas Eve exactly the same so while it was different it felt good that the traditions continued

My mom passed away August 28. She has lived with me for the past few years and I took complete care of her the last few months. She was 90 but her mind was sharp as a tack up until the last few weeks. I am dreading not only Christmas but Thanksgiving too. They were her favorite holidays and we even put a tree in her room each Christmas. Right now the hurt is so fresh that I'm not sure if I'll keep things the same or try something different this year

 

[goofyernmost]

Isn't death strange? Every one of us is going to die at some point in time, yet, we have such a hard time dealing with it. My father passed away at the end of August 1995 so by the time the holidays got to us, we had all pretty much accepted it and really didn't have a problem. We missed him, sure, but, there was no heavy mourning about it. My Mother passed away the end of November 2005.

My sister and her son shared my Moms home so for her there was a huge loss. My Mom and Dad always had a family/friend party on Christmas Eve so that first year and a number of them after my sister hosted the event. The first two years after my Mothers passing, on the table with all the edibles was a 8X10 photo of Mom and vigil candles. Talk about a party mood killer. Anyway, we convinced her that it was time to let go, but, she still carried on the Christmas Eve thing (sans vigil) and still does. My daughters, their families and myself moved to NC from Vermont staggered from 2009 to 2011, but, one of my daughters continued the Christmas Eve tradition down here. My Mother gave me a box of Chocolate Covered Cherries for years and years as a Christmas gift. My sister spent the next 10 years sending me a box of them signed... Love, Mom. It may seem heartless, but, even though I appreciated that she wanted to maintain that tradition as well, I finally had to tell her that it was really starting to feel more weird then warm and asked her to stop.

But, then again I was never referred to as emotionally vacant for no reason.

 

[lolomarie]

My dad passed when I was 25. He had booked us a family trip to the Bahamas before he passed. My mom made the executive decision to go on the trip and extend it over Christmas week. That was the best decision ever. Christmas still sucked without him, but it didn't hurt nearly as deeply being somewhere totally new, we had never not had snow on Christmas. We didn't put up a tree that year and we didn't exchange presents. The following year Christmas resumed, and it hurt, but it wasn't as raw as the year before. Every year gets easier. Time is the great healer. All the best to you during these tough times.

 

[lolomarie]

And I think I'll add, he was a member of these boards. Sometimes I search his old posts just to hear his "voice". He was such an amazing man, but of extremes. Sometimes he would go out of his way to be helpful and caring, and sometimes he was straight up condescending to people, just like he was in life. Lol. Makes me laugh and smile to picture him getting a rise out of people or stirring the pot, and then in the next post spending time researching on behalf of complete strangers.

 

[Disney Doll]

It had moments of being difficult, but it wasn’t terrible. Don’t expect the perfect “Hallmark holiday”. Don’t try and keep things exactly the same because they never will be again.

Go with the flow is about the best advice I could give.