How fast it all changed.

Hi Rodeo, I found this thread late last night and stayed up for two hours reading the whole thing. I lost my grandmother one month after she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer last Fall. Her daughter my aunt went through the same thing a few years ago, although she was not as far along so she did do the chemo treatments in the last year of her life. I can’t say which is better. My aunt got more time, but also false hope, and the end came suddenly and due to the morphine needed she didn’t have a chance to say a proper goodbye to two of her children. My grandmother went quick but her quality of life up to the end was good, no chemo and a lovely hospice, all of her living children and grandchildren got to say goodbye.

I so admire your strength and grace. Your kids are lucky to have you for a mom. Wishing your family a restorative summer.
 
So - today is test drive day. Something kind of fun for a change. I am trading both DH's and my vehicles (2004 and 2006 models) in for something current. With both of the kids expected to begin driving this year, I want a newer car with safety features. I've found a fully loaded Equinox at an amazing price and can have it next week before our trip if I'm happy with it. It has a teen/new driver control feature so I can set speed limits and get reports on which safety features they are using. That was the main thing I wanted but there are a lot of extra features. The only thing I can't get that I would have liked was leather seats and this comes with cloth but that aside everything else is great. I hope it drives nicely.

Originally I wanted the Acadia, but to get it as upgraded as the Equinox it was out of my budget. Plus when I was talking to the kids they were pushing for that one also because it seats seven and they want to haul more kids around. The Equinox seats five and I prefer they NOT have a car loaded with teenagers so that suits me better in the end. :thumbsup2

I hope your enjoyed your test drive. My DM looked at the Acadia a couple of years before she died, but I talked her out of a new car (she really didn't need it), but that one was a beauty.

I think you are in Canada, so probably cooler than Central IL, but I now have leather seats and regret them on these recent hot days when my legs stick, or get sweaty (Sorry if TMI :crazy2:). I love the heated seats in the winter, but the summer can be brutal!

I was the one to teach both of our kids to drive, because 1) DH gets carsick if not driving, and 2) according to the kids, dad was just a little too "intense." We started them out prior to their permits in our private parking lot/property so they were road ready as soon as they got their permits. DD was on the highway driving to St. Louis on the 10th day she had her permit. They are both good drivers.
 
Last edited:
I'm glad you had a good day! Enjoy and believe me Hon, if anything will take your mind off your troubles it's teaching teens to drive. Maybe ask Grandpa to do it - personally, I still twitch when I think about it and our DS has been licensed for 2 years now. :hug:

Oh my, I love my dad - I wouldn't unleash them on him. :scared:;)
Actually, I am kind of looking forward to teaching them - weird huh? Honestly, though DS just seems to have no drive, pardon the pun to get his G1. He stayed in Toronto last night after training to hang out with his coach and another dance mentor/friend. They are 21 and 20 and both were roasting him about not having the permit yet. He didn't seem to care. I'm fine with that - ADHD puts him behind socially, emotionally, maturity-wise so an extra year or two before he gets on the road is great by me. DD on the other hand can't wait for October when she turns 16!

Rodeo, hubby is a realtor. If your house is older, no one expects it to be perfect. If you can get it freshly painted, decluttered and cleaned, that would be great. If it’s in decent condition and priced appropriately, it will sell.

We bought a 50 year old house with olive green shag carpet, avocado green appliances a pink bathroom with a “faux marble” pink and gray swirly
Formica vanity and the UGLIEST kitchen floor known to mankind. It also needed a new roof immediately and had an older furnace. But The house had “good bones” meaning it was well built per the inspector, was in a great neighborhood and was priced appropriately based on what needed to be done.

We bought it 24 years ago. Slowly but surely we’ve redone it.

That's what my parents did and over the years. They've gradually added on enough space that four dogs, two teenagers and I will be comfortable moving in there and shouldn't really impact them greatly aside from the work to be done to clear out closets etc first and of course the having teenagers around aspect after. They bought the house in 1963 and have worked on it continually over the decades. DD can't wait to live there, and actually neither can I. Our house feels strange now and we definitely don't want to spend another Christmas here. We'll still be living here then, but will be staying there over Christmas.

Thank you for keeping up with my nephew's story, rodeo. I, too, come here to post about him as a kind of therapy, as some of the things I say I cannot say to his parents. That is another tragic loss that happened to a young person very suddenly. Life truly can change in an instant. What makes is really hard is that we mourn every day for a person who is still alive. I hope you keep writing and let us know how you & your children are doing. :hug:

I completely understand the difference in what you say here vs IRL. I have actually shown your thread to both of my kids also and we've discussed Dom more than once. I understand, on a much shorter time frame mourning someone who is still alive. The last week with DH was much like that and especially the last three days.

So today was the start of exams. DD is writing her first right now. This should be interesting since both missed the majority of the semester. This afternoon she and I have a meeting with the principal and support staff to determine course of action for next year based on what she is likely to pass. We'll handle DS next week since he stayed with his friends last night. I have to say I am so happy he has dance to keep him occupied and as strange as it will sound with what has happened I'm kind of happy that DH was not terribly involved in that part of his life. Given what I've seen over the past two months and the way he's mourning, I think if DH had been a big part of his dance life, he'd have walked away from it.

Since joining the studio he is at now in December, he has become friends with his coach and his other "dance idol", and when DH was first diagnosed and ever since they have both taken a strong interest in him. The first time they invited him to stay and hang out after classes was the week after DH was diagnosed and it was such a boost to him then.

After his lessons last night I was taking him to get new shoes before his competition next week. His coach had said moving to a higher 1.5" heel would help with his point and arch. They ended up all coming (coach's girlfriend and dance partner also) to "oversee" his fitting. It made me so happy seeing how they all interact. All have said how much DS looks like his idol/mentor, moves like him and how similar in all aspects they are. He has started calling him his little brother. This was the young man who danced to our wedding song at his Celebration. I asked DS if a year ago he'd have thought he'd not only be training where he is and with who he has as his coach but also would become friends with the dancer he admires so much. He said he never would have believed it and is loving it! He's younger and can't go with them to clubs or bars, but that aside they seem to include him as a peer not a kid they're "helping" which makes me so happy for him.

And the test drive went great! I had it for the day Tuesday and bought it yesterday!! It's so amazing what all it can do and rides beautifully. Going from a 12 year old van to this is heaven! I'm just getting used to the different shaping. It's bigger and longer in the hood than the van was but not as long at the back. It is a metallic charcoal colour, the van was light grey. It was strange going into the garage for something last night and seeing it sitting there.
 
Last edited:


And the test drive went great! I had it for the day Tuesday and bought it yesterday!! It's so amazing what all it can do and rides beautifully. Going from a 12 year old van to this is heaven! I'm just getting used to the different shaping. It's bigger and longer in the hood than the van was but not as long at the back. It is a metallic charcoal colour, the van was light grey. It was strange going into the garage for something last night and seeing it sitting there.

:thumbsup2 on your new purchase. Enjoy Rodeo.
 
I asked DS if a year ago he'd have thought he'd not only be training where he is and with who he has as his coach but also would become friends with the dancer he admires so much. He said he never would have believed it and is loving it!

That's lovely to hear. :goodvibes
 
This is my first post after reading this whole thread over the last few days. I have no words, but offer my condolences and will continue to pray for you and your family. I agree with PPs that you have handled this so strongly and courageously. Bless you!

Enjoy your new Equinox - that is what I drive also and I love it! It does great in the snow also. I live in Buffalo so have plenty of experience with that :)
 


Oh my, I love my dad - I wouldn't unleash them on him. :scared:;)
Actually, I am kind of looking forward to teaching them - weird huh? Honestly, though DS just seems to have no drive, pardon the pun to get his G1. He stayed in Toronto last night after training to hang out with his coach and another dance mentor/friend. They are 21 and 20 and both were roasting him about not having the permit yet. He didn't seem to care. I'm fine with that - ADHD puts him behind socially, emotionally, maturity-wise so an extra year or two before he gets on the road is great by me. DD on the other hand can't wait for October when she turns 16!



That's what my parents did and over the years. They've gradually added on enough space that four dogs, two teenagers and I will be comfortable moving in there and shouldn't really impact them greatly aside from the work to be done to clear out closets etc first and of course the having teenagers around aspect after. They bought the house in 1963 and have worked on it continually over the decades. DD can't wait to live there, and actually neither can I. Our house feels strange now and we definitely don't want to spend another Christmas here. We'll still be living here then, but will be staying there over Christmas.



I completely understand the difference in what you say here vs IRL. I have actually shown your thread to both of my kids also and we've discussed Dom more than once. I understand, on a much shorter time frame mourning someone who is still alive. The last week with DH was much like that and especially the last three days.

So today was the start of exams. DD is writing her first right now. This should be interesting since both missed the majority of the semester. This afternoon she and I have a meeting with the principal and support staff to determine course of action for next year based on what she is likely to pass. We'll handle DS next week since he stayed with his friends last night. I have to say I am so happy he has dance to keep him occupied and as strange as it will sound with what has happened I'm kind of happy that DH was not terribly involved in that part of his life. Given what I've seen over the past two months and the way he's mourning, I think if DH had been a big part of his dance life, he'd have walked away from it.

Since joining the studio he is at now in December, he has become friends with his coach and his other "dance idol", and when DH was first diagnosed and ever since they have both taken a strong interest in him. The first time they invited him to stay and hang out after classes was the week after DH was diagnosed and it was such a boost to him then.

After his lessons last night I was taking him to get new shoes before his competition next week. His coach had said moving to a higher 1.5" heel would help with his point and arch. They ended up all coming (coach's girlfriend and dance partner also) to "oversee" his fitting. It made me so happy seeing how they all interact. All have said how much DS looks like his idol/mentor, moves like him and how similar in all aspects they are. He has started calling him his little brother. This was the young man who danced to our wedding song at his Celebration. I asked DS if a year ago he'd have thought he'd not only be training where he is and with who he has as his coach but also would become friends with the dancer he admires so much. He said he never would have believed it and is loving it! He's younger and can't go with them to clubs or bars, but that aside they seem to include him as a peer not a kid they're "helping" which makes me so happy for him.

And the test drive went great! I had it for the day Tuesday and bought it yesterday!! It's so amazing what all it can do and rides beautifully. Going from a 12 year old van to this is heaven! I'm just getting used to the different shaping. It's bigger and longer in the hood than the van was but not as long at the back. It is a metallic charcoal colour, the van was light grey. It was strange going into the garage for something last night and seeing it sitting there.
Don't worry about the bolded - I think it's surprisingly common for boys especially these days to be very apathetic about driving! All through high school my DS was part of a great group of kids; only one of them had a driver's license. His grandpa gave him an ancient Aerostar minivan (cool, eh!) and for years he schlepped the group around like a soccer mom! :rotfl2:

It took my DS until 17 to get his learner's (took several tries to pass the written test) and until 19 to pass his road test (also several "very expensive" tries). I love :lovestruc that you want to teach your boy and I hope it goes great and becomes a really precious memory between the two of you! :drive: Happy for you with the vehicle purchase too - no better feeling than to whiz around in a new car!
 
I finally started on the basement this weekend. It's frankly pretty overwhelming the amount of accumulation over 24 years, and that I basically have to get rid of everything but the most important. It runs against my "might need it someday" mentality. I have to pick my times for this kind of work - anger is usually a good one that fires me up to start just tossing stuff. I managed to get rid of three of the oversize garbage bags. Mostly DH's work notes and chicken scratch. Even at that I found myself looking it all over and thinking that maybe DS might want it someday. He had planned to have his dad teach him his business as his Plan B. Seriously, though, no chance at all that he'd be able to piece it together from the notebooks. So I got busy purging. Nice to be started but so much to do!!

I am also cautiously excited about a program that DS has agreed to enter next year. I met on Thursday with the principal, his SERT, student success teacher and programming coordinator. There is a pilot program starting in September - the intended goal re-engagement, and it is tech based in the entertainment field. His core subjects will be worked on for the first and last hour of the day and in the middle is the tech stuff. Staging, lighting, sound boards etc. It is at a different school than his home school, but short hours; 9:25-1:10 so he can still make it back to his school for last period and get an additional credit. I set an appointment to take him to meet the tech teacher, who is also working in the industry so has a lot of first hand knowledge and contacts, on Friday morning.

As soon as we passed his school and he started asking where and why, he shut down, no way was he changing schools. I explained that he'd be back at the end of the day but he was still not interested. I asked him to just keep an open mind and he said he would but I was not feeling good about it. When we got there, the teacher took him up on stage as he was prepping the commencement stuff and he seemed not too interested. Then he started talking about what kinds of things he'd be learning and they types of jobs he could look at. Once he hit on lighting and sound for DJ sets and producing and directing for anything to do with dance, he flipped. He turned to me and said he'd do it! I think it will be perfect for him if it turns out to be what they're describing. Of course first year out so there will be some bugs as I mentioned to him but I think it could be great. He will get 4-5 credits per semester (5th if he goes back for last period) and also a credit in the college program that it feeds. We went back to his school and talked to his principal who was starting the paperwork Friday afternoon. Tomorrow morning we meet the intake coordinator, who said she'd hold his place - there are only three left out 12 spots in total. He doesn't have enough credits for the requirements but they are making an exception due to him losing his dad this semester and failing I think all but one.

We also reworked DD's schedule based on what she is likely to pass/fail and have a workable timetable with some co-op added in at her current job to make up some credits. She's not quite as disengaged as DS and it was more about the circumstance the past few months than actually disliking school. Hopefully she meant what she said when stating that as of next year she plans to be a much more focused student. As I told them both - they have every opportunity to move forward and do well. Its on them now to take those opportunities.
 
Sounds like things are moving forward on several fronts. Good that you’re able to throw out stuff you know you don’t need. That’s a tough one! I think most of us are pack-rats to a certain extent.
Hoping your son finds his “niche” with this new program. Could be just what he needs.
 
While reading your updates about your son's school concerns, I was wondering if he needed an alternative education path. But I didn't know what options were available in Canada to suggest. It sounds like you and his school are on it. Hope it works out for him.
 
Weird dream last night! I dreamt that DH called me. I was packing up and purging the house, but not our house. Not sure what house it was. Not one I've lived in. Anyway, he wanted to know what I was doing and why I was getting rid of his stuff. I've been purging his work notes and chicken scratch to do lists. I said he wasn't here to use them anymore and he said he wasn't dead and would be back to use it all. :eek: I woke up thinking 'huh, then who'd we inter?' That's the first dream I've had since he passed, at least that I remember.

We were in Montreal last weekend for DS's first travel competition. They aren't too happy with their placement, but to me this was only their second competition together ever and the first travel one, so a different pace and feel. It's all experience and I'm sure they'll do better in Toronto in two weeks. DS needs to learn to treat his body better. He didn't eat nearly enough early in the day and then was lethargic by the end of his first heat. They had a couple of hours before the second and he decided on a ham sub. That did not sit well and he ended up missing his second heat because he was throwing up when they called it. By the next day he was a little more together but still not great with food. It was hard to find good healthy food while in a hotel. For the next one I said we'll bring a cooler with hard cooked eggs, fruit, veggies and nuts, and our own turkey or ham that I know is fresh. I said he's no different than any other athlete on a game day and can't just not eat and expect to perform. Or eat processed junk. I believe he learned the lesson.

So far (day three) both kids are on track for their summer credit recovery plans. DD is doing a co-op with her existing job and attended the two in class days Tuesday and yesterday. Now she needs 100 hours over the next four and a half weeks to earn one credit. DS is doing an online course and has logged on each day and done the assignment. He just told me all the assignments are laid out online already and he can do everything right away if he wants or leave it to the last couple of days. I said DO NOT do that. He said he won't and actually may complete it all in the next week so he doesn't have to log on while he's at training camp in a week and a half.

And now it's time to get back to the basement. I hate it. It's such a huge task and lots of friends have offered to help but I actually have to go through everything myself and determine what I'm doing with everything.
 
I had dreams very similar to yours after my mom passed away. I was the executor of her estate so I was responsible for selling her house and doing something with all the contents. I also took care of all of her finances so I was in charge of distributing money.
She would be there in my dreams and I told her I sold her house and got rid of all her things because she died. In my dream I would be trying to remember who got what so I could go back to them and tell them I needed her things/money back! It was such an awful feeling. I felt so guilty!
A few years later when my husband’s aunt passed away and my mother-in-law was in charge of her estate I told her to prepare for those dreams. Sure enough she had them too.
 
I had a similar dream, as well. In my dream, my Mom called and asked me why I was giving away all of her clothes. She said she wasn’t dead; she was in Ireland! It actually made me feel good because that was a place she had always wanted to visit. Hope some of your dreams bring you comfort, as well.
 
Weird dream last night! I dreamt that DH called me.
My grandma died at age 90 in 2013. A couple years later I had a dream that she called me. She was still dead but apparently had just then figured out how to call me. We talked for a long time about everything - the new job she didn't know I got, the kids, etc. It was the best dream I ever had and also the saddest. But it still makes me happy to think about it. I hope your dream of DH didn't shake you up too much and you keep dreaming nice things about him.
 
Rodeo, so glad you're happy with the new ride, and moving ahead. You've been in my thoughts. Still sending you the very best!
 
I am glad to see the updates, I have been thinking about you. Good to know you like the new car. Happy the kids are moving forward with school. Sad that you have to struggle with the cleaning out.

Take someone up on the help. They may not be able to touch every paper, or make major decisions, but they can help bag up and carry out, etc., and be there to talk to. Work always seems to go faster for me if I have someone to talk to while doing it.

I have also had dreams about my parents. The really weird ones were about my dad. He was back, but we acknowledged that he had been dead. Really weird. I have had a couple about my mom, and it is just lovely to see and talk to her.
 
Not a whole lot of new stuff going on these days. I guess I've settled into my "new life" to a degree, although I do constantly trip over "I have to tell buddy" this or that. We're still working away on the bank situation so nothing new there. I'm slowly (very slowly) working through the mountains of stuff in the basement that needs to be purged. I think once I get that level done, the main and upstairs won't be quite so overwhelming, but there is still so much to figure out. The garage, too will be a battle, although DH did do a pretty good reorganisation out there last summer.

The kids are busy doing their thing(s) DS had an amazing week last week at "Extreme Training Camp" and said if I'd let him drop out he'd move to Toronto and devote himself entirely to dance. I said again, no, he needs to graduate, focus on the new program he'll be doing this fall and get his diploma and them feel free to pursue his dream. Both his coach and is friend/mentor have said they can't wait until he finishes and moves there, so he's really happy about that. They're both about four years older than he is and he loves staying with them every couple of weeks. Once he came back this week he says he's bored with his usual life and just hanging out doing the same things as always with his high school friends. He says life with his dance friends when he stays in Toronto is way more fun and they do more interesting things. Going out to restaurants after a day of training and pushing each other vs hanging out at Tim Hortons with the same friends he sees all day every day has him wanting to grow up and move on fast. DD is working, but not getting enough hours for a co-op credit so not sure what will happen there. I think she'll just make it up on a semester co-op rather than a summer one which is a much shorter time frame to get the hours needed. She is bringing the girl drama - between boys and her girlfriends who are here constantly there is always some form of angst. She is talking about coming back to dance also in the fall but has said she is really planning on focusing on school this year and getting much better grades, so I see her needing to study more than dance. It really depends on how she organises herself in the fall. If she actually starts out with consistent review and study from week one she can probably handle dancing also, but if not, she'll be playing catch up all the time and really won't be able to handle both plus the social life she insists on.

I still haven't got around to putting the stuff I'm selling onto Kijiji but I plan to get some pictures taken and get it up there soon. I'm in negotiation with my dad over which equipment to keep. We gave my parents our treadmill a few years ago when DH bought a tread stepper. He has since also added an elliptical to the mix which is the only one I'll use, because it's the only one that doesn't cause additional knee pain. Dad thinks he wants to keep the treadmill, which he has used twice this past year (he keeps records :rotfl:) I'm trying to get him over to try the elliptical since we will only have space for one piece of equipment. It is maybe a little longer than the treadmill - not much but a little. If he goes for that, I'll sell the treadmill, tread stepper, Bowflex universal and most of his free weights and bench. DS wants a couple of the smaller free weights but that's it.

I had my referral to the orthopaedic surgeon on Wednesday. I definitely need a knee replacement, however he said that often patients in their 50's are not as happy with the results as patients in their 70's or beyond, likely due to different expectations. Definitely, if I were to have it done, it would be with the expectation of gaining mobility back and not being in constant pain. He basically said it's a case of when not if and that the time to do it will be when I can't take the pain any more. He has suggested we try the injections first and see if it can gain me a few years. So, I just have to research what he recommended - Cingal, and then if I want to proceed, call and get the appointment. In the brief online look I did take the possible side effects seem manageable (joint pain - hahahaha plenty of that now) so I'll probably proceed. He said it will cost around $550 and likely need two or three per year. I will probably not try the big brace. He said it's around $2000 and I wouldn't wear it around all day, only for things like cutting the grass or taking out the garbage, I can't see spending that amount on something for occasional use. I'll get a less expensive one at home health care and use it when needed.

If anyone has used Cingal in particular, I'd love to hear your experiences!
 

GET A DISNEY VACATION QUOTE

Dreams Unlimited Travel is committed to providing you with the very best vacation planning experience possible. Our Vacation Planners are experts and will share their honest advice to help you have a magical vacation.

Let us help you with your next Disney Vacation!





Latest posts

Top