How can I nicely tell MIL I don't like her gift idea?

Let you MIL buy the tickets. Sell them if your husband doesn't want to go with a friend. Do something you both enjoy together instead.
 
Mine were a little over 100 each but I'm getting too old to sit in the lawn lol.
 
I think I'm just going to have to come out and tell her that I'm not going to go with him and let her decide.

This sounds like the best idea ever. You seem like you have a good relationship with your MIL. Just let her know that your DH would probably like the tickets well enough but that he'd probably insist that you go and you find the band DREADFUL and really, really, really don't want to go.
 
You know, if your MIL enjoys buying the stuff and it makes Christmas for her to do these things, just accept it’s the way she is and it’s what she wants to do. It’s Christmas for her too!

Sometimes you just have to let people be what they be and quit worrying about how to change them. If she asked for your input, tell her. If not, suck it up, put a smile on your face and let her be happy.

Yes, that's the way we thought of it for many years, and that's what we did, if it makes her happy, but I realize now that it's been 20 years, it honestly affects us in a negative way and seems like our views and wishes for Christmas never counted, and maybe after all these years I really would hope to just do simpler Christmases and have our Christmases be happy for us too. She really is a person that everything is about things and stuff and all about her and she demands the main attention in everything. Then the next day on the 26th it's her birthday it's all about her again which is understandable and has to have a big birthday party. My and my husband's birthdays also in Dec and we don't really do anything for ours being close to Christmas. But I'll put on a smiley face, ooh and aah and it'll be the same miserable Christmas. Just needed a vent. I think trying to say we're not being nice is not really fair considering it's been all about her and everyone else besides us for 20 years. We just want a really simple Christmas, not overdone. It affects us in a negative way emotionally mentally and spiritually and financially, especially since it's every year year after year.
 
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Yes, that's the way we thought of it for many years, and that's what we did, if it makes her happy, but I realize now that it's been 20 years, it honestly affects us in a negative way and seems like our views and wishes for Christmas never counted, and maybe after all these years I really would hope to just do simpler Christmases and have our Christmases be happy for us too. She really is a person that everything is about things and stuff and all about her and she demands the main attention in everything. Then the next day on the 26th it's her birthday it's all about her again which is understandable and has to have a big birthday party. My and my husband's birthdays also in Dec and we don't really do anything for ours being close to Christmas. But I'll put on a smiley face, ooh and aah and it'll be the same miserable Christmas. Just needed a vent. I think trying to say we're not being nice is not really fair considering it's been all about her and everyone else besides us for 20 years. We just want a really simple Christmas, not overdone. It affects us in a negative way emotionally mentally and spiritually and financially, especially since it's every year year after year.

I never intended to say you weren’t being nice. Just that sometimes it is easier on you, mentally, to let people just be how they choose to be.

I am not understanding how her buying a bunch of stuff is effecting you in all those negative ways. Is she demanding that you do the same thing she does? If so that’s very different than just her buying you a bunch of stuff you don’t want.
 
If it were my MIL I would just keep my mouth shut lol . We're like oil and water and so I try to just go with the flow.
 
I never intended to say you weren’t being nice. Just that sometimes it is easier on you, mentally, to let people just be how they choose to be.

I am not understanding how her buying a bunch of stuff is effecting you in all those negative ways. Is she demanding that you do the same thing she does? If so that’s very different than just her buying you a bunch of stuff you don’t want.
I’m not sure it matters if you understand her situation. If a person says that it has a negative effect on them in a profound way, then maybe it’s not something they can just accept any longer. They deserve peace and happiness at the holidays as well.
 


I’m not sure it matters if you understand her situation. If a person says that it has a negative effect on them in a profound way, then maybe it’s not something they can just accept any longer. They deserve peace and happiness at the holidays as well.

No it really doesn’t matter but usually we have a choice in life. Being happy and having peace is a choice.

But we can’t make other people’s choices for them. Her mil chooses to buy a bunch of stuff or junk. There isn’t one thing she can do about it. But she doesn’t have to do the same thing in return nor should she feel she has to. If her mil is demanding that they buy her a bunch of gifts, then she is making the pp’s choices which isn’t right and that the pp should put a stop to.

If she can’t accept it any longer, what are her choices? Be miserable, cut ties with her mil or let the woman do what she does and not worry about it. If her husband isn’t willing to cut his mom out of his life over Christmas presents, that leaves two choices. No one should be miserable.
 
No it really doesn’t matter but usually we have a choice in life. Being happy and having peace is a choice.

But we can’t make other people’s choices for them. Her mil chooses to buy a bunch of stuff or junk. There isn’t one thing she can do about it. But she doesn’t have to do the same thing in return nor should she feel she has to. If her mil is demanding that they buy her a bunch of gifts, then she is making the pp’s choices which isn’t right and that the pp should put a stop to.

If she can’t accept it any longer, what are her choices? Be miserable, cut ties with her mil or let the woman do what she does and not worry about it. If her husband isn’t willing to cut his mom out of his life over Christmas presents, that leaves two choices. No one should be miserable.
It’s hard for anyone to understand what goes on in another’s life. I think people have lots of choices. I hope the poster finds one that brings her peace. I would never question her experience.
 
I'm gonna say KISS. They've got a huge tour starting next year, supposed to be the final one, and new dates into at least September have been announced recently, and the OP has met, and is not a fan of, Paul Stanley.

LOL- Kiss is one of the best concerts I have been to- my daughter started seeing them in concert when she was about 10 and loves them now. Can't one of your kids just go with your husband- most kids I know like the old bands now! I just went to a sweet 16 and the kid had the DJ playing Aerosmith, Kiss, Queen and AC/DC- one of the best sweet 16's I have been to!
 
It’s hard for anyone to understand what goes on in another’s life. I think people have lots of choices. I hope the poster finds one that brings her peace. I would never question her experience.

I hope so too.

I wasn’t questioning her experience. I don’t doubt it is exactly as she relates. I just didn’t want to misunderstand what she was saying.

I feel bad for anyone that spends the holiday resenting how they feel they have to spend it or how they celebrate.

My friend was venting to me about her own mil. The mil makes my friend feel like they are in competition for who gets friend’s dh the best gift. My suggestion was to just stop competing. Buy the gift she wants to buy him. If her mil gets him a similar gift, so be it. She can’t stop her anyway.

Her mil, like perhaps the pp’s mil, puts quantity over quality. She wants to buy a lot of gifts so rather than get the item her son or my friend wants she gets a cheap version so she can buy a bunch of other stuff. And then tells friend, “oh I got him xyz, so you will have to get him something else”. So it’s the $10 grill set rather than the $50 one he wanted. It’s not that she can’t afford the $50 set, it’s that she wants to buy 10 or 15 gifts instead. So friend has a choice, stress about it every holiday and spend all her time finding something he would want that his mother didn’t buy or just get him what she wants to give and what he wants to receive and let her mil do whatever she wants.

Life is too short to let someone else’s choices dictate that you do something that makes you unhappy. Just don’t do it. Let them do whatever they want but don’t let them choose for you.
 
Everyone keeps saying that this is not a gift for OP, but she specifically says that MIL would likely make it a gift for the both of them. Based on that, she should for sure mention her active dislike for the band.
 
I never intended to say you weren’t being nice. Just that sometimes it is easier on you, mentally, to let people just be how they choose to be.

I am not understanding how her buying a bunch of stuff is effecting you in all those negative ways. Is she demanding that you do the same thing she does? If so that’s very different than just her buying you a bunch of stuff you don’t want.

Good question. Of course I feel I have to do the same. And I try to get things people actually like also. I can't give her one gift if she gives us many. And I am a minimalist, I hate clutter and it's wasteful to me and not enjoyable. It's always tons of little things bc to them Christmas is about opening presents for hours. Is that really what Christmas should be about? I have other people to see in my family. I have other people to buy gifts for. It also is all our birthdays that month including hers which is the 26th. It is mine, it is my husband's, it is my brother's. It becomes way too much. My own mother was don't spend much on me for Christmas, but my MIL is the opposite. I don't want a dancing singing gorilla, or a slinky to put on your arm which she told me is one of the gifts she got my husband this year, some crazy slinky type thing. Everyone has to open one gift at a time also so it takes hours. One of my answers to this may be to let my husband get her gifts and his step father's. Which might fix the issue bc he HATES shopping, hates it even much more than me. I actually enjoy it if it's meaningful and simple. I would much rather give and get one meaningful gift. I think bottom line is I really feel Christmas has lost it's soul we get caught up in the crazy over shopping, losing it's real meaning. And I won't be mean about it, I'll go along bc they enjoy it like I always have. It's just different personalities, and I guess after all these years I wanted to have a Christmas I actually enjoyed, filled with peace and love and not stress.
 
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I've only read the first few pages but this sounds like a husband problem, not MIL. My wife and I generally enjoy the same music but there are some bands we like that the other doesn't. If one of us got tickets to one of those bands and the other said to just bring a friend that is what we would do. No arguing, not stubbornness, no insistence our spouse comes. I am having a hard time understanding why your husband doesn't just bring a friend instead if he wants to see the band.

I am with you though on Kiss. They are terrible.
 
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I missed a few pages so apologies if this has already been addressed, but would DH go with any of the kids? My parents do *everything* together and neither of them would even a friend to take to a concert like this. If I knew my dad wanted to see a band and knew that my mom would hate it, I would step up and go with my dad. I think I'd be the only person he'd be willing and able to go with, other than my mom. Perhaps one of the kids could do the same?

But back to the question at hand, I don't think there's any harm in being honest with your MIL. Its best to be honest about it, considering what an expensive gift this likely is.
 
Good question. Of course I feel I have to do the same. And I try to get things people actually like also. I can't give her one gift if she gives us many. And I am a minimalist, I hate clutter and it's wasteful to me and not enjoyable. It's always tons of little things bc to them Christmas is about opening presents for hours. Is that really what Christmas should be about? I have other people to see in my family. I have other people to buy gifts for. It also is all our birthdays that month including hers which is the 26th. It is mine, it is my husband's, it is my brother's. It becomes way too much. I don't like getting silly gifts, to me it's a waste of money. My own mother was don't spend much on me for Christmas, but my MIL is the opposite. I don't want a dancing singing gorilla, or a slinky to put on your arm which she told me is one of the gifts she got my husband this year, some crazy slinky type thing. Everyone has to open one gift at a time also so it takes hours. One of my answers to this may be to let my husband get her gifts and his step father's. Which might fix the issue bc he HATES shopping, hates it even much more than me. I actually enjoy it if it's meaningful and simple. I would much rather give and get one meaningful gift. I think bottom line is I really feel Christmas has lost it's soul we get caught up in the crazy over spending, losing it's real meaning. And I won't be mean about it, I'll go along bc they enjoy it like I always have. It's just different personalities, and I guess after all these years I wanted to have a Christmas I actually enjoyed, filled with peace and love and not stress.
I hear you. That would probably make me batty too. But can't you have the sort of Christmas you want with your own nuclear family? My husband's mom wasn't much different from what you describe, but she passed 15 years ago and he'd give anything to be back to worrying about how to get through another crazy Christmas.

You can't control what she does. You can only control your reaction to it and how you choose to reciprocate. Has your husband tried talking to her? How about suggesting she make a contribution to a meaningful charity for your family one year?
 
I missed a few pages so apologies if this has already been addressed, but would DH go with any of the kids? My parents do *everything* together and neither of them would even a friend to take to a concert like this. If I knew my dad wanted to see a band and knew that my mom would hate it, I would step up and go with my dad. I think I'd be the only person he'd be willing and able to go with, other than my mom. Perhaps one of the kids could do the same?

But back to the question at hand, I don't think there's any harm in being honest with your MIL. Its best to be honest about it, considering what an expensive gift this likely is.

This really does seem like the best solution.
 
So back to the original question of how do you nicely tell your MIL that you don't like her gift idea for your DH?

Here's an option to consider:

"That's a very thoughtful gift. But I don't know if he's still interested in seeing that band in concert. I could ask him for you, but that might spoil some of the surprise. On the other hand, if you give him tickets, he'll really want me to go with him. And I'm sorry, but I really REALLY don't want to see them in concert. I had a really negative experience with 1 of those band members a long time ago, so I'd rather do anything else than see them in person. DH could go with a friend. But I don't know if he'd want to. I'd hate to see you spend all of that money on tickets that we might not actually use."
 
How about your tell your MIL that her son would love the gift but you aren't interested, so either get him one ticket, or two tickets and have the other ticket be for whichever child (assuming you have children) that would like the show?

That way your MIL still gets to buy what she wants to, and you don't get stuck with a gift you don't want.
 
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Good question. Of course I feel I have to do the same. And I try to get things people actually like also. I can't give her one gift if she gives us many. And I am a minimalist, I hate clutter and it's wasteful to me and not enjoyable. It's always tons of little things bc to them Christmas is about opening presents for hours. Is that really what Christmas should be about? I have other people to see in my family. I have other people to buy gifts for. It also is all our birthdays that month including hers which is the 26th. It is mine, it is my husband's, it is my brother's. It becomes way too much. My own mother was don't spend much on me for Christmas, but my MIL is the opposite. I don't want a dancing singing gorilla, or a slinky to put on your arm which she told me is one of the gifts she got my husband this year, some crazy slinky type thing. Everyone has to open one gift at a time also so it takes hours. One of my answers to this may be to let my husband get her gifts and his step father's. Which might fix the issue bc he HATES shopping, hates it even much more than me. I actually enjoy it if it's meaningful and simple. I would much rather give and get one meaningful gift. I think bottom line is I really feel Christmas has lost it's soul we get caught up in the crazy over shopping, losing it's real meaning. And I won't be mean about it, I'll go along bc they enjoy it like I always have. It's just different personalities, and I guess after all these years I wanted to have a Christmas I actually enjoyed, filled with peace and love and not stress.


Ahhh, I see. Yep, I would give the job to dh. Let him do the shopping for them and maybe he will just flat out tell her that Christmas needs to be minimized on your end at least. He should also tell her that you have to leave at X time to get to X place and when that time comes, leave! She shouldn't be interfering with time spent with other family.

You are so right about Christmas losing its soul. No one seems to have time or enjoy the events of Christmas or the meaning of it all. I am trying to remember that with my granddaughters and instead of buying the latest and greatest whatever, spending time making cookies and gingerbread houses and going to see lights and visiting Santa and going to church.

I hope that you find a way to take back what Christmas means to you and let her do whatever she is going to do but not let it interfere with YOUR holiday season.
 

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