Horrible Thing Happened Late Saturday Afternoon

MIGrandma

Lives in the middle-of-the-mitten.
Joined
Aug 12, 2009
I've been going back and forth about posting this, as I know how a few posters can be and I really don't need any negativity towards me about this but, I've been really, really struggling with what happened and I need to talk about it, so you guys are it. I was in the kitchen getting ready to start supper. I heard a crash and stopped, wondering what THAT was. Listened. Nothing more. Looked out the kitchen window and something was in the field (we live in the country, farm country) kitty-corner across the road from our house. What WAS that?! Oh my gosh, it was a vehicle!!! I immediately turned the oven burner off (was getting ready to boil water for pasta), shoved my shoes on and grabbed my phone and went out the door walking as fast as I could (too overweight to run) to get over there.

Meanwhile a red SUV had gone by and turned around and went back, parked by the road and the driver ran out to the truck. He was DRAGGING the driver out of the truck, and across the field!!! He had his body in front of him, holding him up under his arms and pressing against the guy's chest. I yelled at him to stop, but he kept going. By this time my husband drove up, he had seen the truck go barrel-rolling across the field so hopped on the Ranger and came over. I called 9-1-1 while my DH was trying to get the guy to put the other guy down onto the ground. He finally did lay him down on the ground.

There was another guy there too. They were Mexican and I say this ONLY because of the language barrier. We have a factory farm just up the road from us and around 200 Mexican men work there. Most of them live right in the area. I have NO problems with them, they are PEOPLE just trying to make a living like the rest of us.

The ambulance was on the way. I was very surprised the dispatcher didn't want me to stay on the line, but he double checked the address I told him and that was that.

The poor man was still breathing, but barely. He had no scratches or anything on his face or arms, his jeans weren't torn, etc. It was all internal. :(

By this time another neighbor who was driving by in a tractor had stopped and come over to help. The young man in the red SUV and the other Mexican man were talking, in Spanish of course, to each other. We thought they BOTH had been in the red SUV. He was talking to someone on his phone too, and ended up handing the phone to me. He was talking to the translator that also works at the factory farm and I know her personally. So I was giving her information and she was telling it to the guy in Spanish, and that's when we found out he had also run over to the field when he had heard the crash. He lives in the next house just down the road from us, across from where our daughter and her family live, about a quarter mile from us.

I kept watching the man's chest, every few seconds he would gasp for a breath. He was unconscious of course. But. He stopped breathing. I said we have to do CPR. So my DH and the neighbor in the tractor started giving him CPR. By this time the poor man had blood coming out of his mouth, and when the neighbor tried to give him mouth-to-mouth you could hear the gurgle in his throat. He thought he was going to be sick so I took over compressions and DH gave mouth-to-mouth.

We tried so hard to keep him alive. The ambulance FINALLY got there (it was probably 10-15 minutes after I called 9-1-1) and the EMT's took over, bagging him and compressions. But they called his death right there in the field.

I feel so terrible that we couldn't do more. I regretted that I didn't hold his hand as he died. I feel terrible for his parents. For his girlfriend. For HIM.

His life was snuffed out in an instant. We have no idea what REALLY happened. The police said he was traveling at a high rate of speed. The only two people who KNEW what happened, one was dead, and the other one had LEFT THE SCENE when we started CPR. I heard him drive off and looked up to see the back of the vehicle, so told the police that it had two large black vertical stripes on the back. But I felt terrible I didn't get the license plate number.

Thankfully the translator knew who the guy was that left the scene, so she was able to say where he lived. Later that evening the police went there. The vehicle was there, with no damage to it, but the driver was gone. In hiding? Felt guilty? Illegal? Who knows. They are still looking for him. He had tried to get my husband to help him get the man into his truck. WHERE was he going to take him, we wonder. To the hospital? To his house?

The EMTs told my husband and neighbor they needed to get checked out and have blood drawn, since they'd had the young man's (he was 23) blood in their mouths so later we did go up to the hospital and he had blood drawn. The man's body was in the hospital's morgue and they were able to draw blood from him as well. But now we wait on that, hopefully the guy was healthy and no hepatitis or anything.

I have NEVER gone through ANYTHING like that in my life, and it has really shaken me up. We just don't know if both vehicles were drag racing, or if the guy driving the red vehicle was just driving slowly and the truck pulled out to pass him or what. We may never know.

We don't know if he was wearing his seatbelt. I felt he HAD to have been wearing it as the truck went end-over-end at first and then barrel-rolled several times. The driver door was gone and the whole truck was crushed up very bad. If he was NOT wearing a seatbelt it seems like he would have been thrown from the vehicle. I asked the guy in the red SUV if he was wearing his seatbelt and of course he didn't understand my question so I made the motion of seatbelt across my chest and he said "no."

I just keep thinking about it, and wishing we could have done MORE. And wondering what if the guy had NOT dragged the driver out of the truck. Would he have lived? Every time I look out the kitchen window my eyes are drawn to the spot where it happened. The EMT's said we might need to talk to someone, I don't want to do that but I just can't stop thinking about it. I know it has only been 2 days though, I'm going to give it some time and hopefully I can work through it. It has helped just typing it all out here.

But if there are any nurses (or doctor) here, could you tell me if there was anything more we could have done to save him? I just so wish he could have been saved.
 
I've been going back and forth about posting this, as I know how a few posters can be and I really don't need any negativity towards me about this but, I've been really, really struggling with what happened and I need to talk about it, so you guys are it. I was in the kitchen getting ready to start supper. I heard a crash and stopped, wondering what THAT was. Listened. Nothing more. Looked out the kitchen window and something was in the field (we live in the country, farm country) kitty-corner across the road from our house. What WAS that?! Oh my gosh, it was a vehicle!!! I immediately turned the oven burner off (was getting ready to boil water for pasta), shoved my shoes on and grabbed my phone and went out the door walking as fast as I could (too overweight to run) to get over there.

Meanwhile a red SUV had gone by and turned around and went back, parked by the road and the driver ran out to the truck. He was DRAGGING the driver out of the truck, and across the field!!! He had his body in front of him, holding him up under his arms and pressing against the guy's chest. I yelled at him to stop, but he kept going. By this time my husband drove up, he had seen the truck go barrel-rolling across the field so hopped on the Ranger and came over. I called 9-1-1 while my DH was trying to get the guy to put the other guy down onto the ground. He finally did lay him down on the ground.

There was another guy there too. They were Mexican and I say this ONLY because of the language barrier. We have a factory farm just up the road from us and around 200 Mexican men work there. Most of them live right in the area. I have NO problems with them, they are PEOPLE just trying to make a living like the rest of us.

The ambulance was on the way. I was very surprised the dispatcher didn't want me to stay on the line, but he double checked the address I told him and that was that.

The poor man was still breathing, but barely. He had no scratches or anything on his face or arms, his jeans weren't torn, etc. It was all internal. :(

By this time another neighbor who was driving by in a tractor had stopped and come over to help. The young man in the red SUV and the other Mexican man were talking, in Spanish of course, to each other. We thought they BOTH had been in the red SUV. He was talking to someone on his phone too, and ended up handing the phone to me. He was talking to the translator that also works at the factory farm and I know her personally. So I was giving her information and she was telling it to the guy in Spanish, and that's when we found out he had also run over to the field when he had heard the crash. He lives in the next house just down the road from us, across from where our daughter and her family live, about a quarter mile from us.

I kept watching the man's chest, every few seconds he would gasp for a breath. He was unconscious of course. But. He stopped breathing. I said we have to do CPR. So my DH and the neighbor in the tractor started giving him CPR. By this time the poor man had blood coming out of his mouth, and when the neighbor tried to give him mouth-to-mouth you could hear the gurgle in his throat. He thought he was going to be sick so I took over compressions and DH gave mouth-to-mouth.

We tried so hard to keep him alive. The ambulance FINALLY got there (it was probably 10-15 minutes after I called 9-1-1) and the EMT's took over, bagging him and compressions. But they called his death right there in the field.

I feel so terrible that we couldn't do more. I regretted that I didn't hold his hand as he died. I feel terrible for his parents. For his girlfriend. For HIM.

His life was snuffed out in an instant. We have no idea what REALLY happened. The police said he was traveling at a high rate of speed. The only two people who KNEW what happened, one was dead, and the other one had LEFT THE SCENE when we started CPR. I heard him drive off and looked up to see the back of the vehicle, so told the police that it had two large black vertical stripes on the back. But I felt terrible I didn't get the license plate number.

Thankfully the translator knew who the guy was that left the scene, so she was able to say where he lived. Later that evening the police went there. The vehicle was there, with no damage to it, but the driver was gone. In hiding? Felt guilty? Illegal? Who knows. They are still looking for him. He had tried to get my husband to help him get the man into his truck. WHERE was he going to take him, we wonder. To the hospital? To his house?

The EMTs told my husband and neighbor they needed to get checked out and have blood drawn, since they'd had the young man's (he was 23) blood in their mouths so later we did go up to the hospital and he had blood drawn. The man's body was in the hospital's morgue and they were able to draw blood from him as well. But now we wait on that, hopefully the guy was healthy and no hepatitis or anything.

I have NEVER gone through ANYTHING like that in my life, and it has really shaken me up. We just don't know if both vehicles were drag racing, or if the guy driving the red vehicle was just driving slowly and the truck pulled out to pass him or what. We may never know.

We don't know if he was wearing his seatbelt. I felt he HAD to have been wearing it as the truck went end-over-end at first and then barrel-rolled several times. The driver door was gone and the whole truck was crushed up very bad. If he was NOT wearing a seatbelt it seems like he would have been thrown from the vehicle. I asked the guy in the red SUV if he was wearing his seatbelt and of course he didn't understand my question so I made the motion of seatbelt across my chest and he said "no."

I just keep thinking about it, and wishing we could have done MORE. And wondering what if the guy had NOT dragged the driver out of the truck. Would he have lived? Every time I look out the kitchen window my eyes are drawn to the spot where it happened. The EMT's said we might need to talk to someone, I don't want to do that but I just can't stop thinking about it. I know it has only been 2 days though, I'm going to give it some time and hopefully I can work through it. It has helped just typing it all out here.

But if there are any nurses (or doctor) here, could you tell me if there was anything more we could have done to save him? I just so wish he could have been saved.
That would be absolutely horrible to go through. While I know it's difficult, I don't think you should be playing "what if". You did the best you could with the information you had at the time.

I will say, we recently (~2-3 months ago) had CPR training at work. They said to NOT do mouth to mouth, that compressions are enough.
 


That would be absolutely horrible to go through. While I know it's difficult, I don't think you should be playing "what if". You did the best you could with the information you had at the time.

I will say, we recently (~2-3 months ago) had CPR training at work. They said to NOT do mouth to mouth, that compressions are enough.

Thank you. Yes, I had heard that about the mouth-to-mouth not really being necessary and that it was more important to do the compressions. I mentioned it but it had been years since we all learned CPR so the guys just did it on instinct.

I just wonder why the 9-1-1 dispatcher didn’t have me stay on the line so he could help us help the young man.
 
That would be absolutely horrible to go through. While I know it's difficult, I don't think you should be playing "what if". You did the best you could with the information you had at the time.

I will say, we recently (~2-3 months ago) had CPR training at work. They said to NOT do mouth to mouth, that compressions are enough.

I was going to add that mouth to mouth is not necessary.

"In 2010, a randomized study called the Dispatcher-Assisted Resuscitation Trial (DART) compared the two practices at EMS sites in Washington state and London. What the researchers found was that, in cases where a bystander performed CPR, victims given chest compressions alone had a 39 percent greater chance of survival compared to those given both compression and mouth-to-mouth.


This and other studies have largely concluded that the benefits of mouth-to-mouth in bystander emergencies remain questionable at best."

But I highly doubt there was anything you could have done to save him.
 
I am not a medical professional but then again neither are you or your DH and no one would expect you to perform like one. :flower3: The accident and the aftermath were completely beyond your control. I am a certified first-aider and it sounds like everything you did was appropriate, including your instinct not to move him, but again, not within your control or power to change. (ETA - Yes, rescue breathing is not taught anymore as part of CPR, just chest compressions, but having done so is not a mistake that caused any further harm.)

This is a terribly traumatic event you have experienced and I think you know your questions aren’t really questions. They are a normal part of your heart and mind trying to process the horror, to make sense of the senseless. It will take some time for the “tapes to stop playing” through your head but answers (to unanswerable questions) aren’t what you need. Please do find a loving, supportive shoulder or two to lean on. Talk it through; tell the story over and over - you’ll need to do that. Best if you confine it to a few trusted individuals though. If you have a pastor and church family, this is the time to fall on their support. If not, please strongly consider seeking trauma support - EMS would be a good place to look for a referral.

Grace and peace to you. :hug:
 
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Oh my goodness. :hug:

I’m not a medical professional but it sounds like you did all you could do.

It sounds like red SUV guy definitely has something to hide.
 
What a horrible tragedy. You did all you could. It's natural to wonder about things like the guy who left, why 911 didn't stay on the phone, etc. But at this point, it is what it is, and you have to let it go. The police have all the information, and they'll talk to you if they need to.

I really think you should talk to a therapist. Why don't you want to? What you went through is not something the average person has to ever deal with. You don't want to develop PTSD or anxiety from this, which is totally possible. That's why the EMS workers said you might need to talk to someone. They know what they're talking about.

Hugs to you.
 
I am not a medical professional but then again neither are you or your DH and no one would expect you to perform like one. :flower3: The accident and the aftermath were completely beyond your control. I am a certified first-aider and it sounds like everything you did was appropriate, including your instinct not to move him, but again, not within your control or power to change.

This is a terribly traumatic event you have experienced and I think you know your questions aren’t really questions. They are a normal part of your heart and mind trying to process the horror, to make sense of the senseless. It will take some time for the “tapes to stop playing” through your head but answers (to unanswerable questions) aren’t what you need. Please do find a loving, supportive shoulder or two to lean on. Talk it through; tell the story over and over - you’ll need to do that. Best if you confine it to a few trusted individuals though. If you have a pastor and church family, this is the time to fall on their support. If not, please strongly consider seeking trauma support - EMS would be a good place to look for a referral.

Grace and peace to you. :hug:

Thank you so, so much. This is exactly the kind of encouragement I need to hear right now. DH and I talk about it, and we told our kids. I will give it some time. I know I won’t forget, but if the sadness, guilt, what ifs don’t ease up I will seek out a therapist to talk to.
 
What a horrible tragedy. You did all you could. It's natural to wonder about things like the guy who left, why 911 didn't stay on the phone, etc. But at this point, it is what it is, and you have to let it go. The police have all the information, and they'll talk to you if they need to.

I really think you should talk to a therapist. Why don't you want to? What you went through is not something the average person has to ever deal with. You don't want to develop PTSD or anxiety from this, which is totally possible. That's why the EMS workers said you might need to talk to someone. They know what they're talking about.

Hugs to you.

Thanks so much. I will seek out a therapist if my feelings don’t get better in a little time.
 
i can imagine what a nightmare to go through! so sorry. i dont think seeing a therapist could hurt. is it possible to plant a tree in your yard, in honor of this young man, in the sightline of the wreck? that way eventually you dont have to stare at this spot and you see a lovely tree. is that silly?
 
Of course you would feel like this.
A poor young man has died.
Very traumatizing!!! VERY.
Yes, if it might help you work thru it, then I would consider finding someone to talk with.
The What-Ifs and the (undeserved but understandable guilt) can really be issues.

PS: I also would not have even come close to doing Mouth-to-Mouth....
That alone means that you have risked your lives to help another... There are no more 'what-ifs', or 'could have done more'.
You truly did everything possible.
 
Thank you so, so much. This is exactly the kind of encouragement I need to hear right now. DH and I talk about it, and we told our kids. I will give it some time. I know I won’t forget, but if the sadness, guilt, what ifs don’t ease up I will seek out a therapist to talk to.
:flower3: I understand what you’re going through. I urge you to keep talking, talking, talking, until it’s all talked out but choose your confidants with a bit of wisdom. People, even well-meaning ones can say some of the most awkward and hurtful things. In a small community like yours there’s also the risk of gossip to contend with and you sure don’t need that.

You’re in shock right now - accept that and be gentle with yourself and one another. Time will help but unfortunately this is an experience that will “shape” you. It’s too much to think about right now so just go day-to-day but don’t feel like you have minimize your distress or bounce right back. Give your Dear Husband permission to “feel his feelings” too and hold each other up. God bless you for having been there, at great cost to yourselves. If I was that young man’s mother I would be greatly comforted to know he was assisted by another mama and not alone. :hug:
 
I am SO sorry for what you've gone through.

Nowhere close to as serious, but I read your post literally minutes after I saw a young woman walking on our lonely, back country road this am very early. She was carrying her purse, which I thought odd, since normally people who walk for exercise wouldn't carry a big heavy purse. I got a mile further down the road and saw a smashed up car in the ditch among trees, partly hidden. I turned right around, pulled up to her, and, yes, she was the driver/victim of the accident. She was dazed and confused, but knew that her home with her children waiting was only a few more miles down the road, so she had gotten out from under the deployed airbag, and crawled out the back passenger window to walk to them. Everything turned out ok, I left when the state police and ambulance showed up, but I was so thankful that I put those two things together in my mind. My point being, I did what I could, you did what you could, and I believe that fate or God or whomever/whatever you believe in, does the rest.

Please take care of you (and your husband). Give yourself some quiet time to heal mentally and emotionally, and don't be afraid to reach out for help.

Hugs from the other half of our state :).

Terri
 
I am so sorry that you had to go through this, but very thankful that you and your DH were there for this poor man. Whatever he went through, at least he had people by him at the end who cared enough to try to save him. We hear stories on the news all the time about how uncaring and mean the world has become, but your story proves that there are still people out there who care enough to come to the aid of a total stranger. You and your DH did the best you could -- please, hold on to that knowledge. And know that there are people here on the DIS who care about you both.
 
Oh my goodness how awful! It is natural for you to feel traumatized. It is also natural for you to "what if" the situation at all angles. You must stop second guessing yourself and your actions. You did your best, everybody did their best. Chances are he could not have been saved and if you did something differently the outcome would probably be the same. There were people who cared trying to save this young man at the end.
 

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