For those in retirement age and who splurged or was over conservative in your youth....

With pensions, even if the market went down, the pension was still safe. The company had to pay out regardless. And now, unless retirees put their retirement funds into annuity products, they have to worry about outliving their 401k balances.
up!

Pensions are not 100% guaranteed either, you do know that right? If a company is in bad financial shape, or even has over promised and paid out way more than it has brought in, all you may be left with is a promise. There are a lot of stories to go read right now on the pension problems in our country with both public and private sector pensions. I’d rather be in control of my money than have empty promises. If those promises were lies, then what?
 
Pensions are not 100% guaranteed either, you do know that right? If a company is in bad financial shape, or even has over promised and paid out way more than it has brought in, all you may be left with is a promise. There are a lot of stories to go read right now on the pension problems in our country with both public and private sector pensions. I’d rather be in control of my money than have empty promises. If those promises were lies, then what?
The PBGC was created in 1974 to insure corporate pensions. If the company mismanaged the pension funds or went under, the pensions were still paid. But there are some problems. Some companies, knowing that the pensions were insured, over promised pension benefits they could not pay during union negotiations, or purposely mismanaged the pension funds. Now the PBGC is in danger of running out of money. But it still insured those pensions.
 
The PBGC was created in 1974 to insure corporate pensions. If the company mismanaged the pension funds or went under, the pensions were still paid. But there are some problems. Some companies, knowing that the pensions were insured, over promised pension benefits they could not pay during union negotiations, or purposely mismanaged the pension funds. Now the PBGC is in danger of running out of money.
Exactly! Heck, if I held a pension from the state of IL, I’d be nervous as all get out. Receiving pennies on the dollar from a promised pension would put even the best retirement plan over the edge.
 
A lot of people speak about helping their parents out and it baffles me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and appreciate the guidance they have given me in life, but there is no way in heck that my wife and I would be helping to support any of our parents. It is not even an option. I am not going to feel on the hook for any of their financial decisions which I had no say in nor do I feel responsible for where they are at in their lives. I left the house at 18 and have done it all on my own, my wife too. We owe no one but ourselves.
 


A lot of people speak about helping their parents out and it baffles me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and appreciate the guidance they have given me in life, but there is no way in heck that my wife and I would be helping to support any of our parents. It is not even an option. I am not going to feel on the hook for any of their financial decisions which I had no say in nor do I feel responsible for where they are at in their lives. I left the house at 18 and have done it all on my own, my wife too. We owe no one but ourselves.


depending on the state you live in/parents live in it might not be a matter of choice. Currently, thirty states in the u.s. as well as puerto rico have passed filial (due from a son or daughter) responsibility laws. filial support laws require adult children to financially support their parents if they are not able to take care of themselves or to cover unpaid medical bills, such as assisted living costs as well as food, clothing, shelter, and health care/medical needs of the parent. eleven out of the thirty states have never enforced their filial responsibility laws and most rarely put them into place . pennsylvania is the only state that currently enforces the law aggressively.

i suspect with a growing aging population that may not have saved sufficient to meet their later life needs more states may be actively enforcing these laws. i have recent personal experience with being threatened by a california county with a criminal misdemeanor and civil fines because they have recently taken to aggressively enforcing a health and safety code from the 1930's that requires a blood relative to be financially responsible for the final disposition of the remains of any 'blood relative' (even verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry distant that you've never met let alone knew existed). yup-if the coroner's office can track down a degree of relatedness and find a way to contact you BINGO! you get notified by phone, are given x number of days to make arrangements along with a complimentary copy of california law to drive home that you don't want them to make arrangements (b/c in addition to the criminal charges they'll triple charge you whatever they decide to pay their contractor). this law has been on the books since the 30's and it's only NOW beginning to be actively enforced b/c of the increasing number of passing indigent seniors (we used to pay for these using county funds when i worked for dshs in california-not the case anymore).
 
Good luck....as more of these go to court, it is going to be an uphill battle. Glad I live in Nebraska as well as my parents and inlaws. I am sure as hell not going to be paying my own bills as well as others. Found a good article answering some of these questions https://www.forbes.com/sites/northw...support-laws-and-long-term-care/#646bd0aa6e1d

i agree that it will be an uphill battle but even in that case if you're in one of the states that does decide to pursue it and you end up being the one the state opts to go after it could be a costly endeavor to defend yourself. in my situation it came down to it just being less expensive to make the least expensive arrangements i could find vs. what i would have had to pay an out of state attorney to defend me if the county kept their word on pursuing the triple payment, civil fines and criminal charges. in the end it was cheaper to google search 'cheap cremations' and just be done with it (cold hearted some will likely consider me but when your kinship is discovered via a police record search that entails death threats on the part of the deceased to yourself there's some justification).
 


A lot of people speak about helping their parents out and it baffles me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and appreciate the guidance they have given me in life, but there is no way in heck that my wife and I would be helping to support any of our parents. It is not even an option. I am not going to feel on the hook for any of their financial decisions which I had no say in nor do I feel responsible for where they are at in their lives. I left the house at 18 and have done it all on my own, my wife too. We owe no one but ourselves.

If it ends up being between my parents ending up homeless/starving and me helping them? I sure as hell would help them.
 
Good heavens! Did your parents not feed, clothe and shelter you those 18 years? Get you medical care, drive you around when you needed a chauffeur, buy you Christmas or birthday gifts, help you with homework when you needed it, take you on a vacation or road trip or just camping at your local state park? Spend time with you, teaching you things around home or about the world, help you with Scouts or provide you with swimming lessons or get you a pet dog or cat? Give you hugs and kisses when you were upset or afraid of the dark or had fallen off your bike, etc.?

Families without much discretionary money still do so many wonderful things to support and take good care of their kids. However, if your family, and that of your wife, was cold and unfeeling toward their children, or worse--abusive--then I am very sorry and I understand you not wanting to help them in return, if they ever had need of you. Otherwise-----remember that your children are watching you and learning how to regard one's parents later in life.
 
A lot of people speak about helping their parents out and it baffles me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and appreciate the guidance they have given me in life, but there is no way in heck that my wife and I would be helping to support any of our parents. It is not even an option. I am not going to feel on the hook for any of their financial decisions which I had no say in nor do I feel responsible for where they are at in their lives. I left the house at 18 and have done it all on my own, my wife too. We owe no one but ourselves.
I have to say that if baffles me that anyone with a relationship with their parents would turn their backs on them if they needed help. From your other posts you parents have helped you in the past by co-signing loans & credit card applications and lending you money to buy property at a tiny interest rate. They were there for you by your own account and you would deny them help if they needed it from you now? Did your relationship sour between when and now?
 
Pretty much, my wife and I have been on our own since we were 16. We love our parents, very much.......but, we are not saving and planning for anything other than our own futures and getting our kids off on the right track. We don’t owe anything to anyone but ourselves.

I am not going to be held accountable for other’s poor planning and living their lives beyond their means. I was never asked to be part of those decisions and I will not be compelled to fix them. Being responsible for yourself is hard for many to fathom, but that is me. It is not my families responsibility to take care of other’s problems. No part of any talk I have ever had with a financial planner discussed taking care of anyone besides my wife and kids....never. I do hope my kids are paying attention as they should always be looking out for their own futures, not mine.
 
Pretty much, my wife and I have been on our own since we were 16. We love our parents, very much.......but, we are not saving and planning for anything other than our own futures and getting our kids off on the right track. We don’t owe anything to anyone but ourselves.

I am not going to be held accountable for other’s poor planning and living their lives beyond their means. I was never asked to be part of those decisions and I will not be compelled to fix them. Being responsible for yourself is hard for many to fathom, but that is me. It is not my families responsibility to take care of other’s problems. No part of any talk I have ever had with a financial planner discussed taking care of anyone besides my wife and kids....never. I do hope my kids are paying attention as they should always be looking out for their own futures, not mine.

I think you're hung up on planned and unplanned. I mean, I have planned to take care of my mom, if necessary, and I have not planned to take care of my in-laws (since they are adamant they will want to have a nursing home environment and they have the funds and plans for that). However, if somehow my in-laws got wiped out in a fire, in a pension scandal, in a Berni Madoff situation, in a long-term health disaster, etc and showed up on my door, I'm not gonna tell them "too bad, so sad, you said you didn't need me, so I never made plans." They are family, and I'd ask what they need and try to help to the best of my ability, to include taking them in to live with us. Yeah, it would be an unexpected burden, but family takes care of family...without a total breakdown in the familial relationship (from abuse/incest/etc), families don't dump other family on perfect strangers or the government to take care of when they could do something about it...

It's one of those decisions that I don't wanna get wrong and then find out much later how wrong that decision was...
 
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Pretty much, my wife and I have been on our own since we were 16. We love our parents, very much.......but, we are not saving and planning for anything other than our own futures and getting our kids off on the right track. We don’t owe anything to anyone but ourselves.

I am not going to be held accountable for other’s poor planning and living their lives beyond their means. I was never asked to be part of those decisions and I will not be compelled to fix them. Being responsible for yourself is hard for many to fathom, but that is me. It is not my families responsibility to take care of other’s problems. No part of any talk I have ever had with a financial planner discussed taking care of anyone besides my wife and kids....never. I do hope my kids are paying attention as they should always be looking out for their own futures, not mine.

This is not personally directed at you, as I'm in no place to judge how you came to that decision, but this is exactly why the old "But who will take care of you when you're old???" justification for having children is totally bunk.
 
I don't want to jump into the parental care conversation except to say that it is an issue facing a huge number of people today. There is even a term for it: the Sandwich Generation. About 1 in 8 people in their 40s to 60s is helping to support/care for both their children and their aging parents. It's just another factor making it harder for many to prepare adequately for their own retirement.

So far, my wife and I have been fortunate. My mom is 88 and she and my late father were frugal and dedicated savers so she has had more than enough to live on in her old age. My wife's mother, with whom we have a very strained relationship, is 78 and also seems to be doing okay on her own. Neither of them have needed any outside support. Hopefully, that continues to be the case.
 
I don't want to jump into the parental care conversation except to say that it is an issue facing a huge number of people today. There is even a term for it: the Sandwich Generation. About 1 in 8 people in their 40s to 60s is helping to support/care for both their children and their aging parents. It's just another factor making it harder for many to prepare adequately for their own retirement.

So far, my wife and I have been fortunate. My mom is 88 and she and my late father were frugal and dedicated savers so she has had more than enough to live on in her old age. My wife's mother, with whom we have a very strained relationship, is 78 and also seems to be doing okay on her own. Neither of them have needed any outside support. Hopefully, that continues to be the case.
My parents thankfully never needed financial help. But they did need help when their health became poor. I spent the better part of a summer staying with my mom while she dealt with terminal cancer. My then 10 year old son had to hang around her condo with me. So that's kind of the same thing with the sandwich concept. I had a young child and an elderly mother who both depended on me. Similarly my husband takes a turn spending an evening a week with his mom. Every Thursday he sits with her while she has dinner.
 
My teen daughter helps me every other Saturday when we do things like grocery shop, deliver groceries, put them away, take trash out, mail bills, and run a few local errands for my brother who is in his 50s, single and very disabled with MS. My three sisters and I pay for his food, toiletries and household cleaning items. There is no way he can cover those things on his SS Disability monthly stipend. I am modeling for my daughter that family takes care of family with financial help, emotional support, and whatever is needed that can be given. She puts in her time and legwork. But our extended family offers her a ton of support, affection, and gifts, as well, and has throughout her life.
 
My parents thankfully never needed financial help. But they did need help when their health became poor. I spent the better part of a summer staying with my mom while she dealt with terminal cancer. My then 10 year old son had to hang around her condo with me. So that's kind of the same thing with the sandwich concept. I had a young child and an elderly mother who both depended on me. Similarly my husband takes a turn spending an evening a week with his mom. Every Thursday he sits with her while she has dinner.

exactly what I was thinking. Our parents had enough money, but when they are old, getting frail and dementia, they still need a lot of help. Father-in-law had Parkinson's, mother-in-law had lung cancer and has fallen and broken bones more than once. When they get in their 90's and can't drive themselves to the doctor, or remember what the doctor told them, someone needs to help. Managing finances, medications, keeping on top of their health and whatever caregiving situation they are in, are all areas we had to help.
 
Very interesting question and thread. I love reading everyone's perspective.

DH and I are in our mid-40s, so not retirement age. However, my approach to money is very different from my parents' approach.

My parents were born around the time of the Great Depression. Growing up, they were money hoarders and very cheap. I never got new clothes, always hand-me-downs, and I had to start buying my own clothes in middle school with babysitting jobs. They had money, they just didn't want to spend it.

Fast forward many years later, when my parents hit theirs 60s and 70s they finally decided they could spend some of their money to travel. The problem was that they couldn't physically handle a lot of travel. They booked their dream vacation two years ago, and ended up having to cancel it because my dad got sick and died a few months later.

My mom is now sitting on way more money than she needs, but she still doesn't like to part with it. She lives in an assisted living place and has a very small, old television. We've tried to talk her into getting a new tv, for example, but she won't.

So with that said, I don't want to hoard money. After all, you can't take it with you. We travel a few times a year, mostly using credit card miles and points but we supplement it with cash. We don't go into debt for it, but we still spend a significant percentage on travel. My husband has always wanted to go to New Zealand, so we are going next year. Sure, it would be cheaper to wait until our kids are grown and out of the house and just go by ourselves, but there is no guarantee that our health will be good at that time.

I also make it a point to be generous to my kids and buy them decent clothes so that they are not made fun of at school like I was.
 
We are not close to retirement age and the kids are nowhere close to being out of the house, but I thought it's an interesting question. I think about it a lot. I would say, I am more on the side of being cautious with money. However, sometimes I wonder if I limit us too much. Don't get me wrong, we vacation at really nice places and stay at really nice hotels. However, I do try to do it as cheaply as I can. For example, we usually stay at deluxe resorts, but it's because of DVC. We definitely don't do the extra parties, dining plan, etc. We make sure that we are able to pay off our credit cards at the end of the month, so these trips are never on credit. We make sure that our monthly bills are paid, retirement and 529 accounts funded, and any upcoming expenses are covered first. We also save monthly for our vacation budget. Each month we allocate a certain amount and try to limit our vacations to what we have in that account so far.

I wish I can let myself spend more than we do, but DH and I have financial goals we want to meet. We hope to retire earlier if possible. I know people say that you never know what will happen to your health, so you should take the opportunity to experience certain things now so that there are no regrets later. I guess that is an okay frame of mind as long as there are limits. The YOLO mindset can definitely get out of hand. I guess, for myself, I'd rather do things in moderation now, save more, and possibly not have to worry about money in our old age.
 
There is a saying I love that balances the need to splurge and enjoy life, without YOLOing one's way to becoming broke and dependent upon others for even daily necessities.

"You can do anything, but you can't do everything"
 

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