Horrible Thing Happened Late Saturday Afternoon

[Kathryn Merteuil]

You did all that you could. I am so sorry you had to experience something like that. Truly awful.

 

[Hrhpd]

I've been going back and forth about posting this, as I know how a few posters can be and I really don't need any negativity towards me about this but, I've been really, really struggling with what happened and I need to talk about it, so you guys are it. I was in the kitchen getting ready to start supper. I heard a crash and stopped, wondering what THAT was. Listened. Nothing more. Looked out the kitchen window and something was in the field (we live in the country, farm country) kitty-corner across the road from our house. What WAS that?! Oh my gosh, it was a vehicle!!! I immediately turned the oven burner off (was getting ready to boil water for pasta), shoved my shoes on and grabbed my phone and went out the door walking as fast as I could (too overweight to run) to get over there.

Meanwhile a red SUV had gone by and turned around and went back, parked by the road and the driver ran out to the truck. He was DRAGGING the driver out of the truck, and across the field!!! He had his body in front of him, holding him up under his arms and pressing against the guy's chest. I yelled at him to stop, but he kept going. By this time my husband drove up, he had seen the truck go barrel-rolling across the field so hopped on the Ranger and came over. I called 9-1-1 while my DH was trying to get the guy to put the other guy down onto the ground. He finally did lay him down on the ground.

There was another guy there too. They were Mexican and I say this ONLY because of the language barrier. We have a factory farm just up the road from us and around 200 Mexican men work there. Most of them live right in the area. I have NO problems with them, they are PEOPLE just trying to make a living like the rest of us.

The ambulance was on the way. I was very surprised the dispatcher didn't want me to stay on the line, but he double checked the address I told him and that was that.

The poor man was still breathing, but barely. He had no scratches or anything on his face or arms, his jeans weren't torn, etc. It was all internal.

By this time another neighbor who was driving by in a tractor had stopped and come over to help. The young man in the red SUV and the other Mexican man were talking, in Spanish of course, to each other. We thought they BOTH had been in the red SUV. He was talking to someone on his phone too, and ended up handing the phone to me. He was talking to the translator that also works at the factory farm and I know her personally. So I was giving her information and she was telling it to the guy in Spanish, and that's when we found out he had also run over to the field when he had heard the crash. He lives in the next house just down the road from us, across from where our daughter and her family live, about a quarter mile from us.

I kept watching the man's chest, every few seconds he would gasp for a breath. He was unconscious of course. But. He stopped breathing. I said we have to do CPR. So my DH and the neighbor in the tractor started giving him CPR. By this time the poor man had blood coming out of his mouth, and when the neighbor tried to give him mouth-to-mouth you could hear the gurgle in his throat. He thought he was going to be sick so I took over compressions and DH gave mouth-to-mouth.

We tried so hard to keep him alive. The ambulance FINALLY got there (it was probably 10-15 minutes after I called 9-1-1) and the EMT's took over, bagging him and compressions. But they called his death right there in the field.

I feel so terrible that we couldn't do more. I regretted that I didn't hold his hand as he died. I feel terrible for his parents. For his girlfriend. For HIM.

His life was snuffed out in an instant. We have no idea what REALLY happened. The police said he was traveling at a high rate of speed. The only two people who KNEW what happened, one was dead, and the other one had LEFT THE SCENE when we started CPR. I heard him drive off and looked up to see the back of the vehicle, so told the police that it had two large black vertical stripes on the back. But I felt terrible I didn't get the license plate number.

Thankfully the translator knew who the guy was that left the scene, so she was able to say where he lived. Later that evening the police went there. The vehicle was there, with no damage to it, but the driver was gone. In hiding? Felt guilty? Illegal? Who knows. They are still looking for him. He had tried to get my husband to help him get the man into his truck. WHERE was he going to take him, we wonder. To the hospital? To his house?

The EMTs told my husband and neighbor they needed to get checked out and have blood drawn, since they'd had the young man's (he was 23) blood in their mouths so later we did go up to the hospital and he had blood drawn. The man's body was in the hospital's morgue and they were able to draw blood from him as well. But now we wait on that, hopefully the guy was healthy and no hepatitis or anything.

I have NEVER gone through ANYTHING like that in my life, and it has really shaken me up. We just don't know if both vehicles were drag racing, or if the guy driving the red vehicle was just driving slowly and the truck pulled out to pass him or what. We may never know.

We don't know if he was wearing his seatbelt. I felt he HAD to have been wearing it as the truck went end-over-end at first and then barrel-rolled several times. The driver door was gone and the whole truck was crushed up very bad. If he was NOT wearing a seatbelt it seems like he would have been thrown from the vehicle. I asked the guy in the red SUV if he was wearing his seatbelt and of course he didn't understand my question so I made the motion of seatbelt across my chest and he said "no."

I just keep thinking about it, and wishing we could have done MORE. And wondering what if the guy had NOT dragged the driver out of the truck. Would he have lived? Every time I look out the kitchen window my eyes are drawn to the spot where it happened. The EMT's said we might need to talk to someone, I don't want to do that but I just can't stop thinking about it. I know it has only been 2 days though, I'm going to give it some time and hopefully I can work through it. It has helped just typing it all out here.

But if there are any nurses (or doctor) here, could you tell me if there was anything more we could have done to save him? I just so wish he could have been saved.

Witnessing a horrific accident like that is extremely traumatic. It is easy for us to assure you that you did everything you possibly could have done and tell you not to "what if" the situation. But you are a compassionate human being so of course you are going to wonder "what if?" You witnessed something tragic. What you are feeling is normal

That said, I would recommend following law enforcement's recommendation and talk to a professional, even if it is only one session. You are in the midst of trauma and people are not usually in the place to assess their own coping skills. This kind of thing is hard to work through yourself.

Wishing you peace in the coming weeks.

 

[cabanafrau]

You've been through a very traumatic experience. Judging by what you've outlined I'm not sure you could have changed the outcome had you been a medical professional. Hope you find some peace and are able to cope better every day. I feel for his loved ones.

 

[Dan Murphy]

You did whatever you could with what was available for you to do. As said, traumatic internal injuries are so difficult to deal with. You did well, as best as you could. 's

 

[LoveSpringsteen]

I'm so sorry this happened. You did the best you could and the young man was with someone who cared about him at the end, which is a blessing. I'm sending hugs your way and wishing you peace.

 

[snapppyd]

You all did what you could. I'm sure he at least knew someone was trying to help him, he was not alone. I think there is something that decides when and where our time is up. For whatever reason, it was his time. I hope as time goes by you can think less and less about the horrific nature of what you saw and focus on the fact that you tried to help. "hugs"

 

[OhMari]

Wow, I would maybe talk to a professional to help you come to terms with this. You will probably have some PTSD. This could happen so easily by me. I live a mile away from a farm that milks over 1000 cows, 3 times a day. I know exactly when shifts change, our road is a race track, it is even worse now that it is summer and the motor cycles are out. Our road and many of the surrounding roads are now ATV routes, ATV’s can legally drive on our roads and I know an accident will be soon. Crazy.

 

[Disney Doll]

I’m a nurse and it sounds like you did the absolute best you could.

I’m sure the poor gentleman who passed had massive internal injuries based on your description of the car and how it rolled.

You were concerned about the right thing....helping the victim. God bless you. I’m sure that it will make his family feel better to know that he wasn’t alone and that kind people cared enough to help.

 

[theluckyrabbit]

@MIGrandma: How are you doing? Thinking about you and your husband and hoping that you're okay. Know that people here care.

 

[emily nicole]

From your description, it sounds like the breathing he was doing was not breathing at all, but agonal respirations - this is a brainstem reflex and sometimes continues after the heart has already stopped. Likely, with the trauma he sustained, there was nothing anyone could have done to save him. It sounds like you and your husband are amazing people and tried your very best. So sorry you had to experience that.

 

[Mortlives]

If you can't afford counselling, you might ask if Victim Services are available in your jurisdiction. They generally provide free counselling to people who have been traumatised, even if not specifically by a crime.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

So sorry that you had to go through this. Thanks for being there for the man and doing everything you could to help. I imagine that it will take some time to not keep re-living the horror of it. Blessings to you and your husband.

 

[BagOLaughs]

From reading your post, one very clear thing came across. You are a caring, compassionate person. You did everything you could in an extremely stressful situation. Its so easy with hindsight to think, I should have done this... or if only I'd done that. But you did everything perfectly.

Make sure you look after yourself and be kind to yourself. Witnessing such a traumatic event can effect even the most steadfast people. Talking about what you witnessed and how you are feeling is a good thing!

Good wishes to you!

 

[MIGrandma]

I am SO sorry for what you've gone through.

Nowhere close to as serious, but I read your post literally minutes after I saw a young woman walking on our lonely, back country road this am very early. She was carrying her purse, which I thought odd, since normally people who walk for exercise wouldn't carry a big heavy purse. I got a mile further down the road and saw a smashed up car in the ditch among trees, partly hidden. I turned right around, pulled up to her, and, yes, she was the driver/victim of the accident. She was dazed and confused, but knew that her home with her children waiting was only a few more miles down the road, so she had gotten out from under the deployed airbag, and crawled out the back passenger window to walk to them. Everything turned out ok, I left when the state police and ambulance showed up, but I was so thankful that I put those two things together in my mind. My point being, I did what I could, you did what you could, and I believe that fate or God or whomever/whatever you believe in, does the rest.

Please take care of you (and your husband). Give yourself some quiet time to heal mentally and emotionally, and don't be afraid to reach out for help.

Hugs from the other half of our state .

Terri

Wow, glad you went back to help her and I'm glad your situation turned out better than ours. Thank you for the encouragement, it means a lot.

 

[MIGrandma]

MIGrandma, you did everything you could. Don't doubt your response.

That said, it is not something you will forget. 25-30 years ago I came on an accident that had just happened. I remember everything about how I responded and I still have questions. I am a medical professional, a physical therapist, and had to keep my CPR current. I went to the car right after it was broadsided. The lady in the passenger seat was unresponsive but there was an unrestrained toddler in the car. My response was to immobilize the toddlers neck and try to keep her calm and breathing while waiting until, what seemed like hours, the paramedics arrived. Later I found that the passenger died. I have always wondered why it never occurred to me to attempt CPR on her.

Oh, wow, what an awful thing for you to have to go through. As everyone else is telling me that we did what we could, so did you. (hugs)

 

[MIGrandma]

Pre-warning: It sounds like you want to make sense of this. To do that we have to think about it in some detail for just a bit. I'm going to use some descriptive language that is not meant to shock or offend but could be upsetting none the less.
...

Let me address your regrets...


Based on your description of the accident, it sounds like he was buckled in. Roll overs are very good at throwing people who aren't buckled, especially when the door is compromised.

So he was rattled side to side with extreme force. Bear with me, this might end up being comforting in a sense... Within a fraction of a second of the man realizing something is wrong, the truck has gone sideways and rolled. Side curtain airbags are a thing, but this doesn't sound like the kind of truck with them and in any event, they do not continue their protection beyond the first impact. So in less than a second he's gone from zipping along (too fast but that's how some people do it) to having his head bonk the door window and or ceiling of the car. In that blink, his awareness was shut off like a switch.

There is much to regret over any senseless loss of life, but offering him comfort in this moment would not have made much difference to him, he just wasn't there.

As for whether or not you could have done more. No. The crash broke the man's ribs and punctured his lungs. If a fully equipped ambulance had been on the scene when it happened they may have been able to stabilize him, but the EMT being 15 minutes away essentially made this outcome inevitable. Even if they had got there immediately, I'd be generous to put his odds of pulling through at 1 in 20.

As for the guy pulling him from the truck? They definitely tell you not to move an injured person in most circumstances. This would definitely have been one of those circumstances. The main reason is that if the man had a broken neck, moving him could have caused damage to his spinal column. Moving the man did him no favors, but it's not the reason he died.

Sounds grim and horrible. I'm sorry for that. The take away is that he didn't suffer, and anything you think you might have done differently almost certainly wouldn't have helped.

Here's the good news... You learned that you would do something in the event of a tragic accident. Many people don't. They gawk, get their phones out and call maybe. Maybe they record the scene on video for the news to play later. You did something. In this particular instance, it would never have been enough, next time it might be the crucial decision that saves a life. It's never a source of regret to try your best and fail.

Here's a bit of cautionary tale... The fact that you're thinking about this, this strongly, after the fact is an indicator of traumatic stress. What you went through really isn't something we're programed to handle, and if you think it might be a problem then definitely err on the side of talking to a professional about it. Doesn't have to be a big deal, see a brain wrangler once a week for 2 or 3 weeks, make some time with a clergy, really any occasion where you can talk about what you went through in a normal way. Not always an easy thing to do with friends or family but sometimes that can be all you need.

Thank you so much for your response, I truly appreciate it. I am thankful he did not suffer. He never regained consciousness, so that itself was a blessing for him, and us too. It would have been so much worse had he been screaming in pain and we could do nothing for him, with the same end result being his death. I believe, as you said, "he just wasn't there." Thank you for that. (hugs)

 

[MIGrandma]

Even in the hospital, there are some we just can't get back. It is hard and traumatic for many of us, too, especially when it's someone we've come to know. I think you did a fine job - thank you for being there for him.

I agree that you are showing a bit of PTSD, perhaps, but I'm guessing there's more of a reason for that than just this happening. I know your daughter is going through cancer treatment and that might play into it a bit. Because PTSD happens when there's a threat to a life, or an actual loss. Seeing this happen to a young person probably made you internalize it more as a Mom, just as you're already worried about your daughter's health and wellbeing, if that makes sense.

I'm glad that writing it out and responses here are helping you. I agree it won't hurt to talk to someone - not just about this but maybe also about the fears you have about your daughter, some that you may not even have realized.

Thank you Pea, (hugs) I appreciate your support more than I can say.

Yes, I have been concerned so much for our daughter, but I believe in God and know she is in His hands so I try not to worry too much. And I believe the young man who died in the accident is in a better place now.

Our daughter had her second round of chemo last Wednesday, she said the nausea was a bit worse this time and she did start to lose her hair on Friday so Saturday her DH shaved her head for her. He said that was so hard for him to do. But she is handling it well. I had my granddaughter here with me yesterday as our daughter went to work (she felt well enough to do it) so she picked her up and came in to visit awhile. She was wearing one of the scarves she bought, and we discussed how she was feeling. She asked if I wanted to see her bald head and I said yes, if it wouldn't bother her. We both know it will grow back once her treatments are over, so she's holding onto that. Some people say their hair came back curly, she is hoping it's that way for her.

 

[MIGrandma]

@MIGrandma: How are you doing? Thinking about you and your husband and hoping that you're okay. Know that people here care.

I am doing much better, thank you so much for asking. All of the support and encouragement I have gotten here has helped tremendously, I THANK YOU ALL for that!!

Each one of you that took the time to offer me support has really meant a lot to me. I've read your responses again and again, and talking about it with my family has helped a lot of course too. I am handling it okay, and I don't think I need to seek our a professional to talk to. Not sure he/she could give me any more encouragement than all of you here have done for me. If it was bothering me enough that I couldn't sleep I would go, but I am sleeping just fine and not asking myself "what if" anymore. I know we did what we could.

There are two memorials at the site, one out by the road and one very close to where he was pulled out of his truck to. I have walked by a couple times when walking down to our daughter's house, and yesterday I stopped for a moment by the one at the road. I told the young man I was very sorry we couldn't save him. I told him I was sorry he had to die at such a young age. But I also scolded him, as a Mom and maybe for his own Mother. I told him he should not have been driving fast like he was (cop said at least 100 mph) so he has some responsibility to accept in his own accident. He probably wishes he would not have done something that stupid.

Thank you all again.

 

[MIGrandma]

From your description, it sounds like the breathing he was doing was not breathing at all, but agonal respirations - this is a brainstem reflex and sometimes continues after the heart has already stopped. Likely, with the trauma he sustained, there was nothing anyone could have done to save him. It sounds like you and your husband are amazing people and tried your very best. So sorry you had to experience that.

This is what my husband said later, that maybe the "breathing" wasn't actually breathing but just a reflex reaction and he was "gone" even before his friend pulled him from the truck.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Glad to hear you're feeling more at peace now, and also that your DD has such a good attitude!