How do you bury a child? :(

I lost my daughter in a house fire. She was also 7. You do the only thing you can do. Take it day by day and sometimes second by second. I have been broken down that low. Life can still be good though. It will never be the same, but there is still some happiness on this journey.

I'm so sorry for their loss and it's affect on you as well.

I'm just handing out hugs and I wish I could actually give you all one, even though it would be awkward because you don't know me.

:hug:
You crawl into your bed and don't get out or you just keep putting one foot in front of the other...everyone else moves on with their lives. The world keeps turning and you remain frozen in time.

:hug:

I had to bury my first child just a little before his first birthday due to a misdiagnosed intestinal defect. That was 16 years ago. I honestly don't know how I made it. I remember the deafening sounds of my own internal screams. I remember wanting to run. Forever and ever until my body just gave out. I remember being so tired but being unable to let myself fall asleep. My dreams of him were vivid and real and I was continuously trying to save him.

It's more horrifying than you could ever imagine and there's more that I could never put into words. I know it's not something I could ever do again. I've learned to build walls around those memories to protect myself and carry on with life but every now and then I take the walls down and let the flood hit me. So I don't forget.

The good news is it's possible to make it out of that nightmare and have a good life. It's just a hard road and you have to work to keep moving in a positive direction.

:hug:
 
My dear friend buried her 12 year old two years and one month ago, after a three year battle with pediatric cancer. The single worst funeral I've ever attended, by a long **** ways. Not even close. Worse, in some ways, than my own mother's funeral, and she died at age 50.

Pediatric cancer victims are robbed of so much, even if they somehow survive. My friend has thrown herself into raising money in any way that she can for pediatric cancer research, which is woefully underfunded compared to "adult" cancers. In particular, she is a big fan of St Baldricks. But, don't even get her started on the American Cancer Society....a group that loves to use cute little bald kid in their ads but does almost nothing (and I do mean almost NOTHING) for actual childhood cancer patients. It's disgusting and appalling. Don't use them to raise money and then ignore their research needs.

What I've learned from her is that childhood cancer is not rare, but it is lacking a voice. We can all help lend our voice to their cause. Even those who survive suffer lifelong medical effects from being forced to use drugs designed for adults on their fragile little bodies because there are hardly any cancer meds specifically designed for kids...and no, kids are not just miniature adults!

Makes me so angry.

OP, I'm so sorry for this devastating loss in your community. :-(

After having Breast Cancer and now complications from the treatments, they BLOW YOU OFF.

It truly is a nightmare out there when it comes to cancer treatment AND AFTER CARE TREATMENT does not exist as I have found.

As far as burying a child, my youngest dd in college had a person she knew from middle school commit suicide at college on Sat. I cannot imagine.
 


Just the title of this thread brings me to tears.
Real, deep, tears...
My heart goes out to each and every one here who has faced this, or even the possibility that their child might might lose their life.

I don't think I could do it.
I really don't.
I don't know what I would do.
I don't think I could 'make it through'.
 
My youngest DD has a very rare genetic disease. Because these lysosomal storage diseases are so rare, our parent group includes several different diseases. Sadly, we have lost many little ones. There are no words.
 
Something that I learned for the next person who I am close to that dies is have a delayed memorial service. A cousin did this with her mom. She decided to wait a few months after her moms passing to have a memorial service. She said she remembered her Dad funeral being a world wind event and did not want that for her mom. She planned an ice cream event at her moms favorite park a few months after her passing. It was a nice event and allowed out of towners to plan for the event and not have to pay higher flight prices and it was on a weekend so it allowed us a long weekend to visit with the family. We then walked over to her Moms house across the street and had an informal dinner.
 


Three years ago, a former student was kidnapped and murdered. As hard as that was to deal with, I was at that time her little sister's math/ELA teacher so also helped this 2nd grader process her loss and feelings. I have absolutely no idea how this family made it through this horrible tragedy.

My heart absolutely breaks for all of you who have lost a child. As Wishing on a Star said, I honestly don't know that I could, or would want to, make it through. You have my deepest sympathies.
 
My brother died when he was only 20 and I know my parents have never been the same. My brother and I were both born with Fanconi Anemia, the median life span is around 30. It's an extremely rare genetic illness and we try and support one another in our FAmily (FAmily is what we call our community of Fanconi Anemia Families). This week alone, two more little children, have died. They were only like 2 and 4 years old. It is always hard to lose friends to cancer or illness, but it is particularly hard to watch these parents bury their little children. It wears on my faith, I just don't understand.

One of the pediatric oncologists I work for is a speaker at the fanconi symposium next week. He works in stem cell transplantation and regeneration medicine. I'm so sorry about your brother and hopeful for the current research.
 
My stepson committed suicide last October and part of my husband died that day too.

How does he live?
Sadly. Our joyful moments are tempered by the profound sadness that comes in like a storm cloud.

With guilt. For feeling like there was something he should have seen or done.

But he tries. He lives as full a life as he can for our daughter and for us, because we are still alive.
 
I can't begin to imagine. My condolances to all those that have lost a child.

The only real glimpse I have is from my grandmother. Even though my mom was 39 and my grandma in her 60s when my mom passed she was broken. My grandparents honestly haven't been the same since. Of course the live their lives and do what they can but I know everything the get to experience with my brothers and I is always a little sad because we all know someone is missing.
 
One of the pediatric oncologists I work for is a speaker at the fanconi symposium next week. He works in stem cell transplantation and regeneration medicine. I'm so sorry about your brother and hopeful for the current research.

Wow, that's awesome! Such a small world. I forgot the symposium is coming up soon, I think it's in Washington this year. I hope they can find a cure soon. Thanks.
 
I lost my daughter in a house fire. She was also 7. You do the only thing you can do. Take it day by day and sometimes second by second. I have been broken down that low. Life can still be good though. It will never be the same, but there is still some happiness on this journey.

I'm so sorry for their loss and it's affect on you as well.
Grace and peace to you :flower3: and thank you so much for these brave thoughts. This sentiment can't be expressed by those that haven't shared the same loss without sounding like callous platitudes but coming from you I'm sure they will be a great inspiration for many. :grouphug:
 
Wow, that's awesome! Such a small world. I forgot the symposium is coming up soon, I think it's in Washington this year. I hope they can find a cure soon. Thanks.

Yeah - it's in Seattle. I did a double take when I read Fanconi so I had to comment. Sorry again for your and everyone else's losses. I can't imagine the heartbreak.
 
First, I just wanted to extend my sympathy to those who have lost a child. I am so sorry.

Sadly, my family has been through too many childhood deaths. My mother's brother passed away at 10 from brain cancer, my father's sister passed away at 9 from heart disease and my mother's cousin was hit by a car and didn't make it, he was around 13.

I wasn't alive of course to experience those losses but I can still see the effects. Especially with my uncle. Nobody spke about him much and if you asked about him, you were met with short responses that didn't really answer anything.

My cousin lost two babies. Both just under 2 years old. They both passed away from complications due to mitochondrial disease. I can't even describe how horrifying that was. Here is what is interesting; she loves to talk about them. She wants to keep their memories alive and doesn't want them to be forgotten (which they never will be of course). It's just the complete opposite end of the spectrum from how my Grandmother and Aunts dealt with the loss of my uncle.

My cousins and I were just discussing this recently. Our generation and how we deal with things compared to our mother's is such a turnaround. I guess growing up, watching people not talk about their feelings has impacted us to the point where we make an effort not to be like that. I do find though, as everyone is getting older, my aunts and mother do talk just a teensy bit more about my uncle, which is nice. I would have loved to have known him.
 
My parents have buried 3 children. One son was born prematurely and only lived a day. My one brother died at 31 and my other brother died at 38 (from the same rare genetic disease).
My parents, and my mother particularly, are extremely strong and resilient people. They are both in their mid 80's are still very active. But, my mom does say that you NEVER get over losing a child. You just, hopefully, learn how to cope with it.
 
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My parents have buried 3 children. One son was born premature and only lived a day. My one brother died at 31 and my other brother died at 38 (from the same rare genetic disease).
My parents, and my mother particularly, are extremely strong and resilient people. They are both in their mid 80's are still very active. But, my mom does say that you NEVER get over losing a child. You just, hopefully, learn how to cope with it.
That must have been so difficult for your parents and for you. Time may help a bit, but the loss is always there. :hug:
 
This is so hard to deal with. We just lost a beautiful grand-nephew. He suffered a rough birth, had a stroke, and fought very hard for such a tiny guy, finally passing after a mere month of living. My niece was just a mess. She couldn't/wouldn't talk to anyone. She finally started sending brief messages. She's doing all she can and she's so young! (21) breaks my heart.
 

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