I am at my wits end- dog question UPDATE

[kimblebee]

Your problem is your husband, not the dog. Give your husband one of Cesar Millan's books on dog training, or have him start to watch the shows for a start on how to better understand and work with dogs. Since you don't like the dog, you're not the one who should train him. Your husband needs to take responsibility.

Stop yelling at the dog: that only makes it worse, as others have indicated.

My husband isn’t the problem. He is the owner but it’s a joint effort. There is a lot going on behind the scenes that has me taking charge on a lot of things. It’s the way our life works, so we make it work.

As I have already said, I will stop yelling at the dog now that it’s been explained how the dog will see it.

 

[Shanti]

My husband isn’t the problem. He is the owner but it’s a joint effort. There is a lot going on behind the scenes that has me taking charge on a lot of things. It’s the way our life works, so we make it work.

As I have already said, I will stop yelling at the dog now that it’s been explained how the dog will see it.

It's not going to work if you don't like the dog. He needs to take charge in this particular situation.

 

[kimblebee]

It's not going to work if you don't like the dog. He needs to take charge in this particular situation.

I don’t like the dog but to him, I am the Alpha. And it’s not like I despise the dog and spit on him every time I see him. He gets on my nerves and maybe I’m more sensitive to it because I don’t like pets in general and didn’t grow up with anything but fish. I’m the one that makes sure he gets fed and bathed and walked on a regular basis. I don’t touch poo so I draw the line at walks and cleaning up the yard.

 

[disykat]

When our dog started going deaf she did this. Vet said it was because she could hear something but couldn't distinguish what it was or where is was coming from. After a while she would walk in the guest bedroom closet and bark. I guess she was trying to hear herself??? She eventually accepted the fact she couldn't hear and was back to her quiet self.

I was going to say something similar. Hearing loss due to age. Our vet told us it would be short lived because as she lost more hearing she would be less confused about noises she couldn't identify. She would stop hearing the noises before long. She did.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

In support of the OP (not that anybody on the thread has been harsh in any way - I'm not saying that at all), it's likely unthinkable for a non-pet lover to be willing to invest a whole lot of time and effort in modifying the animal's behavior.

Well it depends what the motivation is. In this case, OP says this dog is her husband's life, and support. That's pretty motivating!

And understanding what's causing the problem and trying to solve it (for the OP's own comfort) is entirely different than "empathizing" with the animal.

You think so? I think they're related. Thinking like the dog thinks, or trying to understand how they might feel about something, helps us understand how to problem solve. Lots of people have studied this. It's different than anthropomorphizing.

I think it's really too bad for everybody involved that the dog's master, OP's husband, isn't able to take 100% charge of the situation due to his schedule. His love for the dog would bring an intangible quality to whatever efforts are made to modify the behavior. Props to you @kimblebee for not letting this irritation affect your relationship - I'd personally be beside myself.

From what little I know about Kim's husband, it sounds like he struggles a bit, but really, really loves the dog. And I respect Kim a lot for trying to do right by the dog despite her not really liking him! Understanding dog behavior can help make everyone happy.

My own mother is not a big animal lover. It was hard being a super big lover of dogs and having a mother who didn't want one. My father did love dogs, so we had them. And my mother liked the protective aspect of having a dog so she agreed to their presence. She always said she's not much of an animal lover but would never want to see them hurt or in pain, hungry, etc. She empathized with their feelings as living beings. That's what I was trying to say about being sprayed. I don't think it's the worse thing in the world, but I think there may be better ways to figure this dog out.

 

[ronandannette]

You think so? I think they're related. Thinking like the dog thinks, or trying to understand how they might feel about something, helps us understand how to problem solve. Lots of people have studied this. It's different than anthropomorphizing.

I'm not saying it's a bad strategy for solving the problem, just that it wouldn't occur to a non-pet lover to think of it that way. It's the difference between wondering "what's going on here" and "how are you feeling". Not sure I even agree animals think or feel in ways that are directly equivalent to how people do, but I'm no expert...

 

[sonnyjane]

Your problem is your husband, not the dog. Give your husband one of Cesar Millan's books on dog training, or have him start to watch the shows for a start on how to better understand and work with dogs. Since you don't like the dog, you're not the one who should train him. Your husband needs to take responsibility.

Stop yelling at the dog: that only makes it worse, as others have indicated.

Cesar Millan is an animal abuser and has been caught on tape numerous times kicking and choking dogs. That he’s still allowed to be on television is outrageous. Any legitimate trainer condemns his techniques. Dear lord do NOT emulate Cesar Millan.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I'm not saying it's a bad strategy for solving the problem, just that it wouldn't occur to a non-pet lover to think of it that way. It's the difference between wondering "what's going on here" and "how are you feeling". Not sure I even agree animals think or feel in ways that are directly equivalent to how people do, but I'm no expert...

I don't know if I'd say "directly equivalent", but dogs are absolutely capable of complex thoughts and feelings, and are very sensitive to their people and surroundings. They have some perceptions that are even over and above those of humans, which is why they may growl at someone they don't like or who means to do harm, or be able to alert their families to a fire, etc. It has to do with smells and hormones and other chemicals given off that they can perceive and we really can't. (Their sense of smell is like 400 times better than ours is.) It's not silly to put trust in a dog's perceptions. It's not unlike whales and dolphins or primates - animals have their own ability to think and communicate. Man's been around dogs more and longer, so we understand them more, whereas we're still learning about other animals. I've said many times on this forum that my favorite dog "training" book is Good Owners, Great Dogs, by Brian Kilcommons, because he really understands dogs and dog behavior, and how having a great dog is really often mostly about the owner and how they treat the dog. It's all based on understanding why dogs do what they do and how they think and feel, etc. Dogs are really pretty simple beings. They respond really well to an owner who understands them and does things to keep them happy, which are pretty straightforward most of the time. Exercise is huge to dogs. They have energy to expend and it's frustrating when they can't. A dog who's only problem is barking at a few random noises is a dog who's trying really hard to please its owners.

 

[kimblebee]

Cesar Millan is an animal abuser and has been caught on tape numerous times kicking and choking dogs. That he’s still allowed to be on television is outrageous. Any legitimate trainer condemns his techniques. Dear lord do NOT emulate Cesar Millan.

I know he’s a phony so I wouldn’t go to him for advice at the best of times.

 

[HannaBelle]

We just yell at him to shut up. He really is a stupid dog so training or positive reinforcements really don’t work.

I am so sorry, this made me lol.

My brother’s dog barks all the dang time and our dog just looks at her like she is crazy.

 

[kimblebee]

Update- because the dis loves an update lol

Chewy had his check up today and got a clean bill of health. His ears have always bugged him so we got some ear drops that should help. He’s got some middle age spread..he went from 14-17 lbs. Other than that, he’s 100% healthy.

The vet says that the barking may stop with the ear drops. If not, he just has hearing loss and we have to live with it *sigh* Not my favourite answer but I am glad it wasn’t a bigger problem.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Update- because the dis loves an update lol

Chewy had his check up today and got a clean bill of health. His ears have always bugged him so we got some ear drops that should help. He’s got some middle age spread..he went from 14-17 lbs. Other than that, he’s 100% healthy.

The vet says that the barking may stop with the ear drops. If not, he just has hearing loss and we have to live with it *sigh* Not my favourite answer but I am glad it wasn’t a bigger problem.

Thanks for the update! Go Chewy!

If there's a way to get him even a little extra exercise, it might help both the weight and the barking.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

BTW is anyone else here thinking that Kim really, deep down, likes this dog a little more than she lets on?

I have the feeling she's going to be one of those people that, when something happens to Chewy, she's going to be surprisingly upset about it and realize she misses him after all! Especially if her DD has moved out of the home.

I've told you before, Kim, my mother is not a dog lover, either. For years she said she just tolerated our dogs. But in her own way, she's loved them. This is what I sort of see in you, too. (I could be wrong, idk. I only know you from posting here and can't "read" you in person, but I just have a feeling.)

Anyway, one day, it became clear that one of my dogs had to make his last trip to the vet's to be put to sleep. DH was at work, so it all fell to me. (Circumstances were unusual - he had been infirm but had a sudden issue, and our vet's was actually closed for painting but the vet told me to bring him in when I called, that she didn't want me to have to take him anywhere else, and I knew it would be his last day.) Mom was with me in the house, and watched me pick this beautiful and much loved German Shepherd up to bring him outside to the back of my Jeep. Him laying there looking up at us, in his dying condition, with our knowing he wasn't coming back, was one of the saddest sights ever. (Teary and blowing my nose just remembering it now.)

I was about to shut the tailgate to leave, when my mother came running out of the house and went over to him, crying, and kissed him on his forehead, saying her last goodbye to him. You could've knocked me over with a feather - I'd never seen her do anything like this before with any of our many dogs. Later, she tried to say she doesn't like to see any living thing in pain, or dying, and she knew how much I loved him, but I know there was more to it. She didn't have to kiss him. Today, many years later, she still talks about him and tells people what a great dog he was! Yet she will always tell people she's not a dog lover.

Pets who live with us do become like family members when we see them daily, care for and about them, feed them, take them to the doctor's, talk about them, etc. Sometimes, maybe, like it or not.

I think if you decide to get another dog some day, it will probably help to get one that you choose yourself. It sounds like your DH might like any dog you're happy with, and he'll be really happy you're happy. Lol. (This has happened in my own family with a SIL.)

 

[kimblebee]

Thanks for the update! Go Chewy!

If there's a way to get him even a little extra exercise, it might help both the weight and the barking.

He does go for walks every day but that’s it. He doesn’t do fetch or anything. Even when we go to a park and he doesn’t have a leash he just sniffs around for a bit and then lies down. He’s not lazy, he’s just too much of a diva for normal dog activities lol

 

[Pea-n-Me]

He does go for walks every day but that’s it. He doesn’t do fetch or anything. Even when we go to a park and he doesn’t have a leash he just sniffs around for a bit and then lies down. He’s not lazy, he’s just too much of a diva for normal dog activities lol

That's ok, walking and sniffing are great for him! Maybe even an extra little walk daily.

Would you post a picture of him?

 

[kimblebee]

BTW is anyone else here thinking that Kim really, deep down, likes this dog a little more than she lets on?

I have the feeling she's going to be one of those people that, when something happens to Chewy, she's going to be surprisingly upset about it and realize she misses him after all! Especially if her DD has moved out of the home.

I've told you before, Kim, my mother is not a dog lover, either. For years she said she just tolerated our dogs. But in her own way, she's loved them. This is what I sort of see in you, too. (I could be wrong, idk. I only know you from posting here and can't "read" you in person, but I just have a feeling.)

Anyway, one day, it became clear that one of my dogs had to make his last trip to the vet's to be put to sleep. DH was at work, so it all fell to me. (Circumstances were unusual - he had been infirm but had a sudden issue, and our vet's was actually closed for painting but the vet told me to bring him in when I called, that she didn't want me to have to take him anywhere else, and I knew it would be his last day.) Mom was with me in the house, and watched me pick this beautiful and much loved German Shepherd up to bring him outside to the back of my Jeep. Him laying there looking up at us, in his dying condition, was one of the saddest sights ever. (Teary and blowing my nose just remembering it now.)

I was about to shut the tailgate to leave, when my mother came running out of the house and went over to him, crying, and kissed him on his forehead, saying her last goodbye to him. You could've knocked me over with a feather - I'd never seen her do anything like this before with any of our many dogs. Later, she tried to say she doesn't like to see any living thing in pain, or dying, and she knew how much I loved him, but I know there was more to it. She didn't have to kiss him. Today, many years later, she still talks about him and tells people what a great dog he was! Yet she will always tell people she's not a dog lover.

Pets who live with us do become like family members when we see them daily, care for and about them, feed them, take them to the doctor's, talk about them, etc. Sometimes, maybe, like it or not.

I think if you decide to get another dog some day, it will probably help to get one that you choose yourself. It sounds like your DH might like any dog you're happy with, and he'll be really happy you're happy. Lol. (This has happened in my own family with a SIL.)

Bite your tongue!!

I have said many times that I don’t HATE him, I just don’t love him. I don’t have any feelings of affection. I am nice to him and make sure he gets food, and water, and walks, and I’m the one who lets him out 85% of the time.

You are right about a new dog though. Maybe two years ago I said there was no way in hell we would ever get another dog. Within the last six months I’ve done a 180. I think I’ve even stated as much in one thread or another (maybe even this one lol). I will not be able to handle my daughter moving out so I will 100% get a dog to replace her. Like you said, it will be different when I get to choose. I imagine myself being an over the top dog mom LMAO

I will be sad when Chewy is gone, not so much for me but for my husband and daughter. He will be inconsolable as, before I came along, he was living only for that dog.

 

[kimblebee]

That's ok, walking and sniffing are great for him! Maybe even an extra little walk daily.

Would you post a picture of him?

I don’t have any pictures of him but I just took this one..

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Bite your tongue!!

I have said many times that I don’t HATE him, I just don’t love him. I don’t have any feelings of affection. I am nice to him and make sure he gets food, and water, and walks, and I’m the one who lets him out 85% of the time.

You are right about a new dog though. Maybe two years ago I said there was no way in hell we would ever get another dog. Within the last six months I’ve done a 180. I think I’ve even stated as much in one thread or another (maybe even this one lol). I will not be able to handle my daughter moving out so I will 100% get a dog to replace her. Like you said, it will be different when I get to choose. I imagine myself being an over the top dog mom LMAO

I will be sad when Chewy is gone, not so much for me but for my husband and daughter. He will be inconsolable as, before I came along, he was living only for that dog.

I know you don't hate him. It will be fun when that day comes - not that we want to rush it, lol.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I don’t have any pictures of him but I just took this one..


View attachment 338479

Aww, thanks. A cutie! Now I know how to picture him when you talk about him - black and white.

You said it's hot there, right? He's just laying down trying to stay cool with his head on the floor. I went over to let my neighbor's dog out on one of our super hot days recently and he was doing the same thing.

Do you do his grooming yourself? I have a dog now, for the first time, who has to be groomed. It's been challenging.

Oh, and a nice framed picture of him would make a great gift for your husband sometime! (I'm always thinking of these things!)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I don’t have any pictures of him but I just took this one..

Do you take the dog to the groomer?