I know it's early but how do you "do Christmas" with the grown children?

[The Mystery Machine]

oh me neither.....I'm just trying to get ideas on how other people do Christmas. Not even sure I'm gonna throw the "picking name" out there to my family. Just feeling things out right now.

LOLOLOLOLOL

We finally caved last year and it semi worked. We will probably do it again.

We picked names which included the 8th and 10th graders. They wanted to do it believe or not and it actually turned out fine.

What we did was pick names at Thanksgiving. Included with your name you list 5 items that would like for a gift.

YEA it was cheesy but it worked for us. It is sort of symbolic of the gifts we used to give. We used to go OVERBOARD to the MAX.

ETA...I did buy my dd's a gift from "mom and dad". I bought them personalized ornaments with the BFs names and animals on it. It was small but we do small gifts now.

 

[PigletsPal2]

Christmas is a big deal at our house, but we only buy for the six of us (DH, me, two adult daughters, adult granddaughter and adult grandson-in-law) and my MIL. We exchange wish lists the first week in October (although we're doing it the first week in August this year). Everyone gets a "big" gift, usually something they've been talking about all year, and as many "little" gifts as everyone wants to give. We don't keep score of number of gifts or the total cost. On Christmas morning we just go around the room, each opening a gift until under the tree is bare. Big gifts have been as varied as jewelry, an exercise bike, a new digital camera, a substantial Ikea gift card, and of course, the always-welcome cash (DD#2 loves to travel and always appreciates a contribution to her travel fund.)

We do stockings for everyone, with everyone contributing to everyone else. My contribution is always five $1 lottery scratch-offs and a card each of four AA and AAA batteries. DD#1 makes sure everyone gets his/her favorite candy - a Chunky bar for DH, a Peppermint Patty for me.

Also, we have a rule that we can't buy anything on our wish list for ourselves after the lists have been exchanged, i.e., books, CDs, movies, etc.

Now I have to start thinking about my wish list!

Queen Colleen

 

[Southernmiss]

We are not there just yet. But DS is getting married in 2 weeks and we'll soon have a DIL and our own 4 kids.

DH's step mom has always been a great gift giver and has always made Christmas very nice for everyone and I hope to do something similar. She gives each of the adult children a gift to open worth about $50 and then there is a miniature stocking on her Christmas tree for each of us with a crisp $100 bill and the verbal instructions that it doesn't go for milk or necessities-we must do something nice for ourselves. Each of the grand kids gets a gift of about $50 to open and then have a mitten on her tree with a $50 bill in it.

The last few years, she's also had gift cards for us--us girls get a Chico's gift card, the guys either a sporting goods store or Best Buy or Barnes and Noble. The kids get restaurant gift cards. And we all get a giant Hershey bar.

My mother has continued with a $25 gift or gift card for all kids and in laws and the grand kids get a gift of about that amount.

DH's mother also sends the kids a $50 check and DH and I get a nice gift.

 

[Westcoastwild]

My friends' family does the pick a name thing. In theory, it means they get one nice gift each. In reality...

The thing is, I would feel both put upon and shafted. I would feel more pressure to pick the best gift for that person. And my siblings are very different people- I don't mind doing budget, I don't mind doing just cards, but not everyone puts the same amount of thought into gifts.

I wouldn't personally agree to pick a name. I like giving gifts, and I like getting thoughtful gifts. It's not really about money to me- it's about making people happy. My best friend just sent me a birthday card with pictures of her first born in it. Best birthday gift I got, because it wasn't about the stuff- it really is about the thought. It worked from that specific person. Wouldn't have been special from anyone else.

So I think you can scale back and still give great gifts.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I would stop buying for everyone else, before I stopped buying for my child & his eventual family. If times were really hard, I'd cut back, but I never see us not buying for our DS, whether he has kids or not.

 

[Dancind]

I'd figure out a budget, then apportion. You need to include the girlfriends and the child, though a smaller portion of the budget. Tell your sons what's up. I'm sure they will want girlfriends included. If they are old enough to have adult relationships, they should understand budgets.

A note on cash, my in laws used to do some cash for each child and grandchild, putting it in tiny stockings on the tree. One year a cousin stole my daughter's $50 bill.

 

[mummabear]

I think pick a name can work in extended family groups for some people, we dropped out of ours on my moms side, she has 9 brothers and sisters who all have at least 2 kids, and about 1/2 of us have kids as well, I was just buying stuff for people I had never met (cousins husbands etc) and frequently not getting anything sent or getting random crap.

As far as direct family, I would want to do individual presents, even if they were smaller.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Christmas has always been big in my family. My parents still buy lots of gifts for their adult children and grandchildren. Everyone gives gifts to everyone else. I think I get more gifts from my parents than I do from my DH and adult sons. It's just kind of our families' thing! We're not a huge family (8 including two grandparents, three kids, one spouse and two grandkids), so buying for everyone isn't too difficult.

My friend's family, on the other hand, does things differently. Her in-laws have four grown kids, each with a spouse and 2-3 kids of their own. Each family does their own Christmas, buying for their own kids no matter how old they are. The entire family gets together for Christmas Eve dinner at the in-laws house. As long as the kids are under 18, they get gifts from the grandparents, aunts and uncles. As soon as they turn 18, the extended family gifts stop and they participate in the adult white elephant gift exchange. Each adult is supposed to bring a weird gift (the weirder the better). My friend spends all year thinking about what she's going to bring. They can either buy a gift or bring something weird from their house. They draw numbers and go in order, either opening a new gift or stealing someone else's. Last year, my friend ended up with a one gallon can of nacho cheese sauce. She said it's tons of fun and eliminates the pressure of having to buy gifts for all of the adults.

 

[PollyannaMom]

In my immediate family, we're not there yet. DS is only 16. We still go big.

In my extended family, we send individual (or couple) presents to my dad and stepmom, and brother and SIL. Dad sends cash, and we usually buy something big for the whole family or upgrade some aspect of our vacation. Stepmom also sends a new ornament from a particular series to each grandkid.

In DH's family (they live closer) we draw names - just under 20 people in total. When the kids were little, we did individual gifts to them, and they made stuff for the adults. Now that the youngest is in high school, last year was the first time everyone did the group thing. It was a big adjustment for my in-laws, not buying for each of their kids, but the running around shopping for that many people was getting too much for MIL, and they didn't like just giving money. They upped the spoiling on our birthdays instead!

 

[scrhsa]

I have 3 girls 19, 22, 25. The two youngest still at home, the oldest in another state with her boyfriend. I am on a very tight budget so I told the oldest that she may get a little bit less than the other two since I need to spread the wealth around with her boyfriend She understands...they have a tight budget too. We used to go see them when they lived a couple of hours away. But now? I don't know how we are going to get together. Definitely gonna have to work on the budget to be able to squeeze a trip in to see them. I am looking forward to when they all have families and can all come home. It's been quiet the last couple of years. I miss little ones at Christmas!

 

[godders]

My brother and I are 30 and 27 and our family still do Christmas like when we were kids.

Stockings from "Santa" (aka silly, useful presents) opened in Mum and Dad's room first thing then presents from each other. Then over breakfast we open presents from other relatives and my brother and I have our main present. Then later we do presents swap with the family we have Christmas dinner with.


This year we're having Christmas in Australia with my brother and his wife's family so there's going to be 17 of us. Think we may end up doing a secret santa type thing but I'm marginally disappointed I won't be getting a stocking....I need new socks

 

[bdcp]

Our boys are 31 and 33 and our youngest is married and they've all been independent and out of the house since college graduation. I still buy lots of gifts for all three of them. We also draw names with the adults on my side of the family and the max is $50 so no separate buying for nieces and nephews (since they turned 18 and started participating) and siblings and spouses anymore. So, instead of buying 9 gifts for them, we buy 2. I also do gift bags for my sisters and mother, DDIL and MIL which have odds and ends like cocktail napkins, wine charms, gift cards and always a bottle of wine.

The only ones that buying gifts is financially a little difficult for are my nieces and nephews who are all 25 and under. Two just graduated college and two are currently in college so not a lot of cash there. But, among my siblings, all of us and our spouses are long term employed and have very good jobs so we have never really considered stopping. My parents still buy us gifts, but not as much as they did when we were still raising our kids. My MIL has completely quit buying gifts as she is 85 and has a lot of health issues so there comes a time when it's not as feasible, but I plan to continue with our kids as long as physically possible.

As for the pick a name, we do it in theory at our family Christmas for the next year, in reality, sometimes it's done later. We've all had years when we've received fabulous gifts and years we're received just okay ones. One year I got a small wine fridge as my sister found a great deal. Sometimes it's sports team related, other times it's something someone said they needed or wanted.

 

[quandrea]

My kids are 7, 7 and 13 so we still do Christmas with Santa. The kids are limited to three things plus their stocking. Mom and Dad buy new pjs. I don't get anything else from us besides the pjs.

Dh and I stopped exchanging gifts maybe five years ago. We still do stockings for each other, which we love. Don't miss the gift exchange at all.

The kids are getting to the age where they want to give gifts to each other and us. We encourage them to make these.

With extended family, we buy for the kids but don't exchange with the adults on dh's side.

My side is a bit different. My parents have disowned me so neither I nor my kids get anything from them. My sisters give to me, my husband and my kids. We buy for my sisters.

I like that we scaled back on dh's side. I used to get overwhelmed by all the stuff coming into the house on December 25. That has been lessened and I really like it.

Once the kids are adults, I anticipate a joint gift for the child and his/her SO. Gifts for the grandkids. I'll respect my kids wishes on those. Whatever they feel the kids need.

 

[bianca]

Our girls are now 26 and 28. Both are nurses and have to work extra hours over the holidays, so the whole Christmas thing has gone by the wayside. Son-in-law works in e-commerce and he's super busy during December, too. We have 2 grandsons, and since they're only 8 months and 2 years, they just pick a random day in December to celebrate Christmas. We buy gifts for the boys, but don't go too crazy, as my daughter just doesn't want many more toys in the house. We fund their college accounts year round, so we consider that part of our gifting. DH and I decided to spend our holiday at WDW this year, as we just don't want to sit home for the holidays.

Our Christmas gift to our kids is a trip to WDW the first week of November. We are covering all costs and it is our Christmas gift for the family. We plan on doing this every year going forward. This year we are at AKV and next year we are at Wilderness Lodge. We'd rather make memories with our kids and grandkids than anything else. DH and I will have a low-key holiday spending three weeks at FW.

I say do what works for YOUR family within your budget. There is no one size fits all.

 

[kimmar067]

OK...Christmas is right up my alley. Funny thing is that I grew up in a Jewish household and am now a hard core atheist, but I just love the "spirit". I am closer to the real life version of Clark Griswold than 99% of people you will see. For the outside of the house, I have a display where my lights dance to music that is broadcast on FM radio. I do all the programming for the dancing myself. There are lights everywhere, plus some blow ups, fabric figures, I make a tree swing with a stuffed animal in it (like they had at Osborne with Stitch in it), on and on. We add to our collection every year. I may set up a picnic table with Mickey and Minnie this year, but I have a dilemma...see the last paragraph below. The amount of electrical cords I have (I make most of them) and other support stuff is crazy. I don't count anymore, but I have something around 30k-40k lights up. When we lived in PA, we had 3.5 acres, so I could really spread stuff out...I even used a real car as part of my display one year. Here, I have just under an acre, so I have to be a bit more creative.

Inside our house is similar. Lots of lights in places. Nutcrackers, a full size village, and all sorts of different Christmas stuff in every room. Our family room is just a Christmas wonderland. We raid Michaels, Home Depot, etc...on Dec 26th every year. Last year, we had 8 Christmas trees up in the house. 3 real and 5 fake. There may have been 6 fake, I forget.

Kind of like some people plan Disney year round, I work on my display about 8 or 9 months per year. Mostly programming the songs to dance to music. But I spend some time making props. Set up outside begins Nov 1st and takes something like 60-80 hours total.

So yeah, we go crazy. My kids are still all 13 and under. DS13 of course doesn't believe any more. DS9 doesn't either...but his twin sister still does. We'll probably have to tell her after this year. So for now, we still put stuff under the tree, etc... Even when they're older, I still plan to do presents under the tree with them. How much we spend will depend on the year to year financial situation, but who cares. It's the excitement and family fun of it all that matters to us.

This year, we're going to be in WDW for both Thanksgiving and Xmas, so I'm sort of stressing about what to do with my outdoor display. I usually run it from Black Friday evening until New Years Eve, but we'll be gone a lot of that time. Think I may just do a scaled back version and put a sign out saying "preparing for a big 2018 show" or something.

.....can I be on YOUR Christmas list? I've been 'nice'.......welllllll, sorta nice.....

 

[luvsJack]

I have 3 kids. 35, 32 and 19. The oldest two are married and I have 3 granddaughters and 2 step grandsons. And this year we will add dd's bf to the mix.

I divide my budget between the 3 kids and the amount I decide is for them and their significant other. I tell them the amount and they decide if they want something bigger together, a big gift for each or several smaller items. So if yds wants clothes and ods and his wife want Saints tickets, I will get two tickets for him and dil and spend the amount of one ticket on clothes for yds and something equal for his wife.

Up until this year dd had the full amount for herself but now she will split some with her bf.

The grandkids are a separate thing entirely.

It took me awhile to get over the number of gifts not being equal between them. Always made me feel guilty. But I finally came to terms with it.

I stopped doing stockings. Just got too expensive and time consuming. I prefer to add that money to the gift money. Sometimes I do find little stocking stuffer type things I want to get and just tuck them in with other gifts.

The hardest part this year will be finding a day to get together! ODS not being home too close to the holiday plus having to work around three other families and the mother of 2 granddaughters makes a day that works for everyone hard.

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

My kids are grown now (20 & 22). They both still live at home. Youngest's girlfriend lives with us about 95% of the time also. Oldest son is now dating a girl with a 2yr old little boy. She and her son do not live with us. (just a little background)

Anyhow, I admit that I have ALWAYS gone overboard with the boys Christmas gifts. Ridiculously overboard. That's going to come to a big ole halt this year. I really need to scale things back. Usually when we do Christmas Eve over my brother's house, we all put a name in a hat and pick a name. We do a $25 spending limit. Then Christmas Day, we do the same her SIL's family but we have a $50 spending limit with them. So I got to thinking........do people do "picking a name" within their home between your spouse and children (assuming they're older).

I'm just trying to decide if I should go that route between us and the kids or still buy a few things they'd like, just not to the extent that I was.

So, how do you do Christmas (mainly for the older kids)

My grown girls get a gift or two each, about $50 spent on each. Then I do a small gift for my SoILs, usually about $25 each. A family gift for the two of them (usually something for their homes, like a cookbook they can use together or some decorative thing), about $25-50. And gifts for the grandbabies, about $50 each. About $175 per family.

Plus my son that lives at home. He gets the bulk of my shopping fun, though lately it's been video games and systems, or a computer or tv. So, less packages, cost more. Once he becomes an adult, he'll get the same as the girls.

DH and I sometimes exchange gifts, sometimes not.

 

[MrsDuck]

I'm in my late 20s... I own a home, have a full time career, and am married with a baby due in November. I'm an only child and my parents still do Christmas for me and hubby to the nines. I imagine they'll only get worse with their first grandson coming. I'm sure that because I'm their only child this plays into it greatly. I can understand the need for spending limits with larger families or ones who celebrate with extended families.

Honestly, I think the only piece of advice is this: do what works for your budget and your family.

 

[hereyago]

My dd18 lives with me, and she has a dd who is almost 2.

I don't get dd as much now because she wants dd to have the most,lol.

I still do stockings, even for the pets.

Last Christmas eve: pets and presents and is went to my exdh's house because his family wanted to see the baby open her presents on Christmas day.
So it was 5 dogs,2 babies, 6 adults.
Christmas morning was crazy!
We ended up having breakfast at noon,lol.
Then had late lunch at my dd's grandparents house, hot apple cider, presents all over again
It was the best Christmas I had since my dad passed.

 

[ronandannette]

I'm in my late 20s... I own a home, have a full time career, and am married with a baby due in November. I'm an only child and my parents still do Christmas for me and hubby to the nines. I imagine they'll only get worse with their first grandson coming. I'm sure that because I'm their only child this plays into it greatly. I can understand the need for spending limits with larger families or ones who celebrate with extended families.

Honestly, I think the only piece of advice is this: do what works for your budget and your family.

I presume that is what most people do - based on this thread there's a wide range of practises. Not sure if anybody else is similar to us though. We've never made gifts a central part of Christmas. Christmas is a huge thing for us and we do tons of entertaining, events and other festive stuff and we do always have some gifts. It really ebbs and flows from year-to-year though, based on a lot of factors.

The only thing we do the same absolutely every year is sending cash to the grown DDs, who have their own families (7 Gkids in total). They both live in far-flung locations and we've never managed to spend a Christmas with either one of them. We send them a nice big chunk of $$ in the first week of December and they buy for themselves and their kids from us and/or use the money however they want for their own celebrations. We do NOT give this same amount of money to our young-adult DS, who lives at home, nor do we make a point of ensuring his "take" is equal.