How fast it all changed.

[Sarah'sMomfrom PA]

Good to see that you are still posting, Rodeo. Unfortunately, your new normal is totally different than you ever imagined but you are hanging in there. I think of you often and remember your family in my prayers. I also was wondering about Excited Family and sure hope that all is well with her and her family and specifically her husband.

 

[ofcabbagesandkings]

I agree with PP that it can help to have someone with you when you are sorting, even if they don't help you make decisions sometimes it makes the time go quicker and they can be a sounding board for anything you're feeling indecisive about. People in your life are probably anxious to help but they don't know how to ask, and they would be delighted to come spend a few hours with you while you sort things.

 

[PollyannaMom]

He has suggested we try the injections first and see if it can gain me a few years. So, I just have to research what he recommended - Cingal, and then if I want to proceed, call and get the appointment. In the brief online look I did take the possible side effects seem manageable (joint pain - hahahaha plenty of that now) so I'll probably proceed. He said it will cost around $550 and likely need two or three per year. I will probably not try the big brace. He said it's around $2000 and I wouldn't wear it around all day, only for things like cutting the grass or taking out the garbage, I can't see spending that amount on something for occasional use. I'll get a less expensive one at home health care and use it when needed.

My dad has been putting off knee surgery as well, and went with injections. I'm not sure if it was the same drug, but it helped a lot, and he has been very happy with the results!

I also agree with not getting the brace. You can hire the lawn cut for less than that, and you have two teenagers perfectly capable of taking out the trash. (I'm sure you're reluctant too ask to much of them - I know I would be in your place! - but I expect that particular chore seems much less daunting to them than it does to you. I bet they'd be glad to pitch in if they knew it would spare you knee pain!)

 

[ronandannette]

Hi @rodeo65 . Thanks for checking in. We're still here if you need us!

 

[TraceyDisney2008]

Thanks for stopping in with an update, I have been thinking of you. My daughter moved to Toronto 2 years ago and I dont think she will ever come back to Barrie. So much for them to see and do.

 

[rodeo65]

Good to see that you are still posting, Rodeo. Unfortunately, your new normal is totally different than you ever imagined but you are hanging in there. I think of you often and remember your family in my prayers. I also was wondering about Excited Family and sure hope that all is well with her and her family and specifically her husband.

Yes, I think about excitedfamily often also and wonder how they're doing since she hasn't updated in a while.

Thanks for stopping in with an update, I have been thinking of you. My daughter moved to Toronto 2 years ago and I dont think she will ever come back to Barrie. So much for them to see and do.

I'm quite certain that will be our situation also once he moves, I expect he will base out of TO but also will be travelling frequently for competitions.

Another more self serving reason for enforcing him staying to complete his diploma - I'll really miss him when he leaves. I had said if he was a different kid in terms of dedication and commitment to completing school, I'd be ok with him moving now and finishing online, but I know him. It just wouldn't happen.

 

[Snowysmom]

I am glad to see your update. I keep looking for posts to see how you and your family are doing.

I understand about the knee issues. I had both knees replaced in my 50's. I am very happy with the results. The pain is gone and the increased mobility is wonderful. I hope the injections work for you. You will know when it is time to do the knee placement.

 

[rodeo65]

So I guess paranoia is a fun byproduct of the past few months for me. DH was always more of a hypochondriac and it seemed to manifest in avoiding doctors at all cost - presumably so he could avoid anything he didn't want to deal with. I've always been accepting of dealing with whatever came up but not necessarily in a hurry to do so. Now though, everything is different. Like with the knee. I really don't want to have elective surgery right now even if it would make my life much better. My kids are not adults. What if I die on the operating table? Not really something that I would have given more than a passing though to in the past. Well, until the day of the surgery and then I'd just fret for a couple of hours and then I'd be under and then it would be over. Now though? Nope - need to wait a few years, just in case. So I get my Cingal injection next Wednesday. I really, really hope it lets me have a few years before the replacement is required.

I am glad to see your update. I keep looking for posts to see how you and your family are doing.

I understand about the knee issues. I had both knees replaced in my 50's. I am very happy with the results. The pain is gone and the increased mobility is wonderful. I hope the injections work for you. You will know when it is time to do the knee placement.

I would love to do this now if it wasn't for the leaving the kids orphaned fear, but I also have to say my surgeon didn't give me the best feeling that I'd be thrilled with the results either. At least at this age. Maybe I need to look for a second opinion, although I trust my primary care physician to not refer me to anyone questionable.

And then there's also weird pain paranoia. Off I went to the ER last week because I had a pain in my side. I had myself convinced I had the exact same cancer DH did and I was going to leave my kids orphans. Nope - very, very small gall stones. Not enough to require surgery, just enough to give me twinges. I was even embarrassed when they asked me to rate my pain to let them know around 4. Who runs to emergency for a level 4 pain? Apparently I do, now. Because I don't want to take a single chance I ignore something and miss it until it's too late. So, now I am a paranoid creature. I hope it passes.

I have to say though, the ER doc was extremely nice and very patient once I explained why I was there for what I was there for. Made sure to tell me all of my blood levels were good, enzymes all good, ultrasound all good - pancreas and liver all good. Well also a little bit of a fatty liver but nothing that would harm me for decades, apparently. And no, I will not give up my wine or my chocolate over it if I have decades.

 

[LSUmiss]

So I guess paranoia is a fun byproduct of the past few months for me. DH was always more of a hypochondriac and it seemed to manifest in avoiding doctors at all cost - presumably so he could avoid anything he didn't want to deal with. I've always been accepting of dealing with whatever came up but not necessarily in a hurry to do so. Now though, everything is different. Like with the knee. I really don't want to have elective surgery right now even if it would make my life much better. My kids are not adults. What if I die on the operating table? Not really something that I would have given more than a passing though to in the past. Well, until the day of the surgery and then I'd just fret for a couple of hours and then I'd be under and then it would be over. Now though? Nope - need to wait a few years, just in case. So I get my Cingal injection next Wednesday. I really, really hope it lets me have a few years before the replacement is required.



I would love to do this now if it wasn't for the leaving the kids orphaned fear, but I also have to say my surgeon didn't give me the best feeling that I'd be thrilled with the results either. At least at this age. Maybe I need to look for a second opinion, although I trust my primary care physician to not refer me to anyone questionable.

And then there's also weird pain paranoia. Off I went to the ER last week because I had a pain in my side. I had myself convinced I had the exact same cancer DH did and I was going to leave my kids orphans. Nope - very, very small gall stones. Not enough to require surgery, just enough to give me twinges. I was even embarrassed when they asked me to rate my pain to let them know around 4. Who runs to emergency for a level 4 pain? Apparently I do, now. Because I don't want to take a single chance I ignore something and miss it until it's too late. So, now I am a paranoid creature. I hope it passes.

I have to say though, the ER doc was extremely nice and very patient once I explained why I was there for what I was there for. Made sure to tell me all of my blood levels were good, enzymes all good, ultrasound all good - pancreas and liver all good. Well also a little bit of a fatty liver but nothing that would harm me for decades, apparently. And no, I will not give up my wine or my chocolate over it if I have decades.

I think it’s a natural by-product of what you have been through. I noticed every ache & pain & was terrified I had cancer too right after my dad died. Like your DH, he went in for another treatable condition & was told he has stage iv pancreatic cancer. I couldn’t shake the feeling of that happening to me too. It has subsided now a bit about a year later.

 

[minniecarousel]

Good to hear from you Rodeo. I feel like we’ve been through so much with you & I, for one, appreciate your updates. I can see that life isn’t grand, but you’re holding it together & moving forward. Hang in there.

 

[mumto3girls]

Thank you for the update. I always look for this thread when I am here. I think of you often and am quietly in your corner wishing you the very best in these difficult times.

 

[lifesavacation]

Don’t be too tough on yourself. It’s totally understandable that you’d be more reactive to medical issues given your recent loss.

 

[PollyannaMom]

And then there's also weird pain paranoia. Off I went to the ER last week because I had a pain in my side. I had myself convinced I had the exact same cancer DH did and I was going to leave my kids orphans. Nope - very, very small gall stones. Not enough to require surgery, just enough to give me twinges. I was even embarrassed when they asked me to rate my pain to let them know around 4. Who runs to emergency for a level 4 pain? Apparently I do, now. Because I don't want to take a single chance I ignore something and miss it until it's too late. So, now I am a paranoid creature. I hope it passes.

I think it’s a natural by-product of what you have been through. I noticed every ache & pain & was terrified I had cancer too right after my dad died. Like your DH, he went in for another treatable condition & was told he has stage iv pancreatic cancer. I couldn’t shake the feeling of that happening to me too. It has subsided now a bit about a year later.

Don’t be too tough on yourself. It’s totally understandable that you’d be more reactive to medical issues given your recent loss.

I agree. It's perfectly normal!

My mom died of multiple myeloma, and her first complaint was back pain. For a while, every time I felt the slightest twinge in my back, I was a nervous wreck. And after my DH's heart surgery, I'd panic about chest pains when nothing was wrong but a too-tight bra.

It does subside, but in the meantime, definitely give yourself a pass!

 

[lisaviolet]

Hi Rodeo,

Your update on your son made me smile. Thank God for passions in life.

As for the knee -

My friend found that the injections definitely worked well. She says durolane (sp?) worked best for her but openly wonders if your injection name given is an upgrade. She took synvisc as well.

She also has a custom made knee brace and it has changed everything for her. Everything s night and day since she got it in February, after years of bad knees. She is an athlete who refuses to get surgery. But I hear that the price is outrageous without coverage.

Medical equipment - where the margins seem insane. ..

Thank you for the update - think of you often,

Lisa

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Keeping you in prayer, Rodeo.

 

[rodeo65]

So, the past month has been buuuuuuuusy! I have managed to complete phase one of the basement. I have opened every single box and touched every item down there. We had a dumpster in the driveway for a week which we filled. I now have piles to be re-packed to move with us, piles to be donated or sold and piles of DH's personal stuff that the kids still need to go through to decide if there is anything that has meaning to them and they want to keep. And a fair amount of space now that the amount to fill a dumpster has been cleared out. I need to do a second pass because there is still too much stuff. There were definitely rough days, but also some happy memories and lots of things I found that I'd forgotten we had or never knew were there because they were from his personal boxes. I wish I'd had the ability to get to it before his Celebration as I would have had more early pictures to include but just didn't have the capacity in those first weeks. I can't believe it's been over four months now. I still haven't managed to touch the bags that we brought home from the hospice. They sit in the closed dining room as they did the day I brought them back.

This whole experience has made me vow to be clutter free going forward. Aside from the easier management of space, it leaves so much less for someone else to have to deal with after I'm gone. Which is why I need to do a second pass on what I've already done. Maybe a third too. I want to condense down to 20 boxes. Five for each kid and ten for me. Plus "future boxes" - things I'll pack like the linens, kitchen dishes and small appliances that the kids will need when they move out in a couple of years. That's the goal anyway but it'll take many more cuts to achieve. I am determined to rid myself of my pack-rat-itis.

Now, as the kids start back to school, I plan to tackle one thing per day. A cupboard, closet, drawer or pile of junk. I am expecting the kitchen and the garage to be the biggest hurdles now that the basement is somewhat organised; plus my room which is currently holding all the 'have to keep' piles I gradually brought up from downstairs as I worked through it. My plan is to be finished with all purging by the end of November. December we'll take off. I just don't want to deal with that during what was DH's favourite time of the year. In January, we'll have general repair and painting done and gradually move over to my parent's place. I hope to sell next spring. And hope that that the market is moving a little faster that I've seen in the area over the past few months.

I have to say I will not miss having a pool. I thought I would but it has been the biggest pain to look after this summer! I enjoyed it for the first few weeks after it was open but since the super muggy, humid weather hit I have been at non-stop war with algae ever since. I no sooner get it cleared up and the water tests perfect, looks crystal clear before two days later I'm back to green patches forming. I give up. The pool wins. Better luck to the next owners. (Although I am hoping for one last swim before we close it for the last time.)

 

[tink1970]

So glad to hear an update. Purging is hard...I literally clean a shelf or a box at a time, but agree, don't want to be a pack rat and leave a bunch of "stuff" for someone to sort through.

Funny about pools-when you don't have one they are wonderful, magical things. When you do...they're just another thing to keep up. I'm embarrassed to say I've only been in mine once this year and that was to grab the polaris to bring it out to reattach a hose.

Hoping your children have a good school year-sounds like the program DS is in was made for him!

Continuing to have you in thoughts and prayers.

 

[disneyeveryyear]

I am glad to see your update and to know that you are able to work on those things you need to do. I know after my mom died my sister and I started out working very hard, then we just let it slide for far too long. It was a year after my mom's death before we finally had the house ready to sell.

I am glad that you and the kids seem to be doing well. Thanks for checking in.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Thanks for checking in, and I'm right there with you on the pool! Most of the time, I love ours in June and hate it in August. But you're not doing anything wrong - the algae is just everywhere this year.

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Thank you for checking in Rodeo! I am also so glad to hear your kids are doing well and pray for a happy school year for them both. Always peace to you!