I am at my wits end- dog question UPDATE

Meh I know *some* dogs like carrots, but definitely not what I’d consider a high-value reinforcer. Every dog is different though. My friend’s bichon will only work for cantaloupe. I’d imagine your dog has some treat it likes, you just haven’t found it yet. Even if not, you can use the kibble that you feed each day as the the reinforcer - just make him work for his food instead of putting it in a bowl each day.

It’s hard to convey over the Internet, so please take my tone to be educational and not judgmental, but any dog can be trained to do any behavior that it’s physically able to... how much you’re willing to work on it is the deciding factor, and sometimes much of the work is just finding an approach that will be successful. Stupid, lazy, stubborn, prissy etc. are labels that can prevent success. If a child was dyslexic and falling behind in school, we’d be wrong to label that child as stupid because they didn’t read and write like others. If a child was really great at swimming but not so much at soccer, we’d be wrong to say the child was stubborn when it came to playing the latter. Dogs are all different and have different strengths, weaknesses, and struggles and it’s important to remember that they didn’t choose them. Understanding how your specific dog operates could open up an entirely new world.

And for what it’s worth, I do believe they can read your emotions. If you don’t like the dog and hold it in low regard, you’re not setting yourself up for success.


I don’t see judgement in your replies at all. I make no secret of the fact I don’t like the dog so I appreciate not being shamed for it (not by you, but there are those on these boards who equate not liking an animal to Satan worship lol).

Part of the reason that it’s hard to find a treat for him is that he has a sensitive stomach. He eats special food and that has helped a lot. We tried a treat that was specifically for sensitive stomachs and he wanted nothing to do with it.

I will say that I 100% disagree with comparing animals to humans so I’ll leave that whole arguement alone..

I don’t like the dog, but I don’t treat it like I don’t like it. I always make sure he has food and water and gets out regularly and goes for a walk as often as possible. I even have relaxed the rules a lot because it’s now summer and our upstairs is very hot (where’d he’d usually have to go to bed for the night or where he goes while we are eating). I also know that as he gets older the stairs are getting a little harder for him. That’s part of the frustration too, up until a month or so ago he would spend the whole day sleeping upstairs with my husband but now the dog is downstairs around me all day and all evening. It’s too much. I need time away from the dog so I don’t blow up.

I think we’ll try a squirt bottle for now and see how that goes.
We’ll also get in to see the vet for a general check up.

I do appreciate all your insight and I do also appreciate not being told that I’m Satan because I don’t refer to him as my baby.
 
I don’t see judgement in your replies at all. I make no secret of the fact I don’t like the dog so I appreciate not being shamed for it (not by you, but there are those on these boards who equate not liking an animal to Satan worship lol).

Part of the reason that it’s hard to find a treat for him is that he has a sensitive stomach. He eats special food and that has helped a lot. We tried a treat that was specifically for sensitive stomachs and he wanted nothing to do with it.

I will say that I 100% disagree with comparing animals to humans so I’ll leave that whole arguement alone..

I don’t like the dog, but I don’t treat it like I don’t like it. I always make sure he has food and water and gets out regularly and goes for a walk as often as possible. I even have relaxed the rules a lot because it’s now summer and our upstairs is very hot (where’d he’d usually have to go to bed for the night or where he goes while we are eating). I also know that as he gets older the stairs are getting a little harder for him. That’s part of the frustration too, up until a month or so ago he would spend the whole day sleeping upstairs with my husband but now the dog is downstairs around me all day and all evening. It’s too much. I need time away from the dog so I don’t blow up.

I think we’ll try a squirt bottle for now and see how that goes.
We’ll also get in to see the vet for a general check up.

I do appreciate all your insight and I do also appreciate not being told that I’m Satan because I don’t refer to him as my baby.

I have to go to bed but just want to be on record that while others suggested it, I never condone punishment as a training tool, so I don’t recommend or support the water bottle idea. Punishment can temporarily solve one problem but lead to a host of other problems.

You said nothing had changed in your house or in his routine, but then you also said that up to a month ago the dog spent all day upstairs with your husband (his primary caregiver) but now due to physical constraints spends all day downstairs with you. I’d say that’s a pretty big change in routine...

I’d imagine that if my companion that I was trying to protect was now upstairs, farther away from me and out of sight, I’d have to be more vocal.
 
Meh I know *some* dogs like carrots, but definitely not what I’d consider a high-value reinforcer. Every dog is different though. My friend’s bichon will only work for cantaloupe. I’d imagine your dog has some treat it likes, you just haven’t found it yet. Even if not, you can use the kibble that you feed each day as the the reinforcer - just make him work for his food instead of putting it in a bowl each day.

It’s hard to convey over the Internet, so please take my tone to be educational and not judgmental, but any dog can be trained to do any behavior that it’s physically able to... how much you’re willing to work on it is the deciding factor, and sometimes much of the work is just finding an approach that will be successful. Stupid, lazy, stubborn, prissy etc. are labels that can prevent success. If a child was dyslexic and falling behind in school, we’d be wrong to label that child as stupid because they didn’t read and write like others. If a child was really great at swimming but not so much at soccer, we’d be wrong to say the child was stubborn when it came to playing the latter. Dogs are all different and have different strengths, weaknesses, and struggles and it’s important to remember that they didn’t choose them. Understanding how your specific dog operates could open up an entirely new world.

And for what it’s worth, I do believe they can read your emotions. If you don’t like the dog and hold it in low regard, you’re not setting yourself up for success.
I agree with all of this. Carrots aren't generally the thing that a dog is going to salivate over, but I know it's become popular to give them these. I also believe that dogs can be VERY in-tune and reactive to the moods of those they're around most.

Kim, I don't think you're Satan at all :hug: but I don't think the water bottle is really a great idea in this particular situation. (And I see now that sonnyjane has just posted something similar to what I'm going to say here, as well.) Are you able, at all, to empathize with the dog? To put yourself in his place? It sounds to me like the dog is bored, is trying as best as he can to behave but has some instincts he can't exactly ignore - for "work" - and when he tries to do the little he can do, he'll get squirted in the face. It's like if a person sat around with no real purpose and nothing to do, day after day, then tried to talk or maybe sing, someone would come up to them and squirt them to shut them up. That would get frustrating pretty fast, and that happens to a dog, too. It can make them neurotic, actually. Dogs want to be part of a pack but they also need regular exercise of their mind and body to be healthy. I think your best, and kindest, solution to try would be just playing with him and helping him find a purpose. It doesn't have to be you, it can be anyone. But he would really love it from you since you spend a lot of time with him and seem to be the alpha to him.
 
I agree with all of this. Carrots aren't generally the thing that a dog is going to salivate over, but I know it's become popular to give them these. I also believe that dogs can be VERY in-tune and reactive to the moods of those they're around most.

Kim, I don't think you're Satan at all :hug: but I don't think the water bottle is really a great idea in this particular situation. (And I see now that sonnyjane has just posted something similar to what I'm going to say here, as well.) Are you able, at all, to empathize with the dog? To put yourself in his place? It sounds to me like the dog is bored, is trying as best as he can to behave but has some instincts he can't exactly ignore - for "work" - and when he tries to do the little he can do, he'll get squirted in the face. It's like if a person sat around with no real purpose and nothing to do, day after day, then tried to talk or maybe sing, someone would come up to them and squirt them to shut them up. That would get frustrating pretty fast, and that happens to a dog, too. It can make them neurotic, actually. Dogs want to be part of a pack but they also need regular exercise of their mind and body to be healthy. I think your best, and kindest, solution to try would be just playing with him and helping him find a purpose. It doesn't have to be you, it can be anyone. But he would really love it from you since you spend a lot of time with him and seem to be the alpha to him.

It doesn’t sound like it, but I do for the most part treat him petty well. He does have rules he has to follow, no being around us when we’re eating or preparing food, not allowed on certain furniture, but really that’s it. I do let him sit on the couch with me for a while each day because I know he likes it. Like I said, I’ve even relaxed the rules for summer so that he ain’t overheating.


I have to go to bed but just want to be on record that while others suggested it, I never condone punishment as a training tool, so I don’t recommend or support the water bottle idea. Punishment can temporarily solve one problem but lead to a host of other problems.

You said nothing had changed in your house or in his routine, but then you also said that up to a month ago the dog spent all day upstairs with your husband (his primary caregiver) but now due to physical constraints spends all day downstairs with you. I’d say that’s a pretty big change in routine...

I’d imagine that if my companion that I was trying to protect was now upstairs, farther away from me and out of sight, I’d have to be more vocal.

Ok, I guess I didn’t think of that but yes, that’s a huge change. He is carried up the stairs when my husband goes to bed (he works nights) but he’s usually back downstairs within a half an hour. When it was cooler, I’d only see the dog when it was time to eat and time to go out to pee. So, it’s not like sleeping with my husband has been taken away from him, he just doesn’t want to do it now because it’s hot. But yes, that’s a big change for him.

We’ll get him to the vet and go from there. Maybe I’ll take one of husbands t shirts and put it downstairs so chewy still has his smell to sleep on.
 


I wondered about his ears being bad but wouldn’t that make it harder for him to hear things, not give him super hearing? He should get to the vet soon anyway so I guess we’ll just move up the appointment date a bit.

That's why you go to the vet and let them do a work-up....you'd be surprised at the number of things that are possible. Perhaps it is a simple ear infection and certain sounds/frequencies hurt his ears. Let the vet sort it out.

Yes, I think an ear infection can just make certain sounds hurt.

I definitely second taking him to the vet!

That’s part of the frustration too, up until a month or so ago he would spend the whole day sleeping upstairs with my husband but now the dog is downstairs around me all day and all evening. It’s too much. I need time away from the dog so I don’t blow up.

Ok, I guess I didn’t think of that but yes, that’s a huge change. He is carried up the stairs when my husband goes to bed (he works nights) but he’s usually back downstairs within a half an hour. When it was cooler, I’d only see the dog when it was time to eat and time to go out to pee. So, it’s not like sleeping with my husband has been taken away from him, he just doesn’t want to do it now because it’s hot. But yes, that’s a big change for him.

We’ll get him to the vet and go from there. Maybe I’ll take one of husbands t shirts and put it downstairs so chewy still has his smell to sleep on.

Yep, there's your change in routine! Have you tried a fan or window AC up there, so he's more comfortable staying with your DH?

The shirt sounds like a clever idea, too!
 
When our dog started going deaf she did this. Vet said it was because she could hear something but couldn't distinguish what it was or where is was coming from. After a while she would walk in the guest bedroom closet and bark. I guess she was trying to hear herself??? She eventually accepted the fact she couldn't hear and was back to her quiet self.
 
What activities does he do during the day? What exercise of his body and mind does he get?

Dogs can get bored. If they don't have a "job", and you don't either give them one or tucker them out, they'll find their own. And usually a job of the dog's choosing is problematic, lol. He may have made it his business to bark at things because he thinks it's his job.

Best advice: A tired dog is a happy dog. It probably wouldn't take much, at age 9, to tucker him out. Walks, play in the yard, etc. Then he'll sleep and have less energy to expend elsewhere.
I should've added onto this (bottom, bolded)... If you were to start making this a way of life, i.e. adding in more regular daily play and exercise time, I don't think you'd see a sudden and complete change in that he would absolutely stop barking at random things. But I think that, over time, they'd become less important to him as he finds interest in other things. It might actually change his personality for the better.
 


I agree that it could be hearing loss or a brain issue causing the dog to not be able to distinguish what it is hearing, causing it to bark at anything.
 
I agree that it could be hearing loss or a brain issue causing the dog to not be able to distinguish what it is hearing, causing it to bark at anything.


I really do hope it’s nothing serious like a brain issue. My husband relies on him for his mental health and will be lost without the dog.

We’ll get to the vet in the next little while. I don’t like the dog but I don’t want him to be suffering at all. When he’s quiet I actually don’t mind him at all. It’s when he’s hyper and annoying that he gets on my nerves.

Thank you everyone for the input. It’s definitwy given me a direction and some points to think about..no more yelling at him so that he thinks we’re barking too.
 
In support of the OP (not that anybody on the thread has been harsh in any way :flower3: - I'm not saying that at all), it's likely unthinkable for a non-pet lover to be willing to invest a whole lot of time and effort in modifying the animal's behavior. And understanding what's causing the problem and trying to solve it (for the OP's own comfort) is entirely different than "empathizing" with the animal. I think it's really too bad for everybody involved that the dog's master, OP's husband, isn't able to take 100% charge of the situation due to his schedule. His love for the dog would bring an intangible quality to whatever efforts are made to modify the behavior. Props to you @kimblebee for not letting this irritation affect your relationship - I'd personally be beside myself. :dog:
 
In support of the OP (not that anybody on the thread has been harsh in any way :flower3: - I'm not saying that at all), it's likely unthinkable for a non-pet lover to be willing to invest a whole lot of time and effort in modifying the animal's behavior. And understanding what's causing the problem and trying to solve it (for the OP's own comfort) is entirely different than "empathizing" with the animal. I think it's really too bad for everybody involved that the dog's master, OP's husband, isn't able to take 100% charge of the situation due to his schedule. His love for the dog would bring an intangible quality to whatever efforts are made to modify the behavior. Props to you @kimblebee for not letting this irritation affect your relationship - I'd personally be beside myself. :dog:


Believe me, there have been more than a few fights about the dog. It’s not that my husband can’t fix the problem, he just doesn’t see it as much as a problem as I do.

I try and compare it to a person who doesn’t like children having to listen to a recording of a toddler whining and crying for 8 hours a day. Either that, or actually take care of a toddler for a few days. I guarantee any non child person would be ready to rip their hair out.

I am very thankful that I haven’t been ‘attacked’ for not loving the dog. Like I’ve always said, I don’t care for animals but I don’t want them to suffer unnecessarily.
 
Believe me, there have been more than a few fights about the dog. It’s not that my husband can’t fix the problem, he just doesn’t see it as much as a problem as I do.

I try and compare it to a person who doesn’t like children having to listen to a recording of a toddler whining and crying for 8 hours a day. Either that, or actually take care of a toddler for a few days. I guarantee any non child person would be ready to rip their hair out.

I am very thankful that I haven’t been ‘attacked’ for not loving the dog. Like I’ve always said, I don’t care for animals but I don’t want them to suffer unnecessarily.
I totally get it. ::yes:: My DH and I try really, really hard to defer to one another and put the other's wants and preferences above our own and we trust the love and goodwill we have for each other. The pet thing though was a complete non-starter for me - no way, no how - just not something I've been willing to deal with in my life.

As to the bolded, that really surprises me since it's during his sleep-time that the dog is barking. Love or no love, that's got to be annoying. If you share some of the information that's been provided here and he gleans that his dog is actually suffering in some way, would that motivate him? :dogdance:
 
I totally get it. ::yes:: My DH and I try really, really hard to defer to one another and put the other's wants and preferences above our own and we trust the love and goodwill we have for each other. The pet thing though was a complete non-starter for me - no way, no how - just not something I've been willing to deal with in my life.

As to the bolded, that really surprises me since it's during his sleep-time that the dog is barking. Love or no love, that's got to be annoying. If you share some of the information that's been provided here and he gleans that his dog is actually suffering in some way, would that motivate him? :dogdance:


It’s not that he doesn’t care, he just doesn’t know how to solve the problem and he gets overwhelmed. He will definitely take him to the vet and get the pills or drops or whatever is prescribed, if anything.

I think he’s also scared that it’s a bigger problem and may be the start of the ending phase of Chewy’s life. I do all I can but the dog is his lifeline and what he reaches for when he’s feeling overwhelmed or sad or whatever.
 
It’s not that he doesn’t care, he just doesn’t know how to solve the problem and he gets overwhelmed. He will definitely take him to the vet and get the pills or drops or whatever is prescribed, if anything.

I think he’s also scared that it’s a bigger problem and may be the start of the ending phase of Chewy’s life. I do all I can but the dog is his lifeline and what he reaches for when he’s feeling overwhelmed or sad or whatever.
I wasn't implying that. I read your comment more as "he doesn't really mind the barking so sees no pressing reason to rectify it" rather than he didn't care about either you or the dog.
 
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I have a senior dog who has some hearing issues, and when he barks, it is usually because another dog barked or because he is looking for me.

Dogs do get dementia, and though my dog Gabe has not been diagnosed, my vet recommended a nutritional supplement, Senilife, that you can get on Amazon. Gabe has more spring in his step and is more alert since starting it. I am very attentive to anything that may seem "off" with him physically or mentally.

As for joint issues, he has been on gabapentin as a maintenance med, which helps, especially with steps. My vet calls him a super senior :)
 
I have a senior dog who has some hearing issues, and when he barks, it is usually because another dog barked or because he is looking for me.

Dogs do get dementia, and though my dog Gabe has not been diagnosed, my vet recommended a nutritional supplement, Senilife, that you can get on Amazon. Gabe has more spring in his step and is more alert since starting it. I am very attentive to anything that may seem "off" with him physically or mentally.

As for joint issues, he has been on gabapentin as a maintenance med, which helps, especially with steps. My vet calls him a super senior :)


I’m really hoping the issue isn’t dementia. This is going to sound cold but I don’t want to have to pay hundreds of dollars to keep the dog alive. I’m not saying he’s being put down tomorrow but there will be some hard decisions to make if it gets to that point.
 
I’m really hoping the issue isn’t dementia. This is going to sound cold but I don’t want to have to pay hundreds of dollars to keep the dog alive. I’m not saying he’s being put down tomorrow but there will be some hard decisions to make if it gets to that point.
Sounds like this would be a major crisis in your household on several different levels - I'm hoping the best for all of you. :flower3:
 
Sounds like this would be a major crisis in your household on several different levels - I'm hoping the best for all of you. :flower3:


I really don’t think that’s what it is because he seems normal otherwise. I would think dog dementia would make him not sure where his food was, or wander around outside instead of doing what he’s supposed to do out there. Other than the barking, he doesn’t seem ‘off’.

Yes, it would be (and will be) very tough when chewy is gone. In a major shock, I think we’ll get another dog after Chewy. I think I’ll like a dog more if I get to choose and it’s ‘my’ dog..to replace my daughter when she moves out LOL
 
I really don’t think that’s what it is because he seems normal otherwise. I would think dog dementia would make him not sure where his food was, or wander around outside instead of doing what he’s supposed to do out there. Other than the barking, he doesn’t seem ‘off’.

Yes, it would be (and will be) very tough when chewy is gone. In a major shock, I think we’ll get another dog after Chewy. I think I’ll like a dog more if I get to choose and it’s ‘my’ dog..to replace my daughter when she moves out LOL
Try to get one that can play poker - that might be cool...:scratchin
;)
cassius-marcellus-coolidge-friend-in-need_u-L-PXKYLE0.jpg
 
Your problem is your husband, not the dog. Give your husband one of Cesar Millan's books on dog training, or have him start to watch the shows for a start on how to better understand and work with dogs. Since you don't like the dog, you're not the one who should train him. Your husband needs to take responsibility.

Stop yelling at the dog: that only makes it worse, as others have indicated.
 

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