Have you ever seen this at a funeral?

[yoopermom]

Went to a funeral last week, and on top of the drop box for the sympathy cards was a long flowery statement that basically said, "If you don't care if you get a thank you, put a green sticker on the outside of your card envelope". Since I had put a check in (which I would be able to tell if it cashed or not online), I went ahead and put a sticker on mine, but thought it was sort of odd. What was even more strange was that today we got a thank you note for that check anyways! Obviously whoever was writing them didn't know what the green stickers meant . My DH (always a smart aleck) said,"I'm surprised they just didn't have us address our own thank yous like at showers".

"No thank you required" for sympathy cards/$$--good or bad?

Terri

 

[firecracker725]

Went to a funeral last week, and on top of the drop box for the sympathy cards was a long flowery statement that basically said, "If you don't care if you get a thank you, put a green sticker on the outside of your card envelope". Since I had put a check in (which I would be able to tell if it cashed or not online), I went ahead and put a sticker on mine, but thought it was sort of odd. What was even more strange was that today we got a thank you note for that check anyways! Obviously whoever was writing them didn't know what the green stickers meant . My DH (always a smart aleck) said,"I'm surprised they just didn't have us address our own thank yous like at showers".

"No thank you required" for sympathy cards/$$--good or bad?

Terri

I've never seen anything like that, and frankly, I think it's pretty ridiculous.

 

[yoopermom]

I thought it was strange, also, because many of those are only signed "from the (deceased's) family", so how much time does that take to write? Plus, when we had my DGM's funeral in January, there were ten of us writing them, so we only had to do maybe 7 each, we were easily done in half an hour.

Terri

 

[DebD4T]

I never gave much thought to thank you cards for funerals. But when my DFIL passed away, more than one person wrote "no thank you required" in the guest book.

I now always write that in the guest book. I am not a fan of cards in general and I do not need a thank you card for coming and showing my respect to the deceased's family.

 

[abdmom]

When my dh died, we had hundreds at the memorial service. No thank you cards were sent. I have only seen a thank you card once in the many times I've attended or sent flowers to a funeral.

 

[lizabu]

I didn't even know people gave money at funerals. I certainly wouldn't expect someone who was grieving to write a thank you note. I have no idea. I was a kid last time someone I know died.

 

[wiigirl]

Seems a bit odd...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Just when you thought you heard everything.... I have gotten a "thank you" every time we send something.

 

[yoopermom]

I know from previous DIS threads that it's a VERY regional thing as to whether or not $$ is given (whether to the family or a designated charity). For example, my DGM (who just died) had three charities she wanted listed: library, church, and Eastern Star. Between the three over 2K was donated in her name! All three were very dear to her. (Now I'm derailing my own thread, sorry...)

That's normally why I write checks, so whether or not I get a thank you, at least I know it was properly cashed.

Terri

 

[mhsjax]

I think getting a thank you card for giving something at a funeral is just plain crazy. The family has enough to deal with, why in the world should they be worried about sending out thank you cards. Just crazy. IMHO.

 

[DebbieB]

For my parents funerals, I sent thank you notes for those who sent flowers, mass cards (not Catholic but still got a couple), sent food to the house or gave a donation. Didn't send for just sympathy cards or attending the viewing/service. I used the cards provided by the funeral home and wrote a sentence or two.

 

[FiggieFan]

Wow! Glad to know in some weird way, I am not crazy.
I haven't seen that practice, but I can understand it.
I personally think people have enough going one at the time of someone's passing to always write Thank You cards and would never expect one from attending a funeral or sending flowers, etc.
That being said, a very close sibling of mine passed away very unexpectedly some time ago - he was a teen at the time and I was in my early 20's. It obviously took its toll on everyone and I was very busy looking out for my parents at that time and trying to hold everything and every one together. Being the oldest, I had to step up to the plate and take care of a lot of matters when my parents could not. A co-worker of mine, who had sent a mass card, got quite an attitude with me because I didn't acknowledge receipt of their mass card. I had just received it a day or two before they started questioning me about it. Quite honestly with the shock and turmoil of trying to continue with life, writing a thank you card was honestly not at the top of my list. Not that I wasn't grateful, but I would never expect a thank you for sending my sympathies. Obviously, many years later, this still bothers me a bit. I can see and appreciate where writing in the guest book "no thank you required" would be a great idea.
You never know you are unintentionally offending at the time of your turmoil.

 

[Arielle22]

I have never heard of money at a funeral or sending a thank you card. I have been to many funerals.

 

[ilovepcot]

I never gave much thought to thank you cards for funerals. But when my DFIL passed away, more than one person wrote "no thank you required" in the guest book.

I now always write that in the guest book. I am not a fan of cards in general and I do not need a thank you card for coming and showing my respect to the deceased's family.

No, people aren't expecting to be thanked for attending the funeral. I have no doubt it's because they enclosed a check or cash in a sympathy card they left for the family. This is often done to help offset funeral expenses, which for some can be a financial burden. If not contributing money, many have had flowers delivered or sent food to the family. That's quite likely the reason they're saying no "thanks you" are needed.

ETA: Just remembered: When my father passed away a few years ago, the funeral home gave us complimentary "thank you" cards with the family name already printed on the cover of them. To not have requested them,it seems to me that it is considered *customary* for these cards to be used.

 

[Zandy595]

I didn't even know people gave money at funerals. I certainly wouldn't expect someone who was grieving to write a thank you note. I have no idea. I was a kid last time someone I know died.

I was going to post everything you wrote.

I don't understand the giving of money at a funeral. I've never heard of it, before this thread. What is it for?

 

[Kellydelly]

I never gave much thought to thank you cards for funerals. But when my DFIL passed away, more than one person wrote "no thank you required" in the guest book.

I now always write that in the guest book. I am not a fan of cards in general and I do not need a thank you card for coming and showing my respect to the deceased's family.

I personally think it is tacky to write "no thank you required" in the guest book. It is a record for the family of who attended the service, as well as to have the addresses they may need to thank people for gifts.

As for the OP's question, I think the green sticker thing is really tacky too. I have never seen anything like that.

 

[luvsJack]

I think getting a thank you card for giving something at a funeral is just plain crazy. The family has enough to deal with, why in the world should they be worried about sending out thank you cards. Just crazy. IMHO.

I agree.

It is VERY hard on the family to have to worry about these cards getting out. WE did it twice in a one month span and it was just a very trying process. No money or checks, but thank you's for flowers, food, donations to charity, etc. After Dad's funeral, Mom was completely worn out but could not rest until this was done because she needed the whole thing to be "completed".

 

[Bob NC]

I'm usually cognizant of whether or not I get 'thank you' letters and such. When it comes to funerals though, I don't give it a thought.

When I make a donation, or send flowers, or food when someone loses a loved one I don't give one whit whether they send me a thank you in a timely manner, or ever.

 

[smitch425]

I've never received a thank you card from anyone's passing. When I lost my brother to diabetes 3 years ago, there was a collection box for the juvenile diabetes foundation, but we did not write thank you cards to those who donated. From personal experience, I can tell you that writing a thank you note to someone for flowers sent was the last thing I would have thought of when my brother died. I would never expect to get one. Gratitude is implied, I don't need it in writing.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

Maybe it's regional. My parent's generation (in their 80's) always give money at funerals especially if it's family. They put it in an envelope and then into the container at the funeral parlor. When you sign the guest book, that is usually what the thank you's are written from. We sent 100's of thank you's for my mom's funeral. It's just nice letting people know you saw them and you appreciate their thoughfulness of coming. I couldn't imagine not sending them. We had a friend recently pass from cancer and her dh spent a ton on the hospice care and medicine and didn't have enough to cover the rest of the expenses so we gave him money to help him out. Nice thing to do I think.