How can I nicely tell MIL I don't like her gift idea?

[Turksmom]

My MIL asked about buying concert tickets for my husband (in reality, she'll probably make it to both of us) as a Christmas gift. The problem is I would rather scrape dog doo off my shoe with my bare hand than attend this show. I'd be happy to see hubby go with a friend, but from experience, I know he won't. I'm pretty sure it will cause an argument between hubby and I and since the concert date is 9 months after Christmas, I can probably look forward to multiple arguments. I'd like to find a way to discourage MIL without making her son sound like a jerk (he's not in most situations, but definitely weird about this one)

 

[nkereina]

I'm not sure I follow. Does your husband not like the band or not like going to concerts? Would he rather go with you than with a friend, and that's why you'd argue?

I don't think there's anything wrong with telling your MIL its a nice idea, but you know your husband doesn't like the band that much or doesn't like going to concerts so he wouldn't want the tickets. If I were MIL, I wouldn't find that rude and be appreciative that you spoke up so I could get a different gift rather than wasting big money on something you guys don't want.

 

[gillep]

I am confused I think, is it something your husband would enjoy? I detest concerts of all kinds, but every once in a while my husband's family will get him tickets to something and I am the default +1, I suck it up because it is his gift and only one night.

If he would enjoy the tickets but you refuse to go then I would tell her the truth, that if she gets it for him you would be the one he would want to take and you are very much against going, I certainly wouldn't lie or say my husband wasn't interested unless he actually wasn't.

If he isn't interested in the concert I would tell her that. Basically, I would tell her the truth or suck it up.

 

[Lynne G]

I agree, nicely say, you'd rather see a different gift for your DH, and give suggestions on what he may like that MIL can purchase.

 

[msjprincess]

I'm with the previous posters. Is this something your husband wouldn't like or something he would like, but you don't want to go?

 

[Wendy31]

I'm not sure I'm understanding either...

Does your husband like this band & would enjoy going to see them in concert?

Is your only objection to the gift the fact that your DH would not take a friend w/ him & would want you to go w/ him instead?

And you don't like this particular band? Or just don't like going to concerts in general?

 

[Turksmom]

I am confused I think, is it something your husband would enjoy? I detest concerts of all kinds, but every once in a while my husband's family will get him tickets to something and I am the default +1, I suck it up because it is his gift and only one night.

If he would enjoy the tickets but you refuse to go then I would tell her the truth, that if she gets it for him you would be the one he would want to take and you are very much against going, I certainly wouldn't lie or say my husband wasn't interested unless he actually wasn't.

If he isn't interested in the concert I would tell her that. Basically, I would tell her the truth or suck it up.

I told MIL I wasn't sure, which is true. My husband loved this band when he was younger, but I'm not sure if he's still excited about seeing them live. We go to other concerts that we both enjoy and usually I'm willing to "suck it up" and be the plus one for things I don't particularly enjoy, but this one is going to be a hard "no" from me.

 

[ramee]

She wouldn't see you as the jerk since you’re the one opposed? What concert?

I might suck it up and go. It doesn’t seem like something I would rock the boat over. People usually can’t dictate what others should gift them. But are you close enough to say “I really don’t enjoy concerts...” and suggest something everyone would agree on?

If not, you could support your husband, or he could respect that you really don’t want to go. I don’t know that I’d go so far as to have arguments throughout the year about it. Good luck.

 

[Turksmom]

I'm not sure I'm understanding either...

Does your husband like this band & would enjoy going to see them in concert?

Is your only objection to the gift the fact that your DH would not take a friend w/ him & would want you to go w/ him instead?

And you don't like this particular band? Or just don't like going to concerts in general?

It's the band. And yes, my only objection is that he would insist on me going.

 

[smiths02]

It seems that she solicited your advice, so just tell her you don't think it would be a good idea and maybe suggest something else.
Do you need to go into all the nitty gritty details. You're not sure that your DH would love this concert. You are pretty sure it would start a disagreement in your family. I think those make it not a good idea.

 

[Allison]

If this is something your husband would enjoy as a gift then it really isn't cool to try to change her mind because you don't want to go.

 

[luvsJack]

I told MIL I wasn't sure, which is true. My husband loved this band when he was younger, but I'm not sure if he's still excited about seeing them live. We go to other concerts that we both enjoy and usually I'm willing to "suck it up" and be the plus one for things I don't particularly enjoy, but this one is going to be a hard "no" from me.

If your husband would enjoy the tickets, I don't think its fair for you to tell her not to get the tickets because you don't like them.

I mean its HIS Christmas gift; shouldn't it be what he likes?

 

[ramee]

I told MIL I wasn't sure, which is true. My husband loved this band when he was younger, but I'm not sure if he's still excited about seeing them live. We go to other concerts that we both enjoy and usually I'm willing to "suck it up" and be the plus one for things I don't particularly enjoy, but this one is going to be a hard "no" from me.

Oh I just read your reply. Tell her the truth.

 

[ramee]

And what band? Nickelback? Creed?

 

[smiths02]

If this is something your husband would enjoy as a gift then it really isn't cool to try to change her mind because you don't want to go.

If your husband would enjoy the tickets, I don't think its fair for you to tell her not to get the tickets because you don't like them.

I mean its HIS Christmas gift; shouldn't it be what he likes?

I understand what you are saying, but if it is going to cause some disagreement and unhappiness between spouses, it might not be worth it. I mean the DH might not really want it either.

What if MIL offered to get DH a puppy knowing he wanted a dog? Wife doesn't want the dog. Would you say that the MIL has to be allowed to get DH the present he wants to bring him enjoyment?

 

[danielocha30]

I would said nothing and pretend some sudden pain on the date of the concert and keep my peace with husband, MIL and myself. If you’re so sure your husband is the one who will make you miserable over not going that’s what I would do. MIL should be able to gift whatever she wants.

 

[Hikergirl]

I told MIL I wasn't sure, which is true. My husband loved this band when he was younger, but I'm not sure if he's still excited about seeing them live. We go to other concerts that we both enjoy and usually I'm willing to "suck it up" and be the plus one for things I don't particularly enjoy, but this one is going to be a hard "no" from me.

Honestly then this a discussion to have with your dh not your MIL.

 

[msjprincess]

I understand what you are saying, but if it is going to cause some disagreement and unhappiness between spouses, it might not be worth it. I mean the DH might not really want it either.

What if MIL offered to get DH a puppy knowing he wanted a dog? Wife doesn't want the dog. Would you say that the MIL has to be allowed to get DH the present he wants to bring him enjoyment?

A 10-20 year commitment is not quite the same thing as a 2 hour concert.

 

[Wendy31]

It's the band. And yes, my only objection is that he would insist on me going.

She wouldn't see you as the jerk since you’re the one opposed? What concert?

I might suck it up and go. It doesn’t seem like something I would rock the boat over. People usually can’t dictate what others should gift them. But are you close enough to say “I really don’t enjoy concerts...” and suggest something everyone would agree on?

If not, you could support your husband, or he could respect that you really don’t want to go. I don’t know that I’d go so far as to have arguments throughout the year about it. Good luck.

Yeah, I'm not so sure she's really going to see your DH as "the jerk" in this scenario.

I also don't think I'd be arguing w/ my DH for months over a concert.

Unless I just objected to the band for moral reasons or something similar, I'd probably just suck it up & go w/ my DH if I knew the band & concert was something he'd really enjoy... because, goodness knows, my DH has done stuff for & w/ me that probably wasn't necessarily his choice.

If I just really detested the band & absolutely refused to go, though, I'd tell my DH that he could either go alone or find a friend to go w/ him - but I wouldn't be grumpy or argumentative about it.

 

[luvsJack]

I understand what you are saying, but if it is going to cause some disagreement and unhappiness between spouses, it might not be worth it. I mean the DH might not really want it either.

What if MIL offered to get DH a puppy knowing he wanted a dog? Wife doesn't want the dog. Would you say that the MIL has to be allowed to get DH the present he wants to bring him enjoyment?

Honestly if it was me, I would mention to dh that this band is going to be wherever on whatever date and get his reaction. If he acted like he wanted to go, I would say that "well if you go, you will have to get someone else to go with you."

Then I would tell MIL to get him the tickets because he would like them. If I ended up going, so be it. Its one concert. I am sure I owe him that much.

Concert is once and done. Not the same as a dog.